Is Enough Really Enough

(Very little sex in this tale)

*

Arch Meader stood, gazing out of his large, corner office window. The sun was setting, casting a golden glow on the landscape below, but Arch did not take note. His thoughts were inward, mulling over what his life had become. He was vaguely unsettled, dissatisfied, discontented, and he knew the cause.

Arch took stock: he was a healthy, vigorous guy at about 6 feet tall and he knew that he weighed not much more than when he was in college. Almost daily 3 mile jogs kept him in good shape. Okay, he knew that there was some gray showing at his temples, but at age 45 that shouldn't be surprising. He had also reached the top of the ladder in his profession - he was the chief operating officer at a large, center city medical center and he thoroughly enjoyed his job. He also enjoyed the six figure income derived from that job. He looked forward to getting up in the morning and coming to work. It was always stimulating with new and unique problems constantly cropping up. He enjoyed the challenge.

Arch shook his head impatiently - he knew the reason for his malaise, but had never had the courage to really confront it. He finally had to face the fact that his marriage was in real jeopardy. If it continued to drift as it had been for the past few years, it would end with a whimper, dying because neither party had the will to do anything to save it. The problem was that he really had no idea how they had come to this point in their relationship and even more critical, did he really want to save it? When did it change from a loving, passionate cocoon of desire to a faint, flickering flame that was slowly fading? Why had the Denise he had loved so totally become just a woman who lived with him? His mind drifted back through the years...

********************

Arch was 25 and finishing his Master's Degree in Hospital Management. He was full of piss and vinegar and was set to conquer the world. He had already accepted a position as Asst. Administrator in a small, suburban hospital and was raring to go. He shared a small, two bedroom apartment with Joe Coker, also a graduate student majoring in Finance. The next 20 years of his life was set in motion because of the results of a conversation he had with Joe.

"Arch, you just gotta, please. I'm beggin' ya. This is really important to me. She just won't go out with me unless I get a date for her girlfriend." Joe pleaded.

"Bullshit, Joe," Arch responded. "Sheila knows that all you want is to get into her pants and she needs protection. You know the old adage, 'there's safety in numbers'."

"Whatever," muttered Joe. "Look, Arch. Do me this one favor. I'll owe you and you know I always pay my debts. C'mon, Arch, pleeeese,"

Arch finally laughed and gave in. "Okay, Joe. Okay. But don't forget. You owe me and after I see this girlfriend, you'll probably really owe me."

The two met their dates at a small, Italian bistro downtown. Joe led them over to the table where two girls were about to be seated. Arch immediately recognized Sheila whom he had met a few times before, but his gaze became fixed on her friend. Introductions were made and Arch discovered that his blind date was named Denise, or 'Dee', but any further remarks went over his head. He was obviously very taken with her and it was blatantly apparent that he was smitten.

Arch couldn't help staring at her. He guessed that she was about 5' 4" and was slender, but with a well developed bust. Her hair was blonde with just a hint of red highlights. Her eyes were hazel and they sparkled in amusement. Arch finally realized how much of a fool he was making of himself and blushed furiously. His embarrassment eased when everyone laughed gently at his discomfort and they began to chat before ordering.

Joe and Sheila had begun a quiet conversation and Arch found himself introducing himself again to Denise. "Sorry about appearing so gauche, Dee. I didn't expect anyone like you," he said softly and grinned.

"I'll take that as a complement, Arch. By the way, Arch is an unusual name. Is there a story behind that?" queried Dee.

"Archibald is my full name, but everyone calls me Arch. I'm sure that you can see why," he grinned again. "I can thank the name for one thing though. Growing up in the city, I sure learned how to use my hands to defend myself. Any kid growing up with the name Archibald had better learn to fight, and I sure learned to fight."

Denise seemed to be a bit taken aback. She nodded and murmured, "Well, I can certainly understand that."

The evening passed quickly and Arch found himself totally entranced with his date. He found her to be not only lovely, but intelligent to boot. She was finishing her degree in Business Administration with a major in Marketing. Coincidently, she would graduate on her birthday - she would be 22.

