Love Can't Be Selfish

This is my fourth story published in LW category. Funny thing... this was the first one I wrote when I considered contributing here. It was a little longer and a bigger roller coaster than I thought should be my first attempt in this category. Trying to do something different or at least in a different perspective is tough in such a widespread category. I clearly haven't read everything in LW, but I have tried to be as fresh as I could be.

If you're looking for a quick and simple read or like to skim to the sex parts, this is not a story from you. It took me a while to get to the ending I foresaw, but I felt the journey was necessary to give the characters the chance to develop. I think complex people are more the norm than the minority. The idea of black and white is almost always surrounded by a lot of grey. I'm no philosopher, just a student of life experiences.

I've spent quite some time reading stories in the Loving Wife section and at times, I admit, that I'm left with a pit in my stomach. Cheating is not new, but the variations of deceit, arrogance and vitriol, weaved into many of these stories have left me feeling... broken(?). Honestly, that's a hat off to the writers. Drawing you in, as you continue to read something that makes you uncomfortable... that's talent! I'm neither overly conservative nor liberal by any definition. I've always felt that every life, every story, every outcome, requires its own lens.

There is a (brief) cuckolding component in this story. The concept is discussed in therapy, and I trust everyone knows I'm neither a clinical Psychologist or a trained counsellor. The interpretive component is purely conjecture based on my own opinions.

I tried to write a story that touches some difficult issues without being judgey or leaning too far one way. Is that even possible you ask? I'll let you come to your own conclusion.

I'm no

BumblingFool

. He writes amazing, long stories, that keep you engaged throughout. His talent is special. This is a longer read, but not a marathon. I let the characters drive, and this was my result. I don't know if you could call the ending "happy', but again, I'll leave that to the reader to decide. My apologies for any grammatical or spelling errors. I self-edit and am far from perfect. This was the last of my burning ideas for LW, so I'm not sure when I'll be posting here again. However, you never know when an idea hits.

Life is full of love. Love can be full of grace or full of pain... sometimes both. This is Edward's story.

Cheers,

C_T

**

"Back off buster or else!"

I looked up from the ground and saw the new girl yell at our school bully. She was smaller than me, but she showed no fear. Her blonde pigtails stood tall as she positioned herself between me and my playground tormenter. Her white shirt covered by a light paisley dress partially blocked my view.

"Or what pip squeak?" Big Hank laughed at her.

At the speed of a cobra, she stepped up and hoofed her black patent leather shoe, right into his crotch. Big Hank dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes, grabbing his balls and retching over and over. She turned to me, pulled me by my arm and we ran to the other side of the playground. By the time we stopped we were both out of breath and I looked at the small girl who just saved me from one of my daily beatings.

"Th... thanks." I stuttered and she looked up at me and gave me the cutest smile.

"You're welcome." She put her hand out and I shook it. "I'm Sadei." The innocent greeting was the beginning of a remarkable friendship with a girl who would eventually have the biggest impact on my life.

**

Up until the time that Sadie literally stepped into my life, I was always the introverted weird duck. The only child of a couple who were far too old to start a family, I lacked heavily in the ways of social graces. In a nutshell, I could never really fit in... anywhere, including my home. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me without question, they just weren't prepared to figure out parenting in their 50's. My mom had to return to work in order to make the finances work. They worked hard to support their "whoops", and I could never fault them... they truly did their best.

Sadei's impact on me was almost instant. Through the innocence of a child, she pushed and prodded me about my hangups and issues. She was never judgmental and no matter how awkward things got, she never left me for better friends. She was approached time and time again, throughout our years of schooling, by the more cool and popular kids. Lose the nerd they would say, and that was right in front of me. One girl ended up with a blackeye when she called me a loser right in front of Sadei. My friend Sadei was a real spitfire!

I was suspecting that we would naturally become distant in high school. She was a beautiful girl and dynamic in so many ways, where I was the poster child for the word, wallflower. She did, in fact, make new friends and get involved in sports and clubs, but she never left me. We met at my locker every day, we had lunch together most of the time, and we still hung out after school when she was free. I was correct when I knew things would change in high school, but Sadei's friendship never faltered. She never cancelled out on me and when one of the "cool" kids thought I was an easy target, she had my back, and few were happy to face an angry Sadei. She was only 5'4" and petite like a ballet dancer, but she was all fury if you pissed her off.

