Jenny

I lie in my hospital bed reflecting on the events of the last fifteen years and what brought me here to recover from the miscarriage that cost the life of my unborn child. I am Jenny Robinson, 33 years old and the wife of Dan Robinson and the mother of two lovely children, a girl 4 years old and a boy 2 years old. I was beginning my second trimester when I lost what would have been my third child and now it seems that I have lost the two of the most important people in my life, after my children, my husband and my lover.

It all began when I was a freshman in college and I met Zack Wilson at freshman mixer. We hit it off immediately and we became a couple for the next 4 years. By the end of our second year we were lovers and in our third year were living together in an apartment off campus. We were two twenty years olds passionately in love and enjoying all of the intimacies of marriage, just without the license and it was glorious. Zack knew my body and how to arouse me better than he knew the palm of his hand and I worshipped his body like it was the gateway to heaven. He knew how to touch me with his hand as we passed on campus or with his tongue when we made love and how to make me want him inside of me. By the time gradation came it was expected that we would get married except that we had no money and Zack wanted to be a doctor. Neither of our families was wealthy and both of us had graduated with student loans to pay off so we could not even contemplate marriage with him facing at least five more years of study. Added to that was the fact, that the medical school he wanted to go to was on the west coast while the best job offer I got was in New York.

I loved life in the Big Apple. The job that took me there was in an advertising agency and I working as an assistant to an account executive and it involved mostly making sure that whatever he sent out to get done, did get done. I was the follow up girl. The job was easy but it was the night life that hooked me. New York when you are young and good looking can be very adventurous and I was both. Many nights I was out dancing and drinking and yes, sometimes fucking if a good looking guy came along. Keeping up with Zack was a problem, I just didn't seem to find the time for emails and phone calls what with the time difference and the clash of our schedules. Thoughts of him just receded further and further to the back of my mind and when I met Dan they disappeared altogether. Dan is a banker, a rising young star in a Wall Street investment bank. He is tall and good looking and very bright. He is also very funny and attentive and I think I fell in love with him on our second date. I knew by the fourth date when he took me to bed that I was going to marry him and a year later I did. Within another year we had bought a house in Greenwich where all the other bankers live and I quit my job to take the time to furnish it.

I was in New Haven having lunch after seeing a decorator there when I heard a man say,

"Jen, is it really you?"

I looked up and there was Zack.

"Oh my god, Zack, I thought you were in California."

"I was until a few days ago. I just came here to start my residency at the University Hospital."

"How wonderful we just moved to Greenwich so we will be nearby. As soon as we get settled in and furnished you will have to visit us."

I saw the look of disappointment on his face as he looked at my left hand and said,

"Who is us?"

I was embarrassed; we had been out of touch for so long I had never sent him a wedding announcement. Truth be told, I was probably too embarrassed to send it, maybe because it was like saying good bye to him.

"I'm sorry Zack, I should have told you before. I have been married for just over a year. I am now Mrs. Dan Robinson."

The look on his face was so sad that I wanted to sit on his lap and comfort him. I felt that I had been so cruel to him and I suddenly realized that I still had strong feelings for him.

"Zack don't look at me like that. We can still be friends."

"I thought we were much more than friends. I thought we had a future together."

"Zack I am so sorry to have you find out this way. Please sit down and let us talk."

"No I can't, maybe another time." And he turned and walked away.

I sat there stunned. I just began to realize how much I must have hurt him because he still must be in love with me. I married another man without any thought of him because I didn't think I would ever see him again. I never told Dan about meeting Zack or about how close we had been in college. A few weeks later when I was in New Haven again I phoned the hospital and asked for him by name and to my surprise he came to the phone.

"Doctor Wilson," he answered.

"Zack it's me, Jen."

"Hello Jen, what can I do for you?"

"I just want to talk; I want us to be friends."

"What is there to talk about? You are married now."

"Please Zack; you are making me feel terrible."

"All right, although I don't have much to say."

"Please can you meet me for lunch today?"