That was the beginning. They seemed made for each other, they had the same likes in food, music and even politics. It didn't take long for Arch to realize that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Denise and he was pretty sure that she felt the same way. It was only two weeks later after a movie and a late night bite to eat that Arch tried opening his heart to her.

"Dee, ahhhhh, look. Wait. Dee, I, ahhh, need to talk to you. Damn, this is a little more difficult that I thought it would be," he muttered.

Denise smiled and reached over for his hand. "Arch, I'll make it easier. I love you. I really do believe I love you, but please, let's take this slow. I don't want us to go rushing off to bed and driving down to Maryland for a quickie wedding. Let's take our time, really get to know each other. Okay?"

Arch let out a brief sigh of relief. "Dee, that sounds fine and I guess I had better tell you - I love you too, I love you madly and totally so let's get out of here and I'll walk you home."

They strolled, hand in hand, stopping to kiss occasionally. Arch felt that his feet were a few inches above the pavement - he was ecstatically happy. Denise seemed wrapped in the same aura and couldn't keep the smile from her face. Their future looked so bright. The had to pass Arch's place on their way to Denise's apartment and as they did they were startled to see Joe rushing out of the front door.

"Whoa, Joe," Arch called. "Where the hell are you running to?"

Joe had stopped and was staring at the two of them. "I thought that you were going to a movie and dinner? It's only 9 o'clock. Where are you headed to?"

"I'm walking Denise home, Joe. What's the problem?" Arch replied, a bit mystified by Joe's obvious agitation.

Denise was standing by and she had a small smile on her face. She interrupted....."That's ok, Joe. You go ahead. Arch wanted me to stop by for a drink and I don't think I'll be home for at least a couple of hours. Tell Sheila where I am, ok?"

Joe was now grinning. "Great. Okay, Dee- I'll let Sheila know that you won't be back for a couple of hours. That way she won't worry about you. Thanks, Dee," he threw over his shoulder as he moved quickly down the street.

Arch had been standing there with a blank look on his face. He suddenly laughed and muttered, "Jeez, I feel like an ass. You caught on right away, didn't you?" he grinned at Dee.

Denise just smiled at him and tucked her arm under his. "Well, sweetie. We have a couple of hours so how about that drink that I mentioned to Joe." They mounted the steps and entered the building.

After refilling Denise's glass and his own Arch again sat back next to her on the small sofa. "Now, where were we?" he murmured as he took her in his arms again. Their lips met again in a soft kiss and suddenly her lips parted and her tongue darted into his mouth briefly. The kiss became more passionate and they were soon breathing heavily. Denise's eyes had become a bit glazed and hooded.

She reached for his hand and placed it on her breast. "Gently, Arch. Please, gently." she breathed as his hand caressed that soft mound.He could feel her nipple stiffen and moved to the other breast to continue his caresses. He moved his mouth to her neck and gently kissed and nuzzled her soft flesh as he started to unbutton her blouse. She reached to help him and the garment was soon off and on the floor. The bra had a front clasp and was soon open, exposing the most beautiful globes he had ever seen, although he would have had to admit that he hadn't seen that many. He just sat quietly for a moment, taking in their beauty. They weren't all that large, but sat proudly on her chest with pale areolas and pink nipples which were now hard and straining.

Denise was now blushing and moved to him, leaning her face into his neck. "You're embarrassing me, Arch," she laughed softly.

Arch took her shoulders and moved her back a bit. "You're gorgeous, Dee I just love looking at you and I love this even more," he said as he moved his head to her breast, taking a nipple into his mouth. He bit gently and then tweaked the bud softly with his tongue. Dee gasped and pulled his head tighter to her. He alternated breasts, giving each the attention it deserved until she was writhing on the sofa.

Arch knew she was very aroused and he placed his hand on her thigh under her skirt. He felt her stiffen and stilled that hand, just letting it rest on her thigh. He continued to tongue the nipple in his mouth and felt her relax a bit.

The continued attention to Dee's breasts was creating conflict in her. She reveled in what Arch was doing, but she knew that she really didn't want this to end in them making love. She was afraid at what the consequences would be if they consummated their relationship so soon after their first date. She had been there, done that, and didn't want a quick fling. She thought that she had found the man she wanted to spend her life with and she really didn't want to screw things up now by jumping into bed with him so quickly.

