Jac's Suicide

Jack's Suicide

My friend Jack was one of those guys that everybody liked. You couldn't go anywhere with him without a parade of people coming up to say hello. Jack was incredibly good looking, but the attraction was the way he made you feel. Women would throw themselves at him, but he never had eyes for anyone but his wife Jesse. I was married to Jesse's sister, Maggie. My name is Joe.

All of us were shocked when Jack committed suicide. We all felt horrible for poor Jesse.

It was during the first afternoon of Jack's closed casket wake that the details began to emerge of the events that led to Jack putting the gun in his mouth. I'm not sure who put the montage together, maybe Jack did before he pulled the trigger.

The opening video showed Jesse in a sexy dress with fuck me heels on her way-out telling Jack she was going to meet Stephanie and would probably stay the night at her house instead of driving home. There was no response from Jack.

There was a text message from Stephanie telling Jack she did not have any plans to meet Jesse.

The second video was of Jesse dancing with some guy in a night club. The man had his hands on Jesse's ass and his tongue down her throat. I wasn't sure who the guy was.

In the third video, Jesse and the guy are leaving the club, arm in arm.

The fourth video showed Jesses and the guy preparing to enter a hotel room at around 10:00. Jack can be heard pleading with Jesse not to do this. Jesse tells him to go home, and she'll see him in the morning. Jack yells she'll never see him again.

Jack's suicide note was included at the end.

At the wake, Jesse was standing next to Jack's parents along with Jack's brother and sister when a guest, rather loudly said, "How does it feel to murder one of the most wonderful men on the planet?"

There was a murmur that went through the funeral home. Jack's mother, who was barely holding it together wanted to know what the woman was talking about. By that time, everyone's phone was receiving the video. I watched Jack's parents watch the video together and my heart broke for them. I think the only one not watching the video was Jesse. Jesse's parents were also watching the video with looks of horror on their faces.

Jack's mother started screaming at Jesse that she was a murderous slut that killed her son. Jesse's parents were trying to drag her out of the room when Jesse yelled, "It wasn't my fault, Jack let his little male ego get the best of him."

The room went quiet until Jesse's mom slapped her hard across her face and then began dragging her out of the room. Jesse was never allowed to visit the funeral home again. She showed up at the funeral but me and a bunch of Jack's friends surrounded her with sheets so his parents would not have to look at her.

Part of the people's anger was the belief that if Jesse had not spent the night with her lover, Jack would still be alive. Others pointed out that the police put the time of death around 3:00 in the morning so Jack spent the last five hours of his life thinking about another man fucking his wife. No wonder he painted his bedroom with brain matter. Jesse's callousness to Jack's pleas alienated most of the people in town. The rest of the town fled Jesse with her comment about Jack's ego.

The world went downhill for Jesse after that. Her house was constantly spray with "murderous slut." Her car was fire-bombed. She was fired from her job because of the mob that would appear every day in front of her office. Calls to the police went unanswered.

Life for Jesse's lover was even worse. He was mugged almost on a weekly basis which usually landed him in the hospital. As soon as he was released, he would have another 'accident.' The cops, who were all friends with Jack, told him he should leave town. His car was firebombed the same day as Jesse's.

Jesse suffered a severe nervous breakdown and ended up in a long-term care facility. My wife Maggie was the only one that would go to see her. She wanted me to go with her and I agreed if I could bring my shotgun.

I'm telling you all this because it provides back drop for the many conversations Maggie and I had about fidelity. I was clear that I would have put the gun in Jesse's mouth and pulled the trigger before I offed myself. Maggie felt that Jesse would have been better off.

So, I was shocked two years later when I came home from work and found a manilla envelope with divorce papers on the dining room table along with Maggie's wedding and engagement rings. There was a simple note on the envelop that said, "sorry, I found someone else."

I called Maggie's best friend Liz. Before I could say anything, she said, "I'm sorry Joe, I guess she finally got around to telling you."

"She didn't tell me much of anything. Just divorce papers and a note saying she found someone else."

