Im Not Sure How To Act

I'm Not Sure How to Act

Story Sentence: I've never been in this position before.

Author's Note:

This is not a BTB story. It's fairly short at approximately 5,800 words. There really isn't much in the way of descriptive sex acts either. So, if those are your things, you might want to pass on this one.

Main Characters: (age at the beginning of the story) In order of appearance

Ketchum "Ketch" Caldwell,

age 28, husband to Hayden for 5 years, first marriage for both.

Hayden Caldwell,

age 24, married to Ketchum, no children, but in the planning stages to start a family.

Preston McCall

, age 41, divorced father of two young children in their mid-teens and co-worker of Hayden's.

Shelly Lewiston

: Preston's ex-wife, age 40.

Story:

Twenty-eight-year-old Ketchum Caldwell was so stunned, he couldn't think clearly. There was a piercing rushing noise like a roaring river, cascading through his head. He felt dizzy and he had to sit before he fell. As it was, he almost missed the living room couch and had to catch himself to prevent falling to the floor. He could hear his wife Hayden saying something to him, but her voice had a hollow ring to it and the words were garbled. It almost sounded like she was underwater.

"W-w-what, what did you say?"

"Listen, Ketch, honey. I'm sorry it just happened..."

"B-b-but we just talked about buying a house and starting our family. W-w-we've only been married five years."

"Sweetheart, it didn't mean anything. I'm not sure how it even happened, but it doesn't have anything to do with you, or us. I'm sorry..." That isn't at all what Hayden planned on saying. It sounded so cheap. "Ketch, listen to me. I've messed this up..."

Ketchum sprang from the couch and began pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He had both hands pressed firmly to the sides of his head. It was almost as if he expected his head to explode any second. "Ah, ok, I mean, you know, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react. Well, ahhh, what am I supposed to say, or do? I've never been in a situation like this before."

"Sweetie, just sit back down, you're scaring me." Hayden was trying to reach out to Ketchum and pull him back down to the couch but wasn't having any success.

Ketchum started to feel short of breath and he had sensed the walls of his living room were closing in on him. It felt like the air was being forced from his lungs. "Umm, no. I have to get out of here to think about this. It's just, it's just too confusing for me." He started towards the door.

"Wait!" She screamed. Hayden was desperate to have Ketch stay. "How are we supposed to get passed this, if we don't talk about it?" She started crying, pleading with him to stay.

Ketchum never responded; he had his hands up in a defensive position. Hayden understood he didn't want to be touched by her. Every time she tried to make physical contact, it seemed to upset him more, so she backed away. What had she done? "Please Ketch, I know we can work this out. Please, I'm begging you, don't leave."

It was too late; he was already gone. The slamming of the front door to Hayden sounded like the end of her marriage.

Hayden wasn't lying to Ketchum. She really didn't know how it happened. One minute she was having lunch with Preston McCall, and the next thing she knew, they were engaged in sweaty, feverish, animalistic sex on a squeaky, slightly musty-smelling bed in a nondescript motel off the main highway a couple hundred yards from the restaurant.

Hayden and Preston were co-workers and regular lunch partners. And, up until the moment they ended up in bed together, she never had a lustful thought about him. She actually thought of Preston as kind of a father figure. Hayden never really had a father. At least not one she remembered. She tried to think back to her time spent with Preston. She never had an inkling that Preston thought of her in any manner other than a friend either. He never even made any suggestive or lewd references or jokes.

Preston was a perfect gentleman. He was always thoughtful if not somewhat shy. When she first met him at work, he always seemed sad and was a loner. She asked him to lunch because he seemed to need a friend. She enjoyed conversing with him, and it became a regular lunch habit for both.

The last thing she remembered was chatting and eating her salad with Preston in their regular booth at the lunchtime bistro they frequented. She was relating her fears about motherhood. He seemed genuinely interested and concerned with her fears. Hayden didn't know it, but fears about having the ability to be a good mother was a very common anxiety most women experienced. It can be overwhelming at times.

