Ignorance Wasnt Bliss

With his forearms resting on the top deck rail, Rick stared blankly out at the horizon. He had been doing that a lot since he came home from the hospital Monday night.

Last Friday their daughter, Holly, had been in a serious car accident. She had a broken leg, multiple lacerations, and bruises—but would live.

His wife, Jan, joined him out on the deck.

"Are you okay? You seem to be in a world of your own lately."

"Just have a lot on my mind."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No. Just need to get my head around something."

"Well, I'm here if you need me." He didn't respond. "I'm going over to see our daughter after dinner. You want to come along?"

The look Rick gave Jan took her aback. It wasn't that far away look she had seen on his face previously. This one almost looked like contemp.

"I think I'll just stay here tonight. You go and bond with your daughter. I'll see Holly tomorrow."

Holly was scheduled to be released Saturday. Rick had turned their downstairs den into a bedroom and moved the furniture around to accommodate

the wheelchair she would need for a while.

"Dinner will be ready shortly. Be a dear and set the table for me, will you?"

Again he gave Jan that far away look, nodded, and made his way inside.

He's still reeling from almost losing Holly. They'd been going nonstop since Friday and both needed to unwind. Maybe I'll put on that red negligee he likes so much. She smiled at that thought. It had been days since they made love and nothing put a smile on Rick's face more than a tender lovemaking session.

"I should be back by 9:00. We can talk or do other things if you're up to it." She smiled. He didn't.

They'd been married for twenty-four years. He thought he knew his wife as well as he knew himself. Did I ever really know her? Rick went back to working on his project.

***

Last Friday night they had gotten to the hospital twenty minutes after the ambulance. All the emergency room nurses could tell them was that Holly was in surgery.

"Isn't there something we can do?" he asked the nurses out of shear frustration.

"Mr. Kent. You and your wife could donate blood. That way if Holly needs any it will be readably available. Jan and Rick each gave a pint.

That night was the longest of Rick's life. He called his older son, David, who lived out-of-state and told him everything he knew.

"No reason for you to hop on a plane just yet. I'll give you updates as I get them," Rick promised.

The surgeon, Dr. Reyes, came out to the waiting room three hours later.

"The surgery went well. She will be in recovery for an hour or so and then be assigned a room. She'll have a few thin facial scars and the cast will need to be on for nine weeks. Other than that, she is one lucky girl. She's going to feel the effects of the anesthesia for most of the night. I suggest you go home, get some rest, and come back tomorrow morning."

In bed, Rick held Jan as she shed tears of joy before finally falling asleep on his chest.

"Thank you God, for sparing my little girl," he prayed silently.

Saturday morning Rick and Jan were there when Holly opened her eyes. Tears and hugs were exchanged.

"Sorry about the car, Dad."

"Hey, don't worry about it. Cars can be replaced, daughters can't."

One or the other visited Holly for the next couple days. They were counting the hours until she was well enough to come home.

Monday Rick had just finished his visit when he saw Dr. Reyes walking

down the hall towards him.

"I want to thank you again for everything you did for Holly."

"No need, Mr. Kent. Your stepdaughter is doing fine. In a few months this will all be just a bad memory."

"Doctor, Holly is my daughter, not stepdaughter."

Dr. Reyes looked at Rick and was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Mr. Kent, your blood type is A and Holly's is B. I'm sorry, but there is no way that she could be your biological daughter."

"That's impossible. There must have been a mix up when we donated blood Friday night."

"Mr. Kent, please come with me."

It was a simple test and Rick had the results within two hours. He was still in shock. Holly wasn't his biological daughter. He called David.

***

With Jan at the hospital Thursday night, Rick took out the results of the three blood tests. He wanted to rip them to shreds, but didn't. Holly wasn't his but David was. Rick had been there when both of his children were born. His children. They would always be his children.

Holly was eighteen. Since Monday night, Rick had wracked his brain thinking about who had played a pivotal role in ruining their marriage nineteen years ago. That one thought consumed him. He studied Holly's pictures and tried to see who she resembled. He thought back to everyone who had come in contact or touched their lives back then. Jan had been unfaithful and he needed to know with whom. Holly was his daughter. It didn't matter that someone else's sperm had conceived her. He had been there since day one and would always be. His wife, now that was another matter.

Jan came home from the hospital and tried to seduce her husband but got nowhere.

"What's the matter? Holly is fine and will be home soon. We should celebrate tonight."

He thought about her cheating. Disgusted, Rick walked out of their bedroom and into David's old room. He had to finish the project he'd started Monday night. Tomorrow it all ends.

The list wasn't long, just two names. Rick knew one was the sperm donor and had a good idea which one.

Jan was in the kitchen having a cup of coffee when he slipped the list in front of her.

"I just need to know which one to send a Father's Day Card to."

Jan's eyes got wide and then wet.

"It was your ex-boss Paul wasn't it?" She nodded. "Does he know?" She

nodded again as tears began to fall.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

***

Rick waited until Holly healed and then had a conversation he never thought he would have. It didn't go well. First there was anger and then tears.

"I will always be your father no matter what it says on that piece of paper."

Holly never asked who her biological father was.

Jan and Rick separated for a time but eventually ended up in counseling. People make mistakes, but this was a really big one.

In bed at night, Rick pondered the same question over and over again. If not for the accident I never would have known. Should I have left sleeping dogs lie instead of looking for the truth? Each time he came up with the same answer. Ignorance wasn't bliss, but then again the truth wasn't either.