Les Hommes

Roger shakes his head sadly. "You're really doing your best to make this tough on me you know."

"Get going. No, wait. Before you tell me how I'm supposed to behave in the pervert club, like no cutoff jeans, maybe you should tell me about you. About you and Claire."

"Me and Claire, the two of us? You mean her and I, me and her?"

"All the above. What's in it for you two? Why on earth did you join this club? Why did you let her? You've got this amazing wife. Why in God's name would you allow this?"

"I'm a little surprised you'd ask me that."

"You can't answer, can you?"

"No, it's more like I was hoping the answer would be obvious to you by now."

"Obvious?"

"Yeah."

"OK. Indulge me. Spell it out to me like I'm a 10 year old."

He looks at me sadly. "This would hardly be appropriate for a 10 year old Bill. I'm surprised to hear you think in those terms. Not really the thing we..."

"OK, OK. That's not what I meant, even you should know that. All I meant was explain it clearly and simply. What's in it for you and Claire?"

"OK. That's easy. You ready?"

"Why do you keep asking if I'm ready?"

"I don't know, seems like it's good for you to be ready."

"I'm ready."

"Ok, then. For Claire it's like I just said, the excitement, the fun, the incredible dates, and meeting the guys and the other couples is so cool. Not to mention she's having the best sexual intercourse of her life. Her sex life is officially off the charts."

Roger stands and mimics a ballplayer at the plate, takes a big swing at an invisible pitch, then elevates and shades his eyes to watch the ball sail out of the park.

"She's Babe Ruth and Hammerin' Hank Aaron and Teddy Ballgame all in one - at least sex wise she is, not saying she'd be any good with a bat in her hand." Ha ha! He looks down at his hands. "Get it? Bat in her hand? Just ask her how much she's learned about pleasing a man and about how he can please her." He sits and smiles.

"Ask her? Ask Claire? You're serious? You mean that?"

He's caught off guard by this one. "Well, ummm, I guess. Sure."

"I'll be glad to ask her." I picture Claire then, explaining to me how great fucking is, and we're alone in a quiet spot and he says she likes me and I query her gently, respectfully, earnestly and add my own insights and...No! Focus!

"Yes, I guess it could be part of the process, I'll have to ask the guys."

"Please do."

"Ummm OK, but listen Bill. It's like this. The club meets once a month for a weekend with maybe just one or two days added on sometimes for a date, so it's time efficient. That matters a lot to Claire cause of her modeling gigs and her designs and the time we need for ourselves. And it's romance for a night, but no strings attached which is important to us both. It's out in the open, no shame or fear. Complete honesty. She knows she has a loving husband, a husband who adores her, will do anything for her, loves her more and more every day. Us being in the club makes me so much more attentive to her needs every day. Makes our love stronger. Gotta thank the guys for that."

"Hmmmm. OK, if you say so."

"I do say so."

"I know."

"In fact, I just did say so."

"Roger you are really something. The perverted craziness you two got yourselves into. I guess I do see the sex part, at least for her. Pretty strange you don't mind it's with another guy."

"I don't. And it's other guys, not a guy, just to be clear."

"Which you must know is completely insane...Wait! Roger, you said one or two extra days. Is that where Claire is today, a date?"

He smiles at me like the cat who ate the canary. "Bingo. Fellow named William. I don't know him well, it's his first private with Claire. But they've been together at the club and she likes him quite a bit. So when he called a few nights ago, Claire told me, great, two birds with one stone, although I've never understood that saying. I mean, hitting even one single bird with a stone would be pretty difficult. I guess if it was injured or something, like had a broken wing and couldn't fly, then maybe. But why would I even want to hit it with a stone? I like birds."

I hadn't been listening anyway, too focused mentally on the lovely Claire.

"But her point was you and I needed privacy for our chat, the one we're having right now, you know, me doing you, guy on guy. And she gets to use the time to know William better. So, yeah, a date."

"Oh fuck. Right now?"

