Long Road Gone

I have been kicking this around in my head for a few months. I have only had time to write in 20- 30 minutes chunks since I decided to go back to school full time. No new ground broken here, just a guy trying to figure things out. Hope you enjoy – Ahaz

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I zipped up the suitcase and took a look around the bedroom with a melancholy sigh. The sleigh bed that we had gotten to replace our old bed seemed to mock me now. She could have it all. I was actually leaving her in pretty good shape. The house was paid for. She wanted it more than I did so she could have it. Our kids college fund was pretty much set. Joey had partied his way out of U of D and was paying for his own community college classes. Yesterday we got notice that he was eligible to return to the university. I would release the funds in his education trust and he could get back on track. It looked like he had learned his lesson and even better it scared my daughter into toeing the line. She was carrying a 3.7 GPA after her first semester. Carol and I had argued about cutting Joe off but I stuck to my guns, part of going to college is growing up and he had to learn that there were consequences to his actions. I gave myself a grim smile as I thought about how Carol was going to learn that lesson also.

I opened my phone and printed out the picture I had taken earlier tonight of Carol and some guy slow dancing. I left the picture, my wedding ring, and my lawyers business card on the table where she would find them. I shrugged into my jacket and walked out of the house for the final time.

I had been on the road for about two hours when my phone rang. I knew I would have to talk to her eventually, but now was not the time so I put it on vibrate. I had a new position I was taking in South Carolina. My boss had been surprised when I accepted and even more surprised when I asked if I could go down early. I was going to take a day to find a place and a couple days to introduce myself to the people. The old plant manager had left everything fucked up so I was coming in as a savior. I expected a lot of long days at first but that was more than okay with me as I didn't expect to be a social butterfly anytime soon. I was 46 years old and still in pretty good shape. It was a shame I still loved my wife. Hopefully that would fade with distance and time. Until then I had enough work to keep busy. Time will tell.

I had stopped at a truck stop to gas up and take a piss. I was going to get a hotel at the next exit and finish up the trip tomorrow. I had just took a swig of my Diet Pepsi when the phone vibrated again. It didn't look like she was giving up. Now was as good as time as any I guess. I slid my finger across the screen and answered.

"Hello, this is Joseph," I said.

"Joe what the hell is going on?" I heard on the other end. "Where did you get this picture, why is your wedding ring on the table, and most importantly, where the hell are you?"

"Hey Carol, I got the picture earlier tonight at the Red Horse Saloon, my ring is on the table because it means nothing to me anymore, and I am about 10 hours out of Charleston, South Carolina." I replied.

"Wait, wha- Doesn't mean anything? South Carolina? Joe what the hell is going on?" she sputtered.

I sighed.

"Carol I found out that the last two weeks you haven't been going to Sherry's like you told me but instead you've been going to the Red Horse for drinks. Because of our history I followed you last week and saw you slow dance with that guy in the picture. When the boss said there was a promotion in South Carolina I jumped at it. I went to the lawyers and worked out a settlement arrangement I think is more than generous. It occured to me that maybe I misinterpreted what I saw so I followed you again tonight and saw you slowly dancing with that same guy. I probably should have talked to you about it last week but frankly your lying about where you were didn't make me inclined to believe anything you said," I told her.

"Joe, that was Mike Lineorm from sales and he is married," she said quickly.

"So was Devin," was my quiet reply.

There was silence on the other line. I realized I was holding my breath so I let it out and took another swig of my pop. I could hear her breathing heavy.

"You haven't mentioned that name in over five years. I thought we were past that," she said cautiously.

"I thought we were also. But having you sneak around behind my back and seeing another guy in a bar brought the whole thing front and center again. I can't do it again Carol. Your affair with Devin almost broke me. I can't go through it again. The kids are all set now. The house is paid off. Your salary means that I can walk away if I just give you the house. Our credit cards are minimal but I will pay them off. I have a new job and they are providing a furnished apartment for me for the first year. There is no need to make this difficult. Go to my lawyer and pick up the papers. If you don't pick them up this week I will have you served. Run them by your own attorney and you will see that it is a good deal. If you just sign we can be done with this in six months and get on with our life. A clean break is best," I said in a tired voice.

