Licing My Wounds and Problems

Just a flash story about cheating and revenge.

Please read my profile for my stance on feedback. Feel free to email suggestions or start a conversation. Private messages work too.

Felix Reibl: "To deny or to despair, they're really just the same. And everything between, it means we have to change."

+ + + +

I could have saved myself a lot of pain had I just filed for divorce as soon as I suspected a problem. Our best friends Tony and Karen, were with my wife Bevin and myself, Rico Bigodino. We were killing a Sunday afternoon at a sports bar, watching our favorite cellar dwelling team drift towards the end of the season.

This somewhat grubby looking guy was handing out his business card to all of the ladies in the bar. Within a second or two, at each drop-off, there were snickers and sometimes outright laughter. He'd been facing away from our table but we got the whole show when he did our table.

He handed Bevin and Karen his card and when they started chuckling, he stuck his tongue out. When I stick my tongue out, if I work at it, I can barely touch the bottom of my nostril. This freak could touch the gap between his eyes.

Karen tossed his card down in the middle of the table.

'Don (down) Underwood

Vaginal CPR Specialist'

His card included his phone number and a cartoon image of a tongue. This dude had some gall. The guy at the next table, prone to violence, helped Mr. Underwood land on his chin outside of the bar.

Bevin loves it when I perform oral on her. After Don left, her nipples were rock hard as she sat in the bar. She knew it and was trying her best to keep anyone from noticing. The sex that night was about as hot as it's ever been. Like I said, I should have gone out on top by filing for divorce the next day.

+ + + +

Part of noticing changes is admitting that your spouse is capable of cheating. Those first few months, in retrospect, I must not have believed Bevin was capable of cheating. Once I started putting the puzzle pieces together, the indicators certainly said she was.

Previously she would pester me to go down on her, almost weekly. Thinking back, it had been several months since I'd last been asked. Our sex life is far from predictable. Whenever either one of us wanted it, it happened. Now, I was being turned down. When I thought back, it was almost always a Monday or Friday that I was denied.

I was truly conflicted. If I started spying on Bevin, it meant I didn't trust her. Maybe I was being paranoid for no good reason. I decided to test the waters. It occurred to me that Bevin was initiating sex on Sunday and Thursday. Guilt driven? We had a nice romp on Saturday and when Bevin tried Sunday night I put my test into play.

"Hun, I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. Let's postpone it until tomorrow night and I promise I'll rock your socks off."

Fuck, shit, piss. Instead of a quick 'no problem' or 'I understand', Bevin looked panicked, if only for a second.

"Umm, sure babe."

On weekdays, Bevin gets home just after 5 pm, and I follow about an hour later. I came home at 4 pm on Monday and waited.

When Bevin spotted me in my favorite chair she had that stupid deer in the headlights look.

"You're home early."

"I couldn't wait to start our postponed session. Come on, let's go into the bedroom."

"Let me take a quick shower first."

"Shower? You have a desk job" I pulled Bevin close to me and started walking us to the bedroom. She was resisting.

"Honey please. I promise to be quick."

"What makes you think you need a shower?"

"I feel sticky. The office was really hot today."

"Perfect, I love an overheated wife" as I pushed Bevin into the middle of the bed.

She had worn a nice pant suit today. She fought me pulling her pants off.

"Why are you resisting Bevin? Let me take your pants off."

"I'm not in the mood. Can we just do this later?"

I jumped up onto the bed and sat on Bevin's belly, pinning her arms. I was facing her feet. I peeled her hands away from the button and zipper on her pants.

"GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME! NOW!"

I freed the restraints and pushed her pants to her knees. She was kicking and squirming.

"Now let's see what kind of surprise you have for me in your panties."

"PLEASE STOP! RICO, STOP!"

I pulled her sticky panties down.

"Well, what have we here? Care to explain Bevin?"

Bevin was crying so hard she could hardly breathe. I eased off and grabbed her hand. Pulling her to her feet, with her pants down at her ankles, I waddled her to the front door and pushed her outside. I locked the door, found her handbag, and took her phone out. Her keys were on the counter. I removed the house key and put it in her checkbook cover. The rest of her keys went in her handbag. I opened the front door. Bevin had managed to pull herself together. I tossed her the handbag.

"Find another place to stay tonight, maybe forever."

