A wife cheats, cuckolds her husband with certain... complications. Neither of them are lawyers. I know... for this page this is shocking in it self. Right?
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I have been living in guilt, shame and fear for the last fifteen years of my life and hoped that everything I did was behind me. I prayed that my sin of cheating on my husband was forgiven as I had stopped and asked God for forgiveness. My priest had listened without recrimination and judgment as I told him what I had done and what had led me to do what I did. Not once did I place blame on anyone but myself. Because the blame was mine to take from the start.
My name is Laura Ryan-Hansen and my husband is Greg Hansen. We are both forty seven, and we have been married twenty-five years now. We have a daughter Amber twenty-four and a son Robert twenty-two. I am an accountant for a manufacturing firm while Greg does the same for a large supermarket chain at their headquarters offices.
We met in college, fell in love and got married just after graduation. I was pregnant a few months after. Amber was born around our first anniversary and our son was born two years later. To say we had our hands full with two jobs and two kids would be an understatement. We hardly had time for each other even with my parents being in town and helping out when they could.
Our sex life that had been great at first was now just good. As everyone with young kids knows, they take precedence and the sex becomes less frequent. What kept us from having none at all was my parents taking the kids on weekends so Greg and I could have some time to each other. Yes, we had sex and went to the movies or out with friends, must of the time we just slept to rest from a hectic week.
Seven years later, the kids were in school and things got a little better, but by then the shine was gone from our marriage. Everything became repetitive. From our conversations, to our jokes, to our sex. I still loved him, and he still tried to show me that he loved me, but somehow I felt like there was something missing in my life.
I talked to my mother who told me that this was normal in marriages and that I was lucky to have Greg. He was handsome, caring, a good provider and great father. I knew she was right about all that, but it seemed like it was the canned answer a mother would give, and it made me feel guilty that I didn't appreciate my husband.
I also talked to a friend of mine from work. Angela was a year older than me and married herself with three kids.
"Welcome to the club baby," she told me during lunch at a local restaurant. "Joe and I have been in the same boat as you before. You are not alone."
"What do I do Angela?" I asked.
"That's your problem right there Laura," she replied. "You said I. As in just you. The problem is both yours and your husband's. Have you talked to him about it?"
"I'm afraid to," I replied knowing she was right. "I know I should, but I feel like we have drifted too much."
"So what? Are you going to pack it in and join the ranks of divorce people?"
I think I looked back at her in resignation of what she was saying.
"You're an idiot," she said leaning in to look at me in the eye. "Have you thought what it would do to your children?"
"Kids these days are used to this," I replied in a response tossed out by dissatisfied wives across the world. And got the shock of my life as Angela actually smacked me on top of the head!
"Are you that fucken stupid?" she said with a cold steely voice.
"Angela! What the fu..."
"Shut up!" she said now clearly angry with me.
I started to wonder if she was still my friend and if I had made a mistake talking to her about this. She knew Greg and could tell him what I shared with her.
"I came from a divorce family," Angela said with a slight tremor to her voice. "My parents made a sport out of hurting and cheating on one another. Do you know how much it hurt to watch that train wreck?"
"I'm sorry," I said in a half hearted apology. "I didn't know."
"No, you didn't. I don't advertise it. But the hurt and pain is still there. All the memories of separate lives when I had to live with mom and my brother with dad. I didn't just lose my dad, I lost my brother, my cousins and aunts from dad's family. The holiday get togethers. The visits with grandparents. The family life was all gone. All because my mom had to "find herself" inside the pants of one guy after another. She brought them home to fuck as I lay on my bed hearing them. Do you know what that does to a little girl?"
I was speechless.
"And as I got older and developed what do you think those men did to me right under her nose? Do you?" she snapped before I could say anything. "They molested me. Two of them. The first man in me was my mom's boyfriend."
"Oh my God Angela!" I replied shocked. "How did you get through all that. You seem so together about everything?"
"I ran away and called my dad. He came and got me then we went to the police. He was charged with rape and my mother lost custody of me. Laura, she was in the other room and did nothing when he forced himself on me. She was too drunk to know or care. I hope she rots in hell wherever she is. I have not seen her since. My dad raised me and had to cope with my issues and pay for my therapy. He still blames himself what happened to me. At least he owned up to his fuck ups."
I think I covered my mouth in horror at that point and let her get herself together.
"So, still think you are ready to put your kids through that are you?" Angela said to me as our food was forgotten by us both.
"Does your husband know?" I asked curiously.
"Joe knows," she replied. "I let him know before we got married. I trust him with everything in my life. Past, present and future. And I suggest you do the same with Greg."
"And he is OK knowing?" I asked.
"Well, he knew from the start and still married me. And has been there with me through the ups and downs. Even when he and I were both feeling what you are going through. Do you think you are the first or the last?"
"I guess not," I replied. "What did you do to get over it? Or did you?"
"I would tell you, but I need to talk to my husband first before I share some things with you."
I nodded and tried to go back to soup. It was cold.
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But I didn't do as she suggested about talking to Greg. Instead I let things stand and they got worse. It wasn't long before we had sex less and less and our conversations were only about bills, family, the kids and maybe the news once in a while. We even stopped sending the kids over to mom and dad's so we could be alone. I no longer felt connected to Greg. I loved him, but not like before. And I guess he was the same because he never talked to me either. We just lived our zombie lives for another year.
I saw Angela at work, but mostly I avoided her. She knew my family problems and if I talked to her I would have to let her know I never talked to Greg or lie to her. Avoiding her was simpler. I think she knew from the looks she gave me when we crossed paths and she shook her head and kept going. But she knew I was about to self-destruct if I had not done so already.
And one day I did.
It happened when I was at my son's soccer game. One of the parents was this handsome man who I caught looking at me. Yeah, that's how it all started. All it took was one man showing interest in me and my pussy got wet in anticipation.
I could blame it all on Greg and how he had neglected me, but thinking back on it now, I would be lying to you and myself. All I know is that at moment, without saying a word to this man, touching him or letting him touch me, I was down the path of cheating on Greg and ruining my marriage. I would later come to terms that my biggest mistake was not to listen to Angela and talk to Greg about our problems.
Maybe if we had talked, gone to marriage counseling or church or our parents... anything but saying nothing. But I was a coward and didn't want to take the chance of having to admit I was wrong. Take my word for it as I have been there. Cheating and betrayal happens way before the sex with another person happens by an unfaithful spouse. Even if they find an excuse.
And I did find that excuse to make me feel better about crossing the line from good wife to cheater. I went to Greg's job one day to have him sign something from school that needed both our signatures and forgot to call in advance.
I had just parked at his job at noon and reached for my cell to call him to come out when I saw him coming out with a gorgeous young brunette. She was smiling as she talked to him and he was smiling back the way a man does to a woman he is escorting with other interests in mind. His hand touched the small of her back and she let him in that familiar way of people who were both interested in each other.
I watched in shock as Greg escorted the young woman to our sedan he used and opened the door for her. How long had it been since he did that for me? I couldn't even remember. And a fucken brunet! I wanted to kill him.
But I did nothing. I just sat there as they drove off. I should have followed them and ruined their lunch or nooner sex romp. Fuck him! I thought. I hope she laughs at his dick. No, she wouldn't do that because Greg was hung like a horse. She would probably ride him and cum a hundred times telling him how he was great pumping up his ego. And I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself.
Instead I went to work crying on the way back and screaming at him as if he was there calling him every name in the book. Of course, the fact that I had a warning to talk to him and resolve our problems a year ago did not enter my deluded mind. All I did was blame him for everything and felt sorry for myself.