I Go on a Date

I went to work on Monday a little hungover but surprised myself by being fairly productive. This fact helped me be with my confidence. Maybe I could navigate the world without Chris? Maybe after a time, I could rebuild my life without her? I knew, whatever the outcome, the kids were my foremost responsibility. Whether I split with Chris or we stayed together, I needed to find a way past my anger and resentment.

Alone in my hotel room Monday evening, sadness felt like a weight crushing me. It was like a giant boulder was trying to crush my soul into dust. I wasn't sure I could get past the cheating. Even if she hadn't screwed the guy it still felt like she HAD cheated. She had cheated. She had forgotten the 'forsaking all others' part of our vows.

I worked so hard to execute my date-plan. I told myself it was to save my marriage but maybe it was about revenge? Maybe it was all about inflicting pain on her? Had I rationalized my behavior just to watch her extreme pain? My thoughts just added to the mass being pressed upon me.

Now, after our initial confrontation, I still doubted if there was a path forward with Chris. Could I ever trust her again? Church-lady, my ass. Did I really know her? I obviously wasn't enough for her sexually. Could I ever be enough?

Anger flashed back into my mind. Fuck it. If I wasn't enough, Chris could just go on her way. She could fuck whoever she wanted. She could go get her jollies. I was going to focus on the kids. I would find a way to get custody or at least fifty-fifty. I would focus on them. Between work and the kids, my life would have focus. It would be enough. It would have to be enough.

I fell asleep that night from sheer emotional exhaustion but woke up feeling better. Work, the kids, with or without Chris, it was going to be enough. Besides, I had my parents. They would be there for me.

I saw Vic on Monday afternoon and she asked me how my talk with Chris went. I told her pretty much as expected. I assured her that Chris understood that our date was all a deception that resulted from Chris's behavior. Her very real deception was our only issue now.

**-**

Wednesday morning found me at the doorstep to our house. I knocked, then slowly let myself in. I could immediately smell cinnamon. Chris stuck her head from around the kitchen door. I could see the anxiety on her face.

"Can you come into the kitchen, Ron?" She disappeared back into the kitchen.

On the table was a big pan of homemade cinnamon rolls and a carafe of coffee. She hadn't dressed sexy, just a t-shirt and jeans, but they were tight on her body. I couldn't help but give her the once over. She was a beautiful woman. I couldn't help but think how I could lose her this morning and those conflicting emotions filled my head.

"Ron, I'm not trying to bribe you with cinnamon rolls and coffee." She knew this was my favorite breakfast. "Ok, maybe I am... a little." I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood and I appreciated it.

"I just couldn't sleep and I needed something to do." Her nervousness caused her to speak faster than casual.

I held up my hand. "It's okay, Chris. Bribe accepted," I smiled.

We both sat down, grabbed a roll and coffee, and started on them.

"Ron, I.." I held up my hand again to stop her.

"Chris, before we get started, is there anything you want to know about my so-called date?" I know it was cruel, but I needed you to understand just how hurt I was before we had this talk."

"Oh my god, Ron. You have no idea. I was crushed." She stopped and put her hand over her mouth. "I guess you do have an idea don't you, Ron? That was your whole point, wasn't it?"

She paused, now obviously considering her next words.

"It felt like my life was over, like my whole world had fallen around me. I was devastated when I thought of you with Vic." She paused again.

"I... you..., oh Ron, everything's a mess. My stupidity has fucked up everything." The tears were welling up in her eyes. "I couldn't just..." She couldn't continue. Crying overtook her ability to speak.

I just sat there and let her cry it out. I realized, for the first time since I had read those stupid emails, I felt some sympathy for her. As she cried, I thought about my 'date' plan. I went for maximum pain and it worked. But now I had to admit to myself I had gotten satisfaction knowing the pain it caused. Now we were on the brink of ending our marriage.

I could feel myself tear up. This wasn't what I wanted. Both of us sitting across the table crying like idiots. Chris heard me gasping and looked up. She could see me about to cry and I could see her eyes filled with tears.

Now I couldn't stop. The tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"Ron, baby, don't cry. It's all my fault. Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry."

Perhaps she deserved the fake-date, but I knew I wasn't blemish-free in this mess. I tried to calm myself.