"OK. I will meet you at one o'clock at the same restaurant where I last saw you ."

I was seated at the table when he walked in and I smiled and waved to him. He walked towards me and there was no smile on his face.

"Hello Jen."

"Hello Zack."

This time he sat down.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about us. I want us to be friends."

"Friends, What about what we had? What about how much I loved you and how much you said you loved me? Can you tell me you still love me?"

I was silent and beginning to feel this meeting was not going the way I wanted.

"Do you love your husband Jen?"

I was still silent.

"Do you have an answer Jen?"

I whispered, "Yes and yes."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Yes I love my husband and yes I love you."

Now he sat there silent. Then he said,

"How can you do that?"

"I don't know. I loved you for the whole four years we were in college and somehow being apart dimmed it in my mind and when I met Dan I forgot how much you meant to me. I love him now and would not want to leave him or hurt him but when I look at you my heart is bursting with the same feelings I had for you in college. There must be something wrong with me."

He didn't answer right away and then he finally said,

"You are so beautiful. Just looking at you reawakens all the old feelings I ever had for you. When we lost contact I thought I would never see you again and I know I am hopelessly in love with you again. Come with me."

We walked to the hotel across the street, he got a room and we were silent as we took the elevator to the seventh floor. We walked hand in hand to the room and I fell into his arms when he closed the door. I gave no thought about my husband at all when his tongue entered my mouth. I could feel his cock against my belly and it brought back memories of all the times we made love. I wanted it more than any thing in the world and I wanted it now. I sank to my knees and opened his belt then pulled down his pants and underwear.

It was as beautiful as I remembered. I kissed it and caressed it. I was in love with it. I could hear him moan above me,

"Don't, I am going to cum.'

"That's what I want you to do. I want to drink your cum. I need it after all this lost time

and he did cum. He flooded my mouth and I drank it all. He raised me to my feet and took me in his arms,

"Jen, I have never stopped loving you and I always will."

We were undressing as we spoke.

"I realize that I still love you Zack. I want you to make love to me."

We were both naked and he sat me on the side of the bed then knelt between my thighs. He put my legs over his shoulders, put his mouth to my pussy and then worked magic

with his tongue. He made me cum at least twice and then I was begging for his cock to be inside of me. When he complied I went ballistic. I came on his cock in the most explosive orgasm I have ever had. I think I fainted. When I came too his was calling my name and telling me how much he loved me and when I finally answered I told him I loved him too.

We kissed and caressed until five o'clock when he had to leave since he was on duty that night.

As I drove home the enormity of what I had done began to register in my mind. How could I have let that happen? I didn't want to lose Dan, I really did love him and yet I couldn't do with out Zack. I felt such guilt! When I got home I took a shower and even douched to salve my conscience and decided to give Dan some extra special loving to make up for my wanton behavior. I made a candlelight dinner for him and I met him at the door wearing the night gown and negligee he had bought for me on my birthday.

"Wow," he said as walked in the door, "What did I do to deserve this?"

"You married me and made me the happiest woman in the world and I want to make sure you never regret it."

I took off another garment with every course I served him and by the time we got to desert I was naked and it turned out that I was what he wanted for desert. He made me cum twice before he mounted me right on the dining room table. The evening was incredibly erotic and we went to bed that night with our limbs entwined. My conscience was cleared but my fate was not. Two months later I realized that I had missed my period and when I went to the doctor and he calculated that my fertile time included the day that both Dan and Zack had made love to me.

Dan was delighted that I was pregnant and I never said a word about it to Zack. We had spoken on the phone a few times and even indulged some phone sex but had not met until he asked me to come and celebrate the completion of his residency. I tried to refuse but he was insistent telling me I was the only one he loved and mattered to him. I just didn't have the will to resist him. I was in my eighth month, uncomfortable and I thought ugly as could be, when I waddled in to meet him for lunch. He looked at me with questioning eyes, he could do the arithmetic. I said,

"I don't know. I made love to both of you on the same day," he said,

"I hope it's mine."

