It Started with Not Feeling Good

"This is UPS, Ms. Carol McCarthy, you have a delivery."

Standing in the hallway of a $50 a night motel, a UPS delivery person, a Process server and a rep from the Dept of Public Health were waiting. The UPS delivery man had 20 boxes of Carol's clothes and other things. We all know what the Process Server had. There was also a representative from the Dept of Public Health.

After much pounding on the door and getting the motel manager, the door opened to two shaken people. Mrs. Carol McCarthy, 48, a Pharmacy Tech and her boss, Mr. Bill Ross, 43, had by this time redressed themselves, but it really did not matter.

In the hallway were Mrs. Joan Ross, 42, Mr. John McCarthy, 51, and the three McCarthy children, Ann, 26, Tom, 25 and Jim, 23. All were holding laptops showing a live feed from any of several webcams active in that hotel room.

The UPS man asked for a signature for the boxes. The Process Server served both of them with divorce papers. And the rep from the Department of Health required them to be interviewed, tested and treated before being cleared to return to work.

Dr. Ann McCarthy returned Carol's Medical Power of Attorney back to Carol, stating that she would no longer be her physician.

Tom McCarthy Esquire then stated, "I am representing Mr. John McCarthy and am not be available to represent you. There is an order of protection in place that states that you are not allowed at the house or to have any contact with your husband or your adult children. The motel room is in John McCarthy name and has been paid for the next 5 days. So with your belongings, you should have time to find a place to live. The credit cards have been cancelled, the checking account was closed, but a new account was set up in your name. As soon as you go to the bank to finish the paperwork, the money will be deposited. Half the liquid assets have been placed in it for your use. Are there any questions?"

Jim McCarthy then requested and received his phone back.

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It all started when John was not feeling right one week. Something was wrong with his body, and he did not know what it was. The wonderful thing about having a daughter that became a physician, he did not need to wait for an appointment, but just call.

Ann did the normal things that a doctor would do, including blood work. With something from the back of her mind, she ordered a couple more screenings. A door opened when she received the results. Her father had an STD, a curable one, but an STD.

As a complete professional, she called him in for a follow up visit, and blocked off an hour of her patient time. She put her own feelings to the side. This is what she learned from her father, be professional.

When he arrived, she sat him down and herself down across from him at a table. "Dad, you have an STD. For public health purposes, we have to find the source of the transmission. I would like you to be completely honest with me. Have you had sexual contact with anyone else besides your wife? Is there any way you could have come in contact with anothers bodily fluids? I am not here to judge or condemn."

There was a look of shock on his face, then one of resignation. "I have not even looked at another person since I asked her to marry me 29 years ago."

She saw his sorrow, she knew where it was coming from. There was a reason she requested the additional tests. "Before we go off the deep end on this, let me get Mom in here. I will not share this with her, but I will test her too. I will have the nurse give you an injection. What you have should clear in a couple of days. Come back in two weeks after your next round trip load to California. Officially, you have a bug of some sort that is contagious."

Ann examined her mother, ran the extended tests and the result was the same. She received a 'booster shot' for her immune system, being careful to not let her see what it was. Carol and John were tested again in a week and were clear. Her father then left to drive his rig to California. Instead of being away only a week, he was able to get some additional runs to Vancouver and Salt Lake City. He returned to the East Coast three weeks later.

Because of the 'bug' that was going around, Carol was tested each week. She was positive for an STD again by the end of that third week, before her husband returned. He returned to a negative, his blood was clear but his 28 year marriage was not.

Carol was always been a demanding and punitive individual. Full of herself, massively opinionated, sometimes cruel and self-centered. John was a truck driver that provided all he could to his family. They put their lives into their kids, and the kids did their parents well. The kids became a doctor, a lawyer and the last was an MBA in finance. He was not able to pay for everything on a truck driver's ticket, but he did all he could.

His children were his pride and joy. He always had a good relationship with them, and they with each other. Ann called a family conference with Tom and Jim. All the kids had their suspicions for years, this was no shock.

The three of them mourned the destruction, but vowed to support their father, only their father. If there was real contrition from their mother, maybe something else would be done. Their job was now to protect their father, emotionally, legally, medically and morally. They came up with a plan. It gave their mother a chance, but there were no guarantees of anything.

John and Carol had $50,000 in savings outside of their 401Ks, in bank CDs. That money would be split three ways to pay directly to the outstanding student loans. This would take it away from their mother's ability to touch it. Each child would repay it to their father when able to.

The house was underwater, John's car was 8 years old, and Carol has a 1 year old Caddy, in her name and her payments. His 401K had $350K, hers had $125K. There may be a loss there due to the laws of the state.

She works as a pharmacy tech part time and brought in $40K a year. In a good year, John brought in $80 to $100K. No other assets.

