This is an expanded version of a story about my sexual experiences on our first two anniversaries. This new version adds my sexual encounters on my second anniversary with a handsome young lawyer from my husband's firm. As on our first anniversary, my husband was far away, this time in Argentina. What took place while he was gone was the most exciting and satisfying sexual experience of my young life.
Making the Best of It: A Tender Encounter on Our First Anniversary:
As I write this, I am 26 and my husband Jack is 30. I am a painter, already successful in a commercial sense though not entirely satisfied with my recent work. Jack is in his fourth year at Scruggs and Pine, one of the oldest and largest law firms in Cleveland. We met in Chicago nearly five years ago soon after Jack finished law school at Northwestern and I had graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago.
When I was growing up in a small town in southern Illinois my father was a welder and my mother was a teacher's aid in a pre school. Their joint income was never sufficient for us to be comfortable in the present and they could not expect more in the future. Fortunately, my high school academic record and several statewide art awards won me scholarships to the Art Institute. Those, along with student jobs and the early sales of my paintings, provided the support I needed to make it through college.
Friends now sometimes describe me as a California girl, though I have never been there: tall, blonde, shapely, toned, big smile. To them I apparently appear much more confident and laid back than I ever really have been. Jack is slightly taller than I am, handsome and strong, darker, very smart, intense, ambitious, self confident, driven by his high expectations for himself. All of those features attracted me to him. I knew he would succeed career-wise and would be able support comfortably a wife and a family. Given the restricted circumstances of my youth, confidence in such security was highly important to me. I wanted a stable and comfortable life. In retrospect the importance I attached then to financial security may have led me to pay too little attention to other aspects of a successful marriage.
I was not highly experienced sexually when I agreed to marry Jack and I realize now I did not understand what later I would want and need sexually from a husband. Almost none of the boys I dated in high school shared my interests in art and culture. Good conversation on any subject seemed beyond most of them. Sexually they often were crude and clumsy, always in too much of a hurry, as inexperienced as I was but unwilling to admit it. While my sexual adventures were largely unrewarding, I did learn to pleasure myself in those years. So much simpler and always available "on demand." Pleasing myself probably reduced a need to find a fully satisfactory male partner during high school, and even later. Perhaps that is the case for many women.
College was better in terms of shared interests and more engaging conversations though the sex was not much better. I had expected male students at the Art Institute to be more experienced, imaginative, inventive, to know how to give me pleasure. I hoped we would satisfy one another and still be sweet and gentle in doing so, like I was when I pleased myself. But that was not the case. None of the men I dated as an undergraduate ever gave me an orgasm.
When I met Jack I found someone who did know what to do and how to do it--though usually very much on his terms. He seemed always to know what he wanted, even if I often did not. I loved his vigorous, intense enjoyment of my body as he pounded me from above or took me from the back or guided me to ride him hard until he climaxed. He did sometimes, when I asked for it, give me organisms with his fingers or his mouth, though patient and gentle was not his natural inclination. I know now I was far too passive.
As with most young couples sex was frequent and usually pleasurable, not as passionate or creative as I had anticipated and not as sweet and gentle and patient as I needed most of the time. In those early months, I loved giving him pleasure more than I cared about my own satisfaction. Now, I wish I had pushed harder for him to slow down and tend more patiently to my needs for affection and communication. I should have done more to make clear what I wanted when we were dating and during the first year we were married. But still, at first this did not seem a big problem within the larger picture of our lives together.
Overall, at the beginning of the time I am remembering and writing about here, I was pleased with my art and, most of the time, with my life with Jack, though maybe I did not recognize yet the ways in which we were different. We both found our work challenging and rewarding. Jack was extremely busy and in demand within his law firm. I was very much enjoying my painting and, feeling quite secure, I could work at a slower pace than Jack with more time for going to galleries and museums, to read and relax when I needed to. I had worked hard during my undergraduate years to take care of my body through a healthy diet and good exercise, in the fitness center and, especially, running through the parks and trails along Lake Michigan. By the time of our wedding, comments from friends and the looks I received when we went out made me feel I had never looked better.
As our first anniversary approached, Jack was in San Francisco handling negotiations on an important case. During the two weeks he had been gone my painting was going very well. It often did while he was away. I knew I needed new work for the galleries in Cleveland, Chicago and Kansas City that handled my paintings. I hoped someday for representation in New York.
Then, late on a Thursday night, Jack called to tell me he would not be home for our first anniversary; negotiations in San Francisco were at a crucial stage and likely to continue through most of the next week; he hoped to be home by the next week end.
"Jack, I was so looking forward to being together on our first anniversary. This is so disappointing. I will be sad and lonely without you, sweetheart. I am missing you so much each day, and each night!" He assured me he felt the same and would make it up to me as soon as we were together. He also reminded me that Sunday was not only our anniversary but also the day of the firm's annual picnic for its lawyers and staff and their families.
" Amber, I hope you will go. We have looked forward to this, especially to connect with some of the other younger lawyers and their wives and partners. But also because the firm expects it of us. You can explain why I am not there. Please go without me. You always enjoy being with some of these people and you will feel less lonely if you go. Several of those young single lawyers will let you know you are appreciated and you won't be lonely for long." I told Jack I would plan to go, that being with good company in a beautiful setting on the lake might help me not feel so alone.
On Sunday I drove east of the city to the lovely mansion on the lake where the company picnic was being held. I arrived late afternoon and noticed that families with children had already begun to leave after several hours of food, drink and games on the lawn and in the water. I was not much in the mood for children or games. I circulated for a half hour saying my polite hellos to the firm's partners and their spouses. Almost everyone inquired about Jack and commiserated with me on his absence. I did not tell any of them today was our first wedding anniversary.
After I filled a plate from the buffet table and picked up a gin and lemonade at the small bar, I made my way to where some of the people I knew best were sitting and enjoying the remains of the day. I sat down on a vacant chair, chatted first with a young lawyer and his wife who Jack and I knew well, and then turned to introduce myself to the man next to me, the only older man at the table. I knew that his name was Arthur Vickery, that he was a member of the firm, and that I had met him once previously. I also recalled what Jack had told me about him, that his younger and very beautiful wife had died suddenly about six months ago. Arthur looked to be between fifty and sixty, still very handsome, a bit subdued which was understandable. I assumed he would not remember me but to my surprise he said, "You are Jack Best's wife. I recall meeting you briefly at the picnic last year, a bit later in the summer I think. You were newlyweds if I recall correctly. Is Jack here? I haven't seen him."
I explained the circumstance of my being here alone and I did mention to him that today was our first anniversary. "We are no longer newlyweds," I said.
Arthur replied, "It must be disheartening to be apart for an anniversary, especially the very first one. Jack should have mentioned this; the firm should have known and sent someone else to San Francisco--or we should have flown him home, even for just a day, at our expense." I thanked him for his sympathy which made me wonder why Jack had not tried harder to be with me, even just for today. I understand and accept he is very ambitious and hopes to rise quickly in the firm. But still. Our first anniversary.
