"Oh shit, another pledge drive." It really pisses me off. Yes I enjoy public TV. Yes I even became a member a couple of years ago, but their mailing, emails and even phone calls drove me to say never again. Our membership would be good till October and we'd be getting re-sign up mail starting in January? I've had enough of the abuse. Now another pledge drive. Haven't they ever figured out how to not abuse their most loyal viewers? I turned off the sound in my head and waited patiently, daydreaming about any place but the TV and cold rain outside.
"Come on Walt, it's not that bad, you tune it out anyway. Besides, you enjoy their foreign murder mysteries. Remember that one from last week? Was it German or was it the Swedish one? The wife was having an affair and the murderer ended up being the lover, not the husband?"
"Angelica, that one was pretty good. The lover kept the clues leading to the husband, but the Commissar picked up that little clue that unraveled it all. Pretty hard to hide things. It has to be easier if your spouse trusts you and doesn't go snooping, but it's a little thing could trigger something."
"It was also interesting what the husband did when he found out she was unfaithful." At that she turned to me, "What would happen if one of us was unfaithful? We've been married 30 years and have built a strong life. But what would happen? What would you do?"
"That's and easy one Angelica. I'd know exactly what I'd do."
She looked at me with a concern in her eyes, "You do?"
"Oh yes, I've thought about it many times over the years. It would depend on a couple of things. Was it that I found out about it, or that you told me and wanted to work things out. As you might think, if you didn't want to work things out, my actions would be as vicious as if I found out on my own."
At this point I had her undivided attention. "So let's start out with me finding out you were unfaithful. Oh by the way, this is valid for any time since we became engaged. I don't even care if it could have happened 30 years ago at your bachelorette party. It didn't happen at my bachelor party. We didn't build our marriage on sand. We built it on each other.
"I never told you this, but at my bachelor party I saw our ex-brother-in-law Carlo and his brother Lucca each walk to the back room with one of the waitresses. You know those kinds of waitresses, the ones that you have to buy them a drink or two for about $20 each? And a bit more to go into a private room out back. It wasn't my place to say anything at the time, or even later. But I never trusted Carlo. Your sister found that out that he would never change from an '8 and recreate' kind of guy. I've always felt sorry for our nephew and nieces, but they've been better without him at the house these 15 years. Lucca wasn't married yet. But on the on the other hand, since then he's been on the straight and narrow. I can't figure it out. Both were married to strong women. Lucca's been a great husband and father and his older brother stayed an adolescent.
"Before I go any further, I want to talk about me and what I learned from you. This is exactly why I feel so strongly. We were going out. We didn't say we were exclusive and I was going out with another lady at the same time. Dumb me, you both knew about each other. At a certain point, you put your foot down. We became exclusive, I made that decision and I've stuck with it ever since. I proposed to you 6 months later. I saw how you were hurt by what I did, even though I hadn't promised anything at that point. I also remember that for the next 15 years when you'd get angry, you'd throw it back in my face. I'm like my parents, I've stuck with you for better or worse. I saw what that did to you and I never strayed, never even thought about it.
"I've trusted you to be the same way all these years. If you were unfaithful, you'd never be able to say that it was nothing, that it was a fling, that it didn't matter. You've lived through the other side of it. That is why if I ever found out you were unfaithful, I'd be vicious."
She was looking at me with wide eyes at this point. My easy going manner was nowhere to be seen. She's only seen me as forceful, as direct, as single minded and threatening only a few times in my life.
"So back to if you were unfaithful and I found out. There are no Statute of Limitations for you or for me. How could I find out? Could be a variety of ways. I could overhear something or somebody. Offhand remarks, changes in the way you do things, a note from a friend or even a stranger. Once a question comes up, it could trigger something and I'd start to think about every little thing. What fit together, what didn't. Could it be something else? If something wasn't fitting together or something in my gut was uneasy, I'd start investigating things.
"Electronically, there are many tools available. Since Snowden came out, you understand the possibilities. I've never looked into anything that you've done. I've never checked out your things, your phone, emails, your social media crap, anything. That would all change. I've given you privacy all these years, which is more that I can say about you to me. But I know that I've got nothing to hide. I made a decision over 30 years ago and I've stuck with it. Through all three kids and now that they are out of the house, I'm still the same way.