Preston was trying to reassure her. He told her repeatedly that he thought she would be a great mom. As he explained his reasoning, he placed his hand over Hayden's and gave it a little squeeze. It was an act of friendship; he was simply trying to console her. Then one thing led to another. When Hayden regained her wits, she was nude, covered in sweat, and in a sixty-nine position with Preston's rather large cock as far down her throat as she could take it. This was something she had never done with Ketch.

She didn't really believe Preston had set out to seduce her. In fact, he was very apologetic for his part in their tryst. After they were finished, but still in the motel room, Hayden broke down, sobbing hysterically at what she had done. When she told Preston she had to tell Ketchum what she had done, he urged her not to.

"Hayden, listen to me carefully. I'm begging you.

DO NOT

tell Ketchum about this! I know what I'm talking about. My wife did something similar. When she confessed to me, I blew up. It's not that I didn't appreciate her honesty about it, but I just couldn't get passed her actions. So, I divorced her. Call it my silly male pride, ego, or whatever, but I just couldn't let it go." He was sincere and emotional as he spoke.

"A few months after my divorce was finalized and I got over my raging anger at my wife, I regretted my actions. But I was too confused or stubborn to talk with her. It's been ten years, and I'm still sorry I didn't give her a chance to discuss it. I don't know that our marriage would have survived anyway. But my refusal to even consider a conversation with her separated me from and alienated my children. Our relationship hasn't recovered to this day.

"By the time I gathered the courage to talk with her about it, she had moved on." Preston had tears in his eyes as he remembered that awful period of his life. He heard later that his ex-wife had remarried. For all intents and purposes, she had moved on, leaving any memory of him behind. "It's just your fear of motherhood, Hayden. I'm sure you've never done anything like this before and won't do it again.

"Trust me, please, Hayden. Men are different than women about this sort of thing. Don't tell him, Hayden, I'm begging you. When you get home, just show your love for him. Try being the best wife and mother you can be and forget all about this. You are a good person who made a terrible mistake. Let it go.

"I think it's best if we don't go to lunch for a while. I can't believe I would put your marriage at risk. Let's just forget this ever happened and go on with our lives." Preston was contrite.

That was the really hard part of this whole mess for Hayden. Oh, she was truly sorry for what she had done, but the sex, well the sex with Preston was exciting. How was she supposed to 'forget it ever happened?' It was unquestionably better than any sex she had with Ketch. She wasn't really a virgin when they married, but her only experience before getting married was a few very unsatisfactory fumblings in the back seat of a car with a high school boyfriend.

How was she supposed to keep her betrayal from Ketch? She loved him with all her heart. She was afraid, however, that she would never be able to make love with Ketch without thinking about the incredible sex with Preston. The only way she could think of moving on from this nightmare was to tell Ketch what happened, and why. Why? Hell, she didn't even know why it happened. She had to talk with him. Maybe she could go to counseling so she could understand better why she did it. They could certainly work through this, couldn't they?

To further complicate things, she had been leaning towards taking Preston's advice and keeping it her secret. But, she decided to talk with her mother first, with whom she always had a very close relationship. After getting the expected shock and disapproval reaction from her mom, she received the exact opposite advice that Preston had given her.

"Honey, listen to me, a marriage built on a lie as big as this one is bound to fail. It's supposed to be a partnership of love and trust. What happens if for some reason, several years from now, after you guys have children, Ketchum finds out about what you did? I can't imagine the sense of betrayal he would have. He might even think you had kids so he couldn't leave. It's too painful to even think about.

"No, you have to tell him."

So that's what Hayden did. And that was the reason, she was sitting alone on her living room couch, in tears, having no idea where her husband had gone. She never felt so alone and frightened in her life.

For his part, Ketchum was a far more confused young man than his wife was a frightened woman. It just wasn't something he had ever considered Hayden capable of. His emotions ran the gamut from rage to sorrow and fear. Part of him wanted to kill her and the other part wanted to ignore it as if it was a horrendous dream he would soon awaken from.

