So this is another personal challenge for me. I wanted to try to write a LW story where the wife is not a moron. I also wanted to try writing something from a female perspective. This little flash story is the result. Anyways ... Here it goes.
-Ahaz
I took in a deep breath, it was now or never. Jerry wandered into the kitchen where I was sitting and tossed his two empty beer cans into the recycle bin. He opened up the refrigerator door and grabbed a couple more cans of Miller Lite then turned to go back to his den.
"Jerry, honey we need to talk." I blurted out.
He stopped and gave me an annoyed look.
"What is it?" he asked. "The Vikings are about to play the Packers in the night game. No matter who loses Detroit will jump into first place in their division."
"Jerry, I've been unhappy with our marriage for the past two years and I want to work on it. Will you please go to counseling with me? Or at least just sit down and talk for a second so I can get stuff off my chest?"
He rolled his eyes and gave a huge sigh.
"One sec."
He went into the den and came back and sat down at the table. He cracked open a beer and took a swig.
"So tell me why you are not happy." he said with a resigned tone.
At least he sat down.
"Jerry, when we got pregnant at 20 I thought things were ruined. But we did good! Carol and John are the two best kids we could ask for. You were a huge part of that. All the time we were raising them you made every event. We were in lockstep as parents and companions. It has only been since Carol went to college that I have thought things have been off. All the things we planned to do when the kids were gone have seemed to been forgotten. You have your golf with your buddies, your bowling, and your football weekends. I feel like we are more roommates right now than a couple and I want to work on that."
His reaction was sadly predictable.
"For the love of Christ Shannon, That is what this is about? You don't like my going off with the guys? Like you said, for twenty plus goddamned years I worked my ass off to make sure the family was provided for. How many times did I turn down fun things to go to a dance recital? You know how much I hate Disney world but how many vacations did we take there? Hell! When George wanted to go out on his own and asked me to partner with him I said no even though I wanted to join him so badly. But I stayed with the company for the insurance for the family. I did all this because I knew that when the kids were out and things settled down we could enjoy our time together." He took an angry drink of his beer.
"Then let's enjoy our time together." I pleaded "I will take golf lessons and maybe I can join you. I don't mind bowling, let me join your league. Let's go camping next Saturday. I just want to spend time with you. I feel like you are pulling away from me. Do you know that we haven't made love in over three months? I know you aren't cheating on me. You are too honorable of a guy for that. Please come with me to counseling, you know I have been seeing a counselor, he said he can make any appointment a couples appointment. I just want to get back together with my husband."
My eye were filled with tears. I hated these kinds of confrontations but I had to do something.
"It's too cold to camp, we already have a foursome for golf, and it isn't a mixed league for bowling. I am not going to see some pussy with a degree and let him tell me how everything is my fault and I have to get in touch with my feminine side. As for the sex it isn't like you have exactly been ready and willing. So don't blame that on me." he replied icily.
That got me mad.
"Bullshit! Six months ago I noticed you started reading a bunch of porn stories and jacking off to pornhub. I was so hurt but I sucked it up and realized that a little porn never hurt anyone. That was also the time I noticed I had put on some weight so I started hitting the gym. Two weeks ago I bought a sexy outfit with some hooker heels and tried to get you interested. Do you remember that? You remember what you said? You said you weren't in the mood. I went into your den and saw that you'd just jacked off to a pornhub video. I've been wearing shorter shorts and tighter tops around the house hoping I could get that look from you that I used to get. I have propositioned you twice a week for the last two months. I get nothing! Nada!"
His face went red, more from embarrassment than anger I think.
"I don't have to put up with this shit. You're just being hormonal. Come talk to me when you get calmed down." he said coldly.
He stood and went to go to his den. My heart broke. I didn't want to have to do this but I saw no other way. I took a thick manila folder out from the bag that I had beside me.
"Jerry, wait one minute then you can go do whatever." I said with a shaky voice and eyes full of tears.
He stopped and watched as I put the folder on the table.
"Five months ago when I started seeing my therapist he suggested I write you letters telling you how I feel. It was more for me to put words to feelings I had but I saved them. Here they are. I hope you take time to read them."
I pulled a thinner envelope out of my bag and put it on the table. My hands were shaking. I didn't know what else to do.
