Little Itten

Note: Written with the permission of Likegoodwine. I just couldn't see the husband staying married after Sheila's revenge. Sheila cheated without any proof, after only hearing part of the guy's conversation. After all, the word "pussy" has two meanings doesn't it? Some of you will like my ending; most won't, and you know what? I can live with that!

What a beautiful day!

I am a newly divorce husband of the slut known as Sheila. It's been about five months and Sheila has been trying to get me into therapy with her.

I just don't see it. Maybe I'm just being stupid or immature but then why shouldn't I be? I didn't cheat, I didn't lie and two stupid clap-infected studs didn't fuck me. She did and I am left to clean up the mess.

This is what happened the day my life changed.

After having the Veterinarian euthanize our old cat 'Whiskers', I came home with two kittens to replace him so that our kids wouldn't be too unhappy about losing our old, sick pussycat.

I put down the box containing the two kittens in the kitchen, and walked into the living room to check out what was on the tube. My wife Sheila was about two steps behind me — and about two steps too late.

I picked up the remote off of the coffee table, and my life changed in a moment. All I did was press the 'play' button on the Blu-Ray.

The first face on the screen was Sheila. She was calling me a "cheating bastard." I turned and looked just at her as she tried to grab the remote. I was too fast for that, so she tried standing in front of the TV.

She was crying something about, "PLEASE! Don't look!"

I sat there as, for the first five minutes of the video, my wife called me a "cheating bastard" over and over again. Next my on-screen wife went from one man to another. Needless to say, by the end of the film she was between the two of them being DP'ed; not just once but many times over.

As I sat there wondering what had just happened, it hit me that the love of my life was a slut and that my marriage had just come to an end.

Then she started talking about something or another, but all I heard was "blah, blah, blah."

I looked around to see if the house was still there. Maybe this was some type of candid camera thing. Then I felt something holding on to my leg; I looked down and there she was — the slut that ruined my life.

I pulled her off just long enough to get in my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I locked it and headed for the closet to pack enough clothes for a couple of weeks. That would give me enough time to get my ducks in a row.

After about ten minutes, I came out of the room with two suitcases and headed for the door.

She followed me outside yelling, "Please don't leave me!"

I threw the suitcases in the trunk of the car and ran back into the house and grabbed some keys. When I came back out she was sitting on the grass crying. I bent down and handed the keys to her.

She looked up at me. "Why are you giving me my keys?"

I start laughing, because she looked so confused.

"What is so funny?" she asked.

I stopped and looked at her with all of the hate I had for her at that moment and said,

"This is my house. Remember — I owned it before you moved in with me and my name is on the mortgage. It's a good thing for you that your name is on the title of your car. And those are your suitcases. Have a nice life."

I went back in the house and dead-bolted the door. She sat in the yard crying for about thirty minutes. When the police showed up, it took them about three minutes before they started knocking on the door.

The first officer was an older guy in his fifties; the other officer was about twenty-something. They asked me to step outside.

After introducing themselves, the older officer asked, "Sir, can you tell us what happened here?"

So I told them the story.

The younger officer asked if could he see the video, so I took them in and showed them about ten seconds worth. They went back outside and told her to vacate the yard.

She sat there looking at me, crying, as the older officer said to her, "It's either find somewhere else to be, or go to jail. Your choice."

For the first time she looked scared. She got into her car, looked at me, and then drove away.

I went in grabbed a beer and sat down. I had to come up with a plan. Being a child of divorce, I knew the courts have a way of always fucking over the man in the relationship. So I had to think of something quick and do it hard and fast.

Sleep didn't come at all that night but I did have an idea of what I was going to do. First thing was to burn a few copies of the video. I was just finishing up my last copy when the phone rang. I didn't want to answer it, but it was my dad.

"What up pops?" I asked.

"David, what the fuck is going on boy!" he almost shouted at me.

I wanted to know how he heard so fast.

He said, "Son, your wife has been here crying all night."

"HUH?" I grunted in reply.

"You heard me the first time."

