Incompatible Needs

CW:

Infertility

Recap: Steve and Anne are married. Helen, Anne's college roommate and former lover, moves in with them after her apartment burns down. Helen's unrequited love for Anne and Anne's suppressed love for Helen turns into an issue. Steve suggests the three of them enter into a polyamorous relationship. Things seem good at first, but after Helen and Steve end up in bed together without Anne, Anne blows a gasket.

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A voice roused us from our slumber in the shade of early evening. Anne's voice, like an icicle, sharp and cold.

"So. What have you two lovebirds been up to?"

Anne's face was stony as she stared down at us, our sweaty bodies entangled with each other and with the sheets of our marital bed. Her arms were crossed. Her body language radiated anger. A woman scorned. A woman who would have her pound of flesh.

Fuck that.

I slowly sat up, exaggeratedly stretching and yawning. As my hand came down, I placed it on Helen's thigh. A show of casual affection between lovers. A show of possession, making it clear to Anne that Helen wasn't hers alone. I looked up at my wife as if there wasn't a thing wrong in the world. Because there wasn't, other than her attitude.

"Well, Anne, when two people love each other very much-- "

She screamed, "Fuck you!"

My smirk was meant to enrage. Childish perhaps. Counterproductive. But fuck it, I was done being treated as a junior partner. "I mean, if you'll give me a moment. Helen kind of wore me out."

Anne looked so angry I thought she might slap me. "You went behind my back!"

Helen quietly said, "No we didn't. No more than you and I did while Steve was at the bar two nights ago."

I chimed in, "Or when you and I fucked on the couch while Helen was at D&D on Thursday."

Helen's voice was tinged with sadness. I think she knew it was always going to go this way, even if we had told Anne instead of her finding us together. "We weren't hiding anything from you. We were going to tell you when you got home, just like we both knew about the times we were alone with you while the other was out of the house. I was looking forward to telling you. To sharing with you, sharing how happy I am with us, all of us!" She looked at me, affection in her eyes, which made Anne even more furious. "Steve made me feel so-- "

"Stop! I don't want to know!" She paced. "I thought I could be okay with this, but I can't!"

My voice was as cold as hers when she woke us moments ago. "Of course. Because then it's not all about you."

Her eyes narrowed, face twisted with animosity. She opened her mouth, but I continued before she could speak. "You were happy when it was just me and you. Then I said you could see Helen as well, and you were overjoyed. And then you did what you always do, deciding that you're going to magnanimously gift me something, a grand gesture to show how generous you are; I could be with you and Helen together."

Too angry to stay seated on the bed, I began to stand, my eyes boring a hole in her as I did so. "Even though that's not what you agreed to. Even though it's not what Helen or I agreed to. But you, manipulative bitch that you are, you thought you could get away with restricting me and Helen to that. That you could play by one set of rules and we'd just roll over and play by another. And that was never going to work."

She opened her mouth. "Be quiet. I'm not done yet." She glared but stayed silent.

"I told you before we began that this cannot work as three pairs of people. Helen agreed with that. You agreed to it, or at least pretended to. Commandment two, remember? "No sneaking around." Any pairing can be together as long as we're honest about it. Well, we're being honest about it. I came home for lunch, and we decided to take the rest of the day off and make love, because we love each other. Because we want to be together. Because we want what you already have with each of us but have been trying to keep all to yourself."

I moved to stand in front of her, trying to catch her eye as she looked away. "We were looking forward to having a nice dinner together, and then maybe all of us celebrating upstairs afterwards. But you came in here and were ready to read us the riot act because..." I sighed, suddenly tired, but still very angry. "Because we did exactly what we all, as a group, agreed was okay. You decided that you couldn't handle it, because you weren't involved this time. Did you think this would just never come up, that Helen and I would never want to explore our relationship without you in the room? Are you actually that egotistical?"

I shook my head and started to grab my clothes. I couldn't be near her anymore. "I knew you were selfish when we got married, Anne. I knew, and I made allowances for it, because I love you. Because you can be generous and sweet and kind and loving when you want to." My face was a sneer, unable to mask the disgust I felt. "And because I never thought you could be this much of a fucking hypocrite."

I turned to my girlfriend. "I'm hungry. Do you want to go out and get something to eat?"

