James's Story - (my Life My Lover)

James's side of the story.

(My life my lover)

Read part one (my life my lover) to make sense of this story.

The clues are in the tags.

James's side.

Again I tried to make her understand but she just got more angry, it was as if we were from Mars and Venus. I needed to feel like she at least still liked me. We argued a lot lately, to me it all stemmed from our sex life or rather lack of it, we had not been intimate in nearly three months and I was on edge I was angry all the time very angry.

I tried my best to be romantic I bought her flowers every week, I kissed her whenever we were close. We went to the cinema every Friday and I stopped all my overtime so I could spend time with her. I had even learned how to cook so I could make romantic meals for us. Nothing seemed to get through to her I know what the problem was, it was my anger issues but I was only angry because my wife, the woman I would die for seemed to hate sex with me.

We had been married for 15 years and known each other 21, she was the love of my life. But over the last year or so we had seemed to be drifting apart. The arguments, the lack of kissing and cuddling and sex maybe just three times over the last year. Like I say, she is the love of my life but I need to feel loved back.

One particular Friday lunchtime a month back we had a stormer of an argument all over pickle in a tuna sandwich? Marie had made me a sandwich and I had the audacity to put pickle in it.

"Can't I do ANYTHING right for you lately?"

"Sorry?"

"You heard! It's a tuna sandwich! No-one puts pickle in a tuna sandwich?"

It was like she was trying to start a row over a fucking sandwich?

"For fuck sake Marie, it's a sandwich?"

"It's not just a sandwich, it's anything I do lately you pick holes in it!"

Here we go again another row over some stupid thing, it was endless.

"Oh fuck you, I've had enough of this!"

I threw the sandwich across the room along with the TV remote that was on my lap. It glanced off of the coffee table and just missed Marie's shoulder smashing against the wall. She looked at me in horror and ran from the room. Before I could get up to say sorry I heard the front door slam.

"Well fuck, there goes another loveless Friday night!"

I cleaned the mess I had made and poured myself a coffee waiting for her to come back. It was now 4pm and she had been gone nearly three hours, I decided to bring up the app on my phone to see where she was thinking she had gone to her sisters or something like that. She was in Brighton!

"What the fuck!"

What on earth was she doing at Brighton? I tried to ring, it went straight to voicemail. I didn't leave a message. I made another coffee and sat wondering what to do. It got to 6pm and I still hadn't heard a peep from her. I went back onto the app to see she was still somewhere in Brighton.

"Why Brighton?" I muttered to myself. I then bought up our mobile banking app to see she had paid for a room for the night.

"Fuck it, this had gone too far, enough is enough."

I grabbed my keys and coat and took my truck out of the garage and headed down the motorway to smooth things over. 60 minutes later I pulled into Brighton harbour and brought up the app again, she was on the seafront somewhere. I parked up and walked along the front hoping to spot her. I pulled up the app again to find it blank, she had probably turned her phone off. It was hopeless the place was teeming with people it was like finding a needle in a haystack.

My anger had completely gone now only to be replaced with concern and worry. I walked past looking in all of the arcades and novelty shops until I came to the pier, maybe she had gone up there.

It was getting late now and still no sign of her, I turned to walk back to the front and I thought I saw her. But it wasn't her, she looked like her and had her walk from behind but she was arm in arm with her husband and another couple with their child. I sat on a bench and bought up the find my car app, her car was in side street near the front. The banking app showed a B&B, I googled it to find it only a few streets from the car.

It was a standard B&B by the look from the outside, I walked in and asked the receptionist for a key to our room, I had to give proof of I.D. and showed payment from my bank on my phone, She phoned through to the room with no reply so gave me a spare key card.

The room was nice, it showed no sign of Marie other than a half empty cup of tea and a pack of her favourite spearmint Wrigley's on the side. I laid down on the bed, I could smell her perfume on the pillow.

"James you fucking dickhead, what are you doing?" all sorts of silly things were running through my mind. I rang her mobile again,

"Marie, where are you, I am sorry please where are you?"

