Just Don't

Don't.

Just don't:

Don't fuck with paralegals.

You won't like the results.

They bite.

Ask my ex.

I walked into the Law Office of this attorney without a notice or a call. Lisa, the receptionist, warmly greeted me and within ten minutes I was sitting in the office of a paralegal named Laura, explaining the circumstances that brought me to their office.

She called in Patti, who called in Toni, who brought in Shandra. Within minutes, forms were printing. Less than two hours later, I walked out with 17 injunctions filed against my soon-to-be ex-wife. It appeared that she now couldn't legally take a dump anywhere in Maryland.

Satan wishes that he could be as mean as any one of them.

Everyone talks about getting a bad-ass divorce attorney. Didn't talk with one. Didn't need to. Yes I got charged regardless. Okay, Satan is giggling about that one. He invented it.

I did learn:

Don't:

Fuck with paralegals.

They bite.

They do the real work, they understand the system, they know just what to do to protect a client. And they seem to know every judge and paralegal working at the courts.

Their per hour cost are nothing compared to attorneys, but they are a butt-load more useful. All four of these are "Officers of the Court", able to file petitions and request court-sanctioned rulings. Did I mention that they can be meaner the than that last circle of hell?

Sorry Dante, you missed. The tenth circle of hell is just full of paralegals waiting to eat people.

Satan has to be a bit worried about being replaced.

Wonder what it is like to be married to any of them? Hot comes to mind. But so does painful.

The stack of paperwork I left with included summons and complaints, stays of proceedings, separation documents, paternity documents, property settlement, no-fault and at fault divorce. All banking and investment accounts were frozen except for a small amount of daily living expenses. Both our ATM cards were canceled so cutie-pie couldn't sneak out at 5:00am to drain our living expenses. My name was removed from the two joint credit cards. The list just went on. They burned $5 bucks on every useful attorney in 30 miles. Locked them up. Shandra has them in a group in her e-mail. I watched her put my name in and click send. The money just drained, but whatever attorney my wife finds is going to be either new, useless, or far. What those women did in an hour - scary. No wonder Satan is watching his back.

Don't.

Fuck.

With Paralegals.

They bite.

You know, I am not going to write about who we are, how we met, how old we are, how wonderful are our yard-apes, or any other BS. I will just say that we were a normal dysfunctional family, until things got more fucked up.

I got home, found my wife in coitus, and I instantly decided that we were done. The bitch won't let me fuck her but about once a month, missionary only, while she lies there inert. Yet this guy was reaming her doggy style while she held it up for him, moaning. I walked away. No, I didn't bother with pictures or video. Yes the guy did have a bigger dick than me, yes, that's embarrassing. Satan best keep his mouth shut now.

I don't care about the kids, hell, I barely know them. Our eldest, my son, age 24, comes around when he need money . My two daughters, 22 and 20, full blown skanks. Last year, while heading off to work at 5:00am, I found our youngest, Millie, naked and passed out in the living room. Stuff was leaking out of her shaven cunt all over the damn carpet. Guess the wife cleaned it up. The second generation bitch does have a cute set of lips though.

Don't care about the house, you try working 70 hours a week and see what you think is important. All right, I'm an asshole. Fuck you if you don't like it. My story, you are just reading it. Now Satan is on my side.

I didn't quit my job. Didn't close bank accounts. Didn't do anything, other than follow the advice of L, P, T, and S.

Satan best sharpen his horns.

Lisa is so hot. Long, red hair, tiny frame, maybe B cups, probably A's. Sure would like to find out. I have always thought smart women are so sexy. These four, sure made that real. If I ever had a chance to fuck Lisa or any of them, I'd probably cum in a minute. Can't decide if doing her doggy would be hotter than slipping it in missionary. I think missionary, her arms around me as I first entered her would be awesome. But doggy, that sweet little butt sticking up while she was face down, I'd probably cum in a couple of seconds.

Laura is this cute blond. Man I'd like to see her naked. Maybe 110 pounds. Lucky husband, getting to fuck that...

Toni is a bit over weight, but I could spend the night nursing on those sweet breasts. Her breasts must be just so sexy. I'd probably bite her if I had the chance.

Shandra is just nice, I guess that BBW category, but she just says sex. She doesn't dress sleazy, she doesn't say dirty stuff. Just seems like a sexual animal. Her girlfriend is so lucky.

And she sure is a lot smarter than me.

Man, when any of them get down there, Satan best have a new job lined up.

Don't.

Fuck.

With Paralegals.

They bite.

Anyway, I just left. Just like when I walked away while my wife was getting fucked. Well, $2K poorer, but now I have these paralegals on my side. Not the way these stories are supposed to go?

Rented a room at the Marriot. Left voice mail on my wife's cell phone, telling her I would have to work really late and to not to wait up. No idea if she believed me.

Went back to the house the next morning, grabbed some clothes, my laptop, a few toys, all the tax shit. Filing, married wifey? Good luck filing anything without any data Sweet Cheeks. I'll do married, filing separately, and I got the paperwork... You thought you were getting a good fucking? You will see in a few months. Both the IRS and Maryland like screwing people, and they do it well. May some deity help you on those taxes, 'cause I sure ain't.

Rented a furnished apartment down the street in Cranbrook the next day. Isn't that funny? Cranbrook is in Cockeysville, and the last time I saw her, she was handling his cock rather well.

Tossed my phone in the swim club quarry down the street . That phone won't be ringing again. iphones sink pretty quickly.

Bought a burner with 100 minutes. Don't need to talk with many people, so fuck 'em. Other than work, and a few friends, it just does not matter.

Laura had the whore served four days later. She did it at my wife's place of employment. I didn't know until after the fact, but Patti had me pay for two smoking hot deputies to walk into the lunchroom to serve her. Must make it worse for a woman, bitch-slapped by two sexy younger women. And then finding out that another woman set it up.

Satan is in serious trouble.

Don't.

Fuck.

With paralegals.

They bite.