Lose the Pounds or Lose the Pussy

When I hung up the phone and walked into the living room there were tears in my eyes.

"Mark, Beth just called. She said that Dave had a heart attack this morning. He's dead." I said.

"Oh my God, that's terrible. I just saw him at the diner yesterday, he looked fine." Mark said.

"From what Beth said, Jane found him in his chair when she got up this morning. When she couldn't wake him she called an ambulance." I said.

"Oh man. What's Jane gonna do? She just had the baby 3 months ago; now that Dave's dead she'll have to raise little Grace by herself." Mark said.

Dave was the 4th of the men in our circle of friends to die of a heart attack in 18 months. Tom was 39, Eric as 41, Brad was 38, and Dave was 40. None of them was very old, but they were all quite a bit over weight.

I had been concerned before, but after Dave died I realized that Mark was the most over weight of any of the guys. He had an office job so he didn't get a lot of exercise at work and getting him to work out was nearly impossible. Oh and the junk food...the man ate more garbage than a goat and a pig combined.

A few weeks after Dave's funeral I took the kids to my parents' house so Mark and I could be alone.

"Okay Sara, the kids aren't here so that must mean that you want to talk about something." Mark said.

"Yes, I do, it's very important." I said.

"Well, let's get this over with, there's a ballgame on." Mark said.

"Come and sit down." I said.

I was sitting on the couch and he sat down next to me. I turned to look at him.

"Mark sweetie, you know I love you right?" I asked.

"Of course I know that, and you know that I love you too." Mark said.

"Yes, I know you do. Mark, I don't know how else to say it so I'll just say it. Mark, I'm scared." I said.

"Scared of what baby?" Mark asked.

He took my hand and squeezed it.

"I'm scared of losing you." I said.

"What? You'll never lose me Sara, I love you, I'd never leave you." Mark said.

"I know that you'd never leave me Mark, that's not what I'm scared of." I said.

"Then what are you scared of?" Mark asked.

"Over the last 18 months 4 of our friends have died of heart attacks and 4 of our friends have been widowed because of it. Mark, I'm scared that you could be next." I said.

A few tears had started running down my cheeks and I lowered my head. Mark lifted his hand and gently tilted my head back up with his finger. He carefully wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumb and looked into my eyes.

"Sara, you'll never lose me like that, I promise you." Mark said.

"How can you say that? What about Dave, Tom, Eric, and Brad? I bet they didn't think they'd have heart attacks either, but they did. You're heavier than any of them were, your diet is terrible, and I'm terrified that you could have a heart attack any minute." I sobbed.

"Sara, you're worrying yourself over nothing. Nothing's going to happen to me." Mark said.

"You don't know that. I know you Mark, you've got that big macho male ego, and you think you're invincible, but you're not. You're just as vulnerable as Dave, Tom, Eric, and Brad were. You might even be at more risk because you weigh more. It could be an absolute miracle that you've lived this long." I cried.

I put my face in my hands and cried.

"Sara, you're getting way too worked up over this. Nothing's going to happen to me." Mark said.

"You might be right, you could live to be 100 without anything happening, but right now you're at high risk. If you died tomorrow think about what it would do to me and the kids. Jacob is only 2; by the time he grew up he wouldn't have any memories of his daddy. Do you want that?" I asked.

"Of course not, look, if you're this worried about it we'll go see Dr. Thompson and you'll see that you have nothing to worry about." Mark said.

The next day we went to see our family doctor, Dr. Ed Thompson. He put Mark through a series of tests, took blood and urine samples, all that medical stuff. He had us come back late in the afternoon after he was done with all of the tests. We were sitting in Ed's office waiting for him. He walked in, sat down at his desk, and looked at us.

"Congratulations, you're pregnant. Oh wait, that's Mrs. Williams' file." Ed said.

"Doc, will you just tell Sara that I'm fine and nothing's going to happen to me?" Mark asked.

"I wish I could do that for you Mark, but I can't. I'm actually very glad you came in today because you are at very high risk right now. Your blood pressure is very high, you're a borderline diabetic, and you're 140 pounds overweight." Ed said.

"See, I told you it was serious." I said.

"You're shitting me, right doc?" Mark asked.