Our lover looked between us: me enraged, Anne pulling in on herself. I'd gotten several shots in that landed; Anne would normally have already been back up and taking swings, but she couldn't even look at me. Maybe some of them were below the belt, but none of them were inaccurate. I might regret them later. But right now? I felt only a righteous anger.

Helen looked with compassion at the two people she loved, trying to find a way forward where we couldn't. Then her face was fixed with a resoluteness I'd rarely seen. "Why don't you go bring something home for all of us, lover?" Anne flinched as Helen emphasized this last word. "Take your time." Her voice lowered then, an obvious threat wrapped in a subtle change of tone. "I think Anne and I need to speak while you're gone."

I kissed her fiercely, showily, and she responded in kind, her eyes resting on Anne. And then I was out the door.

As I drove, I calmed down some. Not much, but some. I thought back over everything I'd said, and not a word of it was wrong. Anne really had thought she was going to get her way from here until eternity. I got that it was a shock for her to come in and find us in bed like that, but that only explained the very tiniest bit of her reaction. She was about to go nuclear before I cut her off.

Okay, yeah, sure. Maybe I handled it badly. I was more aggressive than I needed to be, even to the point of contempt. But she was about to push us into a corner, and I wasn't going to let her do that. If it had been me and her, maybe I would have let her go off. I knew how to use the right verbal jujitsu to make her see when she was being... well, Anne. But I wasn't going to let her do that to Helen.

I wasn't going to let her do that to Helen.

I rolled that one around in my head for quite a while. What did it mean that I'd eviscerate my own wife's ego to protect my girlfriend? Someone that, in theory, I wasn't in love with like I was Anne. Was I doing that because of Helen? Or because it was unfair for someone else, anyone else to be caught in the crossfire? Or because... because it was like a vision of the future, for all of us and our potential kids, that Anne might try to manipulate and cajole them like that? That last one really disturbed me. I shook my head to clear it. Any answer would lead to more questions still, and I wasn't in a headspace to deal with them right now.

I grabbed takeout from our usual Thai place and made my way back home. I wasn't sure what I'd find when I got there. Would they be fighting? Would Anne be gone? Would Helen? Would all of my shit be on the lawn? Only one way to find out.

It had been close to an hour since I left, and the house was surprisingly peaceful. I could hear Anne and Helen chatting at the dining room table, just friendly chatter about Anne's day from the sound of it. That was certainly unexpected, and the surprise showed on my face when I entered the room.

They looked up at me, and the way the two women were sitting was unexpected as well. Helen was as composed and collected as I'd ever seen her; she wasn't the schlubby nerd with glasses now, not hunched over as if she was trying to avoid being seen. Her face was open and friendly; loving even. She cooed, "Oh babe, Thai! That's perfect." That "babe" was new. We didn't have pet names for each other yet; it sounded like she was trying it on for size.

Anne had been almost a mirror of Helen when I first walked into the room, the same calm and collected posture. Now she was infused with nervous energy; not enough to look scared, but I recognized when she was rattled, and she could entertain a whole nursery full of babies right then. Her expression, intense chagrin and pleading rolled into one, was a sibling to her pout and her wicked grin. Each promised something to its intended recipient, a reward for an indulgence. This one said, "I know I fucked up, but I'll do literally anything you ask of me if you let it slide." I unconsciously shook my head, just the tiniest of increments each way.

It wasn't enough. Not yet. Not right now.

Helen stood and took the food from my hand. She sweetly kissed me, as casually possessive as my hand on her thigh had been earlier. "I'll go get plates. I think we'll all feel better once we have some food in our stomachs. Sound good?"

"Sounds great. Thanks, sweetheart." I weighed that one; it sounded right for one of the sweetest women I'd ever known. Yeah, that would work.

She left the room and I sat. Anne started to speak. "I'm sorry, I should have-- "

I raised my hand to stop her, sighing, "I don't want to hear it yet. I'm not ready. Let's just have dinner and talk afterwards." We sat together in a glum silence until Helen came back, then served ourselves and ate in that same tense atmosphere. The food was good; there's a reason it's our go-to Thai place. But I had no appetite for it.