I didn't tell her I was in Brighton and had followed her, I was in two minds to leave the room before she came back as it would start her off again if she found me here. I loved her so much, how could I explain to her how she makes me feel without her getting all defensive again. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and make love to her, what is so terrible about that?

I must have fallen asleep on the bed because I awoke to a noise in the corridor outside the room. Thinking it was Marie I went into a panic and rushed into the bathroom for some strange reason. The noise went past our door it was not her. My phone said 1am, that couldn't be right surely. I put on the TV, yes, 1am. Where the fuck is she?

The app still showed nothing, I was seriously worried now. Again I walked the seafront leaving messages and text on her phone to come home. Again no reply.

2 hours later and mentally exhausted I was back at the B&B hoping she would return there. Still no sign. I spent the night looking through the apps for any sign of her, hoping she would use her card again to show where she was. At 5am I called Brighton Police station to be told,

"Sorry, but we get 100 missing persons a week and your wife has only been gone a few hours. Call back in 24 hours if you have heard nothing ok."

I had been awake near all night and was shattered, in my mind she was lying in a ditch somewhere hurt or even worse. I again walked the front, the sun was just starting to come up. The town was just coming to life and the seagulls were feasting on last night's takeaways. Everything here looked normal except my wife was missing.

I stopped at a local café for a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich. As I looked at my sandwich I was transported back 24 hours to our so stupid row with the tuna. A tear fell from my eye into my tea. I was in a café all alone with shit in my head that wouldn't stop,

"Is she ok, where is she......is she dead?"

I sat typing more text saying how I loved her and how so very sorry I was. Please get in touch, they all showed her phone was still off.

I took one more walk along the front before heading back to the room and then if she was not there probably back home.

"Shit, of course she has gone home!"

I brought up the find my car app,

"Fuck, still here."

Back at the room she had not been there. I flung myself onto the bed and must've drifted off again. It was now two in the afternoon.

"One more look." I told myself.

I walked along the front again, everyone was going about their daily business as if nothing was wrong, my wife was missing and who gave a shit, no-one.

What I saw next was gut wrenching. It stopped me in my tracks. It felt like time stood still and I heard my heart pounding in my chest and ears.

On the other side of the road was my wife, my Marie hand in hand with a man sitting at a café table staring into each-other's eyes like lovers. I staggered backwards onto a bench and just stared at them across the way. She leaned in and kissed him, I felt nauseous and threw up. My world had stopped at that instant. People passing me tutted and I heard them whispering "Another town drunk."

I wiped the vomit from my mouth and stared across at them, I was rooted to the bench like I weighed a ton. They were talking like we used to talk. He was holding her hand like I used to. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, she had spent the night with him. I threw up again.

I wanted to run over and kill him, I wanted to rip him limb from limb but a small child came out from inside the café and sat on his lap. I slumped back on my bench holding my head in my hands trying not to break into sobs. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, my whole world was fucking dead.

I looked back across with tear stained eyes at them as they stood and walked away, she put her arm lovingly through his and walked with the child at their side. I was a mess I had vomited down myself, my eyes were puffy and red my face covered in tears. I was shaking not with rage as I would've expected but with pity for myself and contempt for her.

I turned my back to them and went back to the B&B, the lady behind the desk looked at me with the same contemptuous look I had given my wife 10 minutes ago.

"Sorry no you cannot go to your room, you had to vacate the room at 11am and look at the state of you, you are a mess I'll not have you in one of my room like that!"

She gave me a damp towel and told me to leave.

I drove home and arrived at 5pm to a quiet empty house. I had no idea how to approach what had happened. I had been going over a hundred different ways to deal with this on the drive home. There was no getting away from it, I still loved her she was my soulmate but I hated her for what she had done to me this weekend. Could I live without her? Would I want to live without her?

I cleaned myself up and had a shower, the water felt cleansing I needed it badly. With the towel around my waist I looked at my phone to see if she had called, there was a missed call from her 4 hours ago.

