Law Of The Heart Ch 06

Chapter 6 (Ending 1)

Jake stopped at a bar on the way home and had a couple of drinks. His anger was barely contained.

"I know I could have stopped it he said to himself, but I shouldn't have had to. She should have never done those things. I can't be with her 24/7. Husbands and wives have to know that their partner will do the right thing. It's not my fault she cheated."

Stopping at a bar was something that he never did. He might be late getting home, but it was always because of work. Tonight he was making Jill wait... and he hoped suffer just a bit.

Jill could smell the bourbon on him when he came into the house.

Because of the time he knew that Jill and Jake Junior had already eaten dinner. So he stumbled into the living room and flopped into an overstuffed chair.

Jill looked at him with a hard glance then ushered their son towards his bedroom. "Come'on honey. Time for bed."

"I see... Daddy..."

"No, its bed time! You can see Daddy tomorrow," Jill answered as they entered the child's bedroom.

"Dam," I thought to myself, "Now this whole thing with Jill was affecting my relationship with my son!"

My emotions continued to churn just under my controlled exterior. It was about 10 minutes later when Jill tiptoed quietly down the hall, back to the living room.

"He's asleep," she said softly. Then she added, "You missed dinner."

I didn't respond.

"Jake, tell me why are you acting so horrible?"

She's decided that a good defense was a strong offense, I thought to myself. Something lawyers are taught early in their training.

I wasn't falling for it. So I didn't answer, but went on the offense with a question of my own. "Where are your rings Jill?"

She looked down at her hands. When she did her hair bounced. She had it pulled back into a pony tail. Just like that day on the Mendoza's boat. I had a vision of her standing topless. Tits bouncing as the boat skimmed across the waves. The Mendoza twins watching her red tipped orbs as they danced enticingly.

I looked away, trying to calm myself.

"I left them in Miami, by mistake. I took them off to go swimming so I wouldn't loose them. My friend Susan has them and will be sending back."

Her voice got a little firmer. "I am sorry, but that's no reason to be such an ass, Jake."

She thought I was just mad about the rings.

She again went on the offense. "I see you don't have your ring on!"

I unbuttoned my collar and pulled the leather lace out with my ring attached. I let it swing slowly. Her eyes followed the gold back and forth.

"I'll tell you what Jill, when you have your rings on your finger, I'll put mine back on. Is that fair?"

She didn't answer. Her embarrassed face looked down at the floor.

"How is good old Susan, by the way? Is she still a big trouble maker?" Attacking her friend got Jill's attention.

"I thought you liked Susan," Jill flashed.

"No, I only put up with her because you like her Jill. I think when you get around her you loose your common sense. She's a trouble maker."

"Well she's my friend, and I like...."

I interrupted, "Yeah, you like her and let her lead you into all sorts of bad situations. So what kind of trouble did she get you into in Miami... Other than forgetting you were married."

"WHAT...." Jill almost screamed. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean forgetting your wedding ring." I answered with an insincere smile. "That's all I mean Jill. Is there something else?"

I knew by the way she looked at me she was torn. I think a part of her wanted to confess, but she couldn't do it.

She ignored my last statement and answered, "Well Susan is MY friend. I don't complain about Bill and Meredith do I?"

"No Jill you don't. I guess you are just a Saint. You would never to anything to hurt someone else would you?"

After a long uncomfortable silence, Jill finally said, "This is getting us no where Jake. I think you are still sick. Why don't you go to bed?"

I left her and went back to the guest room. Later that night when I walked to the kitchen to get as drink of water I could hear Jill on the phone in the Master bedroom.

I heard her raise her voice, "Susan, YOU HAVE to find my rings."

Pause "I don't know."

Pause "Ask Juan."

Pause "On the boat I think."

Pause "Please... I can tell he thinks something happened. If I get my rings back he will let it go. Then everything will be OK."

Pause "Stop it."

Pause "I can't think about it."

Pause "No! I already told you all the details.

Pause Yes, amazing. But......" Then her voice got softer and I couldn't distinguish the words.

