This is a true story. In the late summer of 2018, I had just got engaged to my dream girl - Katya. My hippy, happy, quirky, blonde bombshell Fiancée. I was 41 years old but Katya (Katey) was 26 and just the prettiest girl you've ever seen. An ex-bikini model, 5'8", about 110 lbs, long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, flashing smile, natural C cups, a tiny waist you could fit in the palm of your hand and what had to be the best ass in the great state of Texas -- she was a one percenter. A real-life Disney Princess - so pure and naive - always wanting to help people and just a ray of sunshine in every room she walked into. She loved to party, with a healthy dose of alcohol, substances, which sometimes led to weird and unexpected results. Random behaviour, hallucinations, and sometimes just a different person completely.
We had just got engaged and wanted to celebrate the occasion with an exotic holiday somewhere on a beach. Katya is from Russia, and apparently, they love going to 'All-inclusive resorts'. The tradition is to make sure you drink more alcohol than the cost of the reservation charges could possibly be worth, and then steal some hotel paraphernalia - like a bathing gown or beach towel. Who am I to argue with tradition right?
So we decided on the Hard Rock Hotel and Resort in Punta Cana. This place looked awesome on the website - with more parties than you could shake a stick at and good food. Little did I know that this place would be the location that changed everything. It was a beautiful place. All inclusive. We would start drinking in the morning and by 6pm stagger back to the room for high energy sex, a shower, and then right back out for a show and more drinking until the sun rise. Disney land for grown ups.
We really enjoyed the partying and the dancing, meeting new people, making new friends, great food, and alcohol. There were all sorts. Families with little kids, families with big kids, newlywed couples, married for 50 years and still going strong couples, company getaway groups - you name it.
Most people would see that Katya was with me and didn't bother but there were a lot of college kids there too - of course Katya could have passed for one of them and they'd constantly hit on her if she was more than 3 feet away from me.
She had the best answer though - she'd give a lofty proud smile and flaunt her fingers showing the Bulgari rock on her ring finger on her right hand (Russians put engagement and wedding rings on the other hand) followed by a coquettish little giggle. Ok that routine had to have been practiced and she looked like she'd been preparing defensive manoeuvres.
Usually, her suitor would immediately turn away and look for somebody less committed or had consumed more tequila. She'd turned this little routine into part of our foreplay now and I was starting to wonder if she was starting to enjoy it a little more than she should.
I say usually because sometimes you had a little more of the older or more physically masculine variety that would keep going. Black guys tend to be confident and dominating - Katya's little show and giggle didn't put them off and sometimes made them pursue more aggressively. At that point though she'd come nearer to me at the bar, or I'd just walk back calmly and she would attach herself to me koala hug style. I'd give my polite PMSC security smile, and this was usually enough for any guy (or guys as the case may have been), of any description to decide physical intimidation wasn't effective on the British Army.
In any case we were having a great time.
On or about the 3rd day there Katya said that since we were in the Caribbean we needed to try some local herb. Just like in the Bob Marley songs. I was supportive because like I mentioned in the introduction, better she do substances under my observation then hide it or look for somebody else to do it with. It seemed like harmless holiday fun and so after a few days recon I understood how dealing worked at the hotel. After making a few gentle introductions and asking around, I finally got a phone number.
I typed it into my phone and sent a WhatsApp message to 'Ernesto'. It didn't take long, and Ernesto wrote back to me asking how I got the number. I told him it was the guy down at the pool bar and was wondering if he could meet me this evening. That seemed to make him comfortable, and he agreed to come after dinner sometime. He'd message me when he arrived.
So, the hotel allows these day/night passes, and they have a different colour bracelet - he shouldn't be too difficult to spot. We had an awesome meal at the Japanese restaurant and as dessert arrived, we got a message from Ernesto. I told him we'd meet him in the 'Moon Lounge' bar when we'd finished dinner and he said that's great.
I announced to Katya that Bob Marley's dealer had arrived, and you should have seen them big blue eyes light up and start to sparkle. I loved watching her excited and happy about anything. She was so excited she hugged me and told me I was the best 'husband' in the world. We weren't married yet but I gotta tell you I loved her calling me her 'husband'. I puffed my chest up just a little more and pinned those shoulders back as I walked arm in arm with the prettiest girl at the Punta Cana Hard Rock down to the Moon Lounge.
There were some pretty ladies at Hard Rock Punta Cana, but Katya was just a different level. Guys were walking into doors and store cabinets as they watched her sway her hips to some invisible samba music. She was oblivious in the 'Who? Me?' sense - she really didn't understand the effect she had on innocent bystanders.
Here's this burly old islander (that's me), walking with my sports illustrated model in her gold Herve Leger mini dress, 6 inch Steve Madden block 'stripper' heels. Good folks are gonna look.
