You may call me an asshole. It's a title assigned to me a few times previously. I maybe even accept it a little too willingly. I had spent the better part of last evening inflicting maximum emotional pain on my spouse. I will tell you this. Although things were going as expected, I wasn't getting any pleasure from it. I knew I wouldn't when I devised this crazy plan. My pleasure wasn't the point. Revenge wasn't the point either. I was trying to save my marriage. I was showing Chris just how fucked up all this cheating business would become. What would it be like if I started fucking other women and she other men? I was hoping she was starting to understand that infidelity would destroy our marriage.
When I first discovered her plans for a hookup, I thought about confronting her. Letting her know I found those damaging emails. Letting her know I knew she was planning to fuck her hookup when I went out of town in a couple of weeks. The thoughts of her with another man sickened me beyond measure.
Confronting her might have worked, but I wasn't sure it would be enough. Oh yes, she would have been remorseful. I'm sure she would have felt guilty and told me it was a mistake. She would use the fact that she hadn't actually fucked him yet to her advantage.
I'm sure she would say she would never do it again and told me how 'sorry she was for even considering it', but I know that wasn't going to be enough. Letting her off that easy, I would never have been able to trust her. I had to let her feel the pain I was feeling. Maybe then, she would understand the magnitude of her betrayal. I had to find a way I would be safe. This 'I want to date' might not work, but I was going to assure my safety, even if it meant divorcing Chris.
My intervention had to be a substantial moment in our marriage, one that would change us fundamentally. One that was so devastating it either destroyed us or would completely change the dynamic of our existing marriage. If I were to only confront her, it would only gloss over our real problems. I wasn't sure exactly what our problems were, but if we survived, we would have to find out and fix them. A simple confrontation would only eventually result in the end of my marriage and would probably be torture for me in the meantime.
I was determined to tear down our current marriage dynamic and hopefully expose the damage. I wasn't sure what had driven Chris to consider cheating, but we were going to find out, or my marriage was going to die trying. My family, remaining whole, depended on us finding out. Then maybe, if the damage wasn't too great, we could rebuild what we had previously?
**-**
The next morning Chris didn't say a word to me. I laid in bed and watched as she dressed and acted like I didn't exist. I knew she was in her full silent-treatment mode. She left the room and I laid there thinking.
It was Friday, the day of my date, and I wasn't sure what Chris had planned. I said a small prayer that she wouldn't arrange a babysitter tonight and go to her lover. I knew I was pushing her in that direction, but I hoped she wasn't that far gone yet.
I went downstairs still in my pajamas. Chris was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter drinking a cup of coffee. I poured a cup and took a sip of it.
I decided to open the conversation.
"Maybe we should talk? I think we both have some things we should be talking about."
I was hoping Chris would have spent time last night not just thinking about what I was saying but what she had been contemplating. From what I had read in her emails, it was clear. She planned to fuck some guy the next time I went on a business trip.
Chris walked right past me not saying a word and headed to the living room. I followed.
I saw she had packed a suitcase, and she was at the door by the time I entered.
"I'm going to my parents tonight, Ron. I can't believe what you're planning. I will say this, you do not have my permission to go on a date and if you do, this marriage is over."
I didn't say anything. I just looked down as if I was guilty as charged. If Chris wasn't going to come clean about her planned affair, it was onto the next phase of my plan. I looked up.
"Chris, I'll be home early tomorrow. Maybe we can take the kids to the waterpark again?" I wanted Chris to think that I still believed my date wouldn't damage our marriage.
"Fuck you, Ron." She slammed the door as hard as she could. Another possible door repair, I thought.
Yes, I guess I am an asshole.
**-**
In our bedroom, as I was dressing for work, I glanced down at the picture of Chris and me on the dresser. We were sitting at a table eating tapas in Marbella, Spain. It was our tenth anniversary, and we had left the kids with my parents and flew into Sevilla. We had spent a wonderful week on the Costa del Sol and at the beautiful Alhambra gardens of Granada. I had to wonder if wonderful times like that would ever be ours again. I knew I wasn't giving up without a fight, and my fight was with Chris's mind and emotions. She was feeling them already from my actions of the past couple of days. She was experiencing the same feeling of betrayal I had felt that first day after my discovery.
"Dammit," I said out loud and pounded my fit on the dresser. What had happened to us? I sat back on the bed. I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Why was Chris planning an affair with some anonymous dick? How could she do that to us?
I was telling her I was going on a date, but it wasn't how I projected it. I was playing this dangerous game. It was all so crazy. But I was going through with my plan. I wasn't going to let my marriage go down without a fight.
I would be going on my date with Vic tonight.
**-**
I called Bill and Vic, then Doug. I asked them if they were still in on the plan we had decided. They told me they were, and we talked about the details. As you have probably guessed, it wasn't going to be a real date. The date was to be staged. Bill was Vic's husband and Doug was a close friend of ours. I met with them previously and convinced them to help me.
I wasn't really going to date outside my marriage. What ignoramus would believe that dating while married is acceptable? If you're married, you can't be intimate with another. And Chris was going to find that out very soon. But first... my date.
**-**
Now Friday evening, I was standing outside of Mahogany, one of the most expensive restaurants in our area. I sent a text to Chris, "I love you and want our marriage to work. I hope you love me too." I meant every word of that text.
A minute later Chris responded, "Then you are not going on your stupid date, RIGHT?"
I put my phone back in my pocket.
Just then, Vic's Uber drove up. I knew Doug, her husband, was already inside at the bar. Vic and I were going to have a nice romantic dinner with Bill and his wife Hanna eating nearby. We would be laughing and touching, like we were lovers, but it was all going to be a show.
"You look lovely, Vic."
"Oh, Ron, you never say those things to me at work." She was joking, but I also noticed she was blushing.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Vic? I know I'm asking a lot."