The next issue was to find who, how and when she was cheating with. After that, it would be documentation, but first things first.

A year ago Carol asked for a smart phone, and she got it for Christmas from the three of them. It was still in Jim's name, but the monthly bill came to their parent's house and their father paid it. Jim, as the official owner, will change the billing address. As Jim set up her email and her phone security, more apps will be added to that phone. Tracking and monitoring will begin ASAP. Tom will create the initial diversion and Jim will do the install tomorrow.

Ann will quietly take samples for DNA tests for all five of them. Tom will bring in tech support for monitoring the family house and her car. Additional people to be brought in as needed. John taught his kids to be professional. This was all done without personal emotion, just cold and calculated actions. Emotions have nothing to do with being professional in a business situation.

Their father was brought in a week later as some of the results came in. All the children were his. There would be weekly blood work to monitor and maintain his health. From the smart phone monitoring, Carol was not in any place where she was not expected to be this week, but the emails fully documented her cheating.

She was cheating with her boss Mr. Bill Ross, the shift's lead pharmacist. They only got together when John left town, and only during lunch as he was married with two kids less than 10 years old. They meet at the local no-tell motel 10 minutes away from their work. May have started when she got the phone, but that was unclear. Discussions with the long term clerk, greased by two C-notes provided much information. The same second floor room is reserved. The first one there pays for it with cash. They just get the key from the front desk when the other arrives. They each drive their own cars. He has a two year old BMW, she has the year old Caddy. There is a liability with the national pharmacy chain that employs them both. He is her supervisor.

Information was needed on Mrs. Joan Ross and her children. It is important to not blind side her and her kids with what happens. Contact will happen when there is graphic evidence to present.

Decision to web cam 'their' hotel room was made and the tech people brought in for a consultation. Multiple webcams recording was suggested and accepted. With the desk clerk's cooperation paid for with another couple of C-notes, the room was 'permanently' rented and the hidden cams were installed in wall decorations.

John left for another long run to California, and their first documented extramarital sexual relations was made the next day.

All financial plans were in place, the divorce papers were created and with fed-ex, were sent and received from John in California for signing. Mrs. Joan Ross was then contacted and a meeting was set up.

With a Social Worker on standby, the recording of her husband's infidelity was received with resignation. It had been suspected. She planned to go forward with the divorce.

All the people that worked on John's divorce planning were used for Mrs. Ross. It took two weeks to organize and complete. By that time, John returned home, but was immediately given a 'new load' to California the same day.

An email suggested meeting at the hotel the next day for 'fun and games'. The trap was set and the two hotel rooms on either side of 'their room' were rented. Carol arrived first and was just given the key. Bill arrived five minutes later and went straight up to their room. It cost a little bit of cash and a couple of well placed phone calls, but the UPS and Public Health Rep arrived after 20 minutes, the Process server was 5 minutes later.

The whole interaction was very professionally done. It was not professionally received. There was crying and promises and explanations from both of them, but their words fell on deaf ears. The two spouses and the three adult children walked silently away leaving the two to blaming each other.

Two weeks later, a meeting was set up with Carol, Carol's counsel, John, John's counsel Tom as well as Ann and Jim. Because of the Discovery requirements, Tom presented the listing of assets. Carol was shocked that the $50,000 was spent. She was offered the house and the equity of her car as well as enough from John's 401K to make them have equal amounts.

Her lawyer asked for counseling and a trial separation. Carol was crying, and Tom asked her lawyer that his client restrain herself or the meeting was going to be immediately over. This shocked her into submission. At that point, an agreement was made to consider each others requests and to meet in two weeks. John's side left first in silence.

This pattern of meetings went on for over 6 weeks. At that point, a trial date was set over Carol's objections.

During this time, her one-time boss was fired and a law suit was filed against him by Tom for alienation of affection. A low settlement was offered by the Pharmacy legal department, but was not accepted. Her ex-boss left town after he settled with his wife. He got the clothes on his back and needed to sell the BMW for living money. It appears that this was not the first time he was unfaithful and was caught.

When the liquid assets were split, it only amounted to $5,000 each. The difference being their salaries, and she was immediately starting to hurt financially. She was forced to sell the Caddy as she could not afford rent and car payments. She worked as many hours as she could. It was difficult being there, everyone knew, but everyone knew before too. Now there was no fear of retribution, but no one was nasty to her.

Each time they went before the judge, another delay was made, postponing the start of the trial. This went on for a year. Generally, it was her son delaying it, sometimes it was her own lawyer. She could not get to the point of asking the judge to consider counseling.

She learned a lot in that year. She realized that she was a nasty self centered person that threw her weight around when ever she wanted. Because she was now missing her support, every time she did something bad, it came back to hit her.