"Please Rico. I'm sorry. Can't we talk about this?"

"GO! I've got your phone. There's a guy at work that knows how to unlock them. I'm sure you weren't so stupid as to use this phone with your lovers."

"GIVE ME MY PHONE! THAT'S MY PHONE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

+ + + +

I don't know where Bevin went. I didn't care. My phone rang a few times, from numbers I didn't recognize, so I let them go to messages. None were left. I heard pounding on the door, around midnight, but I ignored it.

In the morning, I went out the back door so I could scan the neighborhood. I wanted to see if I was about to be ambushed. All clear so I backed my car out of the garage and set off to work. Once at my office, the first stop was the guy who cracked phones. He gave it back to me thirty minutes later.

"The new code is 121212."

Looking at the call history, it was clear that she was talking to her contact nicknamed LT. There were calls almost every day, weekends included. Opening her text tab I had all of proof I needed. LT was long tongue and not only was it Monday and Friday, but an occasional weekend meeting.

I recruited Nicole, one of the single receptionists. Explaining that this guy was bad news, I had her use the company phone to call LT and set up a meeting, for after dark tonight. LT took the bait.

I wasn't planning on doing anything tonight other than trying to follow him to wherever he lived.

Scanning the internet, I found a couple of discount divorce attorneys. The first one with an opening for today got my business. He would have Bevin served at work on Thursday.

Bevin's car was in the driveway when I got home. Not surprisingly, my keys didn't work. Bad move on her part. That's illegal in our state. My bargain attorney had warned me about this possibility. I called him and he embarked on getting a restraining order.

I waited patiently for ninety minutes before a car pulled up. A guy called my name and we chatted for a minute. After a call to the police, we waited for a squad car. Handing the paperwork to the officer, he thumbed through it then approached the front door.

Bevin had been watching through the blinds. When the police officer knocked, she opened the door, keeping it latched. They spoke for a few minutes and you could tell Bevin was getting flustered. Her voice was getting louder with each exchange. The officer presented her with the restraining order and explained her options. After a minute, the door closed, then opened all the way. The officer came over.

"I will allow Mrs. Bigodino twenty minutes to gather what she wants to take. You are welcome to supervise what she takes. Ready to go inside?"

"Yes sir. Thank you."

Bevin was muttering to herself "This isn't fair. This is my house too."

The officer explained it to her again.

"Mrs. Bigodino, as soon as you changed the locks, you became a threat to your husband. He has a right to his place of domicile. A domestic dispute does not give you the right to take the law into your own hands. You cannot deny him access."

"But he took my key and wouldn't open the door."

"So you should have called the police. Misplacing your key is different from changing the locks. I'm sure Mr. Bigodino would have let you in had you called us. Isn't that right Mr. Bigodino?"

Like I had a choice in my response "Yes sir!"

"I didn't misplace it. He took it."

"Sir, she keeps it in her checkbook. Have her show you the checkbook."

"I DO NOT!"

Bevin stomped off towards the coffee table and plunged into her handbag. She pulled out her checkbook and slapped it into the officer's hand. It took him ten seconds to find the key.

"Next time, don't take the law into your own hands, Mrs. Bigodino."

Bevin stared at me "YOU BASTARD! He took my phone too!"

"No, she left it behind. Here it is officer. Time's a wasting Bevin. Best get the rest of what you want while the officer still has a sense of humor."

+ + + +

I waited in my car waiting for LT to show. Not surprising, I guess, Underwood was scanning the parking lot. I shadowed him for an hour and then managed to track him to his apartment building. He went inside but I didn't follow. The building directory gave me his unit number.

I'm still not sure what I'm doing to do about it. I doubt he held a gun to Bevin's head to get her to cheat. There has to be a price paid for fucking another man's wife. There will be revenge.

Wednesday was actually uneventful. I talked with Tony and we agreed to meet for drinks. I was hoping it would just be Tony but he had Karen in tow.

"Hi Rico. I hope you don't mind, but Karen wanted a chance to talk with you."

"I figured Bevin would talk to you Karen."

"We ordered you a Corona. Want to wait or can I pass along some messages?"

"I don't need a beer to steady me. Go ahead and fill me in on the cheater's remorse pleas."

Tony snickered and Karen shot him a look that would have killed a mere mortal.