For the first time in days I smiled to myself. "Susan was going to have a hard time finding those rings." I thought to myself as I sipped my glass of water.

Then I pondered her other words "....amazing...," That's what she had said. My smile quickly turned back into a frown.

Now the rage was draining from my body. She had said it was "amazing." How could I compete with "amazing?"

God, I was going to lose her. I finally realized what that meant. I would be alone. I would lose the two people who meant the most to me. Did I want that?

I loved her and Little Jake so much. I couldn't lose them. The rage was slipping away.

I had to keep them.

What needed to happen for my family to stay together and be happy? Anger gave way to a mental negotiation. I began to review and consider everything that had happened. I weighed each event. My part and Jill's part were considered. I had entered the bargaining stage that my old law professor had told my class about.

In a sense I had already made a bargain with Jill, when I told her I would put my ring on when she did the same with hers. And like any good lawyer, I had a secret. I knew where all the evidence was. Or at least I thought I did.

"The rings will be our first and most important bargain. I will have to give her a few days to get desperate, and realize it." Then I would be negotiating from a position of strength. Just like a lawyer should.

The next morning I tried to be my usual bright and sunny self. I fixed Jake his cereal while Jill started the coffee and poured the OJ.

"Looks like your feeling better." Jill observed. But there were stress lines around her eyes.

I smiled. "Yes, I feel better. A good rest and thinking through problems does wonders."

Jill gave me a wane smile. "I'll call Susan today and get my rings."

"I am sure Susan will be a big help. Let me know when you get them and then I'll put mine back on."

We sat quietly for awhile watching Jake Junior fly his spoon full of cereal into his mouth.

"So who else did you see at the reunion Jill? I know Bill and Meredith. Anybody else? How about Juan and Hector? I am sure they were there. They still live in Miami, right?" Jill didn't say anything.

I continued, "Come on Jill, please tell me. Otherwise I'll have to call Bill and Meredith to get all the dirt on our classmates. I would much rather YOU tell me everything. After all you are my wife." I was bargaining with her now.

"Please tell me Jill." I looked in her eyes. "If you tell me I am sure I would be much more understanding of everything that everybody did. I would rather hear it from you than second hand from somebody else. But you know that I'll find out all about the reunion sooner or later. So you tell me. Please."

There it was! I couldn't be much plainer than that. I was negotiating with her for her to confess. It would be better for us both. At least I hoped it would.

I decided I needed to give her some time. Getting up from the breakfast table I said, "I have to run. I have an early client meeting."

I didn't kiss her goodbye, but at the door I added, "Tonight will be a good time for you to tell me all about it." Jill didn't look at me as I walked out the door.

I moved like a zombie through the day. My mind kept thinking of alternatives. Of deals I could make with Jill so our marriage could survive her infidelity. I had negotiated with myself to call it "her infidelity" rather than to tell myself that she had "cheated", or "fucked around on me." The term "infidelity" sounded... somehow, more acceptable.

That evening we had a quiet dinner. I made it home on time and was the one to put Jake Junior to bed. Later, in the living room, with only one small light casting deep shadows across the living room, Jill and I finally faced each other.

I used my best lawyer skills to talk, cross examine and question my wife. I didn't directly attack her or even tell her what I knew, I just kept negotiating. Jill never picked up on what I was doing. Words like: "We can be as happy as ever"; or "We each can confess our needs to each other"; and "Can we agree that our family is more important than anything else?" None of the bargaining tactics worked. At the end of the evening, Jill was in tears claiming not to understand what was going on with me and I had moved through the bargaining stage in that of 'Depression.' The next to last stage my Law professor had told us about. By the end of the evening I had failed. It was like the "Pre-trial mediation had failed and now we had no choice but to go to trial."

I told Jill that I needed to get away for awhile. She continued to play dumb and said she didn't understand what was going on. I quickly packed a few things in a suitcase and left the house. As I left I gave bargaining one last shot. "Jill, please let me know when you are wearing your rings. Maybe then....." I let the sentence hang as I quietly slipped out my front door.