"Joe, nothing happened between me and Mike. Sherry was there and you know she wouldn't let anything bad happen. I know it looks bad and I am kicking myself for lying to you. Come back and we can talk about this. I can explain everything," she said in a hurried voice.

"Carol, it doesn't matter. Your dancing could be the only way to cure his cancer and I would still be moving on. You think you know how much pain and suffering I went through because of you and Devin but still have no clue. It's the lying Carol. Nothing good could have been happening if you felt you had to lie to me. I would think you would want to put an end to this marriage.Then you can drink and dance and not have to worry about a jealous husband at home. I know I probably haven't made it easy for you to go out and do whatever you want, and now you can do that," I said with a touch of bitterness.

"Joe, that is not fair! All I have ever wanted was to be with you. Even when I was going through my stupidity with Devin I never wanted to leave you. I was messed up emotionally and hormonally and he took advantage of that. You KNOW this, we went through how many months of counselling to get through it," she cried.

"DO I know that Carol? I know what you told me, I know what the counsellor told me, I know what the doctor told me. I also know how I felt when I found out you were dancing with another guy at a bar. I know how I felt when you were lying to me AGAIN about your whereabouts. And let's talk about fair, shall we? How fair was it that I went through the pain of losing a child by myself? I didn't have a piece on the side who "understood" me and was willing to "hold and comfort" me. How fair was it that I went over a year with only my hand for relief while you were fucking some snake oil salesman? You know what? I am done. Just sign the damn paperwork and let's have this sham of a marriage be over," I told her in a cold voice.

I didn't want to hear her sobbing so I punched the button to end the call. I mentally shrugged and tried to get back to the dispassionate mood I was in before the talk. I drove another 35 miles and pulled off when I saw an exit with hotels. By the time I fell asleep I was good, pretty much. The next day was the long haul. My phone started buzzing at 7:30 and kept up once every hour on the half hour. When I stopped for some fast food I noticed one of the calls was from my daughter. I took a breath and gave her a call.

"Dad, what's going on? Mom said you left her," was the greeting I got.

"Yes I did honey, she has been lying to me for the past two weeks and I just can't deal with that," I responded.

"Dad, she said all she was doing was talking and dancing with a guy that lost his kid. All she was doing was trying to help. She says you misunderstood and took a job in South Carolina without talking to her? Something else is up dad, so spill," she said in her take charge voice.

"Honey, you're an adult now so I am going to give you some background as to where I'm at. When little Casey died both your mom and I went into a serious depression. You might remember mom being totally out of it for a long while? Somebody had to be plugged in enough to the family to keep things going so I soldiered on. I found out that about four months after Casey died your mother started having an affair with a co-worker that lasted about 5 months. I was suffering alone and she was getting help and sex from someone else," I paused to get my emotions under control.

"I had no idea. Why did you stay with her?" my daughter asked, in a soft voice.

"Because I truly loved her, but mainly because at the time the cost was too high. Divorcing her meant that I would be a broke weekend dad. You kids would have to deal with a marriage disintegrating along with the death of a sibling. I would have had to pay child support, spousal maintenance, the hospital bills, and still not be able to live in the house. She had been on bed rest for six months before Casey was born and hadn't gone back to work full time so her income was practically nil. So I figured the best way to handle it was to focus on the family and on doing what it took to get our marriage back. In her defense, she said and did all the right things. Plus I really did love her. The thing is that I can't go back there again. Seeing her dance with another guy was just too painful. Even though they weren't making out or anything, she lied to me and it all came rushing back. I'm sorry honey. I really hoped it would work out but I just can't do it. I know it probably doesn't make any sense to anyone other than me but the pain was just as bad last night as it was 7 years ago," I replied.

"Damn Dad. I had no idea. I know we were all pretty messed up about Casey. I can't believe she did that to you. What a bitch!" she said with some venom.