"Fine, laugh about it. I can tell from her voice that she's really sorry. It started with that damn business card. She's got some fucking mental issue to be so infatuated with oral sex. She had to pay him a fuck session every time he licked her to an orgasm. She was addicted and couldn't stop."

"Well now she'll be able to do it ten days a week. Being single again will free her up to act like a slut without any remorse. Wait, she had no remorse as a married slut. Stay out of this Karen?"

"Doesn't she get a second chance?"

"Sure. When she finds another sucker, she can try to stay faithful to him. Get it through your head. I'm done with her. There is no us."

We split the check and left as friends.

Thursday went as planned. Bevin was served, at work, and left several spiteful messages. The reality of living alone again was sinking in. Cooking, cleaning, and doing the damn laundry. I started flirting with every woman without a wedding band on. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Without two incomes, the house had to be sold. At least Bevin was amenable to that suggestion. Once we had an offer, I found an apartment. The rest of the divorce went about as well as could be expected. Lots of back and forth about assets, of which we had few, and expenses, of which we had many.

Without a lot of money, I had a lot of time. I used it to formulate my revenge on Underwood. A week after the divorce was granted, he paid, dearly.

+ + + +

I'd watched mister long tongue enough to recognize his pattern. Some leg spreader would leave his apartment and less than ten minutes later, he'd also leave.

This particular day I'd put on my disguise. It's pretty phony looking if you ask me, but then it's not like I was going to a job interview. I left my phone at home. Riding the bus, I waited down the hall from Underwood's room. When his latest conquest left, I moved to his door.

When the door opened I shoved a somewhat realistic looking gun into his face. Doing it that quickly, there was no way he would have known it was fake.

"Say one word and it will be your last. Do you understand me?"

He nodded yes.

"Good, face down on the ground."

I moved inside and closed the door. Pulling out the duct tape, I secured his hands behind his back. With a wrap around his head, he could no longer see. I flipped him over and sat on his belly.

I stuck the gun in his mouth "This makes too much noise. I have something else in mind for you."

You could hear his muffled attempts "Just take my wallet. I won't report it stolen."

"Not about your money funny guy. This is all about fucking married women. There are things you apparently never learned. Today is when you get schooled."

I readied my mixture. Liquid CO2 and two six inch pieces of steel pipe. I put on the special gloves. With a pair of plyers, I pulled Don's tongue out. With my other hand, I lifted one of the steel pipes out of the jar. If the internet is correct, it had been cooled to about minus fifty or better. Tongues do stick to frozen metal. The bottom of Don's tongue was now wrapped tightly around that pipe. Those muscles will never stretch out again.

I've never ridden a wild bull, but Mr. Underwood was certainly trying to buck me off. The pillow covering his head muffled his screams. He quit squirming. I didn't think I'd killed him, but I scrambled to check for a pulse. He had one and had only passed out.

That made my next attack easier.

I pulled his pants down, stretched his cock, and wrapped it around the other steel pipe. That shocked him back to life. I quickly sat back down on his chest. He passed out again.

That last thing to do was deflect. With the contents of the vacuum cleaner's dust bag, from the trash bin at some hair salon, I sprinkled all of it all over Don's room, and of course Don. Try to find my DNA now.

With a tube of lipstick, I wrote 'Don't fuck married women' on his mirror.

+ + + +

Epilogue:

Not surprising, the police had a few questions for me. Sorry, I have no alibi. I was sleeping at the time.

There weren't many things that Bevin could do to put a smile on my face. Her call managed to do it though.

"You bastard. You did that to Don!"

"Did what? Don who?"

"You damn well know what you did!"

"Wish I did know. Whatever it was, I'm sure he deserved it. Later slut."

The internet was a gold mine. Good old social media had pictures and descriptions of the downfall of the CPR specialist. The tongue bar had also destroyed his lips left and right of middle. When he tried to pull the tongue into his mouth, it froze to the edges of his mouth. Lots of reconstructive surgery. He can barely stick his tongue out now. Poor guy.

Not as much coverage about his curled up cock, other than it appears to be sidelined. I'm dying to hear any updates. Several comments, from women, indicate they miss his services.

I'm still flirting with every woman without wedding bands. After several months of practice, I'm taking my fair share home at night. Who knows if I'll ever go down the aisle again?