He had shut his phone off and decided to spend the night in a cheap hotel. He lay on the rock-hard mattress with his arms behind his head staring up at the acoustical 'popcorn' style tobacco smoke-stained insulation. He was trying to take his mind off his problems by imagining the random pattern of the sprayed-on acoustic material was animal shapes, but he wasn't having any luck. That would have required too much focus from his brain.

Ketchum realized that he would have to talk with Hayden at some point, but he wasn't even sure what to ask. Does she love him? Does she want a divorce? How was a person supposed to act in this type of situation?

He was trying to understand his emotions. Angry, hurt, and sad seemed most prominent and appropriate. Processing his rage was difficult. Finding her lover and physically assaulting him seemed childish, and even if he didn't end up in the hospital, he might end up in jail. If she was going to divorce him anyway, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing her new man pummel him. Besides, he was an accountant, for Christ's sake, not a fighter.

Somehow, he also felt embarrassed and inadequate. Why would he feel that way? Maybe it was because he had done something wrong, or failed Hayden in some way. For the life of him, he couldn't think of anything. Maybe that's what he should ask her?

Ketchum turned his phone back on and sent Hayden a text. He didn't bother to read any of the six messages she had sent him. His text simply read,

I'm fine, will be home tomorrow morning to talk.

Then he shut his phone off.

He couldn't really sleep all night, and he never came up with a real plan. Those omissions would prove to be critical mistakes.

As it was Saturday, neither Hayden nor Ketchum had to work, and he arrived back home around eleven that morning. He parked in his assigned spot for their apartment but somehow felt uneasy about it. He was exhausted and still didn't know what to say to his wife. Ketchum sat in his car for almost fifteen minutes, and he saw Hayden repeatedly peaking through the drapes at him. He guessed that running away again was no longer an option.

He finally gathered the courage to go inside. When he reached the front door, he paused in confusion. Inexplicably, he didn't know if he should knock before entering. He was saved from having to make the decision his addled brain was having trouble processing when Hayden threw open the door and leaped into his arms. She was sobbing, apologizing, and she even had hiccups too. Her reaction only further confused him. She led him to the living room all the while chattering gibberish. Ketchum wasn't sure it really was gibberish, but because his brain was pixilated, he only understood about every third or fourth word she spoke.

"Ketch, please sit here with me." And she patted the sofa next to her.

He just stared at her and remained standing. This was a very bad idea. He was in no way prepared to have a serious conversation with Hayden. He spoke the only words he thought of in his bemused state. "What is his name, Hayden?"

Hayden appeared shocked. "Ah, I ah," Hayden was now as confused as Ketch. She had a speech well planned out ahead of time and hadn't thought about this part. "His name isn't really that important right now. I want us to talk about..."

Now Ketch appeared shocked. "Oh, ok, I guess I didn't really understand the situation. I better leave then?" He immediately turned and walked out of the apartment without looking back.

Hayden was stunned and slumped back on the couch. She was too surprised to call out to Ketch and stop him.

What in the hell just happened? What did I say that was wrong?

Ketchum on the other hand, made the assumption that his marriage was over. She didn't want to tell him about her lover to protect him. This to him meant she was in love with someone else.

What was the point anyway?

At least now he knew where he stood.

Several days later, as Hayden sat in her office on a Friday morning, she was no more productive than she had been on Monday. Preston had, thankfully, been ignoring her except to nod politely and say good morning when they passed in the hallway. That was fine with Hayden; she had other things on her mind.

She hadn't heard a peep from Ketchum. Not a single phone call, text, or email. It was as if he had disappeared from the face of the earth. She called his work a few times, but she never was able to get through to him. She knew it wasn't by accident and only served to increase her anxiety level.

"Hi there! Oh hey, I love that outfit on you."

"Huh, what? Who are you?" Hayden gawked at the young lady with the pixie cut purple frosted hair, a silver nose ring, and a tattoo of a pink unicorn on her left arm. She was leaning up against the door jamb of Hayden's office.

"Oh, you must be Hayden Caldwell?"

"Yes, what do you need?"

"You've been served, sweetie. Have a great day!" The grunge-dressed girl snapped a quick photo with her phone, popped the bubble she had blown with her gum, and was gone as soon as she handed a rather thick manila envelope to Hayden.