"These are separation papers. I have adjusted our finances so that my paycheck goes into an account in my name. I took one thousand dollars out of our savings to cover the sub lease of Jennifer's apartment. If we can work this out I will pay it back. She has decided to move in with her boyfriend and I am taking over the lease for the last three months. My check more than covers my bills so I won't take any money from our joint account. I am hoping in three months we will be able to work out the problems we are having. If not then I will move ahead with divorce proceedings. I love you Jerry but I feel like you don't love me anymore. I can't be in a loveless marriage. Any time you want me to come home just call me and tell me you'll go to counseling with me. I promise to honor our wedding vows. I am not going to be sleeping around on you during the separation and I hope you will afford me the same courtesy. I know we can get through this Jerry, please don't let me down."
I got up and went to our room. I had packed a suitcase just in case it came to this. I grabbed the suitcase and headed down the stairs. Jerry hadn't opened either envelope and was nowhere to be seen. I heard the tv coming from his den. I wanted to break down right there and bawl but I pulled myself together and walked out the door.
Jennifer's apartment was tiny. Not that I needed much. As I put my clothes away a heavy rain came down. I looked out the window and wondered for the thousandth time if I had done the right thing. Jerry was a good guy. He hardly ever raised his voice to me and would never raise his fist. There were a lot of women who had it a lot worse than I did. I wondered yet again if I was just being hormonal. I had the doctor pull blood and do a series of tests at my last gynecological exam. The results came back normal. I talked to my doctor about my problems and she felt confident that it wasn't chemically related. My therapist had told me that my feelings weren't unique, a lot of women felt this way. I asked him what he thought I should do and he surprised me. He didn't give me any advice other than to take control of my situation. I couldn't force Jerry to do anything he didn't want to. The only one who could control my happiness was me. What I told Jerry was the truth, I had been exceedingly unhappy for the past two years. At first I loved the fact that he was doing the stuff he wanted to do. The man was a great provider, father, and husband. He deserved it. I even bought him a weekend getaway to a top rated golf course that he could invite his buddies to. It wasn't until six months after our youngest daughter Carol went to college that I started feeling restless. I went to Jerry and found that he had filled his schedule up with things like bowling and golf that didn't include me. I admit to getting hurt feelings but I decided to suck it up and focus on my work. For the next little bit I transitioned from assistant to office manager and got the requisite pay raises. Once the transition was over and I had things smoothed out I figured it was time to spend some quality time with my husband. Except he had no time for me. I know it sounds overly dramatic but I almost felt like a widow living with my husband. It got so bad that I went to a therapist to see what was wrong and that brought me to here.
I went to take a bath with a glass of wine. As I stripped down I gave myself a good look in the full length mirror.
At 5'6' I weighed in at 140 pounds on an hourglass figure. My boobs had a little bit of sag and you couldn't quite bounce a quarter off my ass but hours of yoga and thousands of squats had firmed it up quite a bit. My hair was thinning a little but my stylist kept on top of it. I have never been mistaken for a model but I never had any problem getting dates before I met Jerry. After getting married I still got a couple looks every now and then but I put out the vibe that I was taken. At 43 did I really want to start over? The answer was no. I wanted my husband to pull his head out of his ass and meet me halfway, hell I would settle for half of half way. Hopefully tomorrow he will give me a call and we can straighten this out. We had been married 23 years. There was no way he was going to let that go without a fight. Was he?
I took a bath and went to bed.
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It has been a month. I called Jerry a week ago and left a voicemail to see if he wanted to talk or even just get a beer. I got nothing. I then called my kids and let them know what was going on. My son was busy at his work but he took a weekend and came to see me. We had a wonderful dinner and I told him my side of the story. I thought for sure he would blame me and tell me I was doing the wrong thing but instead he just listened and commiserated. He had tried to make plans with his father for Sunday but apparently Jerry had seats on the 50 yard line at Ford Field and told him he would catch up later. We both knew how expensive those tickets were but it still hurt John's feelings that his dad blew him off. When John left Sunday I felt that maybe I wasn't making the wrong decision.
The next week Carol wasn't as understanding. Once I told her that my desire was to work it out with her father I think she felt better. Carol was her daddy's girl through and through. That is why it surprised me when Jerry blew her off to go golfing. After that I think Carol was able to see what I was talking about. We left with a hug and the promise that I would do everything to make it work.
Still no call from Jerry.
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