"No Mark, you are at a very high risk of a heart attack or a stroke, and unless you change your diet immediately you could end up as a diabetic." Ed said.

We talked for a few more minutes then Mark and I went home. As soon as we got home Mark grabbed a beer and a bag of potato chips and flopped on the couch and turned on the TV. I walked into the living room and looked at him in disbelief.

"Mark, didn't you listen to anything that Dr. Thompson told you?" I asked.

"Of course I did baby." Mark said.

"Then what the hell is this?" I asked.

"Well, this is called a snack, and that's called a ballgame. I'm going to enjoy this snack while watching that ballgame." Mark said.

"Mark, I'd hoped that talking to Dr. Thompson would have opened your eyes." I said.

"Oh my eyes are open Sara, but they're focused on the ballgame right now." Mark said.

I was pissed. Dr. Thompson had told him that he could drop dead at any minute and he didn't seem to care. I stormed into the kitchen, sat down at the table and fumed for a few minutes. While I was sitting there I looked over at the counter. There was junk food everywhere. Snack cakes, cookies, candy, toaster pastries, sugary cereals, brownies, cinnamon rolls, cases of soda.

I figured there had to be close to 1 million calories on the counter alone. In the fridge I knew there were a lot more fattening and sugary snacks and drinks. The cupboards were also full of junk. There were 3 gallons of ice cream in the freezer.

Sitting there looking at all that junk food I realized that I was part of the problem. I was the one that bought all of that crap. I decided that if he wouldn't stop eating it I'd stop him by getting rid of it and not allowing any more into the house.

I knew better than to just throw it in the trash, Mark would have gone digging to save it. I bagged it all up, took it out to my car, and took it over to my parents' house and picked up the kids. I asked my parents to keep anything they wanted and spread the rest of it out between my brothers and sisters as they all had kids that would enjoy the treats. Of course it would contribute to their own health problems but none of them were at the same risk that Mark was.

Now I'm not a vegetarian, and I never will be, but I hate those processed foods and big greasy slabs of meat. So when I went to the grocery store I got a lot of healthy foods, a lot of fruit, and things like that.

I got home, put the groceries away and found Mark still watching the ballgame on the couch.

"Hey baby, what time's dinner?" Mark asked.

"Oh give me an hour or so, it should be around 6:00." I said.

At 6:00 sharp I called Mark and the kids to dinner. When Mark looked at what I'd prepared he looked up at me. He didn't have to say a word; I knew what he was thinking.

"I've decided that this whole family is going to start eating better starting right now. If you won't take what Dr. Thompson said seriously enough to do anything about it then I guess I'll have to take things into my own hands." I said.

"Sara, you've got to be kidding me. You expect me to eat this tiny little chicken breast and a few vegetables?" Mark asks.

"Yes, that's a healthy portion size Mark, just because your stomach can hold more doesn't mean you need to eat that much. Now let's eat." I said.

Our two children Hannah and Jacob were very good sports about eating the food I'd prepared. Mark ate it, but I could see his eyes searching the kitchen for something to snack on after dinner was over.

When everyone was finished I got up to start clearing the table and Mark jumped up to start looking for something to snack on.

"Sara, where are the corn chips and salsa? And where are those cupcakes you made?" Mark asked.

"They're gone Mark." I said.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Mark asked in disbelief.

"I mean they're gone Mark, out of this house and they won't be coming back. If you want something for dessert there's fruit on the counter." I said.

"Fruit?" Mark asked incredulously.

"Yes, there are apples, bananas, a few oranges, and some grapes." I said.

"Sara, what are you trying to do?" Mark asked.

"I told you Mark, if you won't take what Dr. Thompson said seriously I'll have to do it myself. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I plan on living for a long time Mark and if you're going to make it that long things are going to have to change so that you don't drop dead on me." I said.

"Sara, I told you, nothing's going to..." Mark said.

"Stop right there Mark. Dr. Thompson, a medical expert and a close friend has told you that you're at high risk. We've been to the funerals of four of our friends in the past 18 months. Four friends that seemed to be less at risk than you are. I've told you how concerned I am. I'm your wife, the mother of your children. I want to grow old with you, but I'm absolutely terrified that I could wake up tomorrow morning and find you dead the way Jane found Dave. You keep saying that nothing's going to happen to you Mark, but when you've seen 4 of your best friends die, heard a doctor tell you that you're at high risk, and heard me tell you how scared I am, you're a damn fool if you think that nothing can happen to you." I said.

