I'm Sorry Sir but This Elevator...

I awoke with a start.

Sitting bolt upright and sticking to the plastic strapping of the lawn chair, I squinted hard and tried to blink some clarity into the blazing world that I had awoken to.

I reeked of booze and looking at my arms, hands and chest I realized that I was covered in beer.

Hearing a familiar chuckle I strained to make out the silhouetted figure hovering over me.

"Jesus Hammer, what were you thinking?" I asked.

"Har har" he laughed in his best pirate impersonation. "The beer may be hot but at least it's free" he added with his patented toothy grin.

The warm liquid stung as it rolled from my brow into my eyes. I rubbed them roughly, only adding to the already increasing roar of my mounting headache.

The fog started to clear and one small comfort began to take shape before my clouded and bleeding eyes. I had somehow ended up on the deck of my pool in my own back yard. Hallelujah.

"How in the hell did we get home last night?" I asked as I struggled to my feet.

"You drove" Hammer grunted as he flopped back into his lounger like a great pink salmon thrown on the deck of fishing boat.

"I drove?!?" Incredulously I continued, "you can't be serious, I was a freakin' wreak".

"Well no one ever accused you of being a rocket surgeon" he observed after a long pull on his mug of beer.

"I'll say" I thought to myself as I crouched at the pools edge splashing water on my face.

The last thing I remembered from the night before was playing pool at Slacks, the local strip joint. Handsome Steve and The Big Russian were in fine form leading our little band of merry men down the righteous path of drunkenness and debauchery.

The true horror of the night's debacle was only just starting to unfold as I noticed for the first time that I was wearing a tiger print thong and nothing else.

"Good god" I groaned and looked over to see that my bloated buddy of 25 years had on the same gear.

"Don't even tell me" I croaked as I stumbled back and lay back down on my chair.

Although we were tucked back into the southernmost tip of the deck area, where the breeze was normally at its best, the day was already excruciatingly hot. Even the giant elms with their broad leaves and wide canopy of shade couldn't provide any shelter from the blistering heat.

The sun was slightly behind us and seemed further to the west than it should have been. "Dear lord, have we been here all day?" I asked of no one in particular. Judging by its position in the sky, it had to be at least 3 in the afternoon. My skin already a bright red, the searing sun had poached me like great greasy egg as I had slept.

Dejected, stinking and horribly disappointed in myself, I looked up to see a lonely pint of beer sitting on the table between Hammer and myself. "Hair of the dog" I thought as I raised the glass in a mock toast to last night's stupidity and look a long steady drink.

Grimacing hard, I double-clutched and nearly barked.

Coughing out a barfy "Sweet Jesus", I looked at Hammer in disgust. "What did you do, boil this shit first?"

"Har har" he guffed giving me that fucking crooked grin again.

I wondered how in gods name this day could possibly get any worse.

Well, as if god himself was tapping in, my question was immediately answered.

Across the pool, on the far side of the deck, the patio door of my house opened and out walked...THE WIVES.

"Oh this is just fucking great" I moaned.

"You have some splainin' to do boy" Hammer muttered referring to the lecture the girls had given us the night before. They had berated us at length as to the evils of drinking and driving; telling us they would splay us like gutted dear and impale our heads on pikes on the front lawn for all to see if we ever did it again.

I sank further into myself. What an ass I was.

The truth of the matter is that they were right. We had done it before and, apparently, had done it again. As I watched them spread out their towels on their loungers, I knew they were going to be beyond pissed.

I puffed a sigh of relief as I saw that they hadn't noticed us and were settling in for a long tall drink of afternoon sun. Now with it almost directly behind us, it would be almost impossible for them to see us. Even though it was only putting off the inevitable for a few hours, it was a brief reprieve that I would gladly take.

Hot or not, beer was beer and I needed it bad so I took another gulp. "Christ on a cross, this is awful" I thought, and took another pull.

"Ah hem" Hammer phlemed and I followed his gaze to where our wives were reclined.