Still, Helen was right. Once I'd eaten a bit, my mood did lighten some. Part of that was the company; even with Anne poking her food around on her plate, my spirits were buoyed by Helen's calming presence. I'd have to deal with the Anne problem eventually, but it seemed like Helen already had mostly defused the situation. I was struck by how much their roles seemed to be reversed; Helen was usually all nervous, neurotic energy, while Anne was relaxed and comfortable. What had happened while I was gone?

Helen put her hand on mine when we were finished. "Babe, why don't you help me clear the table while Anne gets comfortable on the couch. I know you need to talk-- " You, not we. Interesting. " -- but there's no reason to sit on these hard chairs, right?" I nodded and took Anne's plate, which she proffered with murmured thanks, then followed Helen to the kitchen.

Once inside, I set the plates in the sink and turned to talk to my girlfriend. In a flash, her mouth was on mine and her body pressed against me. Not the sweet but possessive kiss from earlier, but a resumption of our afternoon passion, an all-too-brief makeout session. When she broke away, all I could say was, "Whoa."

My lover grinned and gave me a little smooch as a followup. "I agree." Her expression softened into a gentle, affectionate smile. "I didn't get a chance to say before, but I had an amazing time this afternoon. You really opened my eyes to... well, a lot." Her lips brushed my cheek. "Thank you so much, babe." I raised an eyebrow and she chuckled. "Too much? Don't like 'babe?'"

I pulled her soft, warm body close into me. "I love it, sweetheart."

Helen rested her head against my chest. "Mmmm, 'sweetheart.' I like that a lot. I could get used to this." But then, reluctantly, she pulled away. "Right now, though, you need to go talk to Anne."

"What did you say to her? I've never seen her that shaken."

She shrugged. "I was straightforward and honest. She was being a bitch and a hypocrite, like you said. I told her that if she couldn't honor her agreements to you, to her husband, how could I ever trust her?" She smiled sadly. "It was like I'd slapped her. It almost physically hurt her, from the way she responded. I know she can be selfish sometimes, but she really does love you." A tiny peck on the lips. "Loves us. Once I put it in those terms, she could see where she was wrong. We talked a little more after that, but that's what got the ball rolling."

I frowned. "I can't see that having worked if I'd done it. Said those things, I mean."

Helen slowly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, probably not. She would have thought you were trying to, I dunno, manipulate her or make her feel guilty. I think there's still some issue there, and you two need to work through it. And I know I can't be in the middle of it." She rolled her eyes. "Even though, of course, I am right in the middle of it." Her sigh was pure exasperation. "I guess I'll just be there with you in spirit." With one last kiss and hug she said, "Don't be too rough on her. She knows she's fucked up and wants to make amends. Just... just go talk with her. Work things out. I love you both, and I know you love each other, too."

As our bodies disentangled, her face changed to a little mischievous grin. "Oh, and don't bother to pack a lunch tomorrow. I'll have something tasty waiting for you at home." My sweetheart winked and headed out into the living room, ample round ass bouncing seductively as she did.

When I got there, she was kissing Anne goodnight. "I'll see you tomorrow, hon." She looked between us. "I love you, both of you. I love us. I know you guys do, too." And then she headed up the stairs and left me to sit in an uncomfortable silence with my wife.

"I-- " "We--" Our voices overlapped. Then did it again. Then a shared pause. Then another overlapping, before I raised my hand and said, "I'm gonna go first." She nodded her assent.

"We weren't going behind your back. It wasn't planned, and we were going to tell you when you got home. We didn't intend to fall asleep there, but..." I shrugged.

She laughed then, and some of the tension went out of the room. "Yeah, Helen told me. Fertility goddess, huh?" I looked appropriately embarrassed and she laughed again. "No, Steve, I'm sorry. I... you were right. I was being a manipulative bitch, and a hypocrite, and I'm sure a dozen other things you thought but didn't say. I have been..."

She looked toward the window. "I know... I know you're doing this for me. I know that you want to be with Helen, too, but none of this would be happening if you didn't love me enough to let me explore things with her. If you didn't trust me enough to believe me when I say that I'll always be in love with you, never leave you. I agreed to making a go of this as a... as a throuple, I guess. And you've given me the space, given Helen and me the space, to... well, to be together. To learn what that means for us."

