The next morning I watched through half-closed eyes and Jon got out of bed and went into the bathroom to shower. I couldn't decide how I was going to tell him what had led to last night. I knew that Joan had complete control over me but I don't think she really understood what Jon was really like. Last night had been so shocking and surprising to him that I knew he had acted in a very abnormal way. It had been way too much for him to handle like it hit him. I knew that in the light of the day today would be the telling of his reaction. I was very sure that his love for me had not wavered, but that didn't mean he wouldn't dump me like old garbage! I was afraid that I had lost him forever. I felt somewhat reassured that even if he left me, Joan and her evil "friends" wouldn't follow through on their threats to kill Jon. I knew that as much as I loved him, if he left me because of all of this, that I could probably go on.
I was also sure that if he left me he would eventually be ok. The thought of him leaving me was tearing me apart though! I loved him with my whole being! I had loved him like this for all of our married lives. At least I knew that is he left me he would be safe and alive. I would always cherish my memories of our time together. I thought back over the last weeks of my life and knew nothing would ever be the same. Why had I gone to work for that bitch? She had me under her thumb!
You see her friends would kill Jon for any reason to have me. I had bargained my body for keeping Jon alive! Joan had seen to it that Jon would be spared if he played along, or if he just dumped me and went away. That was the only reason he was alive now. If he left me, like I was pretty sure he was going to, my only consolation would know he was alive and ok.
Jon got out of his shower, dressed in his running clothes, and left for a late morning run. He didn't say anything to me, nor did he look at me again. I knew at this point, he was going to leave me! After he had left I got up and took a hot shower. I couldn't seem to wash myself clean anymore. As I toweled off I realized that I still felt dirty and used.
I went to the kitchen and made up a pot of coffee, and started on throwing together some breakfast. I didn't know if Jon would let me stay to finish it or not, but I was going to try to save my marriage if I could at this point! I was going to tell him everything, no secrets, the whole sordid story. I had been trapped into this new job, this new life, but I was sure Jon wouldn't stay, or rather, let me stay here now. All I could do is play all of the cards I had, even though he knew what I was holding.
Breakfast was ready when Jon got back from his run. I noticed he wasn't sweaty, so I guess he had been walking instead. He sat down across the table from me and just stared at me. He didn't smile, frown, swear, spit or anything. This was making me squirm! I wanted him to yell, scream, cuss, and anything but just stare at me!
Finally, after just picking at his food, he started. "Julie, I need to know several things. First of all...do you still...love...me?" I was stunned almost to tears! "Yes! Yes Jon I still love you!" I was almost shouting it! "Then I guess the next thing I need to know is... do you still need me?"
"NEED YOU?" I was surprised to say the least! "Yes Jon, I still need you, I still love you, and I still want you baby!"
He was quiet for a time, not looking at anything really, just staring off into space. Finally he said, "Julie, I need you to tell me everything, and I mean everything that has happened to you since you have started this job!" Here I was, crying, sitting in my kitchen, in front of my husband, and now I had to tell him about the hell I had been through! How do you tell your husband how much of a whore, a slut you have been? How do you explain away the types of sex, the men, the awfulness of not knowing if he will survive, if you will survive anything happening to you? The threats, the leers, the forced plaything of very evil men!
I started from the first day at work. Joan had me show up at nine o'clock that Monday morning. I had on a "power" business suit. I thought it made me look professional, and knowledgeable, even if I wasn't quite sure how Joan would put my skills to work. When I went into her office she was sitting at her desk. She looked at me and frowned slightly. Disapprovingly looking at me from head to toe. "Julie, I don't like your attire at all!"
"You need to look like a woman, not a suit!" I didn't understand quite what she was getting at. Then it dawned on me! "Joan, you want me to dress in skirts?" Joan looked startled for a minute then started to laugh! "Julie, my people have to look, well, enticing!"
"I need people who can look like they are accessible, if-you-know-what-I-mean!"
I was taken aback! "You want me to dress how?" Joan looked at me and said, "Julie, I need a great looking woman like yourself to look sexy!"
"You know, like you love men to look or gawk at you!"
"The whole reason I wanted you to work for me in the first place is that you are extremely good-looking, and I need women in my employ that can put their good looks to work for me!"
"Joan, I don't understand, I thought you had a job for me that was, well, office or professional type work!" I was a little put out that it seemed she had hired me for my looks rather than my college degree! "Julie, I have men from all over the country doing business with me!"
"We have contracts signed all of the time for millions of dollars in value!"
"I have found that I get more contracts signed when a sexy, worldly woman is working on the negotiations than a uptight school marm!"
"You use sex to sell your business?" I was stunned, but looking back on it I shouldn't have been, seeing that she always dressed what I considered to be racy! "Julie, I guess you won't be working out after all, I am sorry for taking up your time!" She was dismissing me! Now I felt like she felt that I wasn't good enough for her business! I didn't really need this job, but I had built a picture in my mind of what I would or could do with the earnings from it! I foolishly decided to ask Joan what she would recommend for dress. "Julie, if you want to still try to work here I guess I can go ahead and give you a trial work period."
"It is against my better judgment, but I might be able to use you, if you can keep your cool when you're with clients!"
Joan then took me downtown on a shopping spree! We ended up in a Fredrick's of Hollywood. I was looking and blushing at some of the displays. Joan pulled me through the store looking things over and making selections left and right. Most of what she was picking out screamed sex! Dresses that had plunging necklines, backless, slits up the sides, or in one case up the front! I would never have bought or worn anything like she was picking out! Then she took me into the lingerie sections and proceeded to make choices in undergarments! "Joan!"
"I could never wear anything like what you are picking out!" I was mortified! Joan looked at me and simply said; "I didn't think you would be such a prude now that you have been married for a while! I guess you just don't have it in you to be a contract service person for my company!"
I should have walked out! I didn't, instead I told myself that she just wanted me to look attractive as possible for the clients! We ended up buying quite a bit of stuff, which Joan put on her business credit card! "I believe in investing in my employees Julie, and I hope you become a worthwhile investment!" By now I wanted to be a model employee! She had been complimenting and guiding me to like her choices all day so far. I hadn't really realized I was being lead around like a cow to slaughter. She made me feel beautiful and sexy, and like it was a natural thing to dress sexily for a job! What I failed to remember is her major in college, other than men, was psychology! She knew what she needed to say and how to act to get me where she wanted me! We finished the morning by having lunch at a club near her offices. That afternoon she had me trying on everything! A couple of times she would have me model for whomever was in the front lobby! Usually there were men out front waiting or talking, so I got quite a few whistles, and a few offers for something other that business! I would be embarrassed until Joan would smooth everything over to me! She would say things like, "Oh Julie!"
"You look so-o-o good in that!" Or "You really have these guy's going now!"