The call it "falling" in love, because, it happens by accident and it can make you hurt all over.
I met Tricia in the most unusual way.
My cousin Dave was 3 years my senior, but, he was a world away from me. He had that magic charm that makes him popular with guys and girls wherever he goes. He had no trouble meeting and bedding all the girls he wanted.
I had just turned 18 and I was still a virgin. I was incredibly nervous and insecure around women.
I was friends with a girl called Sophia that I had known since kindergarten. She was beautiful, but, she was always dating someone. I had had a few opportunities to tell he how I really felt about her when she was in between boyfriends, but, I always took too long, and then, it was too late. My window had probably already closed on her forever.
Dave had probably slept with 100 women already. Why are some people blessed with good looks and endless charisma like him, and others, are cursed with being short and extremely shy like me?
I had not seen Dave in several years. I had heard that he had moved to California to try to break into acting. That had not panned out for him, but, he started DJaying at several trendy clubs and became well known in the night club circuit.
Shortly after I turned 18, I ran into him. He was living in Miami now, but, he had come back to Long Island to visit his parents.
I saw him at the mall with an entourage of his high school friends. As always, he was the center of attention. He was talking and they were all listening with amusement and laughter.
I did not want to walk into the middle of his crowd, so, I just looked at him and waved hello. But, he excused himself from his fan club and walked on over to me.
"Hey little cousin, how are you, bro?" He asked me.
I told him, "I'm good, I'm going off to college in the fall. I'm going to Stonybrook." He seemed really happy for me. He slapped my arm and said, "Dude, you are going to get so much sorority pussy in college! That is the only part I miss about not having had the college experience."
Then, he told me about how he was a DJayng at a trendy new club in Miami Beach. He said his life was awesome with parties every night and getting all the pussy he could ever want.
Then, he asked if I had a girlfriend or if I was just banging sluts. I looked down sheepishly and said, "Well, I'm sort of seeing this girl, it is still early in our relationship, so, we haven't kissed yet, but,..."
"Bro!... Please!... Tell me you're not still a virgin at 18!" He said with pity.
"Dude, you're not, completely... I mean, yeah, you are on the short side, and a bit shy,... but, you have redeeming qualities... You could get any girl if you just had confidence in yourself... That is all, man... That is the secret magic... Love yourself and be confident in yourself. If a girl shoots you down, smile and think positive... The more times you get shot down the better... It means you are playing the game... It's like sales, a lot of rejection don't matter, because, you only need to close a few deals."
He continued "Then, when you've closed a few deals, you just become unstoppable. Your brain becomes a computer. You know what to say and when to say it. It becomes as easy and predictable. You just have to fuck about 10 girls, then, it gets easier than you could ever imagine. You can see the grid after that."
I listened attentively, though I did not really understand what he was saying. He talked with so much confidence and knowledge. I knew there was a lot of truth in what he said, but, it was beyond my comprehension. He was like a Jedi master.
Then, he paused and seemed to be contemplating something. "You want to get laid tonight? I can get you laid..." But, as soon as he said this, he seemed to regret it.
"No, forget I said that, bro. What you need is a nice conservative girl, and you pop each other's cherry... Maybe you will meet the love of your life when you go off to college... I gotta go, cuz. My crew is getting restless and I don't want them tearing up this mall... Come visit me in Miami Beach sometime." He said, and started turning away from me.
Did he just say I could get laid tonight? I panicked at the thought of having lost an opportunity to finally fuck a girl.
I grabbed his arm, and pulled him back forcefully. We were both surprised by my strength and aggressiveness.
"Dave, please, if you can get me laid tonight... Please,... It's not easy for me, alright!... You think I don't want to fucking lose my virginity?... I don't know how to act around women, alright. But, you do, and only you can help me out. We're family, damn it!"
Wow! I surprised him and surprised myself with my desperation! Even Dave's friends were looking at us, not knowing what the fuck was going on; why I had just grabbed him like that and what was I whispering to him?
Dave's expression faded from shock, to anger, to pity. "Okay, here is the thing... This girl I used to hook up with many many years ago... She was the first girl I really experimented with... I mean, she let me do anything to her, anything at all... and, I did some really freaky shit with her... I turned her into a sex monster, bro!... The girl is a complete sex freak!... Tonight she is turning 21 and all she wants a gang bang,... five dudes, bro!"
He looked at me in earnest, "Look, even for me, this is,... a little too freaky... But, she's been fantasizing about a gang bang for a long time. I used to shove a dildo in her mouth and another dildo in her pussy while I pounded her ass, so I guess it's kind of my fault that she has developed this crazy fantasy." He said.
"I feel I owe it to her to make this fantasy come true and she only trusts me with getting it all set up and being with her when it happens." He added.
"It's not the best way to lose your virginity, bro,... with four other dicks in the room sharing the same golden pussy that opened up the gates of Nirvana for you." He advised.
He looked me in the eye and said, "Look, this is hard core shit, alright... It is even going to be jarring for me... So, who knows how badly it would fuck YOU up!"
I thought about what he said.
But, I just wanted to lose my virginity more than anything. Of course I did not want to share a girl with four other guys or see four other cocks on the night I lost my virginity, but, fuck it, I had to lose my virginity.
"I'll do it." I said with determination in my voice.
Dave sighed. "If you are really so damn desperate,... fine,... come by my mom's house at 8pm tonight... Don't blame me if this experience fucks you up psychologically."
That night, I got a call from Dave, "Joe, its decision time. I've got three guys and just need one more. Are you sure you want to go through with it? As your older cousin, I strongly advise you to pass on this. But, you're an adult now, you have to make your own decisions."
"I'm in." I said, without any hesitation.
"Don't fucking look at me when we're naked and don't ever fucking tell another soul about this, you swear?" He said.
"I swear." I replied.
"Okay, come over. I'll drive us all to Tricia's house from my house." He said.