Eventually my best friend started dating. I still remember the day we were hanging out, hiking one of the many trails we walked together, when she spilled the beans...

"Hey Dwardo? Can I talk to you about something?" My real name is Edward, but she settled on Dwardo back in 4

th

grade. She said it sounded cooler than Edward. Edward was an old man, she said.

"Yeah sure. What's up?"

"You know Darius Rucker?"

"Darius the football guy?" Darius was the kicker on our high school football team. I didn't know him personally, but I knew who he was. He wasn't the typical jock idiot at least.

"One in the same." She looked over to me and I waited for the purpose of the discussion.

"And?" I prodded her.

"Well, he asked me out and I was wondering what your thoughts on that would be."

I was immediately uneasy about her being with another guy, but I quickly pushed that aside. Sadie had clearly put her dating life on hold for fear of me feeling left out, but we were 18 now and I knew sooner or later I would be relegated to third wheel. I was just hoping it was later.

"Well, he's not really my type." I started to joke, getting me a solid shot to my shoulder. "OW! Hey! Abuse, abuse!" I mockingly called out to the empty woods.

"Don't be a jerk Dwardo!" She pushed up in front of me and stopped me in my tracks. Her pretty face staring up at me. "I mean... are you ok with it?"

I looked into her concerned face. All I ever wanted in my short life was for my best friend to be happy, however that happened. "I'm not your boyfriend Sadei. You can date whoever you'd like. I'm not going to hold you back."

She continued to stare at me, while she considered my words. "It wouldn't change anything between us Edward... I love what we have." Anytime she used my real name, she was serious.

"Ooooh... Edward, huh? I doubt any boyfriend's going to be ok with your best friend being a guy, even if the dork is me." She wrapped me into one of her bone crushing hugs.

"Then he would be no boyfriend of mine. We're a package deal... dork."

I hugged her back and just like that, she made me feel like I was the most important person in her life... again. It's something she'd done since that fateful day on the playground. My world began and ended with Sadei, and I wanted her to always be happy.

Things with Darius didn't go too far but it was the beginning of a new chapter for my best friend. Without any effort on her part, she was becoming popular, and more and more boys started asking her out. She turned many away, but she did say yes to Marcus Young. Another football player, but he was THE FOOTBALL PLAYER in our school. A coveted quarterback, with seemingly endless options for college. He was a man amongst boys, standing 6'3 with a broad muscular build. Seeing the two of them together always made me chuckle. His height and size compared to my little Sadei was comical and the extreme contrast in their colors added to the visual allure. While Sadei was very white and blonde, Marcus was jet black... even his eyes were so brown, they looked black.

Unlike most of her previous suitors, Marcus wasn't overly fond of me. It's not like the other guys wanted to be my best friend, but they knew I was important to Sadei and made a decent attempt at being cordial. Marcus showed me nothing but contempt from the beginning. I heard Sadei scold him more than once, but he just laughed it off. He referred to me as her pet and treated me with less respect than a hamster.

Sadei was always sensitive to my feelings and kept close tabs on how I was doing. She'd hug me and whisper sweetly, making sure I knew I was still important to her. She was always able to make me feel better, and it seemed she wanted to pursue a relationship with Marcus, so I did the big boy thing and sucked it up as best as I could, for her sake.

**

It was one of those days that Sadei couldn't meet for lunch, when Marcus and a couple of his buddies cornered me outside the lunchroom.

"Hey Eddie, what's up?" I was already on defensive alert. He never called me Eddie. Hell, I don't think he ever called me anything. He used his size and slowly backed me up against the wall.

"Look Ed... my man. I'm asking Sadei to prom and... well, we have plans for a very special night, so I'd appreciate it if you gave us our space."

"Uhm, yeah... yeah of course. You won't even know I'm there."

"You got that right because you won't be... get my drift?" He looked at my confused face. "If you go, she's going to be watching over you all night like she's your nanny or something and I don't want her to be distracted. I want her full attention. Get me?"