Surprisingly I had gotten pretty worked up and was almost yelling at Mark, something I'd never had cause to do before. He was quite surprised by my tone as well because for a moment he stared at me in disbelief, then he nodded his head.

"Okay Sara, if you think it's that serious I'll try to take better care of myself." Mark said.

"Thank you." I said.

I walked over to him, gave him a big hug and a kiss. We made love that night and it was wonderful. Sex with Mark had always been great, but having heard him say that he'd take better care of himself relieved me so much that it was even better than usual.

Over the next few days Mark adjusted to eating smaller portions of healthier food. He wasn't exactly thrilled, but I could tell that he wanted to make me happy.

After the first week I sat down with him after the kids had gone to bed.

"Mark sweetie, I've been so proud of you over the last week. We're off to a very good start. But it's not just your diet that we have to change. We also have to get the weight you already have off of you. To help with that I've signed us up for a gym and I've hired a personal trainer for you. I want you to work out with him from when you get off work at 5:00 until 6:00 5 days a week, I'll have dinner ready every night at 6:30. Will you do this for me?" I asked.

Mark looked at me for a moment. I could tell that he wasn't exactly happy about the idea of exercising 5 days a week, but he got a somber look on his face and nodded his head.

"If that's what you want Sara." Mark said.

"Oh thank you Mark." I said.

When we went to bed that night we made love and it was incredible. I felt like things were finally changing, that the day would come when I didn't have to worry about getting a phone call, or waking up to find him dead beside me.

Over the next two weeks Mark would come home in his workout clothes and tell me how hard he was working. I was so proud of him for taking to it so easily that we made love almost every night.

Then at the beginning of the third week I was driving home from picking up the dry cleaning when I realized I was going to be passing the gym. I wanted to see him working out so I stopped and walked into the gym. I saw the trainer I hired working with another man.

"Excuse me, but where is my husband? I thought he was supposed to be working with you." I said.

"Oh shit, I should have figured he was lying." Tony said.

"What did he tell you?" I asked.

"He said that you'd found him a gym closer to your house." Tony said.

"Our house is 3 blocks from here; the next closest gym is 4 miles away." I said.

"Look, I'm sorry about this." Tony said.

"It's not your fault." I said.

I was so mad my stare could have melted iron when I got home. He'd been faking. He'd been putting on his work out clothes before he came home, he wasn't working out at all and I was buying it and making love to him every night because I was so proud of how hard he was working.

I was able to compose myself and put on a happy face by the time Mark walked through the front door.

After we had eaten and the kids had gone to bed I decided it was time to confront Mark about what I'd found out at the gym, but I had a plan about how to do it.

"Sweetie, I hope this isn't too embarrassing for you, but why don't you hop on the scale for me so I can see how much weight you've lost." I said.

"Uh...okay." Mark said tentatively.

He stepped onto the scale.

"Okay, you used to weigh 325 and now you weigh 321. I don't understand this. We've put you on a much better diet and with you exercising for an hour every day after work the pounds should be pouring off of you, but you've only lost 4 pounds. I think I'll call Tony and see if he can't find a workout for you that would get better results." I said.

"Tony? No, there's no need to call Tony." Mark said nervously.

"Why not? He's an expert, he's supposed to be helping you lose weight, and I don't think we're getting our money's worth with this kind of results. I'm gonna call him right now." I said.

"No, don't do that." Mark said.

"Is there some reason that you don't want me to call Tony?" I asked.

"N...no..." Mark stuttered.

"Well then, let's just give him a call." I said.

I picked up the phone, but Mark grabbed it away from me. I looked at him and saw the shame on his face.

"Mark, I know why you don't want me to call Tony. I stopped by the gym today to watch you work out. Tony told me that you'd said we'd found a gym closer to the house for you to work out at. I just wanted you to admit it, but you didn't do that, you just tried to cover your ass. I can't believe you would lie to me about working out and make love to me night after night like that under false pretenses." I said.

