Loosing Cynthia

At her Worst Behavior

Additional note following Craig’s discovery:

“I wanted to give him some idea of what I was capable so he would feel freer to take sexual liberty or push me a little more.”

Those of you who have been following my story may wonder how in the world I could possibly bottle up the extreme sexual promiscuity that seemed to rule my life in high school and college, especially since there was such a strong link to unfaithfulness in my relationship with Craig. If I showed such weakness to sexual temptation, why didn’t I literally radiate a predilection to moral vulnerability that would have been like a red flag in a bullfighting arena to any predatory male walking the street? After all, hadn’t I already proved how easily I could be seduced by anyone with an inclination to get into my panties?

During the drive from Helena after the holidays, I lay on the front seat with my head next to the passenger door and rested as I listened to the droning of the tires. I couldn’t stop the vacillation between thinking of the good things I hoped would be with Craig and the memory of the wicked things I seemed to attract whenever I turned around. Even as I lay there I hoped that I was revealing my legs and shapely rear to Craig, and that he would notice and take liberties with me confidence.

The more I thought about it the more I squirmed around pretending to wrestle for comfort until I knew he could see everything any man could hope for. When I felt his hand touch my stretched out thigh and the warmth of his palm as he moved his hand over my nylon covered skin, I almost swallowed my tongue. My heart beat and my pussy flooded when he slid his fingers to the warmth between my legs.

Impatience made me move my legs to give him more access, and he quickly withdrew. When I couldn’t wait any longer for him to resume, I sat up close to him, and looked into his face while he pretended to stare at the road ahead. He knew I was looking at him and couldn’t speak, I was sure he was trying to decide if I was angry with him. I took his right hand and pulled it to me and held it with both of mine to reassure him I was not. I was not sitting on the left side of my skirt so I pulled the loose material to re-expose my outer thigh and laid his warm hand on the top of my leg.

While I searched for expression in his face, I pulled his hand upward and opened my legs to help him explore the round warmth under my direction. I pulled his hand up and in until his fingers grazed the crotch panel covering my steamy mound. With my right hand I gathered up my skirt and pulled it to the right and up until both legs were fully exposed as well as the panty top of my nylon hose. Using my right hand again I hooked my thumb into the waist band of my hose and pushed it down and out so I could use my left hand to move his to my flat tummy just above my pubic thatch.

Craig just had to take some damned initiative on his own now or I wouldn’t know what to do. I let go of his hand, and after an agonizing minuet, he finally started to move his fingers through the soft curly hairs of my bush.

He kept moving slowly and I settled down into the seat and slowly spread my thighs wide. I thought I was going to die from lust and excitement when his fingers brushed along the sensitive folds around my clit. Dwn he moved until he could feel the wetness between my lips, and when he slipped first one, then two tentative fingers into my wet hole, I shivered, threw my head back and shuddered in the most important climax of my life.

I think the evidence of my orgasm scared Craig and he quickly pulled his fingers out and then soon after drew my skirt back to cover my legs modestly. We both felt guilty and said very little during the remainder of the drive. I basked in the warmth of hope that this would bring us closer together and provide a foundation that would end my worry about his sexual imagination.

The day after we got back however, Craig told me how he had been wracked with guilt about playing with my pussy in the car and begged my forgiveness. Under the circumstances I couldn’t tell him how much I had wanted him to take that step, and now I was devastated at the thought that there would be no more; much more than that I saw an insurmountable gulf between the good and honorable man he was and the worthless slut I had become. My self esteem had taken a beating, now I couldn’t imagine how I could ever become the honest, spiritual, good woman he deserved.

With each passing day I became more and more resolved to the certainty in my own mind that I wasn’t really worth much, and couldn’t be considered a suitable prize for any eligible bachelor, let alone Craig Jamison.

There was only one episode in our relationship that I glossed over too quickly because it was in essence the worst of the worst that brought me to the brink of destruction where I might have lost myself totally forever. Craig asked me about it in the first hours of rebuilding our marriage. It concerned another guy I saw, intimately, during my semi-engagement to Craig. His name was Rick Madsen.