"Again, I'm sorry Joe. You didn't deserve this. Maggie has been running around with the new gym teacher for at least a few weeks that I know about. I threatened her on Monday that if she didn't tell you, I was going to."

We chatted for a few more minutes, she offered me a shoulder to cry on and prayed that I would not follow in Jack's footsteps.

After stumbling around my house for an hour, I took a shower and went out to eat. Before I left, I took a picture of Maggie's note and the divorce papers and sent the pictures to our family and friends. I went out for dinner and turned my phone off before I left the house.

I had finished my steak and was debating a third glass of scotch when Maggie's parents sat down across from me.

"How did you find me," I asked.

Maggie's father Bill said, "I don't want to reveal our secrets in case we need to find you again."

Her mom, Marge said, "Joe, I swear to you we had no idea Maggie was planning this. Maybe you had some clue beforehand, but we were totally in the dark. We tried calling her, but it went straight to voice mail. She sent me a text saying she knows everyone will hate her, like they hate Jesse, but she has to follow her heart. I can't believe I raised two cheating sluts."

Bill said, "The reason we are here Joe is because no man should be left alone after having his teeth kicked in. A lesson we should all learn from Jack. Please let us stay with you."

I was done with my third scotch and thinking about a fourth when Bill said, "Go ahead Joe, we'll be your designated drivers."

Bill called my parents as Marge drove me home. They were waiting in my living room when we got there. The fifth glass of scotch was kicking in as we walked through the door my father and Bill helped me upstairs, stripped me down to my underwear and put me to bed.

Both sets of parents were so supportive and they really helped me through the first few weeks. Together they retained a lawyer to represent me and sued the school and Mr. Loverboy. Maggie had been overly generous in terms of the divorce. Basically, she left with the clothes on her back and her car. I was left with our house and our investments. There was no alimony.

The idea of dating was horrifying to me. Both sets of parents wanted me to go out with someone, anyone.

It was weird, although I did not want to date, I never felt any remorse that Maggie left me. I never would have eaten a bullet for her. It wasn't losing Maggie that bothered me, it was losing all the dreams we shared that were never going to happen. No children or grandchildren, no baseball games or school plays. Maybe it was worse for Maggie's parents.

The one-year anniversary of my divorce came and went. In that time, I went on three dates, and they were horrible. I had no interest in anything the women said and no interest in bedding them.

The week after the anniversary there was a knock on my door. It was Maggie. It was freezing out and she was dressed in a short skirt and a tank top. She was painfully thin.

"Hi Joe, can I come in please. It's a little cold out here."

I let her in. There was a small fire going in the fireplace and she knelt down in front of it. I was surprised at how little I felt towards her. As a human being, I felt compassion for another human being who was cold and hungry. But there was no hate, nor was there any of the heart flutter I felt when we were married.

"I saw smoke coming from the chimney and prayed that you had a fire going, that and I prayed you would let me in."

"Where have you been Maggie?"

"Hell Joe, and every time I thought I couldn't get any worse, I found myself praying for Jack's gun."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Hmm, when I was in the women's center, about three days ago."

"I'll make you some soup."

While I heated the soup, I sent Maggie upstairs to find something warmer to wear. I never threw her stuff out or donated it to good will. I just never got around to it. She came down in a pair of sweats.

Maggie dove into the soup, wolfing down chunks of bread with tears streaming from her eyes. While she was eating, I called both our parents because I was going to need some help sorting this out. I told Maggie our parents were on their way.

"I wish you wouldn't have done that Joe. We needed time to talk before they got involved."

"Maggie, the support your parents have given me over the last year may be the only reason I'm still standing. My parents were helpful too. Between the four of them I was never left alone for the first few months after you left. They made sure I didn't follow Jack."

Maggie stared at me, a small tear forming in her eye. She was on her second bowl of soup when our parents arrived. Maggie's mom Marge went into the kitchen to talk to Maggie while the rest of us sat in the living room. Except my mom who put on a pot of coffee.

When Maggie was done eating, Marge called us into the kitchen, and we sat around the kitchen table. Maggie bowed her head, letting her hair fall over her face.

"You need to face us Maggie," said Marge.