I didn't answer because I hoped it wasn't and I didn't want to know otherwise. I did say,

"I feel so fat and ugly carrying this big belly. I don't think I will ever get my figure back."

"Nonsense, you are positively radiant. Motherhood becomes you."

"Zack when I was with you it was wonderful but I felt so bad because I cheated on Dan and that the baby might be yours."

"Jen I felt the same thing because you were married but as soon as I saw you that day all the love I ever felt for returned and I wanted you and to be honest, pregnant or not, even now I want you more than ever."

Again, just like last time, he took my hand and I followed him across the street and in a hotel room. I had not stopped sex with Dan but it was much less frequent as I got larger but with Zack it was a whole new experience. First he took me doggie style and I felt like a cow. As I looked back under myself I saw my enlarged breasts hanging down and then my fat belly, I couldn't even see his cock before it entered me but oh my did I feel it. He reached under me and held my tits like they were handle bars and slow fucked me. I was moaning and demanding that he go deeper and I pushed back against him. Finally I could feel my orgasm beginning and I cried out,

'Faster. Harder. I am so close."

I could feel him tense up and then we both came explosively. Both of us crying out together,

"I love you."

I rolled over on my back and he laid down next to me, my hand was fondling his cock and he was sucking on my nipple. I actually felt like I was suckling my child. Then I felt the baby moving and I said.

"I think you woke it up."

Zack's hand went to my belly to feel the baby's movements and we could actually see little bumps appear on my belly.

"He could be my son."

"Yes, he could be but I will never leave Dan, I love him too much."

"But you say you love me."

"I do but I am married to him. I love you both and I want you both."

"Someday you may have to make a choice."

"I hope that day will never come."

I went home that evening to my husband happy, but again with a guilty conscience.

How could I be so in love with two different men? That night again I gave Dan a romantic dinner and we made love but this time I rode him cowgirl style. He played with my tits and they were so big and tender that I came the first time just sitting on his cock. When he started moving, so did the baby and then so did I. We both came together and again we shouted,

"I love you."

After we cuddled and kissed for a while he spooned behind me and fell asleep while I was lost in my thoughts. Why am I being unfaithful to him? Why am I still seeing Zach? How can I love two men and desire both of them as I do? I finally fell asleep, my dilemma unresolved.

After Josh was born I didn't hear from Zack for six months and I didn't know where he was until one day I got a call from him.

"I'm back."

"I wondered what happened to you. Where have you been and why didn't you keep in touch with me?"

"I was in Cleveland, Chicago and now New York. How is my son?"

"He is not your son, he is Dan's and don't make trouble. What are you doing in New York?"

"In one more year I will be a Diplomat in Cardiac Surgery and I have already been offered a position with a hospital here."

"That sounds wonderful Zack. It has been a long hard journey for you."

"Well I had you for my inspiration and my prize at the end."

I glossed over that remark but it was the beginning of the end of my happy life. When Zack got settled in I would go into the city once every month or so when he had a weekday off and we would spend it in his apartment. Those were wonderful days of sensual bliss with no responsibilities except pleasing my lover. No baby to feed, no house to clean, no meals to prepare, just open my body and accept his touch, his tongue or his cock. I can't tell you how many times I could cum in an hour or how many times I could get him hard in an afternoon. I never neglected Dan either and every time I was with Zack I made sure I made love to Dan that night. I didn't feel the guilt so much anymore and I rode the train home each time feeling that I had the best of all worlds.