"No, it's not, Chris. Somehow I know this isn't ALL your fault. I must have done something or maybe I didn't do something. Why couldn't I be enough for you? Why, baby, why?"

I slumped forward on the table, bawling as much as Chris. She jumped up and ran around the table and wrapped her arms around me from behind. She laid her head on the back of mine and we just cried it out.

I started with the intent to shock Chris as a path to saving my marriage. Now, here it was, both of us sitting at the table, our marriage in utter turmoil.

A couple of minutes later I was recovering and motioned for Chris to go back and sit down.

"OK, Chris. Just tell me everything from beginning to end. Don't lie or sugarcoat anything. For us to have a chance, you have to lay it all out there. Before you start, I want you to know that I do want to save this marriage, and I'm sorry about my date stunt. It was cruel.

"No, Ron. It wasn't cruel. It was exactly what I needed to understand my stupidity. The thought of you going out and screwing some woman about killed me."

Now, both cried out, our conversation seemed to take a turn. We got down to the business at hand.

**-**

"I don't know what happened, but it started a couple of years ago. I was talking to Layla, you know, from work. We were at lunch and she was telling me about her crazy sex life. She's divorced, and I think she sees four guys regularly. Anyway, she was telling about giving blowjobs, anal sex, and all sorts of things. Layla said that when she was married, she didn't do any of those things but now she loves them.

"The conversation made me realize that maybe I was missing something. I realized I didn't know that much about sex. Sure I knew the basics, I knew what a blowjob was, after all, I've given you a few, but the way Layla described them, deepthroating and everything, I understood I didn't really know anything."

I knew Chris was bearing her soul so I didn't interrupt. Chris went on to explain she started watching some porn and reading erotica and the sexy side of her came out. She bought toys and started fantasizing about various sexual acts.

"Honest, Ron, at that point it wasn't about hooking up."

"Cheating, Chris," I said angrily. "You call it hooking up but that's cheating."

"You're right. Cheating. I wasn't thinking at all about cheating. I wanted to do those things with you."

"Why didn't you just talk to me or attack me in bed."

"I tried."

I felt my anger rise and Chris could see it coming but before I could speak-.

"Ron, remember that night after the holiday party. Remember some of the crazy things I did that night?"

"Chris, you were drunk and the next morning you acted all embarrassed. I kinda felt bad, like maybe I had taken advantage of you."

Chris went on to explain that she wanted to try sexy things but she didn't want me to think of her as a whore.

"Oh, Ron. Some of the things I think about, fantasize about, are very dirty. I could never even talk to you about them. It's too shameful."

I had to laugh at Chris. She had no idea as to my level of pervertedness. After all, I am an American male. The things she considered perverted were probably pretty tame. She had mentioned blowjobs and anal sex, but I knew there were a lot of other things we could explore. But I was still upset she had decided to explore them outside of our marriage.

"What the fuck, Chris. You couldn't talk to me? You couldn't come to me and tell me you wanted me to do some things differently?"

"No Ron. I couldn't. In your mind, I was your sweet wife and the mother of your children. What would we do, have kinky sex, and then get up and go to church the next morning? Besides, at that point, I wasn't really going to fuck some guy. It was just my fantasy life. I wasn't going to do anything."

"Yeah, right, Chris. I read your emails. You were going to fuck this guy the next time I left town."

"I know, maybe I was? But, maybe I wasn't? It was the third time I planned it with this guy, and I backed out the first two. I couldn't imagine I could have some slutty sex with a guy and then come back home as if nothing had changed."

"I'll be honest with you, Ron. I think this time I maybe might have done it. I was getting bored with all the cockteasing and foreplay stuff, and I was considering not backing out this time."

I looked straight into her eyes. I was wondered if she was now trying to hurt me. Maybe because my 'date' had hurt her. But when I looked at her I could see the tears falling down her cheeks.

She choked up, trying hard to speak. "I'm so sorry for that, Ron. God, I am so sorry. How did I get to that point? I've become some kind of slut, wanting these crazy things."

She began to bawl again. "Ron, please don't leave me. I love you. I'll go to counseling and get these crazy ideas out of my head. I'll never watch porn again or read erotica. I can be that person again."

