When I pulled out of the driveway that morning, I didn't know where I was going. Sharon had so destroyed my thinking process I couldn't think straight at all. Her revenge had been totally a surprise and complete in its effectiveness. I knew that she would have done what she did only if she was planning on leaving me.
I had packed my things in a hurry and when I left the house I heard her running to the front door. I didn't look back as I fired up the car and pulled out. The last thing I saw was her standing in the doorway crying.
I picked out the dive hotel just at random. Getting a room there for a couple of nights I crashed and slept. Fitful sleep that it was. I had dreams of me and Sharon, and in them I was trapped as Sharon danced around me laughing and teasing me. Then, there had been men there, taking her. All of them looking like that guy...what had she called him? Mark?
The next day I sat around and just tried to not think. It was impossible. I knew that I had really messed up when I had begun to cheat on Sharon with Gwen. I was sitting there, not sure what the next step was. Had Sharon done what she had to show me that she was through with me? Were we done? Had I thrown away all those good years for nothing?
Around noon I found myself in a local bar getting plowed. I paid no attention to anyone, just the glass in front of me. The only friend I seemed to have now was Jack Daniels and truthfully, he wasn't doing much for me.
I closed the bar down and staggered back to my room. Once there, I spent quite a few hours on the floor next to the dinghy toilet. I hadn't drank like this in a long time and obviously, I had drank too much.
I crashed eventually, and still my sleep was bad dreams and nightmares. The next morning I woke up with cotton mouth and one hell of a headache. Painfully aware of the drinking I had done the night before. Taking some aspirin, I crashed in bed and slept. I woke up later in the evening, hungry, and with a headache still.
I went out to a local greasy spoon and ate a bit. My head was pounding and I was lost in thought. Staring at the booth in front of me as I ate, I didn't notice the other person until they sat down in front of me.
Sharon sat there, a look of pain and suffering in her red rimmed eyes. Guiltily, I looked down at my plate. I was at a loss for words, wondering why she was here, how she had found me, why she had even gone looking for me. I also had a surge of anger like I had never had before.
"Jim." I said nothing. I didn't know what to say. I knew why she had done what she did, and I knew that my cheating had brought us to this. I wanted to just crawl away and die, and she wouldn't let me.
"Jim, please. We need to talk."
"What's to talk about Sharon? You found out that I was cheating on you. You got your revenge. I can't see us together anymore. Not now. I wasn't able to stay faithful and you had to do what you did to get even. Neither of us will trust each other again. What's the point?"
"Then, you don't want to try to keep our marriage together? You want to just give up? Go our separate ways? Is that it for us?"
"Keep our marriage together? Now? After I cheated on you? You got even, what more is there? Especially now, after the way you got even."
"You feel no love for me at all now then?"
"Sharon, I don't know what I feel right now. Your revenge shocked me. I never knew you were capable of doing what you did. How you did it was another thing too. Kind of...cruel, don't you think? I mean, while I cheated on you I at least tried to hide it from you. I didn't rub your face in it. That wasn't the act of a loving wife at all."
"What about you and that little slut? That wasn't cruel to me?"
Her voice rose as her anger got away from her. She stopped talking for a moment and visibly controlled herself. Glancing around she regained control of her emotions.
"Jim, I don't want to get angry and fight...especially here, in so public a place. Can we go home and talk?"
"Home? What home?"
"Please Jim. We need to talk, we have to figure out our next step."
"Look...I'm not sure I could forgive you for what you did, tying me up like you did, then extracting your revenge. You probably shouldn't forgive me for my cheating on you either. I'll find a place to stay and..."
"And what? Get divorced? Become statistics in a national average somewhere? Don't you love me anymore Jim? Look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore."
It was hard for me to look up. Looking into her eyes was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. The pain, and love that I saw looking back was startling at first. Shame flowed through me. How could I have ever cheated on my wife like I had? How could I have ever wanted to cause her this pain? Why had she felt she needed to cause me such pain in retaliation?
As I looked back down I knew she had seen into the depths of my soul. I couldn't lie to her with my eyes and she had known that. Sharon had done the one thing that would cause me to come home. Forced me to look into her eyes and face the pain, face the love, and face myself.
"Jim, come home. We'll talk. We need to talk. We can get past this. We can move on and rebuild what we had. You need to come home. Tonight."