Maggie sat up, shook the hair from her face and scanned the faces at the table.

"Why are you here," Marge asked.

"I needed some place safe to go. This was the safest place I could think of. I hoped and prayed that Joe would let me in."

"What are your plans?" Margie was on a roll.

"I have no plans. I hoped Joe would let me in. If he didn't, I was going to follow Jack."

"Like your sister, you guys had it all, great husbands, good jobs, beautiful homes, why did you throw it all away?" Marge asked the $20,000 question.

"Jesse and I always talked about the great and exciting things we were going to do like travel the world and meet great lovers. When we fell in love and married, the doors to those dreams started closing. Both Jesse and I were discussing having children with our husbands and that would shut the final door. We both started having sex with other men, none of whom were better than our husbands. Jesse hired a gigolo for that Friday night. It cost her a lot of money which was why she refused to leave with Jack. She insists it was the best sex she ever had and is confused whether it was worth the cost. When I began the affair with the gym teacher, I realized I had to let Joe go before he found out from my coworkers."

"Was it worth it," asked Marge.

"The first couple of weeks were exciting, that feeling of new love, but it quickly went downhill. Especially when we lost our jobs. We travelled to Ohio in my car to where Javon's family lived. After a month, Javon abandoned me and took my car. I don't want to talk about the things I did or was forced to do, before I swallowed my pride and came back here."

Everyone turned to me, I didn't know what they were looking for and some random thoughts popped into my head.

"We can move Maggie into the guest room for the short term. I think the immediate concern is a full health care screening, after which we can make some long-term decisions."

Everybody agreed and the parents moved Maggie's stuff into the guest room wondering why I never tossed it. After some pizza, the parents left me with Maggie. She asked if she could take a shower, I said sure, and she didn't have to ask my permission to do things like that.

The following morning, I went to work while Maggie was still sleeping. I was troubled that she would find a way to fuck me over, so I asked her parents to keep an eye on her. They readily agreed. That's how things proceeded through that work week until Friday when they took her to the doctors who had her admitted to a hospital. Maggie had been beaten pretty badly numerous times. All of her ribs had been broken, some multiple times and some needed surgery to fix before they punctured a lung. There were also hairline fractures in both arms. The list went on and on. A few days later her bloodwork came back, and she had multiple STDs. A week later she was released after they fixed her ribs, and she was on antibiotics for the STDs. Maggie also started seeing a counselor.

I never went to see her in the hospital although a couple of times I thought I should. I didn't want to mislead Maggie into thinking there would be an 'us' somewhere down the road.

Maggie was much more sociable the third week at my house. She would call me at work to discuss mundane things like what I wanted for dinner or were there any more bags for the vacuum cleaner somewhere. I usually had a call everyday and one of the parents would take her shopping. I gave her a credit card to use and checked the transactions every day. The parents would leave when I got home so Maggie and I would be alone for dinner. Maggie would talk my ear off in nervous chatter, going over her day and asking about mine. I felt sorry for her as she desperately tried to find her place in the world, the world she walked away from.

On Saturday we went to a barbecue at my parents'. Maggie's parents were there along with many of my parents' friends and neighbors. As soon as we got there Maggie latched onto my arm and never left my side, almost hiding behind me. The people were cordial to her, telling her she looked good and welcomed her back. Maggie answers were always one word.

On the way home she said, "I'm sorry Joe for the way I acted today. I felt everyone was staring at me and they all hated me for how I treated you. I wanted to scream out 'yes I know I fucked up and I don't know how to fix it or if it's even fixable.' There may be some bruises on your arms from me squeezing you too hard."

A few minutes later she said, "Are we fixable Joe?"

"I don't know Maggie."

There were tears streaming down her face. I remembered at one time I would have pulled over and held her tight but that wasn't me anymore, at least right now.

That evening, I showered, slipped on some sleeping shorts and sat down to watch TV with a glass of scotch. I was on one end of the couch and Maggie sat down next to me after her shower. She had a night shirt on, nothing sexy but Maggie never had to dress sexy to catch my attention. Maggie reached over and held my hand, and I let her. She had a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. I was trying to conceal the tent in my shorts.