"Hi James, I needed to get away from you for the night, I got your text and messages I am sorry if you were worried but I needed this. I will be back home later today, I do love you but you make it so hard lately, can we try again when I'm home."

"What the fuck! What the hell do I do now?"

I dressed quickly and ran into the garage to retrieve a bunch of flowers from a vase I had bought on Friday on the way home. I arranged them in a fresh vase on our coffee table for her return. I decided to say I had been up all night worrying which was true but not that I knew what had happened. I wanted her back, yes I am a fucking fool but I loved her so much it hurt. I waited for an hour then I heard her car pull onto the gravel in the driveway. I rushed to the door as she opened it and we kissed. I held her tightly saying how sorry I was.

She looked happier than I had seen her in years,

"I am sorry too James, I shouldn't have gone off the way I did but I needed to get away, I hope you understand. I am sorry I didn't contact you earlier but I needed space, and knowing you, you probably just watched TV and didn't worry as much as you say anyway, am I right?"

"Ok, busted." I said trying to bluff my way and smile.

I was on edge all Saturday evening wondering if she would mention anything but she didn't. if anything she was back to the old Marie of years ago, she showered me with attention all night. That night we went to bed at around 11pm and I was so tired I could have fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow. I felt her arm come across my chest playing with my nipples, she had not done that for ages, she leaned over and kissed me. I was not expecting this tonight of all nights, she slid down the bed and took me in her mouth. I was so shocked I could not get hard,

"What is wrong James?"

"Why are you doing this?" I said.

"Because I love you and I have neglected you, I do love you James I hope you know that."

She proceeded to give me the most loving blowjob she had ever given me in our lives. She even swallowed me which is something she hadn't done since we were courting. We cuddled until sleep overtook us.

Sunday morning I awoke first and looked across to her, she was still so beautiful at 40 laying there asleep. I went down to make a cup of coffee. The papers had been delivered and I sat at my kitchen table reading the sport wondering what to do about the last two days.

If I confronted her we go back to a huge argument and maybe even divorce. If I let it go and try to pretend it didn't happen could I live with myself knowing every time I look at her I think of him. Had this changed her? Would she be like she was last night from now on?

So many questions with no answers.

It came down to would my life be better with or without her in it.

Marie came down about 11am looking incredible in her black negligee, the one that I love seeing her in. she sat opposite me and asked "Can I have a coffee?"

"Looking like that you can have anything you want."

She smiled at me as I handed her the steaming mug,

"Toast?" I asked.

"Please."

I placed two pieces of bread I the toaster as I heard those dreaded words from behind me,

"James, we need to talk."

I froze.

"James, I am sorry about last night."

I interrupted not wanting to hear what she said next,

"It's ok, forget it. let's pretend what happened didn't happen ok."

She looked over her cup at me,

"James, I said I needed last night, I realise I needed it more than I thought."

"Marie, I love you far more than you will ever know. I have been thinking a lot about that the last two days, it has been a wakeup call to me. I love you Marie and will fight to keep you with everything I have."

She looked at me with her head cocked to one side puzzled at my choice of words as if she knew I knew the truth.

"James, the last day or so has changed me a bit I think, we have gotten into a rut that is so hard to get out of but I promise you I will try."

I didn't know what I was expecting her to say but it was not that, maybe a confession or ask for a divorce but not this? I handed her, her toast and made to kiss her forehead, she moved at the last moment and kissed me passionately on the lips.

We left the coffee and toast and she led me back to the bedroom. The next few days carried on in much the same way, I loved the new Marie. I made my mind up to forgive her transgression of the weekend if this was the result. We were getting on wonderfully, our sex life had gone through the roof and what was best was we actually talked together and liked each other's company.

The following Friday I booked up a swanky restaurant in town then on to the cinema. The evening went off like we were teenagers again, Marie even had her hand inside my trousers most of the way through the film. All of my anger had completely subsided I didn't even think about what had happened in Brighton. I started to think maybe I had even got it all wrong, after all I didn't know for certain that Marie had been sexual in any way with the man. I only had the kiss in the street as any kind of evidence.