"But now, I'd find out everywhere you go electronically. I'd also find out where you go physically. There are ways to do that. Going down to Frys or to the spy stores. We're all open books, and I'd read yours.
"If I found out that it was all baseless, I'd erase or destroy everything I found and pretend I didn't know anything more. I can do that pretty easily. If I found out that indeed you were or were close to being unfaithful, or even being emotionally intimate with somebody else, I'd pull out all the stops.
"I would find out with who, where and maybe why. To be honest, the why really wouldn't matter. Being emotionally or physically intimate with someone else showed that you didn't care enough about the marriage and your family. I really wouldn't give a fuck. I'd find out who else knew. I'd need to know who among our family and friends were aware of you sleeping around, stepping out. It would be a trick to find out who would be covering for you, but I'd do it. That would be very important for later.
"I would also find out who you were intimate with. If it was part of our circle, it would be much worse for them as well as you. You always went off the deep end whenever anyone was dishonest with you. I feel the same. That's the way that I've lived all these years.
"My only hope is that it would not destroy another marriage that had children, just like ours. Even though all our children are out of the house, it would still be damaging to us all. Being unfaithful is damaging, especially after our history of you knowing how damaging it was while we were still dating. Before I would do anything in public, I'd contact the spouse of that violated marriage. All my ducks would be in line before that. If that person didn't care, I would go ahead. If they defended the jerk, nothing would stop me. If he or she were invested in saving their marriage, we would talk about things. I wouldn't destroy their marriage just because that spouse destroyed mine. Either way, you and that other person would pay. There's a heavy payment for being unfaithful."
At this point, she is staring at me with intensity and I continue. "Now about the reveal. Indeed, that's what I'd do. There may have a little bit of nuance to it now.
"If for some reason you had not completely carried out your cheating to a physical level, but have only been emotionally intimate with that other outside of our marriage, it'd be different. Different than if you've fucked, but just a little bit different. Emotionally or physically going out of marriage is the same thing, the wrappings are different. It's the same package.
"I would show up at the place that you two were meeting at. Late at work, at a dinner, when you're supposed to be out with your girlfriends, whatever. I'd be there, but I wouldn't be alone. If there was another spouse involved, I'd have them with me too. I would be sure to have at least one of our kids there as well as one of my sisters and your sister. I'd have transcripts or recordings or webcam files of what your two had communicated to each other. It'd be printed out, pictures of the two of you together, playing on a laptop. There wouldn't be any chance to blow it off, no chance to downplay it, no chance to minimize it. It would be presented as it actually was. You and your lover exposed in front of your families.
"The family is what would be destroyed if you or I would be unfaithful. Don't you think so?" She nodded her head yes. I don't think that she really considered that. We only watched this stuff on TV and in murder mysteries, not real life. "If I could do it, I'd be sure that Gail and her husband Kevin were there with our granddaughters. You know how they feel about being unfaithful." Kevin's father was divorced when his mother found him in their own bed with another woman when Kevin was 9 years old. It's been 20 years and Kevin only goes to family gatherings i4f his father and Kevin HAVE to be there. Tends to be weddings and funerals. Even Christmas cards have been refused in these nearly 20 years. They never have spoken civilly in all this time. Yelling or walking out, yes. Speaking, no. The grandfather has only seen his grandchildren from a distance of about 5 feet. He's never touched them, held them, been allowed to speak with them. If he comes any closer, they all get up and leave. The name he's been given is not obscene, just cold and lifeless.
"So, how else would you punish an unfaithful spouse? Have you run out of ideas yet?"
"Oh no, there is more to go. We live in a state where things have to be split 50/50 in a divorce. We don't have a lot of extra money, so I wouldn't do anything more to bleed us dry, that is, unless you were going to fight things. Then all hell would break loose. But for now, it's a quick 50/50 split.
"The next thing I'd do is move away to be close to Gail and Kevin. I've got a couple more years of having to work, and I'd like to be close to my grandchildren. After all, you wouldn't be seeing them very often anymore." That got a very pained expression on her face. Our grandchildren are a bright spot in our lives. The fact that I've always gotten along better with Gail and her husband would make the move to them easier.
