Jailer
You read all kinds of stories where the husband tells the cheating wife that he doesn't want to have to watch her every minute going forward to make sure she keeps her promise to never cheat again.
What would happen if he was up for that?
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My name is Jeff Cross, JC to my closest friends. And today I am going to let my wife, Sandy, out of jail after eight years. Three factors have come together to make it possible to set her free.
The first is what I do for a living; I'm the VP of Cybersecurity for a large American software company. The trigger for my wife's release is entirely related to my work. Two weeks ago my boss, the Chief Technology Officer, and good friend Tom, called me into his office to give me some good/bad news. Our company had been acquired by an even larger multi-national. And I'm going to be out of a job as they have their own head of Cybersecurity who will be absorbing my department, and all my people.
Second is that I have a personality quirk that I share with many in the support side of high tech; I tend to "set it and forget it". Without getting too technical (more on this later) this means that in many, many areas of high tech we want to arrange things such that one doesn't have to watch over a system, process, or application all the time. We want to set up monitors, alarms, or other automation to do the watching for us. Think of it this way, you buy an automated sprinkler system for your lawn so that you don't have to pay attention to when it needs watering. The system just does that every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, just the way you set it up. The result is a lawn that stays healthy and green.
The third factor is the other side of the 'set it and forget it' coin, if something is very important, I become hyper vigilant. Again turning to gardening, even if you have a top of the line automated sprinkler system, you might still baby your orchid plants. You know the drill- morning sun, just enough water; make sure they live in a protected spot during the winter as frost might kill them. In other words, you spend a lot of time and attention to this high value plant. After all, your orchids are the envy of the whole neighborhood. You might even buy some gadgets to measure the health of the soil or the nutrients you add to the plant's water.
Ok, if you're still with me here's how it all comes together and how it relates to my wife's "incarceration".
Like most software companies in the Valley, I get stock grants for being a good employee. And when you're like me and want to always excel, a stellar performance review usually comes with a raise and a bonus. In my case I've almost always gotten good to great reviews, I'm not some genius, but my performance is like the orchid, something I pay a lot of attention to - because it results in a bigger paycheck and bonus. When you're raising a pair of kids that need to be fed, housed and educated, having enough to give them a good life is a big deal.
Anyway, while I have always paid attention to the salary side of my comp, I have hardly ever given thought to all those stock grants. As I have moved from job to job, I've always done the same thing with my stock administration - I've 'set it' to 'sell to cover'. Which means that when a stock grant matures, the administration sells enough to cover the taxes and then the remaining stock is mine free and clear. It's automatic, I never have to think about it, and I never have. So in the twelve years I've been with my current company I have a boatload of stock that's all mine just sitting in my brokerage account. My wife and a couple of buddies have nagged me over the years to do something with that stock. And I've promptly forgotten that conversation the minute it's over. Again, my attention is elsewhere, and what's the big deal anyway?
So, the big multi-national has decided that to make their lives easier, they're not going to convert any existing stock in our company to theirs. They are just going to cash out all the stock us peons own and go forward from here. So the news is bad and good; I'm out of a job, and I'm getting cashed out. This means that the pile of stock I've accumulated just became a pile of money. Like retire at 54 size pile of money. My dumb-ass never paid attention to my stock means that I'm an overnight genius. Who knew?
And retire I am most certainly going to do. No longer will I have to be available 24 by 7 in case a bad guy tries to break in, or a hacker gets a clue. Nope, no more looking at threat intelligence reports, or consolidated graphs from our Operations Center about the state of our perimeter. I'm never going to have to conduct another Simulated Incident table-top exercise for bored Execs who just want to get back to playing DnD on their office laptop. I'm done.
And I am going to stop monitoring my wife's comings and goings 24 by 7. Today I'm going to have a chat with her and let her know that she is free to choose. We can go our separate ways, or we can ride off into the sunset together. She doesn't know she's been under close scrutiny for eight years, she's never suspected a thing...
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We were sitting in a corner table at Emile's, the toniest restaurant in town. I had on my best suit and Sandy was dressed to the nines. I had told her I had a really big surprise for her and I was going to spring it on her tonight. I was being coy since I had told her and I kept quiet until the waiter had popped open the Veuve Clicot and filled both our flutes.
"We have been married for twenty nine years, and we'll be celebrating our 30
th
next year. I wanted to acknowledge all that with a little gift and a couple of surprises." Out came the long slim case and I presented it to her. When she opened it she gasped at the sight of the tennis bracelet.
"Oh my god, Jeff. It's wonderful, it's so shiny and so many diamonds."
