I looked at Laura for a few moments not saying anything as we stood there outside the door to our casita. I was not going to ask the question again, but I was truly wondering what she had been up to the past day. I had only seen her for a few moments this morning when she came back to shower and change. For the first time in our married lives she had spent an entire day in the company of another man. No, not just another man, Justin was her lover.
I inserted the card key into the lock, then opened the door and held it for Laura. She walked in past me and then on into the bedroom beyond. I could see her rummaging in her luggage through the partially open door. "I am going to have a shower," she called out to me.
"Okay," I replied quietly.
For a moment or two I considered joining Laura in the shower, but then I decided I really didn't want to. Helping her wash sex off her body did not have very much appeal and somehow it seemed inappropriate at the moment. Instead I slipped out the patio doors and walked over to the nearby bar. I fully intended on getting us each a margarita and going back to the casita, but instead I found myself sitting at the bar sipping at one drink and idly tracing my finger in the salt and condensation on the side of the other. My mind was a cacophony of thoughts, some good, some bad, but mostly I was just trying to wrap my head around everything that was happening here in Cancun, and what it might mean once we got back home.
I think what surprised me most was how I felt about the sex. It just wasn't that big of a deal, which is completely the opposite of what I thought before Laura and I came down here. For me, just as it had been when I was single, sex was fun and enjoyable, and a worthy pursuit in its own right. But, when it was all said and done, without an emotional attachment sex can also be very hollow. Don't get me wrong! I had a great time with Gayle that first night. The sex was very good and in the heat of the moment we were truly passionate with each other. There was even a level to that passion that went beyond simple physical desire, but I can't say for certain whether it was due to any emotion directed at Gayle, or at Laura through Gayle. Looking back at the blow job I had just experienced it was something else entirely. Thinking about it now, it was as though I had something to prove.
What had just happened with Gayle and Tom was very out of character for me. It gave me a feeling of power I had not felt before. It was exhilarating, but I am not sure it was worth what I had done to feel it. I know there are men out there who would go out of their way to feel that kind of power, but that isn't me, usually.
I am not someone who has a great need to prove myself better than someone else, or to put anyone else down to my benefit, either. I am comfortable in my own skin and confident in who I am and what I can do. I work hard to be good at the things I like to do. It is why I spend so much time at the driving range trying to be better at golf. It is also why I take my time when I make love to a woman. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. To consciously put myself into a position of power over another man is very out of character for me. Yet, I had done just that with Tom.
When I made the blow job bet with Tom there was no doubt in my mind I would win it. Tom is obviously a good athlete but he isn't a golfer per se. I knew that when I watched him take a few practice swings before we teed off. If not for the fact I was playing with rental clubs that didn't come near to fitting my 6'4" frame, and the fact my heart really wasn't into it early on, Tom would never have had a four stroke lead after nine holes. I knew I would be steady on the back nine and I had little doubt Tom would blow up somewhere along the way, which he did. And moreover, I hate to admit, I wanted him to lose.
I am not sure if it was because of Tom's tryst with Laura, his 'big man on campus' attitude, or just everything I had been feeling since we got here, but I realize now that I wanted to put Tom down, and I wanted it to hit him where he lived, which in Tom's case was between the legs. There was something glorious about having his wife suck my cock in victory while he watched. I wonder if that is why Tom didn't meet my gaze while it was happening. I wonder how big the knot was in his stomach, or if he had one. I also wonder if he had ever felt anything like that in his life. Sexually speaking, to lose like that, must have been a tough pill to swallow for someone like Tom. It would be a cuckolding of the 'n'th degree. I wonder if he liked it. I know I wouldn't have! But, given my last view of Tom and Gayle screwing madly as I left their room something had turned him on.
I thought about the concept of being a cuckold for a few moments. In the purest of dictionary terms I supposed I was one now. Yet, I didn't feel like one. Laura hadn't done anything I hadn't given her permission to do, and I had done the same. I certainly wasn't getting off on the thought of Laura having sex with someone other than me, but then I was doing my best not to think about it too much. Yet, when I did think about it I found it didn't really bother me. I felt I couldn't care less if Laura enjoyed some meaningless fuck with someone else. No, I decided, sex wasn't bothering me. What was bothering me was the time she was spending with someone who wasn't me. I knotted up inside picturing her laughing and smiling while on the arm of another man, of sharing a private joke, of giving someone besides me her undivided attention, and most of all, her affection. And with that I understood why I was so nervous coming down here.
Just then I saw Laura walking toward me and all those thoughts vanished. She was dressed to kill. She wore a short black mini-skirt and black high heels. Her sheer white blouse revealed hints of the lacy push-up bra she wore underneath. It was cut low in the front and in the back. Around her neck she wore a filigree chain with small sterling silver ingot that nestled between her breasts. It was an outfit she had worn for me a number of times and she knew I loved her in it. As she got closer I could see her make-up was perfect.
As our eyes met she flashed me one of her amazing smiles, and for the millionth time in my life my heart melted at the sight of it.
