Les Hommes

"Rog, if it's OK, I mean Claire did tell you to tell me everything, right?"

His eyes open. "That she did my friend, that she did. Claire really wants to help you out here. We both do. Do the right thing for you, for Anna, get you two silly kids back on track."

"Ummm, thanks for that, Rog."

"You're welcome, Bill."

"So then it's OK to ask what the scorecard was for those two over the whole weekend?"

"You mean how many times they fucked?"

"Ummm, yeah, if it's OK."

He smiled. "Thought you might ask me that."

"Only if it's OK."

Roger begins to chuckle, "Oh, yeah, it's OK. Like I said, Claire wants it all out there for you." He stops, closes his eyes and starts laughing again.

"What?" I ask him. "If you don't want to..."

"No, it's not that. It's just the word, 'scorecard'. Funny!"

"Why's that funny?"

"Cause it's what I said to my wife in bed last night us two talking about all of this. Claire and I made love first and after I asked her, what did she think was Anna's scorecard with Farrell over the whole three weeks she had with him?"

"Oh, Jesus!"

"And the two of us were like kids, laughing back and forth, tickling and giggling, trying to picture those two and trying to count them up. Claire kept getting eighteen, but I said twenty-two, and we'd tickle some more and fight about who was right and then we made love again."

"Fuck!"

"Yes, twice in one night, can you believe it?"

"No, I meant..."

"Oh, yes, excuse me, you meant those two, of course. And you're right on target there Bill, that Farrell dude sure could fuck. Guy was a stud, and Anna wasn't so bad either."

"Fuck! You mean she told you two about every one? Every time they fucked?"

"Best she could, yeah. Some to me and Claire that day, a bunch more just to Claire when those two would meet. Part of the..."

"...the process." By now I could finish for him.

"Exactly. Anna said some nights were kind of difficult to recall in detail cause, you know it was eighteen months ago and it was all a swirl of dick and orgasms so naturally it was hard on her." Ha ha! "Get it? Hard on her? Just like her man Farrell was." Ha ha! "Thankfully she had her little diary to refer to..."

"Diary? You're telling me my wife kept a fuck diary of her time with this asshole?"

"Absolutely she did, and it helped us all quite a bit," he says with a smile. "But even with the diary, which was just these crazy little marks only she could understand, kind of like coded, even then it was hard for her to recall everything exactly...and that's pretty much why Claire and I kept getting different numbers. We weren't even counting the blowjobs, man was more focused on Anna's pussy from the sound of it..."

"Wait! You're telling me Anna sucked his cock too?"

Roger rolls his eyes, exasperated. "Bill, please try to be mature about this. Two very attractive adults away from their spouses out in Kansas City for four or five nights together, enjoying the heck out of themselves with frequent extramarital sexual intercourse,..."

"I know but..."

"...pretty much fucking like two little bunny rabbits, nibble-nibble-fuck-fuck-nibble-nibble-fuck, right? Pretty much nonstop."

"But..."

"You picture it, you don't think it's going to occur to either one of them to change things up? Make some time for her to fellatio him? You know what I mean right? Fellatio? Have Anna suck him off?"

"I...Did he cum in her mou...?"

"Not sure. Would it make a difference? We do know he didn't go down on Anna, pissed her off royally too. But whether she sw..."

"Yeah. OK! OK! OK! Enough!"

"But speaking of going down on Anna, I'll tell you this much, take some of the sting out. Anna loves it when you go down on her, says you're pretty good too. Nice huh?"

"Jesus. She talked about our sex life too?"

"Had to. Honesty. Claire didn't pry but Anna gave her the basics. Girls agreed you were like a D plus or C minus in the fucking department, which, OK my friend, you didn't flunk. Up top...No? Ok. Gave me a C plus, cause of how much I've improved since joining the club. Thank you gents! But oral? Gave us both like A minus. Dude! We are so alike! Why the guys were comfortable with me doing your recruitment. And so what about the fucking? The two of us happen to love eating our wives' pussies. Is that a crime?"

"But my wife sucked his dick!"

"Mais oui, mon ami, she did indeed. Of course she would blow him. It's just that blowjobs weren't our focus right then, just the times they fucked. A few it was hard for us to know when one fuck ended and a new fuck began, hard for Anna herself to know."

"Oh, Jesus! Goddam it!" I sit there defeated, on the edge of crying. Roger watches and nods a few times sympathetically. I shake myself and regain some composure, at least enough to ask him, "Can we just go back to Claire?"

"Of course, my friend, of course. I know it might be hard, there's that word again haha!, to hear some of this, but you know, total honesty."

"Right. That's the key." I couldn't tell if I was being sarcastic or not.

Roger asks, "Anna was honest with you, right? Told you about the five trips?"

"Yeah but tell me about Claire...Wait, Five? Anna said the affair was only the last three times out."

"Oh yes, that is true. Certainly what she told Claire. Thank goodness for small blessings, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess." It sure didn't feel like much of a blessing.

"Yes, the first two trips they were mostly checking each other out, warming up to each other, flirting a bit, getting the idea, some tension building. Getting primed. Know what I mean?"

"I got it Roger."

"But professional. The two of them worked like dogs out there those trips. Got about three quarters of the work done in those first two trips."

"But no touching or kissing or anything, right?"

"Nope, not a bit. It all began the first night of the third trip. They were down in the bar. One touch on her arm and they look at one another. They have their first kiss down there. Half an hour later they're up in bed with her knees pointed at the ceiling."

"Oh, God."

"Anna told us she had her pretty new lingerie on, knew something was about to happen."

"Oh God."

Roger shakes his head slowly with a grin. "But you know dudes. Farrell never gave her bra and panties much attention, just got them off her fast to get to the juicy parts. Myself, I always remember to compliment Claire when she wears something nice."

