In The Air Tonight 1

Well, I was there and I saw what you did

I saw it with my own two eyes.

So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been.

It's all been a pack of lies,

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord.

Artist: Phil Collins

Writer: Phil Collins

Released: 1981

As she sashayed into the living room, I could see that her attire was on point. The quintessential little black dress, red soled Jimmy Choo's with a four inch heel, and no apparent lines or straps that would indicate even a mild attempt to protect her modesty. Ah, if only it was meant for me to enjoy.

I sipped my old fashioned, the third of the evening, seeking courage as many men in my position do by imbibing the bracing jolt of quality cocktails. I could tell tonight was the night that my spouse, against all odds, would be attempting to force me to go against everything I held dear. I knew, based on the ten years of our relationship and subsequent marriage, what type of script she would try to follow.

"Jimmy, we have to talk."

Obviously she would start with a nickname she knew I hated from middle school onwards. My name is James, not any other iteration is acceptable to me. This was to denigrate and possibly cause me to revert to the mental state of a smallish boy who, until a massive growth spurt in my sophomore year of high school, was bullied without mercy. This is what happens when you fall in love with a psychologist, then make the mistake of sharing your past experiences.

"Easy, lover. Why can't it wait til morning?"

It seems I might have derailed her train of thought. I probably should have been whimpering something along the lines of "Where do you think you are going, dressed like that?" Conversely, I could just weep softly into my drink. I decided to remain quiescent so as to get this farce back on track.

"Don't you want to know where I am going and who I am going with, James?"

Ahhh, I really threw a curve ball past her. She's already reverted to my proper name and ceased the planned attempt at mental cruelty slash dominance.

"Sorry to disappoint, Livvy, but I already know the answer to those two questions. It would be pointless to ask you to give me a response to information that I possess currently. That and I don't care anymore."

Her gasp was audible and she almost seemed to wilt a tad. I'll give her kudos for a quick recovery, she only remained stunned for a few seconds. Although, to her I suspect it stretched to an eternity.

"Well little Jimmy, what do you think you know?"

There it was, the return to arrogance and contempt. She was showing her true colors now.

"If you must know, Livvy, the who is Dan Jenkins. You know, the man you met at that club a little while back, the one where there was no jacket required? The man you danced with almost every slow song against my wishes. The one I warned you about when we finished arguing about your disrespect. The gent who I told you 'Don't let him steal your heart away!"

Direct hit, tango one down.

"As to the where, I suspect you plan on spending the night with him. Getting to know one another in the biblical sense. If I am off base, please let me know."

Eject...eject...

Again she rallied, "Well, nosy parker, don't you think you are superior? Yes, I will be meeting Dan and his big dick again tonight. I'm tired of trying to hide it and you are just going to have to deal with it or..."

Time to nip this in the bud as Don Knotts used to say.

"Or you'll ass rape me in the divorce, take half my money that you contributed nothing to, half my company that I built solely through the sweat of my brow, and make sure I end up in an alley homeless while still trying to pay you maintenance as you ride into sunset fucking Dan?"

"Exactly, you fucking wimp! I spent years wondering what, if anything, I married you for other than the promise of keeping me in fine living. Other than your money, you are mediocre in every way."

I smirked. "I may be an average son of man, but I have only really made one poor decision. I allowed you to get a hold on my heart. I know I can't dance, but when it comes to anything that is not related to my former feeling towards you, I tend to skip right over gold and strike platinum."

She sneered, adjusted her wrap, and mad motion towards the door.

I cleared my throat. "You might want to discuss this a bit further, Livvy. Anyway, you can't hurry love, so a few moments longer won't prevent you from throwing it all away."

Clearly annoyed, she spun back towards me.

"There's nothing left to say, Jimmy. I have you by the root and stem. Either learn to live with it or become a pauper."