He rolls his eyes. "Bill, you get so carried away. Don't be childish. It's what? 2:26 pm. So no, I doubt very much they'd be enjoying sexual intercourse right now. Claire told me he was taking her mini-golfing and then on a harbor cruise. He'll have to get her back to the Ritz before they can fuck. Probably like 9 or 10 tonight is my guess."

"Jesus." I don't know this William of course, but it's hard not to conjure an image of Claire getting fucked at the Ritz while Roger sits at home. A big guy fucking her from behind, Roger's pretty wife on all 4's, is the one that pops. It's a sexy image. This is insane.

He interrupts my Claire fantasy. "Are you finally getting the idea now?"

I shake my head sadly. "And what about you? You're not getting the sex or anything else from what you've told me so far. Are these guys getting you laid too?"

"Me getting laid? Not getting the sex? What you don't know is a lot."

"Educate me Roger."

"What did I just tell you? Claire is there one weekend per month with maybe two extra days if one of the guys wants a side date and she's interested. What's that leave for the two of us? I did the math, it's like 83% of the time I have her. She gets her period, the guys don't use those days, maybe she goes on a few modeling gigs, we're still over 50%. Take a look at Claire. How many guys would give a fortune to have 50 to 80 percent of her time?"

"More like give their right nut, your wife really is that gorgeous."

He frowns and says, "I doubt Claire would want anyone's nut, right or left."

"Not the point Roger."

"I mean what would she do with a guy's nut? Keep it in a jar? Gross. Where would you put it? Wouldn't it kind of decay or...I guess formaldehyde but still..."

"Settle down Roger. I just meant she really is something, so beautiful and warm, so sexy,..."

"Aaah, true. Exactement, monsieur!"

But in a weird way I could see his point, Claire really is that lovely. I mean I love Anna and only Anna, and Anna is gorgeous too. But Claire just happens to be in a league of her own. Always, always, always makes me laugh wondering how Roger the dolt, the numbskull doofus with the big heart, scored this amazing woman. Did she lose a bet or something? Did he hypnotize her? Blackmail her folks?

"When I have her we make out and touch every day. We make love like four, five, six times a week. Once it was eight times! Incredible!"

"You do? You're not making this up to feel good about it? For real?"

"For really real, my friend. You know what we did before the club? The Saturday night special, that's what. Yeah. Once a week, and maybe not that if one of us isn't up to it or she has her period or whatever. I never could have imagined more. Now I can have that times 10."

I was familiar with the Saturday night special. Anna and I were probably a little better than that. But not much.

"Great. Sounds like they turned her into a sex addict."

"No. See? You're trying to make it a negative. It's not, and it's not addiction. More like they expanded the boundaries of her uhhh whatsitcalled? Tip of my tongue. You know, that bido thing inside us..."

"Bido?"

"...and it's a lily too..."

"Lily? I don't get..."

"...Kind of like lily-bido, no..."

"Oh, you mean libido."

"Bing! that's it, yeah her libido. You know what that is, right?"

"I believe so."

"Good. So for Claire, she had to keep it wrapped up tight, cause of me I guess, and it used to be this big..." he makes a fist and presents it, "...and now it's this big." He spreads his arms wide, sweeping them into a huge globe. "They taught her how to really enjoy sex, all sex, sex with them and sex with me, and how to make it great for me too. See I'm the beneficiary."

"Hmmppphhh."

"You can hmmppphhh all you want but it's true. And believe me, it's not just the sex. It's how to be in love, be honest and happy together, support each other. Claire pays so much more attention to my needs now, every day she does. It's wonderful. The key is what I've been telling you, total honesty."

"Hmmmppphhh."

"No, no listen. You really should learn to listen better, Bill. It's just not one of your strengths. I say that with all the affection in the world, but please try to listen."

"Sure thing Rog."

"Take the way I talk, for example."

"Talk? What about it?"

"Sometimes I talk a lot."

"You?"