Marie never mentioned anything about that weekend, she just worked as hard as me to keep our relationship fresh and special until a month later when she asked me if she could go to Brighton for a girlie weekend with work mates.

I knew what that meant and I had a choice to make. I couldn't tell her that I knew the real reason for her weekend away because it would give my hand away that I knew about the previous occasion. What would she think of me then, would she love me for letting her go or think I am a pussy for putting up with it.

If I made a fuss and said no would it fuck up what we have now? There was no getting away from the fact that I was happier, so much happier. Marie was happier too.

If I said yes then I basically give her permission to go fuck whomever she chooses? If it was just this man would she end up in love with him, it certainly looked like that when she kissed him.

"Fuck!"

I was in a dilemma here and I had no-one who could help. I mean how do you tell your mates this? I knew she didn't know that I knew but am I willing to let her cuckold me for a better sex life?

I loved her and wanted what was best for her but this?

I reasoned with myself at least this time I would know but that didn't help my mindset much. Could I let her go knowing that some other fucker would be using her and throwing her back to me.

I tried to come up with an excuse for her not to go without saying that I knew what she was up to. I didn't say yes straight away but only maybe but as I said it I saw her face drop, her manner changed noticeably. We still had a week before the trip and I even asked,

"how about if I go too but stay in a different hotel? That way we could have a dirty weekend together?"

She shot that down immediately saying it was a girlie weekend so no. But she did say that she would not go if I was dead against it. By Wednesday things had cooled a bit between us and I felt us slipping backwards. So again I was faced with being a willing cuckold or maybe going back to where we were a month ago.

That evening at dinner I said,

"Ok, you can go but I want constant contact, not like last time. I want your phone on at all times, if I phone you immediately take the call."

"Yes, yes anything. Thank you, I love you."

She showered me with kisses, I fought her off saying "I mean it, you call me every night Friday and Saturday, also text me to let me know you are ok."

"Yes. No problem."

"Ok, let me know where you all intend to stay just in case ok."

"Not a problem, I'll find out about it all ok."

Shit what had I done, I had given her permission to cheat again. Was it worth the mental torment of this just to be happier for a little while. Marie dropped her knife and bent down to pick it up, the next thing I felt was her pulling my zip down under the table. She was looking up at me on her knees between my legs licking her lips touching my rapidly hardening cock. She devoured my cock to the root and it took me less than a minute to shoot into her hot mouth. My knuckles went white as I hung onto the table for dear life as I came.

"Thank you." She said licking her lips, "for the cum and the weekend."

The look on her face as she wiped her lips sold me on it that I had made the right decision.

Friday came and I watched her packing looking to see if she was taking and sexy lingerie with her, as far as I could see she didn't, it was torture.

"Please don't forget, ring me Marie."

"I will."

She put her suitcase into her car and drove off waving to me and blowing me a kiss as she left our road.

"Fuck it, have I done the right thing."

I did everything I could over the next 3-4 hours to take my mind off of what was to happen. I was even contemplating going down there again but what good would that do. I would only go if I was going to stop it, I was not into watching her again I really couldn't go through that, once was more than enough.

My phone beeped,

"Here safe and sound," she gave me the name of the hotel.

My heart fell, the hotel was the poshest in Brighton,

"How can we afford that, that hotel is ridiculously expensive?"

The reply came back, "No problem, we got a massive discount for a block booking."

The lies were relentless, and she was lying so effortlessly now. How could I handle this for the next few hours let alone the weekend?

I guess I was putting up with being a cuckold now, I fucking hated it. I went out to our local social club that night and got bladdered. My friend Derek had to get me home in a cab and put me to bed, the alcohol had done its job I didn't remember a thing about Friday night. I woke with a blinding headache Saturday afternoon to my phone ringing, it was Marie.

I wasn't sure where I was for a moment as I had just woken and almost asked how her infidelity was going.

"Where have you been, I rang three times last night. You asked me to keep in touch and you didn't even pick up!"