Juvenile Escapades

There is no sex in this story. Sorry

Thanks to the Hip and Knee doctor for editing assistance.

*

There was nothing juvenile about us, except our actions. Three grown men acting like a bunch of teenagers. It was a bad situation and we were trying our best not to let it eat us up. It is easy to become bitter and vengeful when your wife is cheating on you. It takes self control to keep from blowing up. As long as the three of us stayed together, we could support each other.

So, which one of our wives were cheating? All of them. It all came about over a six month period. My wife, Loretta, started the ball rolling and had no trouble getting Dora and Colleen to join in. By the time the three of us figured out what was going on, it was too late to save any of the marriages. None of us were interested in trying anyhow.

Things all come to a head tonight. Amazingly, none of the wives are aware that we know what the hell is going on. We spent the last month getting things ready and we actually are excited about pulling it off.

Woody, Terry, and myself grew up together. We were born and raised in Womelsdorf and had originally expected to retire here. Unfortunately, things changed when the wives wandered. Tomorrow, we would be leaving for our new life in Canada. Tonight, we would have a final, juvenile fling. Why juvenile? Well, what we were planning was childish and inappropriate. We preferred that to violent and vengeful.

It was Terry's idea to go to Canada. The three of us used to go there for fishing trips every summer. We always had a great time and often mentioned how neat it would be to live there full-time. Of course, we all were married and had kids. My two daughters were both married and gone. Terry had a son who was in the Air Force. Woody had two sons who were at college and a seventeen year old daughter, Caitlyn, still at home. Caitlyn would have been a problem until Woody found out that she was aware of what her mother was doing. She threatened to leave if he didn't do something about it. In the end it was three guys going to Canada and one head-strong teenage girl. It was complicated for a while, but we all agreed that we could still make it work.

Terry was a chef. Actually, he was a cook. He didn't have any formal training, just a lot of experience. He and Dora owned a small family restaurant for the last ten years. Well, they did own a restaurant, until Terry sold it last week, without Dora's knowledge. I am not sure how he worked it all out, but he walked away with a hundred thousand dollars in cash. When he added that to all of the money that he withdrew from the bank and cashed in insurance policies, we had a nice little starting bundle.

Woody owned an auto repair shop with his brother Glenn. Glenn had been trying to buy Woody out for years, so that was another easy hundred grand for the relocation kitty. He got almost half that much for his 1964 Vette. Today, he cleaned out all of his bank accounts.

I was the only one of the bunch that went to college. I didn't have a business like the other guys, but I did have over a quarter of a million dollars in investments. I made a good salary as an electrical engineer and invested wisely. Even in the bad market, I was able to hold my own. It took a couple weeks to get things liquidated, but now it was all done. So altogether we had close to a million dollars.

Our original goal was to get a fly-in fishing lodge, but somewhere along the line we mellowed out and settled for one that our guests could drive to. It ended up costing us almost five hundred thousand dollars, but we were happy. We had enough cash left over to get started and support ourselves for at least four years. If we made money, things would even be better.

We were all packed up and ready. Tomorrow morning, the three-car caravan would leave for a new life in the North woods. Wow, it sounded about as exciting as 'Little House on the Prairie'.

Loretta worked in a claims office for one of the big insurance companies in the area. Somehow or another, she got close to her boss, Raymond Upright. In order to get together with Raymond in the evenings, she talked Dora and Colleen into covering for her. The girls would go out together for supper and some drinks, or to attend some type of home party, so that Loretta would have a chance to meet Raymond, at his house. This went on for a couple of months and then Raymond arranged a date for Colleen. The girls didn't want to leave Dora out, so a couple of weeks later, she had a steady escort also.

So as it stands now, every Wednesday evening the girls have a night out while the guys played poker. The three ladies and their paramours would spend their time having wild passionate sex in Raymond's suburban home. We never did figure out if there was any swapping going on, but it didn't seem important.