"Yes, you probably don't notice it because we're friends, but sometimes I ramble too."

"I suppose, yes, a little."

"And Claire, I mean before the club, was starting to tune me out, cause of the rambling, cause we live together and she was getting it all the time. She didn't mean to cause we're so much in love. But little by little it was getting worse. I felt bad about it but didn't know what to do."

"Tuning you out?" I suppress another smile at the goofball. Claire is pretty smart. Why would she ever tune him in?

"Yes, but since the club? Now she likes it, says I'm like a radio that's always on in the background, that she picks up a lot of info about sports and people and politics while she listens. See? She knows how to do her own thing but appreciate what I bring to the relationship."

"She likes it? You're sh...."

"When she was tuning me out I was getting like 20% of her 100%. Now it's like I'm getting 100% of her 50%. Pretty good deal for me, right? These guys are fucking her, so what? I had to come to terms with that, accept that. And I did. I mean I do." Ha, ha! "Like when we got married. We both said, 'I do'. But accept. Even more, I want it, enjoy it, love it. For her, for me and for the guys. Because what's fucking? Just cock and cunt and cum."

This litany shocks me all over again. "God Roger, the way you talk now, it's..."

"Yes, you heard me right, cock, cunt and cum. Those things are nothing compared to what Claire and I have, to what she gives me, and to what I can give back to her."

I'm even more off balance. Again it hits me that he weirdly makes some sense. The trade off seems pretty cold-blooded, and their I-do's must have been different from mine, but the 100 percent of 50 percent is interesting. Could Roger be smarter than I'd ever given him credit for? (For which I'd credited him? They both sound wrong. WWAS? What would Anna say?)

"I'll tell you another thing. Claire's personal creativity has gone off the charts since we joined. You know her modeling career is going well, but it's more than that. She's getting involved with the fashion designers now, giving them ideas for new outfits, even has an idea for a new line of lingerie, sketching it out based on what she likes to wear for the guys. She goes out on the runway under some big designer's name, at least for now, but a lot of what she wears, she's the one who came up with it."

"Wow, that is...I don't know what...really something."

"And it's thanks to them, to the guys in the club, the confidence they've given her. You know what else? My creativity too. They've got me painting again. Hadn't done it in five years and all of a sudden I'm the son of Picasso." He pauses at this, frowns, feels something has gone off the tracks. Then he perks up again and says, "Well not his actual son, the dates would be way off, he would never have had the chance to meet my Mom, so I speak only metaphysically if you follow me. But yeah, painting. Done a bunch of nudes of Claire, maybe show you one of these days if..."

"I'd love to see your work. Got any handy?"

"Merci, monsieur, maybe later. But pictures of fields and trees and other people and everything in between too."

We both stop and sip our drinks. Damn but this guy can talk. And it's fine with him they fuck his wife now that he gets laid more often and the two of them are more creative? Idiot! He thinks that's what I want for me and Anna? Moron! That's not what a marriage is. I gather myself for an assault. It's time for me to shut this nonsense down once and for all.

"Roger, why don't you listen to me now. I'm hearing you, I really am, but I'm pretty sure you don't understand what it sounds like."

"Yeah, what's it sound like?"

"Like they've got the two of you brainwashed."

"What?" he says with a scowl.

"Brainwashed, like it's all so perfect..."

"Kind of is."

"...these guys fucking Claire. You don't see any downside to that?"

"Idiot. There is no brainwashing. There is no downside."

"None?" I say it sharply and drill into his eyes. I'm going to have to press this doofus hard until he confronts what is really happening to him and to his lovely wife. Tough love. He's my friend and I do love him. Even if he is a doofus and a numbskull, and a pervert now too. Maybe it's up to me now to save him, save them both, save Anna too, from what sounds like a weird pervert cult of cock. I save them I bet Anna is going to be plenty thankful in the long run. Probably Claire too. Maybe Claire especially since then she'll be back full time with Roger. She'll be looking for the support of a guy who isn't like a background radio show.