"No, Chris. I don't think you can. I don't think that's possible."

Chris put her head down on the table and continued to bawl.

"Chris... CHRIS. Look at me." She looked up, tears still streaming down her face. "What you are telling me hurts deeply, but thank you for being honest."

She put her head down again. I could hear her saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm sorry for everything'. This time, I went around the table and embraced her back, letting her cry it out.

**-**

There was much more to be said and many tears to follow, but Chris had done what I asked. She had told the truth, and I did understand our situation. My wife wanted to explore her sexuality. That wasn't a problem. It just had to be with me.

We decided to try counseling and went weekly for the next couple of months. At times it felt like we were saying the same things over and over, but it did seem to help. I think the biggest positive that came from counseling was our ability to talk about what used to be taboo subjects. Things we were never able to discuss previously. We understood it was a communication problem. Chris couldn't express her desires because she thought I would think she was a slut. I wouldn't push her because I didn't think she had the desire and didn't want her to think I was perverted. This fundamental lack of ability to talk about our sexual desires had almost ruined our marriage.

In one of our therapy sessions, the sex therapist asked us to push our communication boundaries.

"Chris, what are you?" I asked.

She tried to answer but stammered.

"Chris? Please tell me. What are you?"

"I'm...I'm a slut." She paused. "And what are you?"

"I am a pervert." It was hard for us to say those words, but I was proud we could say them to each other.

"Good," the therapist said. "And remember, this is just therapy. We've decided that being a slut or a pervert is okay as long as it's inside the boundaries of your marriage. Please continue."

I decided to go first. "Chris, I want to tie you down and eat your pussy until you squirt." The counselor told us to let our fantasies go.

The doctor interjected again. "Remember Chris, you may or may not do the things we discuss here, but the important part is to communicate your fantasies without guilt or recrimination."

Chris paused then grinned at me. "And I want to deepthroat your cock until you cum in my mouth."

I have to say, hearing my church-lady say those things was kind of shocking, and very sexy. I could feel my dick stiffen.

"I think that is enough for today," the counselor began to stand. "And remember, we agreed. There is making love and there is fucking. I know you have made love a few times these past weeks but I'm asking you to try fucking soon."

"We'd better take the kids to the grandparents for that one, huh Chris?" I winked at her. My cock was telling me the sooner the better.

"And please, talk to each other about these things other than in this office. Communication is key to making your marriage work."

**-**

We had made love regularly after our confrontation, but it still seemed like it was before, loving but not steamy. We had just finished making love.

"Chris, I'm still confused. It still feels like I don't know you. It's like you're passionate, and I want that, but you don't show it to me.

"The thought of being more sexual excites me, but at the same time, really scares me. It feels like if I did those things with you, it would change the way you think of me. You wouldn't respect me anymore."

"Ron, what would you think of your church-going wife if she asked for kinky sex. What if I told you I wanted to lick your balls or have you screw my butt? What would you think of me afterward? How would we go back to normal?"

"Chris, you licking my balls and having anal sex is a dream for me. That would make me a very happy husband. Don't you think those couples you see in church, the ones that seem the happiest are probably doing those exact things in bed?"

Chris looked a little astonished. "You really think so."

"Hell, yeah. Look at Bill and Melinda."

Chris's eyes went wide.

Bill and Melinda were a couple at church that always seemed very happy together. They were always holding hands and touching each other. Melinda was always giving Bill little pecks on the cheeks to thank him for things. They were also about the age of our parents, and neither had what you would call hard bodies.

"I'll bet that smile Bill's wearing at church is from the fact that he ate Melinda's pussy to multiple orgasms then they followed it up with anal on Saturday night," I was laughing out loud.

"Whoa, stop that. I won't be able to get that picture out of my head the next time I see them." Then after a few seconds, Chris turns to me and says, "Do you think so, really?"

"Yes, Chris. Every man wants a wife that is a slut for him in bed. And he wants a good wife and mother the rest of the time."

"Is that what you want Ron? Do you want to do sexy things with me? Do you have a kinky side I didn't know about?"

I laughed out loud. "Chris, you have no idea."