Such thoughts quickly vanished when she suddenly realized that Arch had moved his hand gently up her thigh and his fingers were lightly tracing the lips of her pussy through her damp panties. Her thighs opened almost of their own volition and she let him continue his gentle probing under her skirt. She felt her juices flowing and felt a trickle of moisture creep down to her anus. Then, with almost no warning, she began to orgasm, her body tensing and then trembling as the waves of pleasure coursed through her.

Denise clung to him as her body came down, breathing heavily. Arch held her gently in his arms and soothed her, murmuring soft, unintelligible sounds. Soon he extricated himself and mumbling something under his breath, headed for the bathroom. It wasn't long before he reappeared dressed in different clothing. Seeing Susan's questioning look he became red faced.

"Sorry, Dee. I feel like a teenager. When you came.........well, so did I. I didn't even know I was that close. Sorry, you just got me too excited," he stammered.

Denise smiled and her heart filled with love for this man. She quickly made up her mind. The hell with caution; she rose and took him by the hand, pulling him into his bedroom. "C'mon, Arch. Let's do this right. I want you to make love to me." And that's what they did, well into the night and despite the later arrival of Joe who quietly slipped into his room.

They married soon after graduation. It was a small affair with just immediate families and some friends. The honeymoon consisted of a few days down the shore, then back to the small apartment they had rented. Denise had accepted a position with a marketing firm in town which was a short hop from their flat. Arch, of course, had to commute to the hospital which was located about half an hour away in the burbs.

Life went well. Oh, they had the usual problems, adjusting to each other and to married life. Money really wasn't a problem as together they made more than enough to cover expenses plus savings. They both had decided that children would wait for a few years until they were able to buy a house and became more settled in their professions. The future seemed so bright.

********************

Arch sighed, picked up his briefcase and decided to go home. He would finish reading and notating budget requests from the various departments later at home. Walking through the door of their large, suburban house he head sounds from the kitchen. Poling his head in he saw Denise at the sink. "Smells good, honey. What's for dinner?"

Without turning Dee replied, "Salmon, dear. Wash up, dinner is almost ready. I will be going out later. I have to meet a client."

"Again, Dee?" Arch retorted. "Since when are all of these evening meetings so necessary. You don't have time for this during the day?"

"No, I don't. Let's have a dinner without all of the bickering," she replied flatly, no emotion in her voice.

"Never mind, I'm not hungry," Arch spat at her and walked into his study. He was fuming and he knew that it really wasn't about her occasional evening meetings with clients. It was about their loss of intimacy, the loss of closeness. The loss of the love that they had shared? He stopped, startled by the thought. Did he still love Denise? Did she love him? When was the last time they made love? His mind went back over the past months and was shocked to find that he couldn't even remember the last time. Was it that long ago?

Arch sighed again and sat wearily in the chair behind his desk. He knew that Denise's occasional evening meetings were legitimate. There was a time, a few years ago when he had become suspicious. He had given in to those suspicions and had hired a discreet investigation service and had her followed and observed periodically. All of the meetings were valid, and he had been ashamed at the lack of trust that he had in her. This was a good example of how precarious the marriage had become. He thought back, when did it all start to go downhill? Did it really begin so long ago? Did it stem from her depression so many years ago..............?

********************

Denise was going to be 30 and they had both decided that it was time to start a family. Arch had accepted a position as Executive VP at a hospital in town and was making a decent salary and Denise had also been moving up the ladder and was entrusted with a few accounts of her own. They were almost giddy, making sure that Dee knew when her fertile period occurred and making sure that they screwed as often as possible during that period..

Arch smiled faintly as he sat there, lost in the memories of happier days. Damn, it had been so good. The early years were filled with laughter, happiness, love. Working to get Dee pregnant was such a joy Their unions were almost spontaneous, despite her calendar. He remembered coming home, running up the stairs while tearing off his clothes to find Dee waiting for him on the bed, naked, her legs spread wide, grinning at him seductively. Yet, despite their efforts, she never became pregnant. After a few months the screwing became almost mechanical and they both realized that they would have to find out why a baby wasn't happening.

