It Doesnt Matter Why

Ok, only a couple of more things and its home for the weekend. God, what a grueling goddamn day this had been. Stop and send the out going mail at the post office and load up at the liquor store. This is how I spend my time these days, work to keep my mind off her. Then drink until I pass out.

Considering the last statement, you could assume that I am a typical alcoholic. Well maybe, but is it so typical to start seriously drinking at forty. I led my life up to this point with out need of a crutch. Fuck, now I need a damn wheelchair to get through the day. My life is a train wreck, and all of my so called friends could see it coming but did absolutely nothing to stop the damn train.

Well fuck them, I don't need friends like them anyway. We'll all get along just fine if they continue to keep me in the dark just the way they always did. You know what? I think it would be better if we didn't associate at all. Any fucking one of them could have stopped the destruction of my marriage, but they stood around with their heads in each others asses.

They were all there for me after Janet left me, every one of them. I got so tired of hearing their shit about how they didn't want to interfere. All of them told me I had to have known it was coming, it was all so apparent to them. It would seem I was the only person in the neighborhood that was clueless. They can all kiss my ass.

How do you see your wife of fifteen years fall in love with another man and walk out on you when you are so blind with love and trust. It was unthinkable, I would have never seen it in a million years. Fuck, I still don't really believe it. I bet my life on her, she got every thing from me that I had to give. As I look back at it, the only blame I recognize is that I didn't stop it when I had the chance. But how do you stop something you just can't see?

We always had a wonderful life. Most people have a few things they would change in there life, not me. At least not until that cocksucker Brad moved in next-door. You know the type, a little younger than you, a little better looking than you and a loud mouth smooth talking prick. He's the guy all men worry about around their wives. But not old blind Mike, that's me, I didn't even give it a thought. Janet would never do anything to hurt me, yeah right.

I didn't like Brad from the first time I saw him. But, still I never saw him as a threat. I loved my wife as much a man could possibly love a woman, and I had no reason to believe Janet loved me any less. Our life was what fairy tales are written about, now though it seems like a horror story.

I can't even give you a reason why she left. Janet only told me she was leaving me for Brad, and she walked out just like that. No explanation, no apologies, no goodbye. The neighborhood chatter says they were an item, nobody seemed to have any real details though. I have some real insecurity issues now, and as I thought about our marriage no other reason but sex would come to mind.

This still made no sense to me, we had a good sex life. There were never any issues about it. We had always been honest with each other about what we liked and didn't like. Our time together was a big part of both our lives as we had no children. We still made love several times a week even after all the years we had been married. I never saw any indication her love had changed. She just walked out the door a few weeks ago for Brad.

I gave Janet space, I thought she might at least tell me why. There still hadn't been any contact from her, not even divorce papers yet. I know inside it's over between us, but I wanted to know why. What had changed between us, none of the usual shit applied to us that I could see.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I was considering calling 911. Oh sweet Jesus, why would a thinking man subject himself to this abuse? I realized why I never was a drinker before now. I had a hangover on top of my hangover. This was madness, no human being is worth this pain. I decided right then and there not to let Janet ruin what was left of my life.

By late afternoon I no longer wished to die. I gathered all the booze strewn about the house and deposited it in the dumpster as quietly as I possibly could. This was my version of AA, the new three-step process. Step one, stop drinking. Step two, forgive my self for the pain I had inflicted on me. Step three, forget about why Janet had left me. The whys went into the dumpster with the booze. Hell, I didn't need twelve steps, when three would work just as well.

During the next week spent sober I had plenty of time to make decisions regarding my marriage to Janet. It was blaringly obvious I could no longer tolerate Janet's actions, she and Brad would pay for my hurt and anger. And they wouldn't even know I had done it.

I would bide my time, let things settle down. My only actions at the time would be to protect all of my assets. I contacted my bank and transferred the bulk of my money to another bank in my name only. I canceled our joint credit cards, cashed in cds, you get the drift. If I hurried and was lucky I would be broke by all appearances in a month.

I put the house on the market with instructions to expedite the sale. I wanted every penny I could rub together out of the country as soon as possible. It needed to be done before Janet filed for divorce and froze all of my cash. None of this was strictly legal but I didn't plan to be around to answer questions after the fact. So far she was playing into my hands.

My lawyer was a good friend, Richard had handled a few things for me in the past. I explained to him that I needed divorce papers drawn up. I gave him only the details that were necessary, his instructions were to hold the paperwork until I needed them served. I didn't yet have that timeframe.

I tried to stay low key as much as possible, I changed all of the locks on the house and changed phone numbers. I left instructions at work not to accept calls from Janet. This may sound stupid at this point, but I needed to make it as hard as possible to be reached for now.