Surprisingly I was able to get a room at the YMCA. I didn't even know that they still rented rooms. But the old downtown 'Y' did. So over the next week I passed my evenings watching others play pool and ping-pong. I didn't talk much and ate even less. I felt like lead weights were attached to my arms and legs. I realized that I was depressed. I was probably clinically depressed, and I didn't know what to do. I just waited in my office everyday for Jill to call and tell me she had found her rings. I knew that would lead to the heart to heart we needed to either continue or end our marriage.

At the end of the week my office phone rang. It was Bill my friend from college.

"Sorry you missed the reunion buddy. How are they hanging?" His upbeat joking always made me feel better. But today his jokes fell on deaf ears.

"Not so good Bill. How are you and Meredith?"

"We are great. Had a great time in Miami. In fact, we hope that that little get away to the romantic resort will have finally done the trick."

"Trick?"

"Yeah. You know..... getting Meredith, with child... PG..... Knocked up!"

"Oh yeah... I forgot you guys are trying aren't you?"

"Hell yeah. Trying to have that perfect family just like my buds, Jake and Jill."

"Not such a perfect family Bill."

"What... what's up?"

"Its that romantic weekend you were just talking about."

"Oh shit... Jake.... You don't mean what I think you mean do you. Jill wouldn't ever....."

Where my friend was headed was clear. I interrupted him, "Bill, why would you jump to that conclusion about Jill. What do you know?"

"Nothing, really."

"Nothing really? What the hell does that mean?"

"It's just that Juan Mendoza was paying a lot of attention to Jill during the reunion," Bill finally admitted.

I was silent. Bill understood I was waiting for more information from him. "And good buddy, we did get a little crazy on Juan's and Hector's boat."

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

Bill told me the story of the topless boat ride. Even saying that his own wife Meredith had participated. He also said that Susan had been an instigator along with Juan of the sexy activities. I had suspected that Susan had been at least a little responsible for this mess.

"I am sorry pal," Bill finally said.

"So am I Bill, so am I."

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe like a good lawyer I'll let the courts decide."

"Dam, you and Jill are made for each other. And then there is little Jake. Please take it slow. Do you want me to have Meredith to call Jill?"

"No her friends and my friends are a bone of contention between us right now. It wouldn't help. But thanks for asking."

I ended the call by wishing Bill luck in his quest to have a baby. That made me think of my baby and depended my depression.

When I hung up from my call I realized that I had a voice mail message.

The message had come in while I had been talking to Bill. It was from my wife.

"Jake, I am worried sick. Are you ever coming home? What is the matter? Please tell me what to do. We need to talk and work this out. Little Jake is wondering where you are? Call me."

I waited until the next day to call her back. My depression was deepening and I just didn't see anyway out of this mess.

"Oh thank God Jake." Jill cried when she realized it was me.

I mumbled something but didn't have anything to say except to ask how my son was doing and if Jill had her rings back on yet?

"Jake is fine. He is wondering where you are?"

I was silent.

"And why are you obsessed about my rings. I told you I have asked Susan to find out about them. I think they may have been stolen from the resort. If Susan can't find them then we will have to make an insurance claim."

I remained silent

"I told you I just took them off to go swimming. And you are making it seem like ... Well like I did it intentionally to not be married or something. On top of that Bill called me last night. He asked me if I was leaving you for another man?"

"Well are you?" I finally said in a dull monotone voice.

"Oh my God Jake, how could you even think something like that. Why does Bill think that? What kinds of things have you been saying and doing, Jake? I haven't done anything wrong."

Deny. Deny. Deny. It is the first rule of a good defense lawyer. Jill knew exactly what she was doing.

I answered her. "What have I been doing? I have been thinking about all the happy times we had Jill. But now I must tell you I have also been wondering if all those 'so called' happy times were real. I have been looking back and picturing us at those happier times. Do you ever think about us, our history and the happy events in our lives?"

I couldn't be much blunter than that. Did she care? Would she bother to review our life?

"Of course I do," Jill responded. "I think about our family all the time Jake. I love you Jake. Please......" Jill began to cry on the phone.

