UK English, not much happens.
"Jimmy, look what we received in the post."
That is how it started, I'd arrived home, as usual about 30 minutes after my wife Jane. We had one of those elongated post boxes on a stick at the end of the driveway, that held mainly junk mail, the morning paper which I still had delivered at weekends, utility bill duplicates and the occasional actual letter, yes, people do still send them, not many but they do.
This had arrived in a fancy embossed envelope, with no stamp so it was hand delivered and the invitation card was definitely a high-end production, thick card and gold embossed. It read:
Mr & Mrs James Plunger are cordially invited to an exclusive event of the Gold Band Club, at:
7 Treetops Lane on Friday 8th August 2022
Attendance is by production of this invitation only.
Please follow this weblink to learn more about the conditions of entry.
And there was a web address. No indication of who the invite came from, all very mysterious. Of course, Jane and I were intrigued so I fired up the laptop and search the web address. As the site opened there were both men and women scantily dressed in the finest of lingerie and wearing face masks, not the covid type, lacey affairs that made identification difficult but certainly not impossible if you knew the person, masked ball type.
There was a standard menu, "Who will be attending?", "Why have you been invited?", "How to accept the invitation", "What to wear", "How you will be expected to behave", "About the Gold Band Club" and that was it, what was conspicuously absent was a 'contact' tab.
We started to work our way through the headings:
"Who will be attending?"
The Gold Band Club founders will mainly all be in attendance, for those receiving their first invitation, see "About the Gold Band Club", there will be a range of other members invited including Silver Band Associates, Bronze Band Associates, all of these members and associates will be wearing the appropriate metal band appropriate to their membership level on their right bicep.
New invitees who will wear a thin rose gold band which will be sent to them once they have properly completed the acceptance procedures.
"Why have you been invited?"
This section is primarily for first-time attendees. New invitees are invited only by Gold Band Club members. It is highly likely you will not know who this is, nor will you ever have heard of the club. We feel that you should understand that an invitation to a club event is a singular honour, entry cannot be bought, your invitation is your only access to the Club.
Those who are invited are considered potentially candidates for Associate membership of the Club, that is, either Silver or Bronze Associate Membership. Entry to either of these levels of membership means you will receive invitations to most club events, and our members invariably find that their lifestyle receives a boost by the influence our Gold Band Founders have in all walks of life. It is common for our Silver & Bronze Associates to find promotions and large salary increases, access to the best educational opportunities for members or their children are a given and are wholly grant-funded by the club.
So specifically, why are you invited? Only our Gold Band Founders issue invitations and the privileged lifestyle that comes with it. Our Gold Band Founders are both male & female and one of you has had the good luck to be genetically lucky enough to be sexually appealing to them. At the Event, no request from a Gold Band Founder can be refused, unless they expressly grant the right to refuse.
In effect this means that whichever one of you was the prime object of the invitation will have sex at least once, but probably much more often, with at least one Gold Band Founder that evening and the event will continue until approximately noon the following day, depending on the wishes of the Gold Band Founders. We guarantee that both of you will have the opportunity to have the sexual night of your lives, however the subject of the invitation shall be obedient to the wishes of the Founder who invited him or her.
The Club understands that not everyone is willing to share their sexual lives with others, if this offends you, please do not respond to the invitation. For the open-minded, your participation will bring you into contact with many famous people, so discretion is required. If you respond positively we assure you that you will have full disclosure of what is required of you before the event.
Understand that this is a unique opportunity to improve your life, including your financial circumstances, your social circle and we absolutely guarantee you, your sexual experience. Think very carefully before deciding, this opportunity will never come again.
Jane and I looked at each other and simultaneously said 'What do you think so far?'. I think if either of us had said no way at that point we would have dropped it but neither did, we both thought it was interesting but had reservations about the compulsory sexual obedience. We read on:
"How you will be expected to behave"
The Club operates on a hierarchy, Gold, Silver, Bronze. Requests from a Gold Band Founder are non-negotiable, they should be complied with without reservation or hesitancy. Our Gold Band Founders fund everything, the events and every benefit that your future membership will bring you, your obedience to Gold Band Founders is therefore a small reward for all they will provide in your life. It is your acknowledgement of what they do for you.
For Silver & Bronze Band Associates, with priority to Silver Bands, as a first-time invitee you are expected to be cordial and to look favourably on their requests, however you may refuse to obey them, always remembering that how other members of all levels see your participation, helps your progression and benefits, so it's advisable to be obliging to all Founders and Associates who are in a position to influence your progression within the club, however, obedience is only a requirement for Gold Band Founders.
"What to wear"
The event you are invited to is Lingerie Themed for both male and female, it is expected that you will attend in the finest lingerie you can currently afford, fear not, you will benefit many times over for whatever expense this entails. Should you choose to attend, you will each be provided with a rose gold bicep bracelet free of charge. After the event, should you decide to take no further part with membership, the Club will 'buy back' that bracelet for 1000 each, so you will not be out of pocket even if you only attend one event.
"About the Gold Band Club"