I nodded out of fear more than agreement.

"That's a good man. And don't be telling Sadei about this chat. She'd get mad at me and then my buddies would be mad at you and... well, you get my drift. Right?"

Once again, I nodded. He slapped me on the shoulder, the three of them turning away from me, laughing as they headed down the hallway. Not thirty seconds later Sadei came around the corner and I guess she could see the fear in my eyes.

"Dwardo? Are you ok?" She ran up to me and put her hand on my face. "What happened?"

"N... nothing. I need to get to class Sadei. I'll catch you later." I pushed past her but didn't get very far before she grabbed my arm and pulled me back against the wall.

"Oh no! Not a fucking chance! What happened Edward!" My lips didn't move. "Did someone fuck with you?" I still was too afraid to answer. I mean, I was afraid of getting hurt, but I was more afraid of ruining things for her.

"I saw Marcus talking to him." A shy boy, I barely knew, offered the information up.

She looked back at him and then back to me. My face must've deceived me because I said nothing. "My Marcus?" I couldn't respond. "Shit!"

She let go of me and started down the hall. I recognized her gait... she was pissed. I turned to my fellow wallflower. "I wish you didn't say anything." He looked sheepish and apologized, turning the other way.

I could hear screaming further down the hall, so I began walking towards it. A small group had gathered around, and in the middle, I could make out Marcus by his height. He was looking down, so I figured it was Sadei he was arguing with. As I got closer, I could hear they were arguing about me. I tried to blend into the crowd without drawing anyone's attention.

"He's a fucking retard Sadei! Can't you see that?"

"He might be a little slow, but he's no retard! He's the sweetest guy I know and my best friend!"

"Maybe you should go to prom with your cucky then?"

"What? What did you just say?"

"You heard me. He follows you around like a lost puppy, doing everything in his power to make his queen happy, hanging on your every word like it's the gospel, while you work your way through the guys on the team."

Sadei's face went beat red with anger. "That's bullshit Marcus and you know it! Take that back!"

"Which part? You being a cock whore or retard being your cuck?"

Sadei launched herself at him and he slapped her hard across the face, knocking her to the floor. "Find another date babe. I've got a long line of girls looking for the prom of their dreams." He started laughing and that's where everything went blank.

**

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

I slowly awoke to the aggravating sound. I tried to open my eyes, but only my right one could manage it. The lights were glaringly bright, causing me to wince from the dramatic switch. As my eye slowly adjusted, I began to take in the scenery of the room I was as in. The ceiling and walls were off-white, with no pictures or posters. The window to my right gave me the view of some treetops, but they didn't look familiar to me. As my eye continued to scan from the window, I saw a portable counter with paper and files on it. Past that, a machine hanging on what looked like a silver coat rack. The box had red numbers on it. The longer I looked at it, the more I became aware of the source of the irritating beep.

*why would someone want this in their bedroom?*

I noticed some kind of wires and cables and followed them towards the ground. Losing sight of them I saw clear tubes attached to my arm just before my wrist.

*wait a second...*

I turned my head and saw another post with two bags of fluid hanging on it.

*that can't be good.*

As I looked around some more, I noticed the wires from the weird box snaked onto the bed and went to my chest.

*who's pajama's are these?*

My curious movements came to a halt when I heard her voice.

"Edward?" I turned my head, catching Sadei jumping out of an ugly red chair. "Oh my god! You're awake!"

"Could be a dream... you're in it." I was trying to be funny, but my comment made her start crying and I instantly felt bad. "Sadei? Are you ok?" My heart started to beat faster. Why was she crying? Next thing I knew, she was smothering me with her body, as she tried to hug me in my awkward position.

"I see someone has finally decided to grace us with his presence." The voice came from the doorway, startling Sadei, causing her to jump back from the bed.

"I'm sorry doctor. He woke up and I just wanted to hug him."

Her voice was shaky. Her voice is never shaky. "Sadei?" I hoped she was ok.

"Perfectly fine dear. Just don't squeeze too hard."