That's my girl. She always has had her daddy's back. Of course she had me wrapped around her finger so it equaled out.

"Britt, honey, I didn't tell you that to make waves with your mom. I only told you that so you could understand that I didn't just walk away from her for a single dance. You are adult enough to know that she is your mom and she loves you. What she did, she did to me so I am going to kindly ask you to stay out of it. Focus on your education and know that you have two parents who love you to death. I promise things will be civil and we won't bring either you or Joe Jr. into it," I said

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen dad, " she replied with a hint of a smile in her voice. "I have to take a minute and process all this. I am going to call you later today and I want you to pick up the damn phone. I know how you like to go dark when you are stressed but don't you dare do that to me or Joe or else we will find you and camp out on your doorstep. I love you Daddy and hang in there." she said as she hung up the phone.

I was just leaving Ohio when I saw my son's number pop up. Once again I knew I was going to have to talk to him sooner or later so I picked up the call.

"She's a wreck dad," was the greeting I got.

Joe Jr. and I had a good if sometimes strained relationship. I loved him to death but we both dig in when we feel we are in the right. It led to some interesting battle of wills when he was going through his teenage years. It usually took Carol stepping in and calming us both down when we decided to both stand our ground. She could get him to see reason whereas if I said the same words in the same tone she did, it probably would have ended in fisticuffs. Don't get me wrong, I loved my boy and would go through fire for him, I think we were probably too much alike.

"I'm truly sorry to hear that, son," I replied.

"She didn't do anything this time dad, if you forgave her then why are you bailing now?" he asked.

I was a little shocked, how did he know about Carol's affair?

"Did she tell you about it? I didn't think you guys knew." I responded

"Years ago I overheard a phone call where she was talking to the shit head. It was to tell him they were through and she was going to tell you that Friday." he replied. "I had no idea what she was talking about but I figured it was bad when you guys sent us to gram and gramps for the weekend. That Sunday evening was the darkest day I ever saw in the house. It was even worse than when you came back from the hospital without Casey. After a little bit it dawned on me what she did." he replied.

"Huh, I had no idea," I said

"So what's the big deal now dad? Why are you running? I told her she was an idiot for lying to you but she didn't DO anything. Can't you at least come back and talk to her? You are always harping on me to man up and face my problems. Now it just looks like you are being a pussy."

"Joe, maybe I am being a pussy and you can go ahead and judge me all you want for it. When you are in my position you can choose your own course of action. Until then I will tell you what I told your sister, butt out of my personal life. I can't tell you how proud I am of you for buckling down and getting back into U of D. I am going to hang up the phone now before either one of us says something we will regret later," I said as I pushed the end call button. Ahh to be young and have all the answers.

He did raise a valid point, one that I had been trying to avoid thinking about. Why was I so upset and definitive now, seven years after the affair ended? I hadn't even thought of Carol's affair for a couple years before she started lying to me. I wish I could answer that question. The only thing I could think of is that I never truly forgave her. But that didn't really make sense because I had been genuinely happy for the last few years. I really thought I was over it. Oh well, maybe I could see a counselor when I got settled into my new digs. I wasn't sure how much the old therapist had helped if I was reacting so badly right now. I started going over what I would need to do at the new plant to get it running. I was able to lose myself in thoughts of work and ignored the continuous buzzing of my phone as I crossed the border into South Carolina.