Don't rush. Sip your excellent old fashioned and remain calm. I tell myself this, but I fight against a killing rage and toxic dumps of adrenaline into my system. Livvy will likely never know how close I came to resolving this situation in a much more permanent matter before I decided on this path.

"After ten years, rhe least you can do is give me a bit longer before you hurry to Dan and another day in paradise."

"It won't matter, Jimmy, but if it soothes your little male ego, go ahead."

I sighed, "It shows you, sooner or later you must answer for every good deed."

"I have a brief story to tell. You see, your first display with Dan gave me a wake up call. I knew within week of your first actual tryst, It was in your eyes. I followed you the second time. I saw it with my own two eyes. I knew right at that moment you were dead to me. If you were drowning, I would not lend a hand."

"That was months ago," she scoffed. "You're either more of a wimp than I thought or you actually have been getting off on the lewdness of the affair, you little deviant."

"There's a third option, Brainiac. I knew there was no way out, at least not without very unpleasant consequences. So I decided to put together a plan. Not a five year one like the old USSR, but an abbreviated five month version."

"Fact one, the divorce courts in our country either favor the woman or they seek to drain both parties of all available assets. So I had to ask myself, do want a person who plans to fuck me raw for my money to win or do I want my future ex-wife to get it? Honestly, neither was an acceptable option."

"Fact two, in my research I found that if I was willing to burn through the money before our divorce, I could only be held accountable for two things. My salary and my retirement, both which could be leveraged to attempt to keep you or the lawyers in high cotton."

Another sip, composure must be maintained.

"So, I determined to destroy both of our futures. At least in the short term for me. Remember how I persuaded you that we could use corporate tax loopholes to save a massive amount on our taxes if we simply let my business hold the leases on our house and cars?"

She unconsciously nodded.

"That was phase one. Now the corporation owns everything."

"You own the corporation, Nimrod. I own you."

Jesus wept, how did I fall in love with this creature?

"Phase 2 was to sell the business. According to..."

Out came her claws, "You dickless wonder, how dare you have done that? Not that it matters, I still get half of the sale price and your retirement."

"So far I've been civil, Livvy. Don't interrupt me again or you'll never see Dan along with his dick again. I was unwilling to seek violence on you, but Dan was and is fair game!"

I guess I wasn't hiding my rage well enough anymore. I could tell my visage had struck fear into her heart and my voice had given her pause.

"Now that we are of two minds again, allow me to continue."

Clouds, little babies, think about a yellow rubber duck, picture a pink golf ball in my mind.

"You are mostly correct. Our failed system has chosen to involve itself in matters way beyond it's original intended purposes of protecting us from foreign nations and supervision of international trade. They have their grubby little paws in everything, looking for the smallest grist to mill. Additionally, both sides want to mandate morality when that should be only decided at the personal level of each individual. They would seek to enrich either themselves or you based on your moral choices while utterly disregarding my moral compass."

"As I said, I researched this carefully while you were playing both sides. I found that if I could bring myself not to care about my wealth, to throw it away before we filed for divorce, it wouldn't be accountable in the asset division. Of course, I would still be as poor as field mice, but you would get nothing. You lose, memo bis punitor delicatum, you get NOTHING."

She actually raised her hand. We've come full circle to grade school. I motioned to go on.

"But there's still your salary unless you quit working for the company and your retirement, right?"

"You are correct. That was phase three. I sold the business, but I promised to work for them in my old position until just before I was served. My monthly wage is one dollar."

She began wilting to the floor.

"As far as my retirement, I took the penalty and cashed it out. Sadly, when I went to visit my old friends in Las Vegas, I lost all of it and more. Now I owe those friends a tidy sum of money. One day, and may that day never come, they will call upon me for a favor."

I couldn't contain my laugh. "That or they'll break my fucking legs. Sal may be the closest thing to a sibling I've ever had, but he has to maintain his appearance."

"I seem to be in a land of confusion. You're telling me that Sal Mannela is a mobster?"