It didn't take long. Denise couldn't and would never be able to have children. She was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and the likelihood of her becoming pregnant was extremely doubtful. She was devastated and was actually in shock for the next few weeks. She wouldn't discuss the situation with her Arch, shrieking for him to stop whenever he tried to discuss the problem. Arch tried to be as supportive as he could, giving her time to adjust, but it seemed that she was falling further into herself. She had requested a medical leave of absence from her job and spent the days sitting at home, staring out of the window.

Arch needed someone to talk to and, with some trepidation, picked up the phone and called Debra, Dee's older sister. He knew that the girls had never really been all that close, Debra was about 8 years older and almost in a different generation, but Arch was desperate. He arranged to meet her for coffee the next morning.

Arch sat in the booth and watched Debra stride toward him. He smiled in spite of himself. Even in her late 30s she was a stunning woman. He was surprised that she was still unattached. Debra had lost Ken, her husband to another woman, almost 3 years ago. The fact that Ken divorced Deb only confirmed what Arch had always thought - he was a blithering idiot and she was well rid of him.

"Hiya Archy," smiled Deb. She knew that he hated that name, and it seemed that she was the only one that got away with using it.

"Thanks for coming, Deb. I really need to talk to you about Denise." She noticed that with that remark the smile of greeting quickly vanished from his face.

"You don't have to explain, Arch. I know and I really don't know what to say or do. Denise is obviously going through her own hell and she is extremely depressed. I've spoken with her, but I know that I never really got through to her. Arch, I really believe that she needs professional help. You of all people should realize that, Why don't you talk with Bernie Green, you know how good he is." Debra concluded softly.

Arch nodded slowly. He knew she was right. Perhaps he just didn't want to face the fact that Dee really did need professional help. He had harbored the illusion that he condition was temporary and she would snap out of it soon. He knew he had been living on false hopes.

Arch smiled weakly and nodded. "You're right, as usual, Deb. That's exactly what I'm going to do. Now let's change the subject and have something to eat."

Arch had become close friends with the Chief of Psychiatry at the hospital where he worked. He called him and asked him to make time to see him if he could. Bernie told him to come up right after lunch - he had the afternoon free .

Dr. Bernard Green was a giant of a man, about 45 years old and standing well over 6 feet. Despite his commanding presence, he was soft spoken and gentle as a lamb. Arch knew that Bernie had lost his wife a couple of years ago to cancer and had spent many hours with him, trying to console him. They had developed a close friendship and Bernie had become a welcome guest in the Meader household. Walking into his office, Arch smiled despite his concerns. Bernie had that effect - his wiry, iron gray hair sticking out in all directions and his smile broad and warm. He ambled over and took Arch by the arm and led him to a pair of armchairs in the corner of his office.

"Okay, Arch. I gather that this isn't exactly a social call. How can I help you," Dr. Green rumbled in his deep bass.

Arch hesitated and then he let it all pour out. It was almost cathartic, like a load had been lifted from his shoulders. It was the first time that he had the opportunity to release the morass of emotions that had been stored inside him and it left him breathless and limp.

Bernie Green sat and listened and didn't interrupt, nodding his head at times, encouraging Arch to continue. There was a moment of silence and Arch reached for a tissue and wiped his eyes.

"What can I do, Bernie? How can I help her? Can you help her?" Arch pleaded, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"Arch, she has to want to be helped. I can't do very much until she makes the decision to seek help. Once she reaches that point we can begin. I've told you this before, Arch. Psychiatry is far from an exact science; there's so much we don't know. Having said that, I'm sure that we can help Denise, when she is ready. In the meantime I can tell you how to help her now. Just love her, Arch. I know that it's not easy living with a depressive, her illness casts a pall wherever they happen to be.. It's your job to not let it affect how you feel and how you react toward her. Just love her, Arch," Bernie said softly to him.

Eventually Denise saw the wisdom of seeking the help that she knew she needed and her sessions with Bernie Green began. It took well over a year until she reached an understanding of her illness and the ability to cope with it. The medication prescribed also helped. Arch had taken Bernie's advice - he loved her and showed his love for her. He was supportive, kind and loving. Denise finally did turn to him and used his strength to recover her own.