Her head dipped, shame written across her features. "And I didn't do that for you. I wouldn't. I still... I knew that night, that first night together, that you were doing this for me. For us, all of us. That... that you knew me..." She started to cry and looked at me. "You know me so well, Steve. You're such a good man, you're so loving. You..." She wiped her eyes. "I know I'm a bitch. I know I can be hard to be with. I try to make up for it, try to be..." She shook her head. "That doesn't matter."

After a deep breath, she continued. "You did this for us, for our marriage. For me, yes, but you know how stuck in my own head I can get. You knew I'd let this occupy my mind until it crowded everything else out." Her voice became almost a whisper. "Pushed us out. You and me." Anne put her hand on mine and squeezed. "You were so brave." She chuckled unexpectedly. "I mean, yes, I know you wanted to live out a fantasy, but you made it clear that it wasn't a prerequisite for me to be with Helen. You took a leap I couldn't have if our roles were reversed. You trusted me, trusted that I was so in love with you that I'd still be with you, even if I was with Helen, too."

Her tears returned in earnest. "But I couldn't do the same."

Anne pulled her hand away and stood, moving to the window to look out. Moving to put her back to me, unable to face me. "You've never once given me reason to doubt you. To doubt your loyalty, your love for me. And yet..." A shake of her head. "And yet I still couldn't believe that... that if I let you and her be together unrestricted, that you wouldn't... that she wouldn't... wouldn't replace me." She hugged herself, shivering.

My heart broke. That she'd ever doubt my love for her. That she was in such pain. "Anne..."

"No, please. I need to say this." She leaned against the window, head on her forearm as she gazed out into the darkness. "We should have talked about this that night. Should have talked about it, then slept on it. I think maybe I would have been able to accept it better then." Her reflection closed its eyes. "Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. Maybe I'm just this distrustful. Maybe it's just who I am. But then in the morning, everything was okay, and Helen told us she wanted to be a surrogate for us, and we were a thing, all three of us. That's how I had to think of it in order to put aside my misgivings: all three of us."

I shifted in my chair. I didn't know if she was circling the point or trying to get at it. I was about to speak when she said. "'It all has to revolve around Anne.' That's what Helen told you this afternoon. And she was right. I was afraid that... that if I wasn't the center of all of this, if I was left in the shade for even a moment, I'd stay there. That... that you'd realize how much better for you that Helen is. That Helen would realize how much better you are than me."

"Anne, that's not-- "

She turned to me. "I know, Steve. I know. But it's not about what is, it's how I felt." She pointed to herself with a wry, unhappy grin. "Like you said: selfish, manipulative, hypocritical." A sad little smile. "I was... I was a little right, though. You've been so good for Helen. Better than I was ever able to be for her. I spent years trying to get her to see how great she was, how beautiful and sexy and desirable. It took you ten days... hell, it took you one afternoon, and she's starting to finally see herself how I always have."

I looked away unhappily. I had hoped we were starting to reconcile, but she was talking about how she was jealous, almost like she had been right to be jealous. Anne saw my expression, and almost ran to me, sinking to her knee in front of my chair, and took my face in her hands.

"No! No. I'm not-- " Her voice was fearful as she kissed me, a grateful, loving kiss. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, so much. Thank you for being what I need. Thank you for being what she needs. Thank you for being the man I married, the man that was loving enough to look past the selfish, hypocritical bitch and find... find..." She laughed. "I don't know what you see in me sometimes. But thank you for loving me." She kissed me again. "And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Please, Steve, can you forgive me? I won't do this again. I promise."

I sighed. She had the look on her face again, the 'I'll do anything to make this right' face. I didn't like that. Didn't like that, even now, she was trying to negotiate. But this was who she was, the woman I loved. The woman I married. I knew when she was being sincere, and this was sincere. She knew she fucked up and, like Helen said, she wanted to make amends. This was the only way she knew to do that.

With a nod, I said, "Okay, Anne. Okay. I forgive you. But Helen and I are going to keep on being together when you're not around."

Her head vigorously bobbed up and down. "Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I'm not going to stand in the way of that. We all need to be together, even if we're sometimes apart." She got a sly grin. "That said, if I'm around, I hope I'm invited to the party most of the time."