A young man, very fit and shirtless, had come out the back door of our house and was making his way to the girls with a tray of drinks. Tanned and about 25, he was the color of a beer bottle and had the youthful look of a man in his prime. Good looking, he strode with confidence to the table between Mess and Cher.

"Who the fuck is that?" I asked.

Noticing his presence, the girls said something to each other and had a good giggle.

He smiled at their comment and placed the drinks on the table. As he bent over, my wife reached back and with a devilish grin, gave him a brisk smart slap on the ass.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

The man/boy just grinned, finished placing the drinks, stood up and waited at attention, tray under his arm.

The girls smiled knowingly at each other, reached for their frosted cocktail glasses and took long thirsty drinks. Obviously approving of the libations, the pool boy was dismissed with a friendly wave and ladies relaxed into their chairs.

With a wry grin on his face he retired to the comfort of my beautifully air-conditioned home.

I ached for the cool of the house.

I ached to sup on the cool drink my wife had.

I ached all over.

As I tried to rub away the pain that pounded away at the inside of my thick skull, I noticed a huge lump.

"Did you punch me again?" I asked Hammy in my best accusatory, pissed off tone.

"Didn't have to" he replied. I looked over and saw that he too had a big nasty bruise on the side of his face.

"That's it, no more of that Vodka Redbull bullshit...what the hell did you get me into?" I demanded.

"Ah hem" was all he said.

I looked over to see my wife sitting up and reaching back behind herself with both hands.

I watched as my wife of 6 years and the mother my two kids, undid the lower strap of her bikini top to let it hang between her gorgeous full breasts.

"God I love her" I thought.

My dad had asked me "How did a guy like you ever manage to get a girl like that?"

I had no answer for him. I just figured that I was a very lucky man.

She really was as beautiful as the summer day is long.

Sandy blond hair framed her perfect face and the brilliant smile that had somehow managed to warm my cold and black little heart.

It was her eyes though that put Mess into a league of her own. Piercing blue, they seemed to be a color unlike anything else in nature. Changing with her moods they could at once love you and then, just as quickly, turn and tear you to pieces. Ice ice baby.

She reached up to undo the top from around her neck, her breast swaying gently, seductively.

Big round areolas, browned from the summer sun, stood out, puffed.

"She's turned on" I thought to myself, amused.

Jaw dropping a little, I watched as she laid back, raised her butt and slid her bottoms off.

I couldn't believe it. She would never even entertain the idea of nude sunbathing with me but, here she was, in the buff around other people. I know that she's been naked in front of Cher before but what if pool boy came back out? What then?

Again, as if there was a hot-line to the big Kahona himself, the back patio door slides open and the handsome young man emerged from the house, silver tray in hand.

With 4 shooters to deliver, the waiter doesn't miss a beat as he approached the girls from behind and casually placed the glasses on the table one as a time.

My wife, naked and exposed, simply looks over at Cher, smiles and picks up a shot.

Laughing her great laugh, Cher sits up and takes one of her own.

Barely audible at this distance, we hear them say "To the boys" as they clink glasses and down the drinks.

Hammer and I look at each other knowing that the girls must have already planned our impending punishment and were relishing in the anticipation of what was to come.

Still sitting upright, Cher reached to pull her hair up and off of the nape of her neck. Dutifully, pool boy leaned over and untied the bow that held her suit together. The top fell lazily to her lap. Smaller than Mess, Cher's boobs were pert and firm and proudly saluted the sun.

She threw the top into a pile beside Melissa's discarded suit and proceeded to remove the rest of her outfit.

Both Hammer and I were now grinning like two fools in a nut-house was we watched our fabulous naked wives show themselves off for this fortunate young stud.

Well oiled, their bodies shimmered in the sun like gold leaf, their every move a fluid invitation to be touched and tasted. Adonis stood sentinel over the goddesses as they soaked in the sun as warmly as a mother would gather a child into her arms.

