I've been sitting here crying for the last few hours. I know a man isn't supposed to cry but I just can't help myself. You see I love my wife very much. I love her with every fiber of my being and that is why I can't understand why I make her do what I do.
I met Melissa my junior year in college. She was just a freshman and we met at a fraternity mixer. I saw her the moment she came through the door. She had an innocence and a vulnerability that made we want to hug her and protect her. She is only 5' 3" and about 110 pounds soaking wet, with beautiful natural blond hair. I thought, from her sad demeanor, that she must have just broken up with someone or something but I soon learned that she she was just very shy, and still is.
I introduced myself right away and went out of my way to do anything and everything for her. She smiled and seemed very grateful for the attention and the protection and we soon began dating. I knew that I could have probably done whatever I wanted sexually with her before we got married but I cared too much to do that. Once, however, after an exciting football game which our team won in the final seconds,when we had both had too much too drink, I let my baser urges get the best of me and pushed her head gently down towards my lap while we were necking in my car. I thought she would put up a fight and say no, but, to my surprise, she just let me push her head down into my lap where she slowly, almost reluctantly, unzipped my pants and took my penis into her mouth. It was amazing. She was no expert, but she seemed comfortable with having my penis in her mouth. She moved her head slowly up and down on my dick while lovingly caressing the head and stalk with her tongue. I will never forget how wonderful it felt that first time to have my cock nestled in the warmth of Melissas mouth. Between the wet friction of her mouth and the gentle stroking of her hand it was only a matter of minutes before I was arching my back in delight.
I was amazed when she held her head still to accept my ejaculation in her mouth. After waiting for me to finish my come, she slowly pulled me out of her mouth and nuzzled at the head of my penis for a moment or two to collect the remaining drops before she removed her head and swallowed my load as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. Afterwards, with her head resting in my lap, she gently massaged my half deflated cock. I wanted to ask her if she had ever done something like this before but I didn't because I wanted to respect her privacy. I knew in my heart that she didn't mind sucking me off because we cared for each other and she just wanted me to feel good. I couldn't wait to get married and be with her all the time.
I always wondered why Melissa seemed to have such low self esteem. She did not do well in school and dropped out right after we got married the next year. I am sure she wanted to be a mother and that was fine with me. I got a good job and was making plenty of money, but after several years of trying she never got pregnant. We both saw specialists. My sperm count was very satisfactory and the doctors could find nothing wrong with Melissa, so it remained a mystery why we she couldn't conceive. After that her self esteem seemed to hit an all time low. She worked part time as a hair stylist but she had little enthusiasm for anything and always thought everyone else was better than her. I tried for years to encourage her and get her to stand up for herself but it didn't seem to do much good. Eventually I just quit trying. More and more I became focused on my work and my career.
Our sex life, wonderful at first, became more and more unsatisfying. It's hard to keep a positive attitude towards someone with such a low self image. It's contagious. Though I fought against it I found myself acting out her low opinion of herself. As the sex became more and more stale I became more and more demanding in my frustration. Having her suck me off became a regular thing. I came in her mouth so many times I lost count, and as these sexual demands became more and more the norm she seemed resigned to letting me use her as I wished. I know it hurt her to be treated in such a matter of fact way. One night, while we were driving down the highway on our way back from visiting an old friend of ours, I reached over and caressed her hair a little. When she looked at me and smiled I began gently pulling her head down into my lap. I could tell she was surprised but she acquiesed and soon my dick was deep in her mouth. As if it wasn't enough that she was sucking me off as we drove down the highway, I was soon holding her head down and humping her face. It was as though I was mad at her and had decided to treat her the way she seemed to feel she deserved. By the lights of the passing cars I could see her beautiful blond hair pooled in my lap and I watched as my dick fucked her mouth. She seemed frightened by my aggression but that only seemed to make my dick harder. Soon I was so aroused that I just didn't give a damn. It was a miracle that I didn't loose control of the Cadillac when I finally shoved my dick all the way into her mouth and injected my sperm into her throat. She gagged and choked on my cum and for a moment I was afraid that she would vomit all over inside our new car. But after the last of my spurts she quickly removed her face and covered her mouth to prevent herself from puking. I wasn't sure what I felt as I saw her sit far over to her side and look out the window with tears rolling down her cheeks. I loved her and hated her at the same time. I wanted to apologize and do it again all at the same time. It had been a truly cathartic experience for me and one of, if not the most, intense orgasms of my life. So I just reached down and put my now flaccid dick back inside my shorts, zipped up, and kept driving. After a long awkward silence I guess Melissa decided to forgive me because she suddenly leaned over and hugged my arm. "I love you honey," she said quietly.
"I love you too Melissa," I replied sincerely and hugged her to me.
That was a turning point in our relationship. From that night on I became more and more demanding sexually. Several weeks later, after a nice dinner at a luxurious restaurant, I stopped at an adult movie house on our way home. Melissa looked surprised but didn't say anything as I helped her from the car and led her inside. The clerk stared open mouthed when he saw the beautifully dressed woman on my arm as I bought tickets for the movie and led her inside.
As we watched the graphic scenes of a girl getting gang banged by a bunch of black guys on the screen I could sense the fear in Melissa. She sat rigidly and tried not to look around but each time there was any slight noise near us she seemed to almost jump out of her seat. I thought she was going to shit herself when a big black man built like a professional linebacker made his way down the aisle to sit next to her. I immediately got so hard I thought I would come in my pants. As she leaned a little towards me to avoid shoulder contact with the black man she was startled when I took her hand and placed it on the bulge in my pants. I had to firmly hold her hand there for a while before she allowed me to let go and put my arm around her shoulder. She gratefully leaned a little farther towards me. As she did I pushed my hand down her shoulder and into her dress where I cupped her naked breast and started playing with her nipple. She quickly reached up and tried to pull my arm down and away from her breast but I wouldn't let her. After a few moments of struggle she just put her hand over her tit to try to minimize her exposure to the stranger next to us. I looked over and saw the black man looking at us. We made eye contact and nodded respectfully towards each other.
The game was definitely afoot at that point. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he reached down and opened his zipper. I couldn't see it in the dark but I could tell he pulled something out of his pants and was slowly rubbing it with one hand while staring unashamedly at the beauty of my wife. My wife, glancing over, saw what was happening and almost jumped out of her seat. "Please Honey, don't do this" she said.
