We married when she was 18 and I was 20. Twenty-five years later, after our two children left the house to go on their own, she asked me for a divorce. At first I thought it was a joke. She kept insisting that we divorce. It was not a joke! I was blindsided. I questioned what I had done to bring this about. I thought we had a great marriage. We had strong family and social ties. Both of us worked and had similar incomes, so money was not the problem.
She was about to graduate high school when we first met. I had already started college. We both lived in our parents homes. She continued attending high school social events after graduating. I looked for something to keep me busy after classes. The party we met at was given by a friend whose younger sibling was still in high school. Hence, the invited guests included high school and college students.
I saw her from across the room. He blond hair stood out against the gyrating crowd of dancers. One never knows what is under the hair and face until you are up close. Her body was ideal for the way she danced. She was slim and well proportioned in all the right places. Some girls wore sneakers and jeans. She looked more mature and formal in her skirt and low heels. Unlike the girls who tied their hair in pony tails or randomly bunched up behind their heads and held in place with pins, she let her hair fall in waves that settled on her slim shoulder. She looked more mature than her years.
I walked up to within a few feet of her and watched her dance. I couldn't tell if she was alone or dancing with someone lost in the crowd. I must have stood out, standing in place, as everyone around me, danced. I think it was my clothes that drew her attention to me. I dressed as a typical college preppy with Dockers jeans, short sleeve collared shirt and penny loafers. My hair matched the preppy image of what I wore.
She never stopped dancing as she approached me, looked up and asked, "are we dancing together?"
I was tongue-tied. She was beautiful, and she was talking to me.
Above the din of the crowd and music, I finally answered, "now we are."
I moved between and around other people so that I could watch her. She mesmerized me, as she looked up into my face and smiled.
"Have we met before?"
"I would have remembered if we did."
"So, this is our first meeting," she said as she slid into my arms, to the slow tempo of the music.
Everyone moved slowly as the volume and tempo of the music lowered along with the lights. I couldn't believe that I was holding her in my arms. She felt so soft as she melted into me. I hardened as I felt her firm twin peaks against me. She didn't pull away, instead, she gyrated against me. My thoughts abandoned me as my body felt her's.
"Are you comfortable dancing this way?" she asked while looking up into my eyes.
"Are we dancing? I asked. "Holding you feels natural, like we have done this before."
"I like you," she said as she leaned her head against me."
"Are you comfortable this way?" I asked.
"Yes. You smell so good, more like a man than a bottle of cologne."
"Which would you prefer?"
"A man of course,"
We continued dancing together until we were the only ones on the dance floor. The music had stopped and people were either siting or standing in groups talking. We stopped dancing when we realized there was no music. She took my hand and pulled me towards a table where four women sat. When we reached the table, she introduced me after awkwardly asking me my name. Within minutes I was sitting at a table with five good-looking women, one of whom I danced with, one of whom I wanted to know better.
After several introductory minutes, getting to know each other, the girls talked about people and things that were foreign to me. I sat quietly as each girl said her piece, but I concentrated on the girl I danced with. There wasn't much I could contribute. They were still in high school, or had just graduated. I was already out of high school more than two years.
We parted at the party, not before she made me promise to call her. She insisted on getting my number so that if I lost her's or forgot to call, she would remind me. In my mind I knew that there was no way I would forget her or her phone number.
I can't tell you if it was infatuation or immediate true love. From our first formal date till we married we were never apart. We married less than six months after we met. She had just graduated high school, and I was in my second year of college. Her mother objected to our marriage because she felt that her daughter was too young and would miss out on the single lifestyle many had before committing to marriage. Aside from that one objection, our parents got along with each other and with us. It didn't take long for a strong bond between the six of us to develop.
Our feelings for each other were too strong to seriously consider her mother's one objection. When we announced that we wanted to marry, both our parents were surprised. We were too young, too inexperienced and with no resources to fund a marriage. While I had been with other women, she was a virgin before me. She insisted and I agreed, that when you find "your one true love" you had to move on it or maybe lose it forever.
Neither set of parents had expected and therefore saved for the cost of a wedding. Our wedding was a small affair, limited by our parent's finances. There were a lot more people at the wedding ceremony than at party afterwards.
Once married it was only natural that we spend our nights together. Aside from several nights at a nearby resort hotel as a "honeymoon" we were on our own. Without resources of our own, we needed to rely on others for a place to sleep. Since neither of us worked, we relied on the hospitality of our parents. We alternatively slept at my parent's home, her parent's home and my dorm room, when we were sure we could be alone.
Our rotating sleeping arrangements lasted a year until both of us, with part-time work, could afford a place of our own. She worked full-time for the first six months after graduating high school. Afterwards, she continued working part-time while she took college classes.
It was at the beginning of our second married year when we found out that she was pregnant. It was not a good time to get pregnant, but I guess it never is. It just meant that we had one more hardship. With a lot of manipulation and time management, we accommodated our youngest arrival. My wife was a ball off fire with boundless amounts of energy. While I focused on my studies and part-time job, she made everything else happen.
She awed me. I was in love and thought that there would never be another, and there wasn't. With all our hardships we never wavered. We had each other to face whatever hardships life presented.
By the time the second baby came, I had finished college and was working full-time. All of a sudden we had money coming in. As the hardships diminished we enjoyed more of each other and the two new additions to our family. Life felt good.
When the children came, others envied her for her balancing act. She managed the house, children and me, her husband. She seemed to always have time to do what she thought needed to be done. She was the social director for our children, our parents, me, and some of the neighborhood women. She never got a degree from college, opting instead to work in real-estate since she wanted flexible hours. She never had that dragged out housewife look. True to the way we first met, she always dressed appropriately and always looked professional when meeting clients. Many of the guys that knew us envied me for having an attractive wife that always looked "good."
When she left college to become a full-time housewife and mother, our lives became "routine." It was routine in the sense that our lives centered around the children and home. While I left the house every day for work, she worked at and from home. She took care of the children, house and job requirements. She had arrangements in place to take care of the children when she needed to leave the house for a real-estate opportunity. Every night we were together for dinner. After watching TV we went to bed and had sex before sleep. It was rare that we did not have some sexual activity before falling asleep. Sleep after sex was satisfying and came easily and quickly.
As our children grew and no longer needed a stay at home mom, she devoted more time to her realtor efforts as a real-estate agent. Once our two children entered their late teens my wife filled her days with other activities. She joined several real-estate clubs but dropped most after a few meetings. She remained with one group "the realtors girls night out." It consisted of women realtors from different agencies and numbered more than thirty women. The core group of four women, arranged for a venue, speakers and other agenda items of interest to the whole group. Ten to fifteen women attended most meetings. After the general interest segment of the meetings concluded, women who wanted to talk more, met at a nearby bar. I think that is when and where the problems started.
**THE KINK
Our problems did not come about suddenly. Over months I noticed a change in her, especially after her girls night out. It was a subtle change that I originally attributed to time and aging. When I felt she stopped caring and found more things to complain about me, I should have taken steps. I don't know what steps I could have taken, but I should have done something. Her changes waned after a few days, then returned after another girls night out. When she came out and asked for the divorce, I originally thought that her girls night out was a cover for other activities.
