Am I on the spectrum? There has been no diagnosis. Some of my friends joke about it but they all pretty much agree that I'm different from most people in many ways.
Do I have ADD? That's a lot clearer. A friend was pretty sure so I started a 35 question quiz I found in a book. After 24 yeses to the first 26 questions it seemed pointless to continue. My psychiatrist no longer asks much more than, "Is there anything new?" I've pretty much learned to deal with it. Of course I've just revealed my fondness for irony. If you have ADD you can adapt but you can't pretty much learn to deal with it.
My psychiatrist didn't tell me she thought I was different but she said, "Really?" to an awful lot of my responses to her questions. One typically needs a psychiatrist for the medications prescribed to deal with ADD. Since you're already paying that much for the prescriptions they tend to toss in a little therapy.
I hear you asking for an example of why I think I'm different. I would certainly be asking for one if you told me you were different. I don't believe in worry. There are only two possibilities if you are concerned with a situation you deem worthy of worry. First case, you can do something about it. Do it. Then there is nothing left to worry about. Second case you can't do anything about it. Find something you can do something about and do it. Then there is one less potential item capable of causing you to worry.
My friends agree with my analysis. But they say they are not capable of acting that way, that people aren't built like that. I always wonder if their response is due to the fact that "they" said people don't act that way, whoever the hell "they" is or was. I think "they" have way too much to say about things they don't understand so I don't pay any attention.
In the category of leading a horse to water, my wife doesn't agree. You can tell the children to clean up their rooms and keep them clean and they will learn to do it. I think her analysis is off by two words. They will do it but telling them to do it won't make them "learn to" do it. Of course I tell the kids to keep their rooms clean too. But I tell them never to look in my office.
I don't think you can convince anyone to learn to do something by telling them they must or should. Did you ever suggest to someone they should lose weight? Of course those are the magic words. Nobody has ever made such a suggestion to them before. That was all that was holding them back.
You can make the suggestion in a way that shows your interest and concern, like, "Grandma, research has shown that excess weight in older women leads to an increased likelihood of heart problems and cancers." But she is the one who is going to make the decision. No matter how often you tell her, she is the one who has to do something about it.
Of course the most endearing approach is the use of should. If I may translate, "Grandma, you should lose weight because I understand things much better than you do you bonehead. You should be falling to your knees in gratitude because I deign to give you the benefit of my knowledge and wisdom."
Another area in which I think I differ from most people is the concept of winning and losing. People often speak of the person who did not win as the loser and sometimes as a loser. When I watch the Olympic finals of the men's 100 meter race and see one man hit the tape one hundredth of a second before another I don't see it as a winner and a loser. Yes, only one of them will get the gold medal. But had the race been held 5 minutes later the "loser" might have prevailed. He might even have doubled the margin of victory. Could we then confidently call the other man the loser? The man who wins the race is typically called the fastest man on earth. I would like to see them race a dozen times and possibly under different conditions before someone gets to be thought of that way. The way we do it, he was the fastest man participating in the competition on that one day and time.
I also don't get our system of rating people by looks. Not only are looks fleeting, we also don't agree on people's scores. When I look at women I notice nines and tens. I rarely see a one and almost everyone else is kind of fiveish to me. If they are intelligent and kind I enjoy being with them. Why would I need to assign them a number?
We also attribute qualities to people with better looks that bear no relationship to reality. We see them as smarter, more likely to be successful, more motivated and hard-working.
Where do I rate on the scale? How the hell would I know? I'm not a woman. I know I get things wrong because Helen tells me so. When I told her I figured I was somewhere around average she asked me, "Do you have any idea how many women here are interested in you?"
"You?" I answered.
She laughed. I don't know whether it was because she thought I was clueless or the number was zero.
I'm not certain why her parents named her Helen but I've long thought it was because they believed she had a face that would launch a thousand ships. It turned out they were right in that regard. Fortunately for Helen, she was more than just a pretty, no, breathtaking face. She has an intelligence and understanding that allowed her to move rapidly to the pinnacle of her profession. Her company presented the public face of many of the wealthiest companies and individuals. Among the advantages her company enjoyed was the connections she had as a result of her family wealth. The singular advantage her company enjoyed was that Helen was their spokesperson. They didn't need a model; just look at her and listen to her. She is the embodiment of credibility.
Are people who they represent themselves to be? In my experience: absolutely not. Don't be so outrageously naïve. Almost everyone has a vision of the package they want to sell to others. Even those with minimal skill sets have a vision of how they should represent themselves in order to get what they want. I tend to give people the benefit of doubt but I don't give them access to my checking account so while I'm regularly disappointed it isn't that serious.
This is another area where, arguably, I come up short. If that is really the case I don't give a crap. I want to be seen as who I really am. I value honesty and sincerity. Though Helen thinks she is the person I have to answer to I think that person is me. Honesty and sincerity are easy for me to do because I'm such a wonderful person. Oh wait, I meant I really don't have much of a filter.
I met Helen when we were in college. I was tutoring her friend Sharon at the campus Grill. I preferred tutoring there because I had read that memory is enhanced when associated with smells.
"Hi, Sharon. Is this the guy who is helping you stay in school?"
"Helen. This is Greg and that's my beautiful friend Helen."
"Helen, you certainly do have wonderful skin," I said.
She gave us her what-the-hell-is-he-talking-about face.
"Oh, he's always kidding around," said Sharon.
"Beauty is only skin deep," I said, "but it certainly is doing wonders for your skin."
"Sharon did say you were a little eccentric."
"Thank you. That's a very kind translation of strange or weird. I'm not sure which word Sharon used."
Sharon slapped my arm with a reproachful look. "Why don't you join us? We were just finishing up."
Helen looked quizzically at me and I said, "Your skin is always welcome at our table."
That's when Helen started to win me over. She just became part of the conversation. She didn't try to sell a persona or an image. She just seemed genuine. That's my favorite approach. Just let me figure out who and what I'm meeting.
I ran into her several times on campus and she was always warm and friendly. She had a delightful wit and a broad range of knowledge. I was really starting to like her so she asked me out. I guess I wasn't quick enough on the draw for her. I was dithering about asking her out because I had seen how often she was hit on. It didn't say anything negative about her but it can be taxing on a relationship.
I started asking her out and she continued asking me out. Being with her was the highlight of my life.
Around six months into the relationship we were having lunch at my place on a Saturday afternoon.
"You know, Dave,"
I gave her a look. "I'm Greg."
"I know, but I figured you assumed I was dating around so I thought I'd try another name to ease into the topic. So, as I was saying, Bruce,"
I started to laugh. "You can be as strange as I am sometimes. I love it! It can be very effective."
"I'm glad you approve, Jeff. So, I was wondering if you are being exclusive with me."
"Well, we have no agreement to that effect, but I have been."
"Why is that?"
"I haven't met anyone else I'm interested in dating. You're pretty special and I'm very happy with you. What are the odds I'll ever meet a woman as exquisitely..." I said in a tone that bespoke of being besotted, "sarcastic?"
If she had been eating or drinking at the time my face would have been covered with it.
"You certainly have a way with words to win over a woman's heart. I've been exclusive with you for essentially the same reasons, including the sarcasm. I was wondering if you were interested in establishing an agreement on this."
