"Barbara, what's going on?"
"God I hate doing this," she said, obviously in some mental anguish. "I'm about to lose a very good friend, but I can't help it," she said still not being able to look me in the eye.
"What, Barbara; who is the friend you're going to lose, Cora?"
Just then the bar maid came over to take our order; it was an untimely interruption and I had to keep myself from being rude just to get rid of her. As soon as she turned her back to leave I pounced. "Okay, Barbara, tell me; what the hell is going on?"
She sighed as if she was about to face a firing squad. "A couple months ago Cora called me all upset over you being born in Michigan instead of Chicago like she thought you were. She said she redid your chart and found you weren't the honest person she thought you were. She had been lied to in an early relationship, Steve; it hurt her very badly, so honesty is very important to her now."
"Barbara, I have never lied to her," I said interrupting.
"I know, Steve, and I told her that but it really bothered her. We've talked about it a few times since then, and try as she has, she just can't let go of it. It's been extremely difficult for her because she does love you but she just can't help believing the chart; according to her interpretation it said one day she's going to wake up and find you've lied to her about something that will cause her whole world to come crashing down on her."
About that time the barmaid came back with my beer and put Barbara's lemonade down in front of her. "Your orders will be up in a few minutes," she informed us before leaving again.
"Barbara, that's ridiculous. I'm really shocked to find out Cora takes all this astrology stuff so seriously, I thought it was more of a hobby."
"Oh no, she believes in it wholeheartedly," she said. "She kept it from you because she knew how you felt but she never lost her faith in the stars."
"Faith in the stars," I repeated cynically shaking my head. "Can't you tell her she's interpreting it wrong?"
"I tried but she has a mind of her own, Steve. She's very good at constructing and reading charts and she knows it."
God, this was all so mind numbing; I was getting more and more fretful by the minute.
"Has she said anything about children? We talked about a month ago; my business is doing pretty well and I told her I'd like to start a family. She wasn't quite as enthusiastic as I had hoped; now I understand why. Has she said anything to you?"
"Oh yeah, she was really torn on having children after doing your chart. She said she didn't think she could be a single parent."
"For crying out loud, this is crazy, Barbara, she's got us divorced already?" I said getting a little louder than I had intended.
Barbara's face changed, looking as if she was in torment.
"What?" I asked in fear. "Don't tell me she's filing for divorce!"
"No, I don't think so, but..."
"But what, Barbara; come on, tell me what the hell is going on in her mind, damn it."
"Steve, I don't know for sure, but...well, we had a new guy join the club a couple months ago; his name is Mark Goodsom. Of course we all did his chart and started discussing it with him; we do that with everybody; anyway, we all started comparing his chart to our own and found that his and Cora's were a perfect match, I mean perfect; according to their charts they were born to be with each other."
I started feeling sick. Barbara was insinuating that Cora had already found another man; I had to excuse myself quickly as I got up and ran to the washroom. Tears were welling up in my eyes before I even got there. I immediately went into one of the stalls where I was sure I would vomit, but after a few minutes past, I couldn't, so I washed my face and returned to the table.
"Barbara, is she planning on leaving me?"
"Truthfully, Steve, I don't know; but what prompted this meeting was you telling me Cora was on her way over to the club," she looked me in the face then looked down again. "Steve, I haven't seen Cora for the last month," she said sadly, before hitting me with the punch line, "nor have I seen Mark."
God, never in my life had I felt the way I did at that moment. "You mean she's cheating on me?"
"I don't know," she quickly responded. "Honestly, but when you said she was coming over last night...well, she never showed; neither did Mark."
I hadn't even noticed the barmaid as she set our food down in front of us. "Enjoy," she said before walking away.
I slumped down in my seat; I'd never felt so low or so defeated in my life. I wanted to burst out crying but was determined not to do it in front of Barbara and the whole bar.
"She didn't come home last night until after midnight; she said you and her got talking and she lost track of time," I said almost mumbling as if I was in a trance.
The woman who just destroyed me with the truth shook her head. "I'm sorry, Steve, but like I said, I haven't seen her in a month."
I thought back to Thursday night and realized what was different, her hair; it was done differently than when she left; I also remembered she smelled different, like she had just showered and used a different brand of soap. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now it was all falling into place.
"I'm sorry, Barbara, I don't mean to leave you like this but I can't stay; if you do see or talk to Cora, please don't tell her about our meeting," I said standing abruptly and throwing thirty bucks on the table. I hurried out and across the street to my car; I drove around to the back of the office building where no one would see me and cried...cried harder than I could remember ever crying before, even as a child.
I had no idea how long I sat there but when I finally ran out of tears I realized I had no idea what to do. She was the most important person in my life; I'd take a bullet for her. How could she not see WE were reality, SHE and I, not that stupid astrology crap; that was nothing but fantasy? I pounded my fist against door panel in frustration. "I can't lose her," I told myself out loud, "She's my life, I can't...I just can't lose her!"
I was physically and emotionally drained. My chest rose and fell as I tried to breathe. I could feel my heart pounding so hard I thought it would explode. I needed to think. Rhetorically, I kept asking myself what am I going to do but it wasn't a rhetorical question, I really did need to figure out a plan of action.
I couldn't stay in the car all day, I needed someplace where I would be comfortable; some place I could block out everything else and consider my options. I started the car and headed for my studio.
As soon as I was inside I turned my cell phone off and wandered into my office in the back of the building; I was wishing I had some hard liquor but I never kept any there. I did have a coffee pot so I poured myself a cold cup and stuck in the microwave. That was better anyway, I thought, I needed a clear head. I put the, now hot cup of coffee, on the desk and literally collapsed into my chair. I still couldn't believe it; maybe it's not true. Maybe there's a perfectly innocent explanation...but if that was the case why would she lie to me?