Hayden had pushed herself away from the envelope and stared at it as if it were a venomous snake ready to strike at any moment. She hadn't even noticed that Preston had entered her office. He had heard what occurred with the server. He had been standing in front of her desk for almost five minutes. When Hayden finally looked up at him, Preston had a sour expression and was shaking his head sadly.

"You shouldn't have told him, Hayden, you really shouldn't have. I'm so sorry, I truly am." Preston turned and left, still shaking his head. He walked directly to the HR office and resigned without giving notice.

Their divorce was final about six months later. Hayden didn't fight it; there was nothing to fight over. After paying off her lawyer and half of the bills, she had about $700 to her name. She was sure Ketch was in the same situation. Not much to show for five years of marriage.

Hayden never once saw Ketchum during the entire divorce process. She didn't know where to find him. She tried to reach him at work the same day she was served. She was briskly told only told that 'Mr. Caldwell no longer works here.'

The countless phone calls to his family and friends proved fruitless. She was pretty sure his parents and brother knew where he was, but they weren't saying. They weren't rude to her. They didn't yell or scream, but it was clear, they wanted nothing to do with her.

When she called her mother, her mom was sympathetic, but when Hayden asked if she could move in with her for a while, her mom simply said, "No."

"No? What do you mean, no? Please, Mom, I need some help here!"

"You need to figure this one out for yourself, and you won't do that by running back home like a little girl who skinned her knee on the playground."

"But Mom, you told me to tell him." She was desperate and begging.

"You had to tell him, honey. It was the right thing to do, but it didn't guarantee you would stay married. Hopefully, someday, you will understand why I told you to do that."

Hayden was sure her happy, safe, and orderly life was over. She'd never felt so alone.

Ten Years Later:

"Preston, is that you?" It had been so long. She was stunned seeing him here. The last time she heard he was living hundreds of miles away.

He was startled back to awareness from his reminiscences. It seemed that these days, his entire social life was spent sitting by himself in this coffee shop thinking about his troubled past and the bleakness of his future.

That voice, that familiar, haunting voice. The memory that would never let go of him. The singular moment in time that haunted him still. It wasn't possible.

"Uh...hi, Shelly. It's been...a long...time." Preston barely managed to choke the words out.

Wow! Unlike me, she still looks good. So young, vital, and energetic. She must be fifty now.

Preston just stared at her. He should have anticipated he would see her at some point. After all, their town wasn't that big. And, he'd been back for a while. If Preston had anywhere near a normal social life their paths probably would have crossed long before now.

Preston had virtually no interaction with her since they divorced. After that horrible time, he rarely interacted with his children. He hadn't seen them in over six years. He only sent cards on birthdays and Christmas to his children and grandkids, who lived across the country. He'd yet to meet his three grandbabies in person.

Shelly tried to break the uncomfortable silence. "Yeah, it must be twenty years, Preston." The unpleasant quiet continued. On her part, Shelly thought Preston looked old, lost, and tired. The world had not been kind to him. Disappointed and embarrassed by his lack of response, she was going to walk away. But before she could make her escape, she noticed tears beginning to form in Preston's eyes. She opted to stay and sat down uninvited.

"What the hell is going on, Preston?" She didn't mean for it to sound so sharp. "I mean, why are you back?" She backtracked. That seemed the safest place to start.

Preston quickly gave an indifferent shrug. "I don't know. They shut the satellite office I worked out of down. So rather than start over, I decided to accept a position back here." He made a weak attempt at humor. "You know, the insurance capital of the Northwest." He gave a bitter laugh. "Maybe I was just returning to the scene of the crime? The place where my life ended, I suppose."

Shelly appeared shocked. "Shoot, Preston. You can't be serious. Are you married, seeing anyone? I mean, the kids never say anything..."

"No, not really." He didn't really think that was any of her business.

Shit!

"I'm not who, I mean, I guess I've become a bitter old man. Nobody really wants to hang around me, I suppose..." He looked up at her. "I don't even like myself these days. I look in the mirror every morning and don't recognize the person looking back at me."