That became the norm unless we had some other event like dinner at one of our parents. Maggie had several similar night shirts, as I said nothing sexy. They came down to the middle of her thigh, the material was thin which let her nipples protrude and it conformed to the curve of her ass. If she happened to stand in front of the tv or a table lamp, the material became transparent. And the way she sat on the couch would cause the hem to rise, revealing most of her thighs.

On one of those nights, Maggie grabbed the bulge of my shorts and said, "I can take care of that for you, no commitments, just a way of letting me thank you for taking me in. If I remember correctly, you always loved when I sucked your cock."

Maggie was the best cock sucker I ever had. Sometimes I would think that's why I married her. Big head and little head were having the debate while Maggie was pulling my cock out. Little head won while Maggie dropped to her knees. Maggie dropped her mouth on my cock and in one motion took me deep into her throat and had her nose pressed against my belly. That gave me a pause but then she slid her hands inside her panties and began diddling her clit. Maggie could never keep her hands off her pussy when she had a cock in her mouth. It didn't take me long to come and Maggie came right after me.

She was still milking my cock and said, "Anytime you want Joe, you don't even have to ask, just take. I'll do anything to show you how grateful I am that you let me stay here."

The new norm included blow jobs from Maggie, sometimes while sitting on the couch and sometimes I would wake up in my bed with Maggie sucking on my cock while humping my leg. One night she was drunk while we watched TV and pulled her night shirt up revealing her lack of panties. Maggie bent over the coffee table with her pussy staring at me.

Handing me a condom she said, "Any hole Joe, I just need to feel you inside me please."

There wasn't any debate as I slipped inside her. She was loose, I mean really loose. I don't know who had been fucking her, but her pussy was stretched out. Thoughts of Javon and other black men fucking Maggie with their big cocks started running through my mind. It took me a long time to come since she was so loose. She had been a slut for black men, and I didn't know what to do about that.

"Could you even feel me, Maggie?"

She burst into tears, and I headed to bed. I know that was mean, but she wanted to know if we were fixable and how was she going to fix that.

Neither Maggie nor I were virgins when we met. I often wondered what her number was before we married but she refused to discuss it. She promised I would be her last. Now I wondered how many men she had been with since we were married and in the last year.

Maggie was sitting at the kitchen table when I came home from work the next day. She was still in her night shirt and had obviously been crying all day judging by the pile of used tissues on the table.

"I'm sorry for what I said last night Maggie, it was just mean."

"Joe don't be sorry. I know you're indifferent about fixing us but that's what I want more than anything and I'll do anything. If you're not honest with me, if you're trying to spare my feelings, we'll never fix anything."

I tried to protest but she cut me off.

"Joe, I know the way you look at me when you're in love with me and I haven't seen that look since I've been back. Maybe just a glimpse once in a while. That's what I want. I was foolish to let it go and now I can't think of anything else but getting it back."

"Don't spare my feeling and answer me honestly, I want to know if you believe there's a chance, you'll love me again?"

"I just don't know Maggie. I certainly don't hate you. Knowing you were cheating on me even before the gym teacher is incredibly painful. I don't know if I can get past that or even if I want to get past that. When I start thinking positively about you, something like last night throws it back in my face, or the first night you sucked me off and how easily you took my full length. Will I ever be able to satisfy you sexually? Is there truth to the saying that once you go black, you can never go back?"

Maggie sat there staring at me, tears running down her face. It looked like she was in fight or flight mode.

"Thank you for being honest with me Joe. You satisfied me last night; from the moment you entered me. But I'm not hearing a hard no from you so I'm going to believe there's still hope. If there isn't, please tell me now."

"There's still hope Maggie, I don't want to make any promises."

"That's all I need Joe. There are some things I need to do, to fix me. I want to continue counseling; I need to have some tattoos removed and there are exercises to tighten me up down there. There's also some surgery I could try but I want to try the exercises first. But I can't have sex for several weeks while doing the exercises. Our parents have agreed to cover all of the medical costs."