Chapter 1
"Alright, you wanted to sit down and talk, Jill. We're sitting. We're talking. With no lawyers around, either. I hope that this doesn't put me off my appetite, because it's a shame to waste great falafel and tahini sauce," I told my estranged wife, Jill, as she sat with me in my favorite Greek and Middle Eastern cafe.
"Look ... Jack. I blew it. Okay? I blew it. I kicked you out of your own house. You were right. That was wrong, even illegal, since your name is on the deed. You want to press charges? Go ahead. I'll do my jail time. I deserve it. But wouldn't you rather enjoy my body instead of letting some bull dyke cellmate do it? I know that I'd rather eat food like this than jail food," Jill blushed just a bit, pushing her dirty blonde hair away from her face.
"I'm not sure that I trust you, plus having broken free of monogamy, I'm in no rush to return to it. You didn't hold up your end of the deal, anyway. If I was faithful, you agreed to deny me nothing. Your words, not mine. In any case, someone who shoves a Smith and Wesson .357 magnum revolver into my face and demands that I leave my own damn home or else get shot makes it very hard to trust said person again or feel safe around her. Pardon me if I don't rush back into your not-so-loving arms," I sneered as I drank plenty of excellent Greek coffee.
"No one is owed sex, you know," Jill rather halfheartedly called upon a strawman argument.
"I never said that anyone is. Even so, you made me a promise that you didn't keep, in exchange for my fidelity, which I upheld, I should add, even when you broke your word. After all, I didn't owe you celibacy, either. If no one is owed sex, and you're right about that, no one is owed someone else's self-denial and frustration.
"You were in breach of contract even before you kicked me out. That alone absolved me of any obligation to be faithful to you, not to mention any wedding vows, since you definitely didn't keep the ''til death do you part' part, did you? So, again, why should I trust you enough to even date you again? I never liked dating in the first place. It's paying a total stranger to lie to your face. That's what politicians are for, am I right?" I snorted now.
"True, but I'm not a stranger. I'm your wife. Look, I know that you banged that cute Russian bitch and I totally get why. If you wanted to flaunt your freedom, congratulations, you did it in spades! Nadia, was that her name? You kicked her to the curb pretty fast, though. Not sure why.
"In any case, Jack, I swear to you that my lying days are over. No more lies. No more of those gunpoint evictions, either. I know that I kicked you out, but you're the one that filed for divorce, I might point out," Jill added quickly.
"After you forced me, illegally, to leave my own home at gunpoint, yes, I filed for divorce. I damn near sought a restraining order against you, and I still might. I'm still at a loss as to your purpose for asking me to meet you today," I cornered Jill now.
"Look ... I was a rotten wife. I am one ... have been, whatever. I get it. I don't know what, if anything, you're doing for sex, but I kinda hoped that, for auld lang syne, if you will ... you'd be open to some ex sex. Strictly speaking, it's not even that. It's just married sex, a man and his wife getting it on, as millions of people do daily worldwide. It's the most normal thing in the world," Jill really threw me off with that comment.
"You ... called me here ... as a booty call? Your own husband, who you are divorcing, who you kicked out of his own home, that's your choice for a booty call? This is really just about knocking boots, you and me? Wow! Just fucking wow!" I shook my head in utter astonishment now.
"Shocking, I know. Look, just give it some thought, okay? How about if I sweeten the pot?" Jill pushed the envelope a little bit, much to my further surprise.
"Well, I would like my shotgun back, among a few other things," I surprised myself by speaking as if in negotiations with my separated wife, "how do I know that this isn't a ploy to reconcile?"
"It's not ... I swear. I swear to God. I just ... I have needs. You have needs. And I feel that I really wasn't Wife of the Year, was I? I'm climbing the fucking walls, babe. Karen just ... doesn't have all of the equipment that I need, you see. She's gay and came out rather late in life, with every bit of the baggage of heterosexual monogamy in terms of understanding relationships.
"That, regrettably, includes a lot of romantic and sexual jealousy. So I've been faithful to her. I really have. I've tried to be since I kicked you out and moved her in with me. Her motive there was to show you the door and get you entirely out of my life, you know. Pure jealous rage happened every time she even thought of me with you together, even for normal, vanilla married sex.
"I think that what bothered her most was the idea of you eating me out, though. That's HER pussy to taste, that's how she saw it. Even the merest hint that you might be muff diving me drove her absolutely insane with jealousy. One month into our relationship, she issued me an ultimatum. Her or you. I chose her, at least partly because that woman can eat pussy like it's fucking chow mein or sushi or something great like that. While I don't regret it, I still love you, believe it or not.
"Yes, for the record, I know that I sound like a hypocrite, citing the need for sex just after saying that no one is owed sex. So sue me ... I can be a hypocrite at times! I'll cop to that! I just ... have needs. The need for a woman AND a man. Even Karen realizes that by now," Jill ranted a little, much to my shock.
"So, how would you 'sweeten the pot,' as you put it? By the way, you do realize that you just confirmed that you cheated on me, right? I want my shotgun, I want several other items, in fact, and I want an easy divorce. No more fighting me on this. Does Karen know that you're dragging your feet, even asking for counseling through your lawyer?" I demanded now.
"She knows. That was just to force a moment like this whenever I thought that you were good and ready, and so was she. I just had to stall for time, you see. As to the shotgun, and unless those items are completely unreasonable, yes, to them, too. But that's not at all what I meant by 'sweetening the pot,' dear.
"I meant anal. I meant threesomes. I meant every crazy, kinky thing that you ever wanted to do with me, on tap, right along with my pussy itself, of course. Rimjobs, blowjobs, handjobs, motorboating, all of it! With no expiration date, either. The only limits are things like no scat, no watersports, things of that nature. No rapes. And Karen wants to watch, sometimes even share me with you, though she'll never fuck you.
"Karen grasps my needs, even if she doesn't like them very much. I could never be content with just cock or cunt. I need both. She'll supply the pussy, you the dick. Besides, this way, we can have babies together, which wouldn't happen through Karen. She's older and gay, so yeah, best to leave it to me to procreate," Jill dropped the biggest bombshells now, leaving me slack-jawed by now.
"So, you'll let the divorce happen ... but who will get the house?" I asked her now.
"Both of us. We can make an entire wing of it yours, where you can take your lovers, anyone that you desire, and fuck them right under the same roof. This way, it will make it easier for you to fuck me, you see? The very opposite of Karen's earlier intent with that ultimatum, but again, she's now very much on board with this. Any other thoughts or requests?" Jill asked me as she laid out her rather unorthodox proposal for sharing the Jackson residence between us.
"Yes, I have a girl ... a hooker, that I'd like to move in with me. Part of our household budget would go to keeping her on payroll, you see, albeit under some other label or euphemism, of course. This is non-negotiable. If she doesn't go for it, I'll find another prostitute who will. Her name is Consuela Dominguez. She's Nicaraguan, I think. Between you and her, that will keep me ... better sated, though I can't promise to be faithful, of course.
"If and when we do threesomes, leaving aside the kind where Karen and I don't touch each other, odds are, they will be with Consuela and me. Deal? She's especially fond of anal and if she's living with us, sooner or later, we'll end up going bareback. When that happens, I want you to lick her bottom clean. Deal?" I said as I paid up and tipped for the great Greek and Middle Eastern cuisine.