Two years after Suzy was born, Josh came along and my husband, my lover and I were all ecstatic, Honestly, I didn't know who had impregnated me this time either, I loved both men and I had been with both of them again in my fertile time. Although Zack had never seen the children he had me make copies of many of their pictures and he displayed them in his apartment. I never accepted his premise that they were his but I never argued with him about it either. Zack meanwhile, was making quite a reputation for himself as pediatric cardiac surgeon. He had developed a less invasive way to do bypass surgery and even devised a technique to repair a heart valve without cutting open the heart. I was so proud of him. When Josh started to walk we noticed that he seemed to have difficulty breathing after he went a short distance. An examination showed that he had been born with small hole between the upper chambers of his heart and the man most qualified to do the repair was Zack. The operation was a success and Josh was soon running with all the rest of the toddlers. Dan, in appreciation, made a huge donation to the hospital and in the process became interested enough to become a member of the Board of Governors. He also became friendly with Zack, the doctor who had saved our son's life.

A year later I was three months pregnant again and not yet showing when we attended the annual fund raising dinner dance for the hospital. It was the first one we had ever attended and I had bought a sexy evening gown. Dan wanted me to impress his business colleague's and the other members of the Board. I have to admit I did attract a bit of attention. What I didn't know was that Dan had requested that Zack sit at our table. He showed up about half an hour after we did and he had a lovely young lady with him. She was sporting a diamond engagement ring. He introduced her as Jody and he announced that they had just gotten engaged. I was furious and later on when I was dancing with him I said,

"How can you do this to me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"How can you get married when you are in love with me?"

"Jen, you got married and you have been fucking me for the past five years."

"That's different."

"No, Jen it's not and not only that, I intend to be faithful to my wife. There will be no more afternoons for us in the future."

I broke away from him and almost shouted,

"You can't do this to me!"

I was beyond furious and he took my arm and escorted me back to the table. Dan took one look at me and asked,

"What happened out there?"

"None of your business," I snapped.

He looked at me and then at Zack who shrugged his shoulders and turned to Jody and said. "Let's go home." Dan looked at me and asked,

"That was quite a show you put on out there on the dance floor. Do you want to leave too?"

"No, I want to stay," but it was obvious that I no longer having a good time.

After a short while Dan said,

"We are going home."

He didn't ask, he just got up and walked out without saying good bye to anyone. I got up and followed. On the ride home he asked,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!"

I was foolish of course; my behavior had let the genie out of the bottle. Dan was not stupid and realized that something was going on between Zack and me. He put surveillance on me that included bugging our home and our phones and I heedlessly called Zack.

"Zack, I have to see you."

"If it means going to bed with you Jen, forget about it."

"Zack I can't give you up."

"We have no future together Jen, don't you understand that. You would never leave Dan."

"Of course not, I love him. He is the father of my children."

"No Jen, Josh is my son."

"What! How do you know that?"

"When I operated on him I ran a DNA test on his blood. How do you think I feel knowing that I can't raise my own son?"

"Oh my god, I never thought about that."

"There is a lot you never thought about and I am to blame also. I loved you and it blinded me to what I was doing to you and to Dan. I can't do it any longer, especially now that I have Jody. I couldn't stand it if she was to be unfaithful to me and I won't do that to her. It's over between us Jen. Goodbye."

I broke down and cried. He was right, of course, but I felt as if my world had collapsed. It had, but how badly I didn't realize until a few days later when Dan came home with the recording of the conversation. I greeted him,

"Hello darling."

He avoided my attempt to kiss him.

"Sit down. I want you to listen to this."

As I listened to myself I knew my world had come to an end.

"When did you start fucking him?"

"Soon after we moved to Connecticut."

"So Suzy could be his too?"

"Yes."

"And the one in your belly?"

"It's yours."

"How can you be sure?"

"Dan I love you. I am sure."

"Not good enough. I love those kids but every time I look at them I will be seeing some one else's bastard. I can't live like that. We are through Jen. I am moving out."

"Please Dan, don't leave me."

"Why not? What do you expect? Do you want me to raise his children? Do you think I could ever trust you again? What part of our wedding vows haven't you broken? Goodbye Jen,"

He left and by the end of the week I had been served with the divorce papers. He did not want to pay child support for Josh, or for Suzy or the one I was carrying if it turned out that they were not his. Zack said that Jody would not raise some one else's children so he could not take them. I didn't know what to do.