Janet and I both had rather high paying jobs, and with no children had been able to save quite a sum of money. The house had sold a lot quicker than even I had hoped. It took a little over a month, I was now living in a shitty little apartment near work. I had amassed nearly 1.2 million dollars in an account in the Cayman Islands, so I felt I could disappear and live rather well on the funds available to me. I hadn't yet done any thing with my retirement accounts, but that would be next.

Janet has a very sensitive government job, and it requires a rather high security clearance. The pay is good but her government retirement can't be touched for another fifteen or so years. As I saw it she had no other sources of support other than her paycheck and the asshole Brad.

Friday I asked a few of the guys at work to join me for a drink. No, I hadn't started that shit again. I needed to be at the bar that Brad frequented for my plan to work. I just wanted the appearance of drinking.

There were five of us that night, the only reason I wanted them there was to give me cause to be at this pub. We ordered our beers and my plan was in motion. Right on schedule, the loud mouth asshole arrived after a hard day of bullshit.

He didn't see me right away. After his second drink I sent him a fresh one. The bartender took Brad his drink and told him where it came from. As he looked down the bar and recognized me I tipped my beer to him and turned back to my friends and continued our conversation. He was caught like a deer in the headlights of a speeding truck. I could see his reflection in the mirror as he tried to decide what the fuck had just happened.

I never once looked in his direction again. It was important for him not to see any aggression on my part. I wanted so much to go over and beat the living shit out of that prick, but it would ruin any chance of my revenge. I resisted that urge with every ounce of strength in my body. I told myself, just maintain let him do all the work for you.

I kept up this same charade for the next few days. I visited the same bar night after night. Most nights he was there with that same confused look on his face. It was eating away at him inside to know I was there and seemingly not noticing him. What a narcissistic dickhead he was, I was counting on him making the first move and he did.

He couldn't stand to stay away. In less than a week his curiosity got the better of him and he approached me.

"Hey, um Mike, I want you to know that it wasn't anything personal, and it wasn't planned. You know things just happened and well anyway..."

I held up my hand to stop him right there. Not anything personal, you stole my wife and you don't think that is personal, I thought.

"Its ok Brad, don't even give it a second thought, Hey, bartender could you give us a couple of shots of the good stuff."

"Man, you seem to be taking this pretty well." He said as the shots arrived.

"To be honest, I'm glad to be rid of her, she never was quite the wife I had hoped for." I said as I lifted my glass and ordered two more shots.

"Wow, you know I never saw you like this. You never drank at any of the neighborhood parties."

"Well Brad, I never could drink before. When I first married Janet I drank like a fish. One night I came home and passed out, and when I woke up the next morning I had bruises all over me. You know it took me a few more times to learn my lesson and figure it out. So one night I pretended to be drunk when I came home. I found out that Janet was beating the crap out of me with a rolling pin when I came home stoned."

"You're kidding right? Janet wouldn't do such a thing."

"She won't do it to me again, that's for sure. Here's how." I said as I drank up.

I lured Brad into some off the wall conversation about his work. I kept steering the conversation away from Janet. After several more drinks Brad went to the men's room to make room for more beer. I poured the Rohypnol into his half finished beer. I should only take about fifteen minutes until he is out on his feet.

I had sobered up enough to drive the unconscious Brad home. I leveled a few strategic punches to his kidneys and back. As quietly as I could I deposited him on his doorstep, and drove home. I only wished I could be a fly on the wall when he awoke.

The next day I called Janet at work. She was very cautious of taking my call. I didn't rant or rave which took her by surprise. I told her I had a few thing s to take care of but I would like to get together in the next few weeks to talk about splitting our assets. I had absolutely no intention of giving her anything, but I needed a reason to give her my new cell phone number without any suspicion.

We talked like old friends for a while.

"I'm sorry Mike, I really didn't plan for any of this to happen."

"Hey, I understand how it is Janet. I don't want you to worry about it."

"I was so afraid to talk to you after..."

"Please don't Janet, its ok I'm fine and you're happy. That's good enough."

"But Mike, I should have..."

"Janet, look I have to go. I'll call you in a couple of weeks."

I could hear her crying as I hung up the phone. Yes, she was feeling guilty now, this was perfect. Janet feels terrible about her treatment of me, and Brad thinks I'm his best friend. This could not have worked any better.

I went to the pub a little later than usual. After all, the groundwork had already been done. Brad was already half in the bag when I got there. I walked up and smacked him on the back in the same spot I had punched him the night before.

"How you doing Brad?" I said as he flinched from the contact.

"I've had better days, Mike."

"A little hair of the dog there Brad?"

"Yeah, I guess I over did it a little last night. I don't even remember going home."

"You were pretty plastered last night. I helped you into a cab."

"That explains why my car was still here today."