"Hey you," she said as she walked up. "Is that for me?" she asked and pointed to a fresh margarita sitting in front of me. I had almost finished the first two I had ordered but hadn't even seen the bartender put the third in front of me.
"Absolutely!" I said recovering quickly, and I was glad the drink was there. I handed it to her and remarked "You look stunning!"
"Why thank you. You are most kind, Sir," Laura replied with a mock curtsey as she took the drink from my hand.
"You look good enough to take dancing! Let's go into Cancun tonight and tear up the town!" I suggested with a smile. Yet the second I did so I realized she wasn't dressed up for my benefit. The look on Laura's face told me all I needed to know. She was going dancing, just not with me.
"Oh! I see...," I said and the smile quickly left my face.
"Oh, Tim!" Laura replied with compassion I didn't want and she reached out to touch my arm. "Justin and I already..."
"Whatever!" I snapped more angrily than I intended. I pulled my arm away from her hand and stood up. Laura reached out for me again, but I stepped back out of reach.
"Tim!" Laura tried again, "Don't"
"Don't what? Don't be hurt? Don't care?"
"No, not that at all. It is..."
"It is why we came down here!" I said cutting her off and then without really meaning it I added, "I know! I'm sorry! Go have fun!" and with that I turned and left. I could hear Laura call my name behind me. I thought I heard her coming after me so I stopped and looked back, but just then I heard Justin call out to Laura.
Hearing her name, Laura turned to look at Justin, then back at me. The indecision was clear on her face, but before she could do anything Justin was there. He seemed oblivious to what had just happened between Laura and me. He put his arms around her and kissed her lightly then led her away by the hand. Laura looked back at me once and held my eyes for a second before turning and walking away with Justin. I could not help but wonder if my life as I knew it was walking away with them.
I stood there for a moment and watched them walk away. I hoped Laura would turn and look back at me, or better yet come back to me, but the smile on her face for Justin quickly put that to rest. I returned to the bar, sat down, and ordered a shot of tequila. I downed it without bothering with the salt and lime and quickly ordered another. And then I ordered a third shot and drank that, too. I was about to order a fourth when I realized the fire I was feeling in my belly was going to do nothing to warm my heart. Instead I got up and headed back to our room. I just wanted to be alone.
Alone. I don't think I have ever been as alone as I was lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. For a short while I kept hoping to hear the door open, but as the minutes past and when it became readily apparent that wasn't going to happen my thoughts plunged me into a deep despair. I played everything over in my mind: Laura's one night of freedom that had led us here, the events of the past couple of days, and what had just occurred. And then the doubts and questions hit me. What had I done? Why had I brought us here? What was Laura feeling? Was I going to lose my wife? My life? My love? My heart pounded in my chest. My breath came in short gasps. And now and then a tear or two welled up in my eyes and slowly dripped down my cheeks.
In my mind I could see Laura smiling at Justin in a way she had only ever smiled for me. I could see her hand laid affectionately on his chest and hear her laugh at his jokes. I could feel the way her body felt against his when they danced, and then I could both see and feel her body as she gave herself to him. Earlier I didn't think the sex was bothering me, but now I was consumed with those images.
I could see Laura's lips crushed against his while their tongues dancing in each others mouths. I dwelled on images of Justin's hands and mouth as they mauled and devoured Laura's breasts. I obsessed over images of Laura's mouth stretched around Justin's cock and of images of his sperm dripping down her chin. I agonized over mental pictures of Justin between Laura's wide spread legs thrusting harder and harder and I could hear Laura moan as she came. And then I died inside as I thought of them lying entwined in each other's arms in the aftermath of their coupling. It was awful!
Somewhere along the way the tequila took over and I feel asleep. I awoke a few hours later more than a little disoriented. A quick glance at the clock told me it was still early, only 10:30. I lay there a while and was relieved to feel the weight of despair had left me somewhat. I considered simply rolling over and going back to sleep, but I knew I would not be able to now.
Having had my heart completely broken once before I knew there was nothing to be gained by wallowing around in self pity so I decided I would at least get up and see what was going on around the resort. At worst, I thought, there might be someone at the bar to talk to. I got up, quickly showered, and then I pulled on a rough, white linen shirt and a pair of slightly darker linen pants. Shoving my feet into a pair of sandals I headed for the door. I was almost outside when I stopped and went back into the bathroom. I am not sure why I did it, but I sprayed on a little cologne. That simple act did something miraculous for my spirits.
I hung out at the bar outside of our room for a while and I nursed a glass of cabernet There wasn't much happening there, and the bartender was too busy closing up for the night to be much company, so after getting another glass of wine I got up and wandered deeper into the resort. I could hear music in the distance so I followed that, soon finding myself in the resort's night club.
They wouldn't let me bring my glass of wine in with me, so I downed it quickly at the door and headed toward the bar. This didn't seem like a cabernet kind of place so I ordered myself a beer and leaned back against the bar to see what was going on.
