I'm sure that some of you – especially the female version of the species – will think that I'm just naïve, unsophisticated, clueless, oblivious, or just plain ignorant. Maybe I am, but that's not how I view it. My entire life I believe in saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. I try very hard not to deal with people that are way off base when it comes to that, and transferred a major in college, quit two jobs, and dumped three girlfriends because the people involved found it from difficult to impossible to say what they meant, and or to mean what they said.
I thought that I had found the perfect mate in Brenda. She was smart, personable, kind, funny, and had that always male-admired quality of beauty. One thing that I couldn't quite figure out, however, was her choice of female friends, especially her best friend Kathy. I guess that guy buddies have different things that they look for in friends than females do, or at least Brenda did. Her bff was a big buxom brunette, while Brenda is a petite blond. Kathy's personality has a lot of rough edges while Brenda's does not; however instead of looking on Kathy's rough edges as embarrassing, Brenda thought that they were funny. Also Kathy is about the most headstrong (she would call it "self-confident") woman I've ever met and apparently had a commitment phobia the way that she ran through boyfriends.
However, Kathy's biggest problem as far as I was concerned was that she was a know-it-all. That is particularly distressing to me because I used to be one too – the only difference is that I have a mind that retains factual information instantly and forever. I stopped being a know-it-all only in that I never acted that way with other people but kept it quietly to myself. Kathy is even more in-you-face with her knowledge than I ever was, only she doesn't have a mind that retains information like mine does.
There is one reason, however, why I never minded having Kathy around. If you took 1000 random women 18-40 in age, 30 year old Kathy would either be the 1st or 2nd sexiest of the group; no exceptions!
I guess, in hindsight, with comments from my male friends long after the fact, I planted the seeds of my own demise in two different ways – I was honest with Brenda when she asked me questions about other women, and I always took a position opposite to Kathy's pronouncements of her knowledge even though more than half the time I either didn't know whether she was right or wrong, or I knew she was right but still wanted to be a contrarian hoping that she'd change her know-it-all ways.
Perhaps the most egregious example of my naivety in answering Brenda's questions about other women was this exchange (which when long after the fact I told my male friends about it, it made them either cringe or guffaw):
"Blake, if I wasn't around, which of my friends would you want to make love to?"
"Actually, Brenda, none of them. While I might want to have sex with some of them, the only person in the world I want to make love to is you."
"You're such a bullshitter," Brenda giggled.
"No – that is the absolute truth," I seriously replied.
Brenda thought it over for a second then continued, "Knowing you, Blake, that's probably right. However, which of my friends would you want to have sex with, then?"
Up until this point I wasn't doing all too badly – I could have come out of it OK, but then either stupidity, or naivety depending upon your perspective, set in: "Actually, the only one for sure that I'd have sex with – if you were out of my life for some reason, and only then – would be Kathy given her killer body and looks..." I paused, not reading the look on Brenda's face. "Maybe Cheryl, maybe Denise too, although probably not; but certainly Kathy."
Brenda's facial expressions became even harder to read, then she changed the subject, and I didn't think anything more about it until much later; after the first fateful night.
First Fateful Event
We were having a small party at our house. It included Kathy, of course, and her current steady boyfriend Phil; Cheryl and Denise and their husbands; and two of my friends from work and their wives. Booze was flowing fairly freely, and everyone was having a good time. Since I usually don't drink – but don't need booze to have a good time – I was having the most fun, observing the lack of inhibitions in our guests as well as enjoying the conversations. Then Kathy came up with one of her know-it-all pronouncements; it was delivered with drunken slurs which I will not attempt to capture.
"I'm selling some stocks from my 401(k) and putting the money temporarily into the money market because the Fed is raising the interest rate at its next meeting," Kathy announced.
This was something that I had inside knowledge about – knowledge that I was not going to trade on to make money in the stock market because that would be illegal, but knowledge that I felt no hesitancy using against Kathy.
"Sorry, Kathy, but you're wrong. The Fed is keeping the interest rate the same at their next meeting – which is ten days from now I do believe."
"Oh, Blake, you're so full of bullshit. You're always wrong and I'm getting tired of it; put your money where your mouth is." This line was delivered when there was a lull in the music and most of the guests heard it and chuckled.
"Oh, dear, dear, Kathy; I have inside information and you'll lose; I don't want to steal from you," I replied in an unusually condescending voice.
"Well I have inside information and I know that they're going to raise it, and I got $100 that says that I'm right," Kathy boasted.
"Not even worth my time to shake hands on that," I responded, having every intention of making a bet so outrageous that she couldn't cover it. "I've got $10,000 that says that I'm right."
After a moment of stunned silence, with less slur that her other lines, Kathy retorted "I can't afford that; you're just saying that to get out of the bet."
In fact I knew that Kathy handled money poorly and probably didn't have much outside her condo and 401(k), and certainly not 10K. "Sorry, it's either a $10,000 bet or you withdraw your erroneous proclamation," I snickered.
Kathy started mumbling; the other guests laughed; the music started up again and I thought that would be the end of it. However, a short time later I saw Brenda and Kathy in a stealthy conversation in the passageway between the kitchen and garage. That piqued my interest, so I tip-toed over to see if I could listen in. Since they were both drunk they were talking much more loudly than they realized. While some of the conversation wasn't significant and doesn't warrant re-telling, there was one flabbergasting part. Again I make no attempt to capture their intoxicated voices.
"Help me out, Brenda, what can I bet Blake instead of $10,000? I have to shut him up!"
"How sure are you that you'll win, Kathy?"
"100%; I really do have inside information. I sure could use that $10,000 and would split it with you."
"Hey, it's my money too. However –- I really would like a long weekend at a luxury spa, which Blake has been unwilling to spring for. If we could change the bet to $5000 and a three day trip for the two of us to that luxury spa I just read about on the Internet, I have something that you could offer that would get Blake to agree."
"I'm game – what?"
"I once asked Blake if there were any of my friends he would fuck if I wasn't around and he mentioned you."
This was followed by diabolical laughs from both of them. "Yeah, but you're around," Kathy chuckled, "and I don't think that you'd want me fucking your husband."
"You just said that you can't lose – are you walking back on that?"
"Hell no, but if a one in a million shot hits I don't want you pissed at me because I fucked your husband, because I will pay up."
There was a silence. "He'd never make you do it, anyway," Brenda hesitantly replied, "and he won't go for three days at the spa any other way. Let's propose it."
Although I couldn't see her I imagined Kathy shrugging her shoulders and getting a big smile on her face; and I certainly did hear her say "OK – let's find the sucker."