Through her lawyer, she requested from John some additional living expenses. Without telling anyone, she used those funds for counseling. She was realizing she needed to fix herself. It was a lot of hard work for her, for anyone. But she kept at it. She even became pleasant at work and got a promotion to team leader. She started to learn how to build things, not just rip them apart. She realized that she needed to start over at 49.

What she did not realize was that the insurance company was sending statements of her medical claims to the holder of the insurance, her husband. Their youngest son Jim was monitoring all expenses and could see who and what type of doctor was providing the services. He needed to see if there were real changes in her.

One day, Carol ran into her son Jim at the grocery store across the street from her therapist's office. He 'accidentally' was there that day. Remembering the order of protection, she apologized and started to walk away. He called her to stop and have coffee. She found out the order was no longer in force and he was willing to speak with her.

He asked her about her life, and without knowing, she let slip that she had been in counseling that day. She said that she was doing much better, that she was looking at her life. That it was difficult, that she damaged everyone in her life. He brought up Ann. Her daughter was pregnant. At that she began to cry and had to walk away.

The next day at her work, Ann showed up at quitting time asking if they could go out for a cup of herbal tea. They talked over three hours. It was not a forced talk, but Carol showed that she was different. She did not ask about their father or other brother. She spoke sometimes about the past, the good, the bad, the rotten things she did that ended her marriage, that damaged her family. For the first time, with anyone but her therapist, she spoke in detail about the affairs she had before. These were the ones the kids had some awareness, but not full knowledge of. She talked about what was going on inside of her then and now. The why of it all, what was lacking in her. She even showed to Ann part of a long letter she was writing to her father, a letter that he would never be getting. Carol said that she realized a long time ago that they would never be meeting one-on-one. Mother and daughter hugged at parting. The first time Carol touched anyone from her family in over a year. Touch from a loved one is precious.

At her next therapy session, her therapist asked her a question. Would she be interested in a group therapy session too? There is a marriage group that meets on Tuesdays. It might help to hear what others say and feel. It was hard on her budget, but she decided to go. Unfortunately, she messed up the room number and arrived 5 minutes late.

After she settled, someone else came in five minutes later. It was John. He took a look around and sat in the only open seat, right behind her. Their eyes met, and only broke when he moved behind her. His eyes were not harsh, or nasty or mean, but questioning and soft.

When the group leader finished her intro, she asked the new members, if they wanted to, to introduce themselves and say why they were there this evening. Carol saw four people on the other side of the room stand up and speak. Two were cheated upon and the other two were having trouble in their marriage. Then it was Carol's turn.

"Hello, my name is Carol. I was a cheating self centered whore of a wife that has been living on my own for over the past year. I was having trouble with life in general and abused anyone that I felt I could. It was all about me, never about us. This cost me my marriage and my children. Just recently, I was able to speak with two of my adult children in a year. My daughter is expecting, we even hugged. I have damaged so many people in my life. I am moving on as best I can, and repair what ever damage I can, but I feel that it is too late." She sat down and sobbed.

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard, "My name is John. I was a husband that was cheated upon, many times. It was only my children that pulled the resources to break away from it, before it killed me. They helped me to kind-of end my marriage, and kind-of not. You see, I am still married but have not spoken to her in over a year. Now my children say that I need to step up to the plate. They normally don't tell me what to do except this time, I need to talk with her, because now I want to." and he sat down.

Neither Carol nor John was able to really concentrate on the group session. They both waited behind and looked at each other when John suggested a nearby greasy spoon. She countered with a Starbucks for tea, and she was buying.

This was the first of many tea nights after the group sessions. It was a get to re-know your partner. No promises were made, or given, but for the next three months they met afterward and talked. There was an evening where John was not there, but Tom showed up after the group session and they talked and reconnected.

At the next session, the leader came over to Carol and asked her to join her out in the hallway. "I've just received a message from John a few minutes ago. He does not have your phone number. You've been asked to go to St. Mark's hospital across town, 5th floor, maternity. And here is $20 for the cab I just called. Hurry, go now."

There were three very worried looking people there. Ann's husband was with her in the room. Carol found out that Ann was 8 weeks early and everyone was on edge. The focus of the four of them was on Ann and her husband, not Carol. Hours later, some answers came out. She was fine, the baby girl has some breathing problems, but that is somewhat normal for premature births. They were all called in to the see the newborn through the windows.

While standing there and looking at the child and crying, Carol felt a hand on her shoulder. It was the second time that John touched her. She went from crying to wailing when he hugged her. She could not hug back. She said, "I've been a jerk most of my life with you. How you stand to be around me?"

"Excuse me Grandma, but stop crying in front of baby Carol." Carol was shocked into silence. "We have much more to work out, but would you like to have standard marriage counseling sessions with me now? We have some things we need to work on together."