It was clear no admission was going to come from here lips. The depression once again enveloped me.

"I have to go." My voice again sounded flat dull and depressed as I hung up the phone.

She had said she loved me. Maybe I could accept that as enough. Maybe that was enough to forgive her. Could I accept her knowing that she had fucked the Mendoza twins. Could I move from depression to the final stage. Acceptance.

I didn't go home over the weekend. I slept at the YMCA and spent the rest of my time in my office. I didn't have anyplace else that I wanted to go. Plus the deserted building kept me from having to interact with anyone else. Ion my own way I was beginning to accept the situation.

Late Sunday afternoon my office phone rang. I was using the day to catch up on old case files. A task that I had been putting off for months. Without thinking I answered the phone.

"Your there!" was Jill's brief reply to my "Hello"

"Yes, I am here," I sighed. Not depressed, not happy, but for the first time calm.

"Ahhh, Ummmmm," she stumbled. Finally she got out, "Jake I'll meet you in the lobby of your building in ten minutes OK?"

"Why?"

"Please. Meet me there. Just... please be there."

"OK."

Click, the phone went dead.

I stopped by the bathroom to make sure my hair was combed and I didn't look to bad. Staying at the 'Y' and working in an empty office meant that I hadn't worried about grooming very much over the weekend.

I was sitting in the marble lobby of the County Office building. Only the security guard and I were there on Sunday evening. We both turned our heads with a start when we heard the door open and the sound of heels on marble. I saw Jill walking towards me.

I turned to the guard, "Joe, I will be escorting this visitor while she's in the building, OK?"

He replied, "No problem. Is she a Public Defender like you? She kind'a looks like a lawyer."

"Yeah, she's a lawyer. But she in it for herself not the public."

I met Jill halfway across the lobby and steered her towards the elevator.

She looked tired and frightened. She was wearing Jean's and had on her heavy winter coat. Her hands were jammed in the deep coat pockets.

We were silent as the slow elevator creaked slowly to my floor. Once in my office Jill finally unbuttoned her coat and flopped with a sigh into the one worn chair that faced my battered, institutional green metal office desk.

I looked at her expectantly.

"I have a problem Jake."

"I know. I do too." "I charged $7,000 last week to our credit cards."

I looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"You were so hung up about me not wearing my rings. I ordered duplicates from a jeweler. Exact copies that I could fool you with."

"You mean lie to me with, don't you Jill?"

"I don't know. I just was trying to salvage us!"

She held up her left hand. Her rings were on her finger.

"Today I was so sad about you leaving that I finally thought about the things you said. I went through our wedding album Jake. So I could remember happier times."

I sat there a weight seemed to be lifting off of me. I wasn't happy, but at least I wasn't alone in this anymore.

"Jake." She paused for a moment, "The rings I ordered will be delivered next week."

I sat heavily in my desk chair. I turned and looked out my dingy office window at the darkness settling over Boston.

"You have known all along haven't you?. How did my rings get back here Jake?"

Calmly I answered. "I am the injured party here Jill. I will do the questioning. You can ask me questions on cross examination."

"Jake you can't treat this like a trial, or me like a defendant...."

I interrupted her. "Objection Jill! I have to behave like a lawyer."

"Why?"

"Well, if I behave like a husband and father I will do something drastic, and Little Jake would not have the advantage of his two parents. That is assuming I am his parent."

Jill's shoulders sagged at my comment. After a long moment she steeled herself. Looking up she asked firmly, "What does that mean?"

"Just let me say that there are lots of kinds of deaths. You are an accused murderer right now Jill. A stone cold killer."

"Oh God," she buried her face in her hands and began to sob.

"Go on Jill, make your statement. Give your deposition. But remember you are under a marriage oath. You MUST be truthful. Tell me everything and omit nothing. If you don't, if you lie, then there will be a death of some kind. You might say an execution of relationships... husband/wife, son/father, friends/lovers, maybe even mother/son."

The sky grew darker and more foreboding as Jill began to whisper her testimony.