"Mike, when Janet beat on you did you ever do anything about it?"

"Yeah, I quit drinking."

"You mean you let her get away with it?"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Call the cops? She's my wife, or was I guess. I couldn't do that, so I quit the sauce."

"I see your point."

"Why Brad, did she clobber you?"

"Oh no, just wondering."

"Bartender, two down here." I said.

The scenario for tonight would be the same as last night. The only difference would be an added rolling pin. If I could guarantee one thing about Janet it would be her love for baking pies. Her grandmother had taught her to bake and there was hardly a time there wasn't a piece of pie to eat in the house. She used an old French rolling pin that her grandmother had given her, It was just like the one I had bought at the culinary shop this afternoon. I still see Janet with it in her hands, I'll bet Brad sees it now as well.

I didn't give Brad the full treatment, just enough to leave bruises on his body that would make him sore for a week or so. I was careful not to break any bones, but it was enough for him to have no doubt about what he thought had happened. The idea of Janet beating him had already taken deep root in his mind.

A few nights later, I found Brad in his customary place at the pub. Tonight he was sipping club soda.

"Hey Brad, what's with the drink? You take the cure or what?"

"Nah, just trying to cut back a little. How's things with you these days?"

"Couldn't be any better. You know I really need to thank you for taking that bitch off my hands. I haven't had this much fun in years."

"How so, Mike?"

"Shit man, I got laid last night for the first time in five years. Man, it was great."

"You're joking right? You are standing there trying to tell me that you and Janet didn't have sex for the last five years."

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She put out for the first year or two, then I had to beg for it. I got real tired of that shit after a while so I just started taking things into my own hands if you get what I mean."

I could literally see the gears in his head grinding on this revelation. This was so easy I still don't believe it. I bet in two weeks that I could get him to jump from the Golden Gate Bridge and send me a thank you note later.

I ordered two triple Jacks with Cuervo chasers, I had to get some booze into this dickhead.

"Come on Brad, lets celebrate the end of my celibacy."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Mike. I been hitting the stuff pretty hard lately."

Come on you pussy, drink up."

That did it, I knew he couldn't stand to be challenged and not answer it. He threw it back and went right after the tequila. I took my drink and headed to the men's room. I poured it in the urinal and took a piss then flushed. He had responded in kind and the next round was waiting for me when I returned to the bar. An hour later he was barely able to walk. It hadn't been easy but I had ditched almost every drink.

I almost felt sorry for the prick, almost. I wailed on him with that rolling pin for a good five minutes. He would not soon forget his wounds, which he would blame on Janet. I had played Brad like an old familiar fiddle.

My morning was bright and full of sunshine. Even if Janet gets away with beating Brad, that thought gave me a laugh. Even if Janet gets away with allegedly beating Brad, I had gotten in my licks on him. I was out of here in any case.

The ring of my cell phone broke my thought process. It was Janet, and she was using her only call from jail to talk to me. How thoughtful of her was that? It was very hard to understand her between sobs.

"Mike, I didn't have anyone else to turn to."

"Janet, my god, what's going on? Are you ok?"

"Mike, they arrested me. Brad came home drunk and passed out at the front door. When he came inside this morning he was yelling and screaming that I beat him up."

"Well, did you?"

"How can you ask me that? You know me, I would never do that."

"I thought I knew you once upon a time."

"I deserve that, Mike. But I need your help. Please, I have no one else to turn to. None of my friends will have anything to do with me any more after, well, you know."

"What are you charged with?"

"They told me domestic violence, and probably assault as well."

"Christ Janet, you'll lose your job for this. You know you can't hold your security clearance now that you've been arrested. This is pretty bad what do you need me to do?"

"Can you come down and bail me out? I know I have no right to ask but I'm in deep shit. I have to get out and straighten out this whole mess."

"Well, Janet you know I'd really like to but I'm not in town. How about if I send Richard to see you, will that help? "

"That would be so wonderful, Mike. I'll never be able to repay you."

She was certainly right about that, if she couldn't find me she couldn't pay me back. I was on my way to the airport when I called Richard to ask him to serve Janet with divorce papers in the county clink. I don't think I stopped laughing until I got to Miami. I left a total of fifteen hundred dollars for Janet, spread out in our banking accounts. One hundred dollars for each year we had been married.

After a few days and many currency exchanges, I was out of the Caymans. As I lay on a beach with my Diet Pepsi, I wonder how long Janet stayed in jail. Oh well, it doesn't really matter, I'll ask Richard when I tell him where to send the final divorce decree. I'm sure that it will be a post office box ten thousand miles from where I am at the time.

I gotta run now my pies should be ready to come out of the oven. Yeah, I kept it for a souvenir to remind me of the great times I had with my best buddy Brad.