Now this pissed me off; she goes to my dad's house? Why didn't she go to her fucking parent's house?

I said, "POPs? Come by my place and I'll show you why," and rang off.

About a half hour later my dad came in with Sheila's father in tow. Both of them wanted to know what the hell was going on. I wasn't sure that Sheila's dad would survive finding out. "Well," I thought, "I'm still alive after seeing her in action, so he'll probably make it too."

I pressed play and left the room. They both walked in and sat down in front of the TV. About twenty minutes later her dad came up to me without saying a word, shook my hand, hugged me and left. My dad said he had someone to kick out of his house, but he would come back later.

This was turning out to be a bad day and it would only get worse.

Around 3:00 o'clock, Sheila's mom called. I wasn't about to answer the phone, so I just let the answering machine pick it up, but in the background I heard my mom.

"David, pick up the damn phone. I know you're there!"

So like a dumb-ass momma's boy I picked it up. "Yes mom, what do you want?" I asked.

"David — Ellen and I are on the way over. You need to listen to your wife."

"Mom, you need to stay out of this; it's going to get ugly and I don't want you caught in the middle," I told her.

I tried to warn her, but moms being moms, they just don't listen. For the second time in 24 hours another set of parents were in my house. This time they had the slut with them.

I told Sheila to wait on the porch 'till I put some plastic down. I didn't know if the slut was still leaking from her ass since she was an anal whore now.

"Stop being so damn mean!" my mom yelled at me.

I looked at my mom, my eyes telling her that she could leave too. Then, just like a woman, she changed tactics.

"David, son — I know your hurting but don't do something you'll regret later. Take some time and think about the kids," she said to me.

This was why I didn't want her involved. You see my mom got caught cheating by my dad. He kicked her ass out and is married to a nice woman about the same age as my mom but without being such a busy body. My mom knew she had just hit a sore spot; she could see it in my eyes.

I said, "Mom, you would know how she feels." I knew it was wrong but she just had to put her two cents in.

She said in a sad voice, "David that was uncalled for."

I replied, "Mom you weren't around when dad was hurting — you ran back to your lover. Who was worrying about the kids then, huh mom? You had no idea what we went through.

"Did you know that dad was the one who called you on your birthdays? I never wanted to speak to you again. Dad told me that it was okay to hate what you had done, but not to hate you.

"I know you're trying to help because of what you lost, but you're the one who lost it. You threw us away for a better life. Dad might not be rich but he is loved."

I think for the first time my mom felt the pain she had caused, after twenty-five years she finally got it. She told the ladies, "Lets go."

Sheila just stood there.

Finally she looked into my eyes and said, "I'm sorry," and slowly turned and walked away from the house.

Two months later we were in the courtroom in front of the Judge talking about child support. Sheila thought it was unfair that she had to pay so much. The Judge thought it was fair because Sheila had asked for the same amount before when she thought that she would get the kids.

You see, Sheila tried to force me into taking her back by saying it was cheaper to keep her.

She ran up the credit cards, hired a high priced attorney and got her parents to try and get the kids on their side. But once the tape was leaked on the web everything changed.

Both men and women were hitting on her all the time.

She lost her job when her boss called her a slut and she slapped him. He had her arrested for assault. He told the cops she liked to be called "SLUT." When she asked where he heard that, he said, "On your website." She watched in horror as she saw herself on the screen.

She called me every name in the book and some that weren't. I just recorded it all and played it for the Judge. The Judge wasn't pleased with me but he felt she had brought it on herself.

So here I sit, a single man with a bright outlook on life. I have all my hair, my teeth, a nice home, a good job, a Dodge Viper with a Black Panther spoiler kit, and an ex-wife who pays me spousal and child support.

When her next check comes I am taking the kids to Six Flags.

As my dad says, "It's never good to A-S-S-U-M-E, cause when you assume you make an 'ass out of u and me.'" Ain't that the truth?

Once again, I thank my editor. For some reason my editor and I know that no matter what you do, you can't make everyone happy. Love it, hate it — It's all good.