"Sara, I'm sorry okay, I tried working out the first two days, but it just wasn't for me. You were so proud of me though and the way you made love to me after you thought I'd worked out was amazing." Mark said.

I was within an eye lash of kicking him in the balls and storming out of the room, but those last words he said gave me an idea.

"Amazing huh? Well I'll tell you what buster; unless you start working out for real and start losing some real weight we'll never make love again." I said sternly.

Mark just laughed.

"I'm serious Mark. Every time we make love I'm afraid that you'll die, it would destroy me to have you die while we were making love. Until you get serious about this and start really working out you're cut off." I said.

Mark wasn't laughing now. He could see the serious look on my face, I'm not sure if he believed I meant it, but he damn sure knew that if I didn't mean it right then it would take just one more slip up for me to mean it.

"Damn Sara, why are you being so serious about this?" Mark asked.

"Because for some reason I want you to grow old with me and I'm really worried that you won't live long enough to grow old. I'm a little bit upset that you don't care about me or yourself enough to take this seriously." I said.

Mark had no reply; he just hung his head and walked out of the room.

The next day Tony called and said that Mark had shown up, which pleased me. When Mark got home he was all over me.

"Don't even think about it buster. After the way you took advantage of things before you aren't touching me until I see some real results." I said.

"But Sara..." Mark said.

"No buts Mark. I want you to lose weight, you want to have sex, I'll trade you." I said.

"Trade me?" Mark said.

"Yeah. Dr. Thompson said you were 140 pounds over weight. I won't make you try to lose that much but I want you to lose 100 pounds and I won't have sex with you regularly again until you lose every bit of those 100 pounds." I said.

Mark looked at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"Sara, even if I work out for 5 hours every day it will take me forever to lose 100 pounds. Are you really gonna prevent us from having sex for that long?" Mark asked.

"No, I'd never do that Mark. We will still make love on Valentine's Day, our anniversary, and both of our birthdays." I said.

"That's 4 times a year, and it will take me at least that long to lose that much weight. I don't think I can go that long without sex." Mark said.

"How long you go without is totally up to you Mark. The quicker you lose the weight the sooner we can go back to making love regularly. And just so you don't think I'm being too cruel, and to give you some extra motivation we'll make love for every 20 pounds you lose. So we can make love when you've lost 20 pounds, again when you've lost 40 pounds, when you've lost 60 pounds, and when you've lost 80 pounds. Then when you've reached the target weight I've set for you we can make love regularly again." I said.

Mark looked at me for a moment trying to read my face for any sign that I was kidding.

"You're serious about this aren't you?" Mark asked.

"Deadly serious Mark. If I have to cut you off from sex for the next 10 years to get you to lose those 100 pounds I'll do it because losing that 100 pounds could mean the difference between dying at 45 and dying at 85. Don't try to talk me out of it, because I won't change my mind. We'll begin tomorrow morning so I suggest we go make love right now because after tonight we won't be making love either until you've lost 20 pounds or until our anniversary in a month and a half, whichever comes first." I said.

As we made love that night I did feel a little bad about what I was doing but it seemed like Mark was finally taking things seriously, though I thought he had been taking things seriously before. Only time would tell if cutting him off from sex was enough motivation to get him to take it seriously.

The next morning we weighed Mark to set our starting weight. He tipped the scales at 325 pounds which meant that he had to reach 305 to be down 20 pounds and get to have sex with me again. It also meant that he had to get down to 225 pounds to meet the target weight and get to make love to me regularly again.

"Okay Mark, you know your goals. You have to get to 305 pounds to reach the first milestone, and you have to reach 225 pounds to get back to the two of us making love regularly again. You didn't take this seriously before, but I hope you do now." I said.

To my delight Mark took my ultimatum seriously. He worked with Tony every day after work, he bought an exercise bike and would spend at least two hours on it on Saturday and Sunday, and he even went to see Dr. Thompson to get a prescription for one of those medications that help lower your bad cholesterol.

Anyone who's tried to lose any significant amount of weight will know that trying to lose 20 pounds in less than 6 weeks is possible but it's not easy. On our anniversary Mark was down 18 pounds so the first time we made love after I gave him the ultimatum was on our anniversary.

Four days later I had Mark weigh in.