Woody selected the Holiday Inn as a staging area. We waited at home until after the wives left for their night out. For some reason, they each drove their own car. I guess that was in case one of them wanted to leave early or stay late. Caitlyn was unhappy about having to wait for us at the motel, but we couldn't chance having her along. We weren't planning anything too very elaborate, but we could still get in trouble.

Woody and Terry were going straight back to the Holiday Inn, so they rode together. I wanted to see Loretta one last time before leaving, so I took my own car.

There were six cars parked outside of the Upright home. It looked like everyone drove themselves. About a half hour after we got there, one of the bedroom lights came on and then went back off. Shortly thereafter, the same thing happened in the other two bedrooms. Each of us had a set of side cutting pliers. It took less than two minutes to cut all of the valve stems on each of the cars. I had staked out the house the week before, so I knew just where the electrical service box was. The individual breakers were inside, but the main panel was outside, just above the meter. While I went up to the house, Terry and Woody get the smoke flares ready. Terry built ten smoke flares using PVC pipe. I don't know what was in them other than saltpeter and sugar. Terry tested them and they would burn between twenty and thirty minutes. They were big suckers. Woody went around to the back of the house and Terry to the front.

When I saw the first bit of white smoke, I threw the main power switch. Using my mini-mag, I opened the box and popped out the main breaker. By the time I got to the car, all ten smoke flares were going full blast. Most of them were white, but a few were orange and red. The house was completely engulfed in smoke as we left. I used the Trac phone to call two of the local TV stations on the way home.

It was at least an hour later when I heard a car door shut out front. Loretta looked like shit as she came into the house. I was sitting in front of the muted TV with a beer. It wasn't cold because I had the same one in my hand for the last thirty minutes.

"How was your evening darling?"

She put down her purse and kicked off her shoes.

"I had to take a cab home. The car has a flat."

"Why didn't you call me?" There was no answer.

"Do you want me to go get the car for you?"

"No, I'll take care of it in the morning. I am tired. I need a shower and I want to go to bed."

"Loretta, where are your earrings? You had the diamond solitaires on when you left the house."

Her hand went up to her ear and her mouth dropped open a little. I was expecting her to say that they were in her purse, but she didn't say anything.

" Let me guess. You took them off so that you wouldn't lose them in the bed. You left your purse in the living room, so you had to put the ear rings on the night stand. When the lights went out, you forgot the earrings in your rush to get out of the house. Is that about it?"

She gave me a quizzical look. "How did you know that the lights went out?"

I held up the master breaker that I pulled from the box.

"Oh God, No! You were there? Please, John, don't tell me that you were there."

I smiled and got out of the chair. "I wasn't alone. Terry and Woody were with me. We will be gone in the morning. We bought a shrimp boat down in Bayou La Batre, Alabama. I hope that you and Raymond will be very happy."

"John, wait. Don't go. John. Can we talk? John."

I slammed the door behind me, and walked to the car.

I drove by the Upright house on the way to the motel. There were a couple of black and white's, and four tow trucks, trying to get the cars out of there. I parked down the street and walked right into the garage. Nobody tried to stop me. The house was dark and it was empty. Using the mini-mag I checked the bedrooms. I found a pair of diamond earrings in the second one along with both of Loretta's wedding rings. I thought that it was interesting that she actually took off her rings before she committed adultery.

Ten minutes later, I was at the Holiday Inn. Loretta had called the other wives and they were desperately trying to mend things.

According to Terry, Dora was crying so hysterically that he couldn't understand a word that she said. He turned his phone off.

Colleen, on the other hand, was not as emotional. All she did was demand that Woody come home immediately and explain himself. He turned his phone off also.

We had one room with two double beds reserved. Caitlyn was not nuts about sleeping in a room with three guys, but she was a last minute addition, so she had to endure it. We slept in our clothes and started out at five the next morning. We had reservations for the next night at Plattsburg. Woody promised Caitlyn that she could have a room of her own.

We were on the road for about five hours when my cell phone rang. I forgot to turn it off. Caller Id showed that it was my eldest daughter, Sarah.

"Dad. It's Sarah. What is going on between you and mom?"

"Is she there?"

"Yes, and she is a wreck. She said that you won't let her explain anything."