The owner of the voice came into my view. She was tall, at least she looked like it, dark long hair, with a white lab coat covering a red blouse. The stethoscope hanging around her neck seemed to make sense, but I was still puzzled by all of it.

"Edward. I'm Doctor Mathews. Do you know where you are?"

I looked at her, then at Sadei. I let my eyes travel the room once again to take it in. "A... hospital?"

"That's right. Now this next question may be more difficult, but do you know why you're in a hospital?"

It seemed like a relatively straight forward question, but I was a total blank. I willed myself to remember something, but nothing popped into my head. My concentration snapped when I heard Sadei let out a sob. "Sadei?" I looked at her.

The doctor quickly jumped in to take my attention away from Sadei. "It's ok Edward. You've been through quite the ordeal. It'll come back to you when your brain is ready."

I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard Sadei suck in some air like she was trying not to cry. "Sadei?" I guess my fixation on my best friend swayed the doctor to move back and let Sadei come closer. "Why are you crying? Who hurt you?"

She stared at me for a moment then ran from the room sobbing. I tried to get up and chase her but a combination of cables, stiffness and the doctor's arm, wouldn't allow me.

"She's not hurt Edward. She's just very upset to see you like this. When she's calmed down, she'll come back... ok?"

"But why..." I started to inquire but was interrupted by the voices of my parents as they entered the room.

"Edward! Sweetheart!" My mom came to my side and kissed my head. My father in tow, patting my arm. They both had worn looks on their faces and they seemed... older.

"Hi mom. Hey Dad. Do you think someone could tell me why I'm here and what happened? And why is Sadei so upset? Did I do something?"

My father pulled up a couple of chairs for my mom and the doctor. The three of them began to explain.

Apparently, I was in a fight at school. Although by the sounds of it, it wasn't much of a fight. I went after a guy who had struck Sadei and despite my rage, he threw me into the lockers multiple times and punched me in the face. I suppose that wouldn't have been too bad, but I guess I got back up only to be held by two other guys while the big one slapped and punched me, landing me face down on the floor. Once again, I must've tried to get up because I was then kicked repeatedly to the body and to my head.

I looked at my parents and the doctor. I had so many questions, but I wasn't sure where I should start. "When... when did this happen?"

My mom leaned into the bed, brushing the hair from my forehead. "That was three weeks ago honey."

I was in shock. Three weeks ago! Why don't I remember any of this? I think the doctor was reading my mind as she spoke up.

"You suffered extensive injuries to your brain, forcing us to place you in a medicated coma. It's sometimes necessary to do that after a traumatic event like that. It gives the brain time to heal." She gave me a confident smile. "But your resilience brought you back, albeit with a few broken ribs, a fractured orbital bone, and a significant concussion. You still have some fluid around your brain, but we're monitoring it." Her smile faded.

I just stared at the three of them and didn't know what to say. Actually, that wasn't true... "How come I don't feel pain in my ribs, or my face? All I feel is a headache... and I can't see out my eye."

"Your eye should be fine. The swelling is still present but that should abide in the coming week. As far as your pain, I'm looking into that. Some people's brains don't function like others, but we've been running some tests and hopefully I will have some answers soon."

It was too much. I couldn't take it. "Mom? Dad? Could you find Sadei and make sure she's, ok? I... I think I just want to be alone for a bit. Is that ok?" I looked at the doctor then back to my parents.

"Of course, honey. You need the rest. Your dad and I will go talk to Sadei. Don't you worry about her...ok?"

I watched my parents and the doctor leave the room. I looked up at the drab ceiling. My eye caught a hole or puncture of some kind. Then I saw another. I spent the next few hours counting the holes and arranging them into shapes and figures. I don't know why I do this, but it always seemed to help me relax, and today proved to be no different.

**

I was lost in my comfortable patterns, unaware of how much time past, when I heard the shuffle of small feet work their way into my room. My eyes (or I guess I should say eye, for now), focused on Sadei as she moved towards my bed.

"Hey Sadei! Are you feeling better?" She looked at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world.

"Seriously Dwardo? You just woke up in a hospital bed after three weeks... and you're wondering if I'm, ok?"