"Technically, Livvy, that was an interruption. But I can understand how it slipped out. Dan almost made some new temporary friends, but let it not be said I have no mercy. An infinitesimal amount remains, let's not exhaust it just yet."

She caught herself this time.

"So, as we speak, we are actually in debt. To Sal, to the banks, and to the credit cards that have kept us from becoming homeless. You alone carry a debt far greater than mine, but I couldn't let you know our status until the ducks were lined up properly."

"That's it really. You can go if you like. I finished the final steps a few days ago and removed the keylogger that warned me of your plans for today. You'll probably have wondered by now why Dan hasn't called to check up on you. While you were in the shower, I disabled your phone. Couldn't have you recording this, could I?"

"I was scared shitless, to tell the truth. I, too, needed to control this conversation until a certain point and if you had noticed the issue, it could have thrown my plans in the toilet."

I probably shouldn't have worried. The last thing Livvy would have worried about tonight was her phone, assuredly her mind was more attuned to the prospect of raw sex.

"But, you didn't and I thank you. I'll get the paperwork served soon and I've already made other temporary living accommodations, so you can stay here until the entity that I sold the corporation to has given you the proper eviction notice. The only things remaining here that I give a damn about consists of the clothes I have on, this drink, and the remainder of the bottle of whisky I made it with. You can keep the sugar and bitters, like you they are easily replaced."

"What will happen now?" She was sobbing.

"Why, we'll live separate lives. I would say don't lose my number, but Livvy...?"

"Yes, James."

There it is, my proper name again for the last time it matters as far as she is concerned.

"Lose my number."

Epilogue

We still went to court. Her lawyer, paid for by Dan, tried to finagle maintenance based off my future possible earnings and as seemingly punitive damages for my fiscal maneuvering but the judge was unwilling to lock the court into trying to enforce something so intangible. He did say that if proof could be shown in the next year that I had obtained gainful employment that her lawyer could resubmit the claim.

Fat chance of that. Salmon, inc LLC was more than willing to subsidize my recovery retreat to a villa in Palermo. Addiction to gambling and PTSD from the mental cruelty of my Ex are terribly taxing. Officially, a friend of ours owned the facility. Patient population, one. Lots of pretty nurses and therapists, though.

I've always wanted to say a friend of mine or ours like that ever since a fellow diminutive dark complexioned lad and I finally stood up against the most hated bully in ninth grade. We both got our clocks cleaned. In our shared agony, however, a bond was initiated that has grown until this day. Oh, side note, maybe don't really beat up a Sicilian's only son. You never know who that Sicilian might be or who he might know.

I doubt I could have come out with half or less of my money if it wasn't for Sal. Thanks to an ass beating we shared a decade and change ago, I retained close to ninety percent. Not a bad investment if you were mercenary enough to look at it that way. i gave some of it to Sal as a gift, even if you are like brothers you let your buddy wet his beak. Again, always wanted to say that.

The other amount went to a friend of Sal's. Dan still needed to be punished and reeducated as to what not to do with a clearly married woman. I didn't ask for a permanent resolution, but he will know that tonight that I'm going to make it right with a seemingly invisible touch. There will be no misunderstanding that he was throwing it all away when he pursued Livvy, not that she trying to hang on long enough to fend him off.

Afterword (if you're bored)

Since I was diagnosed with cancer I didn't think I would ever submit anything again. I'll eventually die from it so if you're going to comment with the pithy "Just die" posts then you're in luck.

On the way back from chemo today, I was listening to the radio when In the air tonight started playing and my chemo addled brain began telling me it would be a great idea to base a LW story on. Something short, a hopefully funny antidote to the endless cuck stories that have been appearing in a constant stream lately. While doing so, see how many easter eggs and Phil Collins songs (Genesis and Solo careers) you can squeeze in.

I'm sure I've failed to accomplish at least one of those goals, but as a great man once sang, "Two out of three ain't bad."