"I hope you like it; I had it made especially for this night. I know we had our anniversary a couple of months ago, but my surprises have come afterwards. The first is this present. The second is that I have been bought out at work, we've been acquired and all those shares I never did anything about have been magically transformed into a huge pile of cash. Enough for us to retire on."
"Jeff that is wonderful news! I thought we still had a few years to go, I guess all of our savings put together with your windfall will make everything easier."
"That's exactly what I was thinking too. But here, let me explain some unique features of the bracelet to you and then we can get to my final surprise."
"It's so beautiful Jeff; I noticed it was a bit different than what I expected. What are these two colored diamonds for?"
"If you start counting from the clasp, you'll see that those two colored stones are in the second and fourth positions. Those symbolize our two children; they were born in our second and fourth years of marriage. Then if you keep going you'll find that there are a total of twenty one stones all of the same size. Starting with the twenty second stone the next eight are slightly bigger. Those symbolize the last eight years. You were a really good wife until then, but you really upped your game these last eight years.
If you look closely at the twenty first stone, you'll see that it has a noticeable flaw in it. There's a good reason, I picked that stone out specifically for the flaw. You did a great job of keeping the promise you made to Terry when you broke up with him to be 'the best wife anybody ever had'."
"Oh my god, you knew about that! I'm so sorry Jeff, I had hoped to take that secret to my grave, and I never meant to hurt you! And here you knew all along. Are you going to divorce me, have you been playing me all this time!?"
"Not necessarily, I'm actually going to set you free. You see I can verify that you have been faithful since Terry. I know first-hand that you've treated me a lot better, both in and out of the bedroom. No, I'm referring that not only am I retiring from my job; I'm also retiring from being your watchdog. You see I've had you under constant surveillance for the last eight years. I know every move you've made, every conversation you've had, everything you've done has been scrupulously documented. I know you've kept your promise."
"What, why, how!?"
"It was simple really, and didn't take all that much effort. You know what I do for a living, and you've no doubt heard me describe how my job is to protect the 'crown jewels' at my company. I won't bore you with the details but I treated you the same way, you're my own 'crown jewels'. I used all the same technology and techniques that I use in my work on you. Everything you do has been recorded and analyzed to detect anything strange. You've been monitored to ensure no bad guys tried to break in again. And all of that information has been consolidated into graphs and a report that I look at every morning. And there are special alerts to detect if anything new and unexpected happens, and if so I get paged immediately."
"But all of that ends today. I am retiring from being your watchdog, your jailer. You are free to come and go as you please. I've already turned off all the devices planted in your purses, shoes, your office, and your car. I want a quieter existence from now on. I want to unburden myself of all that noise I have to deal with at the office, and I want to do the same with you too. I want some peace."
I asked for Sandy to extend her hand. "Consider this bracelet a reward for being a great wife and mother. I think you've done wonderfully, I have been very, very happy all these years. But now that you know that I knew about Terry, and that I have kept tabs on you all this time you get to make a decision. You can have some peace too. You can relax now; you don't have to worry about me finding out, because now you know I always have. And you can decide if you want to stay married to me. Half of the pile of money I just received would be yours if you divorced me. It would be enough for you to start over anywhere, or with anyone you want. You too could be free and at peace."
"This is all too much; you gotta give me a minute Jeff." Sandy drained her glass and I refilled it. "Ok I need you to start over at the beginning. How did you find out about Terry and me? I swear to you there has been nobody else since Terry, I have made sure to stay focused on you, my husband, my family. I haven't let myself get into any situations that might lead me astray. I've kinda become an Ice Queen at work too, I keep it all business."
"Yeah I know, we make quite a pair. Don't frown; I'll explain all that in a bit. As to how I found out, I didn't. I had no clue that you'd been cheating on me with Terry for two months. He came to me; he confessed all of it to me the week before he left for Chicago. He told me how he couldn't live with the guilt, that he thought he was better than that. It was quite a scene. He even brought his best friend along to make sure I kept my cool. For that I am grateful, otherwise I'd probably be wearing orange today and drinking jailhouse hooch instead of this awesome bubbly." I raised my glass and took a sip.
"JC, I don't want a divorce; I do want to ride off into the sunset with you. Not a day has gone by that I don't regret stepping out on you, on cheating on our wedding vows. I have felt so guilty, I've beat myself up over and over about how I could have been so stupid, so self-centered. I was seeing a therapist instead of going to the gym on Tuesdays for a couple of years. Hah, but you knew that already didn't you. Has nothing I've done escaped your notice? I'm not sure how I feel about your invading my privacy like that, wow. You've really known about everything I've done, every conversation?"