It was Chris's turn to laugh. "Ron, I'm going to take the kids to my parents on Saturday, then I want you to fuck me all night."

She had a big smile on her face and suddenly, so did I. Maybe I've died and gone to heaven?

**-**

The following Saturday, Chris took the kids to her parents and headed out shopping. I was taking her out to dinner, then we were headed to a piano bar. Neither of us was much for dancing.

I was dressed for our date and stood at our little bar in the living room. Chris walked in carrying bags from various women's stores. I noticed her brown hair with golden highlights, now about 4 inches shorter with bangs. The sides, now shoulder-length, turned inward in front to frame her face.

"Chris, your hair is lovely. I like that look on you." I glanced down at the bags. "What did you get us? Any sexy lingerie?" I was teasing her trying to sneak a peek into them.

"None of your business." She grinned and turned so I couldn't see into the bags. "At least, not until tonight," then she headed for the stairs.

"Do you want me to fix you a drink?" I asked.

"I'm going to shower. Can you bring me up a chablis in about fifteen?"

"Sure, Sweetie."

As I watched her ascend the stairs, I marveled at my lovely wife. She is beautiful, especially with that look of excitement she had walking into the house. After two children she hadn't gained any weight. I always thought her butt was her best feature. Not large but not small, and I still caught myself watching it. It was where my eyes were focused as she walked up the stairs.

I fixed her wine, and as I walked into the bedroom she was walking out of the dressing area. She had on a very sexy matching bra and panties as well as stockings.

"Ron! You're not supposed to see this until later," she chirped excitedly and ran back into hiding. She returned in a sheer robe.

I was speechless but only for a moment. "Is that for me?" I teased. Chris blushed then gave me a big smile.

She turned and began putting on earrings. I put the wine on the dresser in front of her, then wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her neck with light kisses.

"You really are a beautiful woman, Chris."

Chris relaxed, letting me kiss her. I knew she was enjoying the moment. I decided to extend my advantage and slid my hand down into her robe to the front of her panties. Chris had a sizable clit, bigger than average, and it gets stiff when she is excited. I rotated my fingers trying to feel her clit through her panties.

Chris gasped loudly and stiffened and pushed me back away from her body.

"Get out of here, will you? You aren't getting any of this until you take me out to dinner," she teased.

"Dinner? I'm not hungry for food."

"Get! Now!" She was pointing at the door with a smile on her face.

"Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying." I ducked out the door.

As Chris came down the stairs ten minutes later, I just stared. Her burgundy dress fit her form perfectly and ended a couple of inches above her knees. It's V-neckline enticed my eyes to sneak a peek at her cleavage. Her C-cup breasts looked larger than usual.

"Chris, you are gorgeous."

"Thank you, Ron." She smiled and moved up close like she was about to kiss me. "Are you sure it's not too risque?" She was teasing me.

I could smell her perfume, and as I looked down on her, my eyes could only focus on her cleavage. I took a deep gulp.

"No, Chris, it's perfect."

Suddenly I felt her hand at the front of my pants. She found my cock and squeezed it. I was already half-hard.

"I guess you do like it, don't you, big boy." She paused, smiling. I just gulped again. Then she abruptly let go.

"I guess we'd better get to dinner. We don't want to be late."

I knew she was getting me back for rubbing her clit earlier, but I loved this new sexy Chris.

**-**

Dinner was great. I was on top of the world sitting across from this wonderful woman. I kept imagining her sitting only in the lingerie I'd seen earlier.

Later, at the piano bar, I asked the maitre'd to seat us as privately as possible. He smiled as I handed him a twenty.

We sat and had a couple of drinks. We both loved the live piano. The guy was talented.

"Chris, you are beautiful tonight," I said with my hand on her knee, then my hand slided up her leg.

She smiled but then stopped the advance of my wandering hand.

"I just can't keep my hands off you tonight." It was fun flirting with my wife.

We were halfway through our second drink, and I inched my hand up her leg again. Chris grabbed my wrist again, stopping my advance.

I looked at her as she was staring forward, smiling, watching the piano man. In my normal talking voice, I casually said, "I want to eat your pussy tonight until you scream."

Chris slowly turned to look at me and in the same style voice said, "I want to deepthroat your cock until you cum in my mouth."