Craig knew that I had seen him on a number of occasions during a semi-break up of our engagement, and that Rick had fucked me, he saw us the last time we did it when we were in Rick’s car outside my apartment, Craig and I had talked about him before we got married, but he had never pressed to know how much fucking went on with us or any of the details. During the first moments of reconciliation following my terrible mistakes and infidelity late in our marriage Craig finally asked me how extensive the sex was. My simple answer was ‘a lot’.

That answer falls miserably short of reality, and in the effort to come clean on everything with Craig I decided to add this epilogue. Maybe this will also help explain to you how I was able to quit ‘cold turkey’ for the first 18 years of my marriage. I don’t think it can explain how I eventually fell off the wagon head first into unbridled sex and was willing; once again, to risk everything I had invested my heart and soul into.

Let me get back to the point in my story that takes us to the influence of Rick in my life. Craig’s method of courtship was based completely on honesty and respect. Any good girl should have wanted nothing more, but it did nothing to give me hope or optimism concerning my sexual needs, so I masturbated every day, sometimes more than once to keep my lust in check. I know now the masturbation actually increased the need for sex rather than alleviating it. I think my hunger signals started to radiate from me so anyone with a ‘seeing eye’ could notice.

About that time I became aware a guy who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of me. Somehow I knew he had picked up on my hunger like someone listening to the tummy growl of a hungry person. I knew he could sense my sexy side and wanted to play and in spite of the way I felt about Craig, I knew in my heart I couldn’t make it work between us and that this stranger was going to have me. Every time he was near my nipples became erect and almost hurt with need.

One day he cornered me and said he had been watching. “I know.” I said.

“I knew you wanted to meet me.” He said. “My name is Rick Madsen.” He took my hand at first like he was going to shake it, but he held it in both of his and fondled it erotically. The mild calluses were appropriate and indicated strength, but the touch was sensual.

“What makes you think I wanted to meet you Rick Madsen?” I asked almost choking on my own nerves.

“You’re hot, and I can feel it. You want someone to play with.” He said with a bold confidence that both frightened and excited me.

“I think you’re mistaken, I’m engaged to be married, so I’m not interested.” I responded with pretended firmness.

“Well then lover boy isn’t taking very good care of you honey. Every time I see you, your headlights are on.” He said and the look in my eyes must have told him I didn’t understand his reference. “Your nipples are always hard as rocks and big too. I don’t know how much longer I’m going wait to see them without all the clothes you wear.”

I felt almost naked from his comments about things he seemed to know he was going to see, and I just stared at him with an open mouth.

“Now here’s what you’re going to do, by the way it’s Cyn isn’t it?” He said. I answered with a slight nod. “You’re going to tell lover boy to take a hike or at least that you’re going to need a little freedom or vacation for a while, I have no interest in taking his place, I’m just going to fill in temporarily in his husband like duties, understand?”

I just stood there and numbly nodded my head. Her turned me around to send me on my way but paused a moment when he squeezed my ass cheek and ran his fingers deeply into the separating crack before he patted me on my rump and gave me a slight push to say go. He told me he wasn’t going to wait for long before he found me and if necessary took me away from Craig. All that the threat implied scared me and made my crotch wet with pussy juice.

I could feel the squishy wetness in my crotch as I walked and knew I would hardly be able to wait to let him have his way. The next time I was with Craig I explained that I was troubled with uncertainties about our relationship and that I thought we owed it to ourselves to make sure before we went any further. All of this was true with or without Rick in the picture and I thought my argument was reasonable. I told him I thought we needed to date others for comparison until the doubts disappeared.

He thought that was a stupid idea, and as I sit here writing this down now, I agree, but my pussy had gotten in the way, and I was determined one way or another to let Rick fuck me. Maybe fuck me a lot and this would make it happen. I was firm in my decision and Craig’s principals allowed me to choose for myself.

I could hardly wait to get back to Rick and even though it was late after Craig left for his apartment, I went over to the rec center where I had seen him Rick hanging out hoping I might find him. The place was almost deserted as I wandered around, and then I saw him. He had already noticed me and was watching me as I walked around. Without pretence I walked straight to him.

