There are some vacations that leave you feeling worse than you did before you left. What had started as a weeklong trip to paradise had quickly turned into seven days of hell. Awful weather, rude locals and to top it off, a bout of food poisoning that kept us all in the hotel for the last days of the trip. To make matters worse, my wife Lisa and I never managed to find any time away from our 19 year-old daughter Ellen, who spent the entire trip whining. Needless to say, I was frustrated in more ways than one, and I wasn't alone in that regard.
The airport had been an almost welcome sight when we pulled up to the terminal, but that moment of relief didn't last for the nearly three hours we all had to spend signing in, getting through security, and running to (barely) make it onto our plane.
As if to prove that our unlucky streak would have no end, our seats were at the very back of the plane and not even next to each other. Ellen had the window seat in the back left row, I had the middle seat (which I hate) in the back right row, and directly in front of me was my wife, Lisa. We were all pissed off at each other, the past week, the current situation and the world, with nothing to look forward to but a five hour flight home.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 287 to Chicago, O'Hare Airport," said the voice of the flight attendant over the intercom, "I regret to inform you that today's flight crew is understaffed and that I, Janine, will be your only flight attendant today. Unfortunately, we will have to suspend drinks service for this reason. We offer our sincerest apologies and I will do everything possible to assist you throughout our flight."
I chuckled involuntarily. One last gut-punch. One row up, I heard my wife groan in anger at the news.
Janine started going through the pre-flight safety information way up at the front of the plane. It would have been nearly impossible to watch it even if I'd wanted to. Looking around, I noticed that nearly all of the passengers in the last ten rows, including the two men on either side of me, were wearing matching red and silver windbreakers and similar sporty apparel. Clearly it was a team of some kind, and judging by the ages of the guys I could see, my guess was collegiate-level. Checking out the insignia on the jacket of the guy next to me, I learned that the team name was the Grizzlies, but I had no idea where they might be from and didn't care enough to ask.
The two men on either side of me were clearly the coaches, and the thirty-odd players filled in the rear quarter of the plane. I glanced over at Ellen, who was looking downright chipper compared with the attitude she'd been displaying the past week, as she was now surrounded by cute guys who were clearing checking her out.
Ellen wasn't the only one the Grizzlies had taken notice of. Ahead of me, I could see the young men on either side of Lisa making the most of every opportunity to look in her direction. While the pre-flight checks continued, the guy on Lisa's right introduced himself, as did his buddy on her left.
Lisa was surly at first but clearly the admiring glances of these guys were softening her. By the time the plane was off the runway, she and her new friends were having a good old time laughing and chatting. I caught more than a few compliments these guys were throwing her way, even getting their friends in the next row up to turn around and join in. Poor Janine, the lone flight attendant, passed by one time to kindly remind the boys to sit facing forward, but she was far too busy dealing with the first-class passengers at the front of the plane to pay much attention to those of us in the back.
Across from me, Ellen was receiving a similar doting treatment and I could see her blushing up a storm, clearly loving all the male attention she was getting. I was used to noticing guys check out my daughter by that point. She had her mother's looks and she'd developed early. Frankly, it was hard to blame them. Even still, having the two guys on the inside of her row leaning in to talk to her and three more in the next row kneeling on their seats to join in gave the impression of sharks circling for the kill.
The situation was the same in front of me, with Lisa laughing and carrying on with these guys half her age, all with her husband sitting two feet behind her. She was clearly still pissed at me for everything that had gone wrong on our trip (which obviously had been all my fault) and I caught her glancing back at me every so often, checking to see if I noticed how much fun she was having with these good-looking guys. I pretended not to notice.
Lisa and the guys had elevated their flirting to playing silly hand-games, thumb-war and the like, as a childish excuse for some physical contact. I rolled my eyes. Lisa was doing her best to make me jealous, hoping that shoveling some misery on me would remove it from herself. I decided to put my headphones on and try to get some sleep rather than give her the satisfaction.
As my music kicked in I heard Lisa laughing as she lost another thumb-war and Ellen giggle as she took a photo with the guy next to her. Try as they might, I wasn't going to let my wife and daughter ruin the last five hours of vacation I had. I drifted off to sleep as my Johnny Cash record started.
I woke up to silence. As I tend to do on airplanes, I had fallen asleep almost immediately and had slept quite soundly. The cabin lights were dimmed by this point, and the raucousness that had started the flight had completely died down. I checked my phone and saw that the album I had started was finished, so I'd been asleep for maybe 45 minutes. I pulled off the tight headphones to rub my ears a bit and was about to get some more sleep when I heard the whispering.
"C'mon, it's no big deal," said a male voice in front of me. My eyes were still adjusting but I could tell that the guy on my wife's right had turned fully toward her and was staring at her intently.
"I can't, someone would see," said Lisa, in a hushed voice.
"Only us! And who would care if they did?" asked the guy.
I saw Lisa turn to peek through the crack in the seats. Reflexively, I pinched my eyes almost closed, giving the impression that I was still sleeping. Lisa knows that I sleep like a rock on long flights so it wasn't hard to convince her. She turned back around.
"Okay, but only for a second," said Lisa, adding a school-girl giggle to the end.
The guy on the right gave a little fist pump of celebration. The dude on Lisa's left was equally excited.