Love Is Blind And Sometimes Stupid

Billy Bob:

Well, I'll be dipped in shit! I just found out that my wife of twenty two years has been stepping out on me. I swear that you could have knocked me over with a feather; I just could not believe it! The audacity of the bitch, cheating on me, how could she? I knew instantly what I was going to do and when I was going to do it, what I wanted to know was why she was doing it.

I thought we were happy, at least I knew that I was. Our love life was fine, I got my nut almost every time we did it, and she never complained about it, to me at least. So what could be the problem? I know that I don't have the biggest dick in the world but my five and 7/8 inches is always rock hard when it is supposed to be, and can usually go twice a night if given a few hours rest between bouts! She has even told me my dick has a nice shape and color, but since it is kind of hidden by my belly, I have to take her word for that. Why, I will even lick her sometimes, if she douches and puts some perfume down there first, and remembers to have the Listerine standing by. So I know that I am not the problem, it must be her, hell, it has to be her!

My wife is a good looking woman, although she does not stop traffic and heads don't turn when she walks into a room, at least I haven't noticed that happening in a while. She is still the same height and weight that she was when we got hitched, and even though I have gained a few pounds and lost some of my hair, her hair has not even started to turn gray yet! Her smile is as bright and white as always, even though mine has yellowed somewhat with age, and her eyes are as clear and sparkling blue as ever. She has never worked, no wife of mine is going to have to work, but she keeps busy with her household duties, committees, charity events, gym workouts, and such. As for me, I play golf on the weekends to keep in shape, but since carrying beer is easier in a riding cart, I'm not getting as much exercise as I could.

Oh well, back to the problem. Roxanne, that's my wife, Roxie for short, has made a big mistake. She thinks she is smarter than me! I don't care if she did do better in school than I ever did; there is no "F-ing" way that she is smarter than me. I played football for Christ sake! She thinks that she can put one over on me, and that I will never find out, well she has another think coming. You would think that she would be a little more grateful for having me than trying to cheat on me and get away with it. Well I will show her, after I kill the son of a bitch she is seeing and find out why she is doing it; I am going to kick her ass out. Yeah I know, she will get the house, and half of everything else, but damn it, I am a man, and she will rue the day she cheated on me!

Roxanne:

Everyone we know knows that I love Billy Bob more than life itself, everyone except of course Billy Bob. We have been married for twenty two years and have been together for longer than that. We were high school sweethearts; he was the big man on campus, football star and all around great guy. I was pretty popular myself; I was the student body president, co-captain of the cheer leading squad, and in our senior year we were the homecoming king and queen. Billy Bob was never what you would consider bright, but he was a genuine, good hearted person. He was never mean to anybody, never looked down on anyone, and never took advantage of his popularity. He did a lot of wonderful things for our community and he only ever got upset if he felt he was wronged or disrespected. Even though I was dating several different guys before I met Billy Bob, I fell in love with him while we were on our first date and have never been interested in anyone else since then. It took Billy Bob a little longer to fall in love with me, but when he did, I knew it was for real and for keeps! I love Billy Bob, and so I put up with all of his short comings and my love for him even keeps me satisfied with our somewhat routine and understated love making.

Now that our two kids are grown up and out of our house, I have been trying to help Billy Bob adjust to our empty nest. He was so great with our boys. I know that he misses them as much as I do. I know that it is hard on him not having them around and that he will sink into a depression of some sort if things don't change, so I though that I would do something to keep his mind and body occupied until he could adjust, to it just being him and me from now on. Knowing that he got upset when he felt wronged or disrespected, my plan would be something that would light his fire so to speak. I came up with several ideas, but finally settled on faking an affair! I know, absolutely know, that Billy Bob loves me, and would never do anything to hurt me, so I had no fear in carrying out my plan. Billy Bob is pretty satisfied with his life, and to tell the truth so am I, but I notice, even if he does not, that men's heads still turn when I walk into a room. I am constantly being told how beautiful I am, and am even hit on quite frequently, but Billy is blind to all of this going on. He probably thinks all men are like him, true to their words and to their wives. In truth, he does not have anything to worry about, he is believe it or not, my one and only. Some of my girlfriends say I am stupid to stay with him, that I could do much better, but I know that what I have is what I want.

Billy Bob is not the hunk that he used to be, but it was not the body I fell in love with, it was the man, and he is still the man, my man! Billy thinks of me as his, I am okay with that, because I think of him as mine. My thinking was, if he thought that someone else was in the picture he would become unglued and dedicate himself to do something to win me back, therefore taking his mind off of the boys not being here! So it was pretty simple for me to leave a few hints lying around that I was seeing someone. Because he loves me so much and has for so long, it took him a lot longer to make the discovery than I thought it would, but eventually he picked up on it.

Billy Bob:

Man, at first I was pissed off. The power and the heat of my anger surprised me a little bit. I am a pretty easy going guy most of the time, but damn this was too much! Then, when the anger had simmered a little, the pain started. God, this was the worst pain I had ever felt. Having my knee blown out and my ACL ripped apart was incredibly painful but nothing compared to what I was now feeling. My heart hurt with a deep, soul killing ache. Roxie, with another man, this is it, the end of my world. Yeah, I was gonna kill the bastard, and I was going to kick her out, that was a given, but then what in hell was I gonna do?

Well, time to cowboy up, cut to the chase, separate the wheat from the chaff, seal the deal, and all of the other bullshit sayings I could not think of. I was just gonna ask her why! No pussyfooting around for me, no sir, just get 'er done, by God!

Roxanne:

Oh my God, Billy! You big oaf, you have it all wrong, you were supposed to get upset, and get motivated to win me back! You are not supposed to wanna kill some body and then throw me out, what are you thinking! Billy for god's shake, you know that I would not cheat on you; it was all just a trick to help you deal with the boys leaving home. I was just trying to help you adjust. I love you and nobody else! I wanted you to start thinking about me, about us, and not about how lonely it is since the boys left for college. That is the God's truth Billy.

Billy Bob:

What! Are you trying to trick me now or what? This was all some kind of trick? You were trying to help me? It was not real? But Roxie, my anger was real and my pain, oh God, my pain was real! You are a smart woman how could you be so stupid about this?

Roxanne:

Billy, this idea was stupid, this whole scheme was stupid, and yes, I was stupid, with a capital S! But Billy, you have been blind. You have been blind to how much I love you, and blind about problems that we are facing or may have to face in the future.

Billy I love you so much, and I know that you love me just as much, so what we have to learn together is: Love is blind and sometimes stupid too!