"Did she explain it to you?"

"No. She just said you are being unreasonable and unfair. That is all I can get out of her."

"Sarah. Do me a favor. Look and see if your mother is wearing her wedding rings." There was a short pause.

"No. What does that mean?"

"Ask her where her wedding rings are?"

I heard a few muffled noises and then Sarah came back. "Dad. What the hell is going on? I asked about her rings and she burst out crying and ran out of the house. She drove away, but I didn't recognize the car she was driving."

"When your mother is ready to tell you what happened, I will discuss it with you. Until then, I really have nothing more to say."

"I'll go by the house and see her later today."

I turned my phone off. I didn't need any more grief.

At noon today, each of the wives will be served with divorce papers. Raymond Upright will get some alienation of affection papers, as will Carl Wilcox and Dennis Roswell. Our mutual attorney, Seymour Schlamp, has promised to keep us updated on events, as long as he has a way to contact us. Seymour went to school with us and was proud to be included in our revenge efforts. It is really not revenge, just a way to get away from the problem.

Two days later, we were settled in our new home. Hopefully, our wives were expecting us to go Alabama. It would just be easier if no one came looking for us. Terry was excited about the kitchen, his new empire. The lodge closed for two weeks so that we could get familiar with things. A few of the old employees were staying with us during that time. Woody had his hands full. Between keeping the boat motors running and the lodge generators humming, he had very little free time. Caitlyn agreed to wait tables and do the housekeeping, but since she was not a part owner, she wanted to be paid. How could we refuse?

By the time our first guest arrived, we had everything ready. Terry had his menu planned out and his larder filled. Woody had all of the boat motors tuned up. The overall management of the place was on my shoulders. I relished the challenge. Skilled fishing guides, from the area, were anxiously waiting for the guests. What they made depended on how successful their trip was. It was something we didn't have to concern ourselves with. When ever I got the chance, I was working on the Web site for the lodge. The better the Web site, the easier it would be to keep the rooms filled. Terry, Woody, and I were fishermen. When the Fall arrived, we would have to start providing services for people who were interested in hunting or something else. At this point, we had no idea what we were going to do. We decided to cross that bridge when we came to it.

Things at the lodge were going great. Things at home were not. Seymour called to give us an update. Dora was the only one of the wife's that signed and returned the divorce papers. She didn't want the divorce, but felt obligated to do anything that Terry asked her to do. She had, however, become a recluse. She stayed in the house most of the time and refused to talk to anyone.

Colleen had disappeared, along with Dennis Roswell. Seymour wasn't even able to serve them. No one knew where she was.

Seymour kept the worst news for last. Loretta refused to sign the divorce papers and Raymond Upright had moved into the house with her: our house. So much for the remorseful wife.

For the next few days I was worthless around the lodge. Finally, Woody and Terry sat me down and insisted that I go back home and straighten things out. I didn't wait until morning. I woke up in the middle of the night, and started to drive South. It wasn't fair to the guys if I didn't do my share. I had to make things right.

Of course, I crapped out about half way. I am not a marathon driver. I got a small room and called Seymour. I told him to sue Continental Paragon Insurance for one million dollars, with an out clause. If they fire both Loretta and Raymond, I will drop the suit. Seymour complained a little, because he knew which option they would be taking, and he saw the big bucks flying out the window. I told him to bill me for the hours and serve the papers at noon tomorrow.

I was up and on the road early. By eight o'clock, I was sitting across from the house, out of sight. Ten minutes later the garage door opened and Loretta and Raymond left for work, together. It looked natural and it pissed me off. It was time for some more juvenile escapades.

I stopped by Kroger's and picked up a half a dozen cans of red beets, and a package of rubber gloves. By that time my favorite oriental market was open. The first purchase was five pounds of what is commonly called stinky tofu. In the frozen food section, I picked up five bags of frozen skinny fish. I don't know what the real name is. We bought them for fish bait because they smelled so bad. We just called them skinny fish. The last thing I got was a couple of Durian fruit. Durian fruit is considered to be the worst smelling food in the world. I was sure that I could figure out some way to use it.