"I love bald pussy".

Hammer had a knack for ruining the moment.

Indeed both of our wives were clean shaven, but the beauty of the moment was obviously lost on my good friend.

Cher half turned towards my wife, propping herself up on her right elbow.

Too far away to hear what she was saying, I could see the mischief in Cher's smile and the devil in her deep, dark brown eyes. Her thick chocolate brown hair was now pulled back, tight, into a pony tail. Her raw sensuality had brought many a strong man to tears and more than a few women to their knees.

I asked Hammer the same question that my dad had asked me.

Long John Silver only chucked again.

I couldn't tell if Hammer had caught it but I could see the fingers of Cher's right hand tracing soft tiny circles on the side of pool boy's knee.

As nonchalantly as one would tickle a cat behind its ears, she stroked the boy and casually talked to Mess about god knows what. Pool boy obviously loved the attention as, even from this distance, we could see his growing interest in the day's events.

Not even at half mast, his shorts showed the tell-tail signs of a guy that was packing some serious steel. His expanding pants caused Cher to have to crane further around his torso in order to talk to Mess.

Not able to hold back any longer, Mess burst out laughing and together they giggled like a couple of school girls.

Unfazed, pool boy stood tall between the women with that same slight smile on his face.

Barely able to believe what I was seeing, I sat transfixed as I watched Cher's left hand gently snake its way slowly up and over his knee. Kneading the thick tight muscle of his thigh as she moved, her hand disappeared into the leg of his loose fitting shorts.

Still talking casually, as though they were exchanging dip recipes, Cher slowly worked pool boy's tool.

Mess nodded slightly in the direction of the boy's crotch, said something and half pointed at the lads' obvious growing discomfort. Tittering, the girls were enjoying themselves immensely.

With a deft turn of her wrist, Cher unleashed the beast and brought pool boy out of his confinement and into full view.

"Whoa" Hammer and I said in unison.

"Wow" It looked like Mess and Cher mouthed at the same time.

Grinning broadly now, Cher seemed to weigh the weapon in her hand like a trained soldier. Only at about half strength, it was already too large for her to wrap her hand completely around. Gripping close to the base, his thick cock hung a full 5 inches out passed the end of her fist. He was cut and the orange-sized head of his prick was turning from pink to crimson.

Mess nodded her approval and Cher smiled and took the head of his cock in her mouth, barely.

Pumping slowly with her hand she worked more of the length of his shaft into her accommodating mouth. She bobbed slowly and deliberately taking more and more of him with each push. A self proclaimed slut in high school, she took to him like a pro.

Now, after only a few minutes, the entire length of his cock shone with saliva. Semi hard, his prick would bend and twist slightly as she sucked and tugged at him. She let his tool pop out of her mouth with a smacking sound and it arched down towards her waiting mouth.

Watching intently, Mess was now turned on her side propped up on her left elbow. Her right elbow resting on her hip, hand lazily playing with her nipple, she subconsciously chewed on the corner of her lower lip.

Taking him in an overhand grip, Cher pulled pool boy like a pup on a leash. Turning him in Mess's direction, she let him go and gave his ass a pat pushing him to her.

Mess reached out with her right hand, cupped his balls and pulled him closer.

Lolling out a full 9 inches from his body, his cock glistened like a chrome pipe.

Mess leaned forward and traced her tongue ever so slightly around the very tip of his twitching cock. Taking bigger and bigger circles, she was soon lapping up and down the length of his pole. Licking. Tasting. Kneading his hairless balls the entire time.

Cher seemed to be enjoying the show as she had reached around her leg and was playing with her pussy from behind.

As pool boy became harder, he arched back slightly and had to hang on the back of Cher's chair as Mess played.