Anyway, we get to the Moon Lounge and security do their routine check and greet Katya "Privet" they say with a smile - for some reason they just assumed she was Russian. We get into the bar, and I scan the pool table on the left and the bar on the right. There he is. I call his number on my phone and watch my mark pick up his phone and answer. He instinctively turned to our direction, smiled, and waved. I waved and Katya waved too. You should've seen the look on his face when he first saw Katya...
Ernesto is quite tall, 6'2" and looked like a Caribbean Santa Claus. Probably about 65 years old with grey hair, a big grey beard and a big Santa stomach to match.
"Ola Senor! nice to meet you. Is this beautiful lady your wife?" Ernesto enquired.
Katya answered before I could "Hi Yes! so nice to meet you!" she answered with enthusiasm. Again, you should have seen me beaming with pride. I loved that she loved announcing that we were married already.
So, we got to talking and what we found out was, despite his size, he was a shy old man, jovial and polite. He didn't seem like lots of the other locals that we had met who were full of gusto, loud and colourful. He was quiet and seemed sincere.
We hadn't been talking for more than 5 minutes when suddenly there were other guests who had obviously also made appointments with Ernesto and were waiting patiently for their turn to speak with him. Ernesto was popular and these folks seemed in an awful hurry, so we told Ernesto it was alright and let him finish his business.
We moseyed on off to grab a drink and settled into a game of pool. Now let's be clear, Shane van Boening she ain't but when Katya plays pool a sizeable crowd gathers. When she's wearing that short tight Herve Leger thing and them stripper heels well, the crowd gets just a little bigger.
To their credit guys are always real polite and high fiving me and I don't mind them taking in the view of the Lord's fine creations (being behind directly Katya when she's leaning down over the pool table is on par with watching the sunset at the Grand Canyon).
Ernesto comes over and joins me while Katya is struggling to hit the pool balls. You can tell right away he's also a 'smitten kitten' with Katya and is sorry that other people keep pulling him away. She misses of course and comes up with that big smile and laugh and doesn't seem to notice her growing audience. She comes over to talk to Ernesto and I go to hit my ball.
As I come back its clear that Ernesto is also popular in the moon lounge (for a completely other reason than Katya) and just as I try to complete our transaction another group of people attempt to hustle Ernesto away. He's trying to be polite, but some folks are just in a hurry and he can't seem to take control of his customers. He apologises a second time and says he'll be back in just a moment.
Meanwhile some folks are trying to instruct Katya in the finer points of playing pool when the DJ plays one of her favourite songs. I watch her look up fast and holler at me 'Baby! It's my song!' with that big smile she runs over grabs my hand and whisks me away to the dance floor.
There we were, Katya and I hitting that dance floor pretty hard and guzzling these (seriously strong) margaritas even harder whilst Ernesto, bless him, makes a sincere effort to come back and conclude a deal with us. Somehow though just as he's explaining his product portfolio he can't help getting continuously pulled away by his other clients.
Finally, Katya decides that she wants to go back to room, get a bottle of champagne, sit in the jacuzzi, and rape me. Now I can't see the downside to that proposal and this thing with Ernesto isn't working out. I ask Katya should we wait for Ernesto, and she says 'No Papa, we don't need that stuff to enjoy each other...' as she flashes me her signature seduction pussycat sapphire eyes. I'm not arguing with that kind of logic. We finish our drinks say goodnight to all our new party goer pals (you should have seen the look of disappointment on their faces). I wave to Ernesto and motion that we're leaving.
The look on his face was classic - like a Benny Hill panic expression and he comes racing over and asks where we are going? We tell him we are headed back to our room and calling it a night and he says "... but Senor I didn't get to give you any hachis? no porros!?" I told him its ok and we'll call him next time we get to Punta Cana.
"No no no! Senor! My service is very bad, lo siento, lo siento! I make it up to you. I give you my best alta calidad. ok? is my apology to ju. please Senor por favor. I even give you some very super special premium hierba free of charge. Mucho bueno. ok?"
I look at Katya and having heard the words 'special' and 'premium' she's now nodding her head and smiling like a kid in a candy story.
"What is a mucho bueno?!" she asks excitedly and of course he does his, "Oh Senora, it is going to be the best you ever tried yadda, yadda..."
Now Katya practically has her tongue hanging out with excitement. We were already out the door and security wasn't more than a couple of yards away from us. There was no way I was about to pay a weed dealer for marijuana in front of the Hard Rock security force so I said, "Look Ernesto, we can't do this here."
You should have seen Katya's eyes turn into big blue pools of despair as I took her hand as if to gesture that we were leaving.
"Is ok senor! I come to your room! Is no problem!!" he stammers in panic as convincingly as possible.
"Mr Ernesto, you look like you've got a full clientele tonight. We don't want you to lose any business..."
