Isn't It Ironic

My arrival from my business trip had been delayed one day to clean up the new contract. Susan would not be happy. I walked in through the door from the garage and saw Susan seated at the kitchen table with a bottle of mineral water. "How ironic." I thought. "You see, Susan refused to drink alcohol and had never tolerated smoking of any kind." I placed my suitcase just inside the door and sat my briefcase on the edge of the table.

Susan looked at me with a scowl on her face. "YOU BASTARD....how could YOU do this to ME." I remained somewhat expressionless. "Excuse me DEAR to what are you referring." She smirked as she opened a manila envelope and laid out three grainy pictures. The first was of me hugging a very pretty young lady. The second was me entering the elevator with same young lady on my arm. The final photo showed me entering a room with my arm around the woman's waist. Before I could answer she screamed an me.

"I WILL RUIN YOU...YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR SON...YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING"

"Please Susan." I implored "Lets talk this out calmly." "Calmly?" she said "You go off to St. Louis and shack up with some slut and we're supposed to speak calmly?" I heaved a deep sigh and said, "At least let me address the pictures"

"You have ONE chance.. one chance you hear me" as she stood and began pacing beside the table. God she was mad and I was glad for the broad oak table between us. She looked at me with laser focus as I addressed the photos.

"Your PI wasn't very good these pictures are horrible." I smirked briefly as I said it. She never noticed. "As for picture number one, this lovely young lady is my cousin and far from a slut, you do remember her from the wedding, don't you dear" Her look softened for a brief moment as she said, "Continue." I addressed the second and third photos. "She is getting married in June and wanted me to meet her fiancée. He's on leave from the marines and had flown in to meet me." She squirmed a bit as she sat down in her chair. I reached over to the envelope a pulled out another picture. "As you can see dear, this is me exiting the room and IF you had bothered to look at the time stamps you'll notice I left the room after 15 minutes. Hardly an amount of time I would brag about, IF I were having a tryst." As she looked at the pictures again, my explanation obviously became apparent to her, "Don... I'm sorry. You were gone and we had been having trouble lately. I jumped to the wrong conclusion... Can you ever forgive me?". She started around the table and opened her arms. I held up my hand and said "SIT!!" The bewilderment in her eyes was obvious as she shuffled back to her chair.

"You see, Sweetie, your PI sucked. but mine didn't." I stated as I opened my briefcase and pulled out the manila envelope. I laid the first very clear photo on the table. She gasped and I thought she might pass out. She got a hold of herself and said "Wh...where did you get this?" "As I said dear, you must pay better attention, my PI is better than yours." She writhed in her seat now, showing obvious discomfort. I laid out a second photo and she breathlessly whispered "OH... God no!" I very carefully laid one final picture on the table. She began to sob.

"As you can see in the first photo and the timestamp this is you boss lovingly screwing you ass six months ago. A pleasure that you have denied me," She literally squeaked as she spoke "Don... I can explain" I simply held up my hand. "No explanation necessary my dear the photo, as say is worth a thousand words." I pointed to the next photo on the table and said "Here, my dearest, is two of your coworkers, Rob and Allan treating to their loving, but less than delicate ministrations. Rob it seems is humping away doggy style in your ass while Allen is thrusting your sweet cunt. While you, my angel, are busy sniffing a white powder off his chest. It plays well in the video, YOU must be proud." She by now is alternately wailing and wracked with incontrollable sobs. "But wait there's more." I pronounced in my best infomercial voice, pointing to the last picture "You, being made airtight by your fuck buddies Rob and Allen. I must say the big boss, Thomas, must be very proud of the corporate whore and he looks to be greatly enjoying the blowjob he's getting."

"You see my dear, I have been suspicious for some time of your escapades, but only clued in about 7 months ago when one of the assistants in your office came to and told me. Honestly dear, you should really be more careful whom you piss off"

"What...what are you going to do?" Susan said as she looked at me with with a mix of both shame and trepidation. "Do?" I began "You mean what have I done?" Susan sobs now ebbed from her body as her head rested on her arms.

"Your company will be served tomorrow for failure to enforce your corporates morality clause in their bylaws. All four of your playmates will be served and sued for alienation of affection and marital interference. Oh and by the way, as of 4:00 this afternoon Rob and Allen were both arrested for possession with intent to distribute. Also, I left the garage door up so the police should be finished searching your car."

Susan sprang for her seat and ran to the garage door. Falling over my suitcase she bolstered herself on the door jamb before swinging the door wide open. She collapsed in a heap as she caught sight of the policeman holding the vials.

I simply packed my briefcase and grabbed my suitcase and stepped over her walking in to the garage. I nodded to the policeman as he approached my wife. She muttered something and then spoke.

"This will ruin me, I'll never see my son,...I'll lose everything."

I smiled a wan smile and thought, "Isn't THAT ironic."