"Oh God!"

"Anyway, he made it up to her with the very first fuck. Anna said it was like 45 minutes of getting thrown around like a rag-doll into positions she had never even imagined. And score! Your girl cums twice on hard dick, told us was like 30,000 volts of electricity shot into her cunt."

"Oh God!"

"Yeah, pretty funny, huh?"

"Not the word I'd use for it," I tell him bitterly.

"Yeah? Let's go with impressive then, OK? My chapeau is off to that dude. It's their very first fuck and already most of the project is done, means they got lots of running room for playtime. That third trip and the next they only had to work half as hard. Plenty of time and energy left for extramarital sexual relations. By the end of the fourth time out there they were basically done with the whole project, just a few odds and ends to clean up."

"They were? Then why'd they go the fifth time?" Believe it or not, I really asked that.

"Again? C'mon Bill. You think it through, it's kind of obvious."

"You're saying..."

"Anna was very up front about it, she's trying to be a good honest girl now."

"Goddamit! You're telling me it was a fuck vacation?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that exactly."

"Why not? Please don't point out how they stopped for a meal or to use the rest room or to shower or watch Seinfeld. Please."

"Ummm, you actually make some excellent points there, but I was thinking more about when she was blowing him. It really wasn't that many times, Anna said he was...ummmm, you know... a bit large down there, know what I mean? His, ummm private parts or.... you know, like his equipment? Makes me laugh they call it that! Like it's a bag of wrenches he brings with him, haha. But you do know what I mean, right? Good! Yes, his penis."

"I'm not an idiot Roger."

"Correct my friend, you are not. But Anna said it was too large for her to really enjoy sucking his cock. Said she gave it the good old college try a few times, haha. College try! Sis-boom-bah, right? She was pretty funny about it. You know she sucked off quite a few guys back in her college days, right? Not that I approve of premarital fellatio, but apparently she found it pleasurable and was really pretty good at it, says she got tons of compliments. So when Anna said 'college try' she knew what she was talking about. She'd been there and done that. Quite a gal, your Anna!"

"Yeah, quite a gal is right," I say.

"Agreed my friend. Anyway, because of Farrell's size the blowjobs were't working that great for her, although apparently he still enjoyed them. Still, my point was, you have to admit, she's trying to blow him, right? It wasn't fucking. So, like I'm saying, not a fuck vacation."

"Arrrgghhh! Me at home, I'm working my ass off on this novel and my wife is out there on a sex vacation."

"And showers they took? Anna said they were showering together, so that's like borderline I guess. Who knows what..."

My anger flares. "A goddamned sex, fuck and suck vacation on the company dime. I bet Ranley and Gibbons would love to know what they're paying for. Flying this asshole to Kansas City to fuck my wife!"

Roger shakes his head sadly. "There too, I hate to correct you, Billy boy, I really do. Don't want you thinking I'm a show off, know-it-all kind of guy, hate that, I really do. But I believe your wife's sex vacation didn't cost Ganley and Ribbons a dime."

"Yeah? Why would that be?"

"Because the Maisie Corporation picked up the tab. The head of the donut division out there really liked those two, why he always gave them free donuts to bring home to their spouses."

"Yeah, whatever," I say more defeated than ever.

"See Bill, it was like this. That fifth trip they would go in a couple of hours in the morning, get some final sign-offs, make some calls, file some of the forms with the IRS. Pretty much stuff they could have done from their offices back here. By around noon they're done, have the rest of the day for the pool, TV, nice meals, a few walks and plenty of rigorous sex..."

"Rigorous? Don't you mean 'vigorous'?" Why am I helping?

"That's what I said, 'vigorous'"

"No, you said..."

"Thank you Bill. Yes. Good point." He rolls his eyes at me. "Vigorous, highly vigorous, extremely vigorous sex. Told us he gave her a real workout each and every time. 'Bone-rattling sex' Anna called it, but to be honest, and no offense to your Mrs., I felt like some of it was exaggerated to impress Claire. I mean how would her bones rattle? They're all kind of tied down aren't they? Ligaments or whatever? But yes, the fifth trip was a doozie! More than half the score run up in those five days."

I'd had enough. With a loud 'FUCK!' I jumped up and begin to stumble around the perimeter of his yard, cursing her, loving her, cursing him, hating him, kicking at pool toys, cursing myself and them both. I have to get out of here. He's insane and now he's making me insane. Three times around cursing, till I kicked at a shadowy blue object that turned out to be a piece of the retaining wall. Granite I think. Roger jumped up to help me but I waved him off with another 'FUCK!' and hopped back to my chair. Roger let me be, just sat there sipping his drink and watching me. What could I do? I might have been crying a little, but that was mostly from my toe.

"That's it Billy boy, cry it out now. All out there finally. Good for you, let it out."

I sobbed a while longer. Finally I dried my face and blew my nose. I took off the shoe to rub my toes and the pain subsided somewhat.

Roger gave me a delighted smile. "Had to know it, what? Anna's little...aah...indispression..."

"What?"

"Yes..."

"Little?"

"OK, her big indispression. Can't let it get you down. It's just sex, time to let bygones..."

"Easy for you to say, he didn't fuck your wife." I tell him through the tears.

"No, that's true. But Franco did. You want to hear that part now? Make you feel a little better. All that stuff about Anna and Farrell? That was just cause of the funny coincidence, you saying the word 'scorecard'"

That cleared my mind somewhat. "Yes, right. Can we please talk about Claire's scorecard now?" Anything to take my mind off of what went on out there in Kansas City.

"Of course Bill, of course. Toes better? No breaks I hope."

"No, I don't think so, but this hurts."

"Yes, I can see that it does mon ami."