He was sitting at the end of a couch with some of his buddies and didn’t bother to get up when I approached. He took the time to briefly introduce me to his friends. Josh and George were sitting on the couch with him. Smitty was in a chair and Tim had his knee on one of the chair’s arms as he relaxed standing.

I stood at the end by Rick and as he introduced me he drew me close by taking hold of my left leg by my knee and pulling me toward him. When I was close his reach was improved and he slowly stroked my leg from low on my calf to about six inches above my knee during introductions.

His stroking definitely indicated familiarity, even intimacy and as I watched all their eyes concentrated on what Rick was doing, I felt hot and knew I was getting wet. Rick explained that I was engaged but had decided to become temporarily available for his amusement. When he asked me if that was true and that I had made arrangements with my fiancé, I nodded yes and looked down at the floor.

“Are you excited about getting to know me better Cyn?” He asked, and as he did his hand went much higher on my thigh, stopping about an inch below my crotch before moving down again. I continued to stare at the floor, but I was flushed as I nodded yes. “Gooooooooood,” he drawled out while his hand traveled all the way up to push firmly against my wet pussy. I choked, bit my lip and colored bright red and I squinted my eyes when he made contact and everyone knew what he was touching and how much I wanted him to do it.

“Does that feel good Cyn?” He asked as he made it obvious he was fondling my pussy freely beneath my skirt. He noticed the others looking intently and said, “I think we’re being selfish Cyn, these guys can’t see what we’re doing and how much you’re enjoying it.” I couldn’t believe what was happening so fast. Even though it was late we were in an open area of a public rec center and anyone could walk by without us knowing they were coming.

“Pull you dress up Cyn, so we can all see what I’m doing to you with my fingers.” Rick was smiling and I was out of control, as my body felt like it was on the verge of orgasm. With my hands on my thighs, I started to gather material into my fingers and the hem crept up. When it was half way up and I could curl my fingers under the hem, I pulled up as we all watched my naked uncovering. When it was at the widest portion of my thighs I was afraid it wouldn’t hold itself up so I pulled higher until it hung loosely bunched around my waist.

Rick didn’t hold back at all as he fondled the open wet area between my pussy lips and even tried to push his fingers through the cotton fabric of my panty into my soggy cunt. Rick wormed his fingers into the leg opening and slid them along the length of my swollen wet lips while everyone watched. Then he pushed one, two then three fingers into my wet vagina, while I chewed on my lips to stifle the cries trying to get out.

I was lost in lust at the delicious feeling of being played with, and my head thrashed around in passion. “Ohhh please fuck me. I need it so bad, just fuck me pleeeeeeease.”

“Shit Rick, you said she was hot, but I never dreamed.” Tim said as he stood and then stooped to get the best possible view.

The idea that I was being handled and played with sexually in public by a guy I hardly knew was too much. All this happened while four others I knew even less watched, and my fiancé was tucked away safe in his apartment. In near desperation I shoved my panties and hose down to my feet and hobbled to the chair where Smitty sat. I leaned forward placing a hand on each arm and turned back to look at Rick, “If you want me, then make me cum god damn it. Shove something in my pussy and make me cum.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

Rick didn’t have to asked twice. As he moved quickly behind me he placed his hands on my naked waist and pushed my dress on up and over my shoulders and head so it became like a blindfold to me. I knew how nakedly I was exposed with my body completely nude except for my bra and the blindfold of my dress on my arms. “Ahhhhhggggnnnnhhh, I groaned as my cunt and tits were devoured a hands and fingers and I knew that the others had joined in.

My tits were wrestled from the bra and mauled roughly and my nipples were pinched and bitten as Rick and his friends devoured my body with their fingers and mouths. My naked flesh was jerking visibly I was screaming in orgasm as someone shoved material from my dress into my mouth to stifle the noise of my climax.

You and I might both think that the extreme nature of this reckless exhibition and raw sex was simply due to the high level of frustration and expectation I had acquired through almost two months of restraint and denial against the respectful relationship between Craig and I, but if this were the case, the release in the rec center should have expelled the excess energy and let me come back toward control, but that was not the case. Twice over the next several days either I sought out Rick or he came to me and we fucked like rabbits.