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Mess opened wide and took the head of his cock into her slick mouth. With a great big smile she looked up and met pool boys gaze. Leaning back, pool boy was starting to feel the pressure build. She sensed this and took him deeper into her mouth. She backed off of the head and let a let a long silvery rope of spit dangle between his prick and her lower lip. He smiled at her porn-star move just as she plunged back down again, this time taking more of him. Backing off again, still smiling and never losing eye contact, she thrust forward taking almost all of it this time.

Now she was pulling hard on his balls and we could see him start to hunch forward. Knowing that he was very close, Mess took shorter bobs and worked his shaft furiously with her hand. Swinging her legs over the edge of the chair, she was now sitting and using both hands to pump his cock and all of her mouth and throat to fuck him.

Cher got up and sat beside Mess to get a better look. Cher leaned back and started to rub the folds of her own pussy with her hand. Her fingers were slick and webbed from the melt of her own juices.

Pool boy scrunched forward grabbing the back of Mess's chair with this right hand and a handful of her hair with his left. He stiffened and we could hear him grunt from where we were. Pulling back her head, Mess twisted and pulled him like wet taffy to a thundering orgasm. Great dollops of cum splashed her chin, throat and chest and ran in rivers between her tits to her lap. Smiling and looking into his eyes the entire time, Mess slowed her stroking as his convulsions subsided.

Cher finished at the same time he did. Pulling her right leg tightly over her left, she squeezed hard into her hand and came heavily. She lay prone until we could see that her legs had quit shaking.

Sitting up, flushed she reached out and took pool boy's rapidly deflating cock in her hand. Offering it to Mess, the two of them cleaned him off with their tongues.

Finished and spent, pool boy tucked is post back up into the leg of his shorts, picked up the tray that he had dropped earlier, smiled at the girls and made his way back to the house.

Mess swung her legs up and around Sheri and laid back down on the recliner. Glistening with pool boys cum, she starts to work it into her breast like lotion. Laughing, Cher takes her lead, scoops a couple fingers full and applies it to her own chest.

I can see Mess looking over her shoulder towards the door of the house and I know that she is about to bust a blood vessel she's so horny. Jealous and incredibly turned on, I get up to join my beautiful slutty wife and explore this new side of her.

Right behind me, Hammer struggles to his feet and is in hot pursuit.

"Not so fast kids" we hear behind us.

Thinking that someone else has enjoyed the show unbeknownst to us, we turn to see our old friend Nicky the King standing back in the shadows.

"Sweet Mary Mother of God Nicky, what are you doing here?" I ask excitedly. It had been a long time since we gotten together and he was always ready for some really good bad fun. A great big bastard with a thick swatch of black hair atop a fuel drummed sized head, he had always been the lead float in our gangs little parade. There was no end to the trouble he could get us into.

"I've always been here boys" he said with a smile.

"Really, we didn't even hear you" I said confused. I looked at Hammer who, oddly, didn't seem confused at all. He was standing beside Nicky and, although still wearing his bent grin like a badge of honor, looked somewhat the worse for wear. The bruise was now covering the entire left side of his face and his left arm looked awkwardly crimped and pinched into his chest.

"It's time for us to go now, the show's over" Nicky said as he pulled the branches of the hedge aside like a curtain.

"What are you talking about??? I've got beer in the fridge and bourbon in the cupboard. Let's get into the house and out of this fucking heat and have some fun" I said becoming more and more concerned. Something wasn't right. Unsure if it was the suffocating heat or the blinding headache, I was struggling to understand just what he was talking about.

"It's not your house anymore. It hasn't been your house for a year now. They told you not to drink and drive." Nicky explained happily.

The pounding in my head was suddenly gone and I saw the light, literally. Minus a few teeth, Hammer smiled his goofy grin, turned, ducked his head and lurched through the whole in the hedge and was swallowed up in its brilliance.

"Ahhhhh, I get it......the warm beer, the blistering heat, the tiger stripped underwear....we're not going to my happy place are we Nicky?" I asked rhetorically.

"Fraid not Tup, you two are going someplace hot for your little vacation" Nicky the King replied with a smile.

And I had always wondered where he had got his name.