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8 months later

Today was the day. I signed for the mail and just looked at the oversized envelope. I was now a free man. Carol fought it for a month then all of a sudden gave in and signed the paperwork. I was surprised at how quickly she capitulated. We had a phone call where she explained that she was helping him get over the death of their newborn and the dancing was just part of the setting where they were at. She said it was awkward when he asked her to dance and she did so just to not make a fuss. The second week when he asked she had one dance and that was it. She didn't think he was hitting on her but it weirded her out to the point where she said was going to stop going out. When I asked about why she didn't just tell me or better yet include me in on it since I went through the same thing she almost broke down and said she knew the whole thing would bring up her affair and she didn't want to do that to me. She thought she would talk to him and help him to see a counselor and since other people were there she didn't think it was that big of a deal. I just couldn't get past the lying part. I had phone calls from Sherry, her other friend Abby, and Mike himself who all told me nothing went on other than some awkward dancing. I told myself I was being stupid holding onto this but I just couldn't bring myself to feel the same about my wife. I loved her but I no longer wanted to be married to her. My new therapist suggested that I never truly forgave her and that those feelings had hardened in my subconscious until they were brought to the forefront again. Now it was just impossible for me to let it go. That made as much sense as anything I suppose. Looking at the envelope I decided there was no need to open it quite yet. I walked up the two flights of stairs to my apartment while leafing through my other mail. I looked up when I heard yelling coming from the hallway. I saw a well built black guy had my neighbor, Lateesha, shoved up against the wall and was yelling in her face.

"You don't break up with me bitch, we're done when I say we're done. Now get your ass in that apartment and get your ass dressed in something hot. We are late for my compan- UGH" he stopped as my fist slammed into his kidney.

I know it probably wasn't very sporting of me to sucker punch a guy in the back but I figured all rules were off when he put his hands on a woman. I went to hit him again but all of a sudden he went up on his tiptoes as my neighbor had grabbed hold of his balls and started squeezing.

"Listen to me you dumb cock sucker," she was hissing at him, "If you ever put your hands on me again I will fucking cut off these grapes you call balls and ram them down your throat with that pathetic little finger you call a dick. Do you understand me?"

He was gasping for air and had tears in his eyes. He started nodding and cried out as she must have given them a final squeeze. She let him go and he fell to the floor and hobbled down the hallway.

Lateesha watched him go then slid down the wall and started tearing up. I squatted down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder gently.

"I am making spaghetti and I always make too much, come on in and help me eat some, okay?" I asked.

She nodded and I helped her up and into my apartment. The company had put me up in a nice two bedroom apartment that was walking distance from the plant. They were paying for a year's rent and I was seriously considering just staying on after they were done. I didn't have a pool although we could use the one in the next complex over. What we did have was a very good workout center. That was where I first met my neighbor Lateesha.

I had been here two months and wasn't really doing anything other than working 14 to 16 hours and then sleeping. My doctor told me I was a heart attack waiting to happen and that I should cut back on work and start eating healthy and exercising, you know, standard doctor stuff.

I decided to limit myself to 12 hour days at work and hit the gym. At the time my head was swirling with work stuff and divorce stuff and everything else and I found that a hard workout would let me forget. It probably wasn't any different than if I would have crawled into the bottle but at least this way I was getting a set of definable abs as opposed to a beer gut. Lateesha would come in as I was doing my cool down stretches and we would gab for a few minutes. Her workout pants showed a very nice bubble butt with a little thigh gap and strong muscular legs. She wore a sports bra which managed to flatten her chest out pretty well but I knew from seeing her in her street clothes she had a nice perky set of tits. She always had her curly hair pulled back into a ponytail and no makeup but her face was adorable with full cheeks and a blinding smile. Her outfit always showed enough of her mocha colored skin to be sexy yet not enough to be slutty. She was in her last two years of med school with a small trust that was paying for her expenses. Right now, standing in the hallway of our building, she looked like a little girl that needed some help.

I poured her a glass of wine and got the water boiling. I cracked open a beer and went and sat down by her on the couch. She scooted over and snuggled into me while sipping her wine.

"My dad used to hit my mom. He would pin her up against the wall just like Tyrone did to me and slap her repeatedly," she said in a monotone voice.

"I hated Dad for doing that but I was too scared to stop him. Mom would be crying and he would be slapping her and I couldn't even yell at him to stop. I was so scared. When Ty shoved me up against that wall I was a scared little 9 year old all over again. It wasn't until I saw you behind him and knew that you had punched him that I was able to think straight. Thank you." she said as she looked up at me with the prettiest pair of brown eyes.