Thirty minutes later, I was back in my old house. I figured I had about three hours to do what had to be done. The first thing was to use the skinny fish before they started to thaw. All I needed was a common screw driver. I went from room to room and removed each electrical switch cover and wall socket. I dropped two skinny fish into the wall behind each fixture. It took me about ten minutes per room. An hour and a half later I ran out of fish.

The sticky tofu was soft and mushy. It spread like butter. I used it on the top and bottom of the mattresses and on all the furniture cushions. The odor would permeate the fabric and could never be removed.

I had to use the cleaver in the kitchen, to cut the Durian fruit into pieces. Wow, did it smell rotten. I put a piece deep into each of the heating/air conditioning ducts in the house.

I walked around to inspect my work. I had carefully replaced all of the electrical fixtures so that they could not figure out where the smell was coming from. Satisfied with my efforts, I dribbled red beet juice on every rug in every room. No stain remover could get it out. I was done inside the house. Before leaving, I went to the garage and opened the breaker panel. I removed each breaker and then the main. I pulled the panel out and with my trusty screw driver undid each connection. It was an electricians nightmare, especially since I took the panel and breakers with me.

My work here was done. They can have the house now. In thirty minutes, all hell would break lose at Continental Paragon. It was time to leave.

For some reason, I felt that I should stop and see Dora. She let me in the house and offered me coffee. I felt obligated to accept. She asked how Terry was, but offered nothing more. We sat without speaking until I finished my coffee. I asked her if there was anything that I could do for her and she broke out crying, and left the room. As I walked to the door, she called out to me.

"John. Tell him for me. Please, tell him for me."

"Tell him what?"

She came back, crying again. I had a hard time understanding her. "I didn't fuck him, John. Tell Terry that I didn't fuck Carl. I did some other stuff, but I didn't fuck him."

"What do you mean other stuff?"

"You know. He kept badgering me. I had to do something to make him stop. I didn't even want to be there. Colleen and Loretta made me go. They thought that if I did it too, I wouldn't say anything. I felt trapped."

I just stood there. I didn't know what to say.

"Please. John. Tell Terry that I didn't fuck him. I love Terry and I am sorry I let Colleen and Loretta talk me into going with them. I don't know what to do. Help me , John."

I felt worse than before I came. I nodded to her and left. She was truly remorseful for what she did, but did not know how to make it right.

Before starting back to the lodge, I stopped to see Sarah. She was no longer speaking to her mother. Loretta never told her what happened, but she found out somehow. When Sarah confronted Loretta, there was an argument, which had not yet been resolved. More damn grief.

I was just outside of Plattsburgh when my cell phone rang. It was Loretta. Sarah must have given her my number.

"John. You son-of-a-bitch. What the hell did you do?"

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"I got fired today. They said they had to either fire me or face a lawsuit. Your name was mentioned."

"That is terrible, darling. I was hoping that they would just pay me the million dollars. I guess we both lost out." It was hard not to laugh.

"That is not all of it. When I got home I found out that the house had been trashed. There was no electricity and it smelled to high heaven. What did you do to my house?"

"It's not your house, Loretta. You refused to sign the divorce papers. It's our house. It is as much mine as your's, and I can do anything I want to it."

"I called the police. You are going to have to pay to have it fixed and face charges."

"Why don't you just get Raymond to fix it? He seems to be better at taking care of things than I was."

"He would be happy to talk to you about that, John, especially since you got him fired too."

"I'll tell you what Loretta, the next time I am in town, I will give him a call."

The conversation was getting a little redundant. I was glad to hear that everything went well, but I really didn't want to talk to her anymore. I never bothered to say goodbye, I just turned the phone off.

I was hoping to be back at the lodge by breakfast.

Things seemed to run smoothly while I was gone, except for one slight problem.

"Caitlyn, where the hell is your father?"

"Hi John. Welcome back. Dad will only be gone for a couple of days. He had a small problem that he had to take care of in Vegas."

"Yeah. He had to borrow a little of the working cash for the trip. He told me to tell you not to worry."