I knew he was on the wrestling team and he told me he was in practice until late morning one day in the PE building. My need made we wait outside the locker rooms hoping to catch him. When he came out he knew I was turned on and needed a cock. We went into a seldom used corridor where boxes containing seasonal equipment were stored, and chair racks stood to handle overflow seating for the small auditorium.

At the far end of the boxes Rick took off all my clothes and dropped his pants while he leaned me back against the wall and fucked me to climax while I wrapped my legs around him. All the while I kept looking down the hall and actually praying for someone to come and watch.

Two days later late in the afternoon when I got home from school before, he came to my apartment. Once again there was no pretence about the only thing he had come for. My roommate was in our bedroom, but that was alright since it was against rules for a girl to entertain male callers in there anyway so we went into the kitchen to talk. I was starting to get nervous about his reckless efforts to fuck me whenever he wanted and thought it may be necessary to set some boundaries.

As soon as I stopped in the kitchen he backed me into the counter and once again took off every stitch of clothing I had on except for my shoes. I was terrified that my roommate would come out and find me like that or that one of my other roommates would come home, but the fear just made me hotter. He still had all his clothes on, but he undid his belt and pants and dropped them to he knees so his big fuck toy could get out and I could guide it into my hungry cunt.

He lifted me to the counter and I was just ready to guide it into my hole when the phone rang. I let it ring twice before I realized that if my roommate Carol answered it and it was for me she would come out and find me like this. I jumped down and raced across to the wall phone and grabbed the receiver from the hook. I heard two voices. One was Carol’s and the other was Craig’s. “Hi honey.” I said and then quickly added. “Hang on a second will you. CAROL!” I yelled loudly to make sure she heard. “I’ve got it, hang up the extension.” I had to stop her before she came all the way into the kitchen.

I pushed Rick out of the way and stuck my head around the wall that screened off the kitchen so I could see the hallway to the bedrooms. Carol was just coming out the door and would soon be the few steps between the sunken bedroom level and the living room area. I showed her I had the phone in my hand and said I’ve got it, but she didn’t turn around and go back down the steps. I panicked as I guessed she was headed to the kitchen for a drink or snack.

She must have seen my bare shoulder along with my head and stopped short as she quickly considered what to do. Finally she turned around without saying anything and started slowly back down the stairs. That’s when I looked at the floor where she had been looking and saw my blouse and bra. I felt hot, embarrassed and sexy as hell when I knew what she must be guessing.

I almost forgot Craig was still on the phone; Rick was still playing with me; pinching my nipple firmly with one hand and finger fucking me with the other. Rick’s ministrations had kept me aroused and now I had to deal with the effects of his sex play while I talked with my Craig on the phone. “Sorry honey, I – was – just – tryinnng – to – tell – Carrrooolll – I had – your call.” I managed between panting breaths. Rick was filling me with his fucking fingers as I leaned on the counter just inside the kitchen. He had my legs spread wide and was forcing as much of his hand quickly in and out of me as he could.

I was dizzy with lust and couldn’t think. Thank heaven Craig was in a hurry also. “Sounds like you’re busy hon, just wanted to make sure you’ll be ready when I get there in an hour. We can’t be late for the dinner.” He said.

“Oh fuckin shit.” I said holding my hand over the mouth piece as Rick drilled into me. He had curled all his fingers together so he could fuck me hard and fast with his fattened fingers and stimulate my clit with his thumb I felt so full with his deep plunging digits that I couldn’t help fearing and imagining what it would be liked to be fully and deeply fucked with a whole hand.

“What did you say Cynthia? Did you hear me” He asked. “Will you be ready?”

I mustered all of the control I could and tried to push the obscene things Rick was doing to me into the background as I feebly said. “I unnnnderrrstand, I’lllll be rrreeeeeady. Gotta go!” and hung up. “Oh gaaaaawwddd Rick fuck me you dirty son of a bitch, fuck me hard. Shiiiitt it feeeeeeellls sooooooo fuckin gooooooood.