I had serious doubts that I could go on with her now. The way she had gotten even had been too much...far too much. I also knew that I had to think about things and decide the best course of action for me now as well. I decided to go home for at least one night.
"I'll get my things...be home in a while."
"NO. WE will get your things and go home together."
"Sharon...why? Why would you come after me? After what I did, after your...getting even...why?"
"You don't get it? I still love you Jim. I really do. I'm pretty sure you still love me too. Come home. Come home with me."
That drive home was one of the quietest drives we had ever taken together. I was stewing over her and her lovers actions and the more I thought about what had happened, the more a core of anger began to grow.
By the time we got home I was about ready to jump and run again. The anger I felt toward Sharon was so intense, so hotly focused, I doubted that I'd ever get over it. How dare she tie me up and force me to watch her with another man. At least I had tried to hide my indiscretions, she instead had forced me to see her cheat on me.
That, and her lovers remarks...I wanted to kill him for the things he had said and intimated towards me. By the time I got inside my anger had been simmering for quite some time. Sharon was going on like nothing was wrong.
"Jim, what do you want for supper?"
"Not a God-damned thing. I'm not hungry."
"What's wrong?"
"YOU. That's what's wrong. Yes, I cheated on you. Yes that was wrong. But I never did it in front of you, I never did it to hurt you. Right now, I'm not sure why I did it, but I do know I never intended to hurt you. YOU on the other hand intended to hurt me, to belittle me. I'm so pissed at you right now I can hardly think straight."
"Oh."
"OH? That's all you have to say to me? OH?"
Sharon turned and walked out of the room. I sat down heavily in my easy chair. My thoughts were dark and that anger still burned deep down. I knew that I would run into that asshole someday, and I would get my revenge.
Sharon stayed away from me for the rest of the night. At bedtime, my anger still simmering, I decided to sleep in the guest bedroom. As I went into our bed room to get some things, I saw that chair...still where it had held me so short a time ago.
Seeing that chair brought back the memories of that humiliation and pain. I walked around it and got some things out of my dresser. Grabbing my pillow, I suddenly remembered seeing Sharon using it at one point to elevate her bottom for that...shuddering, I threw my pillow on the floor.
Sharon was sitting in her chair in the living room as I stormed by on my way to the guest bedroom.
"Going to bed are we?"
"I'M Going to be...in the guest bedroom. Alone. Stay the fuck away from me."
"Jim, you need to get over your anger."
"I need to get over my anger? You bitch. After what you did, and the way you did it...just stay away from me. I wish I hadn't let you talk me into coming back here. I'll be gone in the morning too, by the way."
She sat there like there was nothing wrong between us. Almost a smile on her lips as I stalked by. Sitting in the guest bedroom I suddenly got suspicious. Why was she so calm? Did she have something else planned for me now? I got up and locked the door to the bedroom. I also put a chair under the doorknob. No way was there anyone getting in here with me tonight.
My sleep was not very restful that night. I kept waking up, fearing that someone was standing over me, about to tie me up. By morning I felt ten times worse than the night before. As I got out of bed I was thinking about what my next move was going to be.
I wanted to beat the hell out of Sharon and Mark...but I knew that would only end up with me in jail. Revenge coursed through my blood, my feelings still full of that hot anger deep inside. Sharon had not only succeeded in destroying my love for her, she had brought out a type of anger I didn't know how to deal with.
I dressed, then after some personal care, I grabbed my suitcase, still unpacked from the night before, and took it out to my car. Tossing it inside, I walked back into the house and into our bedroom. Sharon was still asleep, so I move quietly, and gathered up a few more items of mine and then I left.
I drove for hours...not very far in distance, but around and around, just trying to think. I found myself near a park, and just sat there for a few more hours, not really thinking of anything, but remembering that night. I had to figure out what to do, but the memories of how Sharon had gotten even with me burned into my consciousness, causing me to relive my pain.
I know that I had wronged her, and didn't deserve to be treated well, but her revenge...it had gone too far. Too much had happened now and there was no way I would ever be able to forgive her.
Settling down on the bench I worked out a temporary plan. As I sat there in the park I realized that my marriage was over. Strangely, I didn't feel too broke up about it...now. Before, if Sharon hadn't been quite so...vengeful, there might have been a slight chance that we could have fixed things. Now...that bridge had been burned. Into my mind, into my heart.
