I Dont Love My Husband Anymore

I have never said that out loud. Don't get me wrong. He's still my best friend. Actually, Johnny is still the one person I depend on the most. He has been for over twenty years. That's part of what makes this so painful to admit. But when our last anniversary came up, I just wasn't feeling him.

Let me take you back a bit. My name is Rachel. I grew up just outside of Clearwater. Yeah, that's the one. My folks worked hard, and saved enough money to get me started in college. I went to Tampa Community College to become a nurse. That first semester at school I met Johnny. He was in my Freshman Biology 101 class. Most people thought he was Mexican or Cuban. But Johnny's family moved from India when he was just a little boy. His dad ran a small motel off the highway. Johnny's mom and older sister did the room cleaning.

The first day we met? I still remember the day when some of the kids from Bio lab went to the Taco Bell after class to hang out. Johnny was really shy. The other girls thought he was awkward. Not just his lanky, skinny frame, but he looked down a lot. He was also the only one in the group that wasn't white. Of course, me being the social butterfly, joked around with Johnny to help put him at ease. It was kinda hilarious that his favorite music was by White Snake and Europe from the 80s.

College has a way of weeding out friendships. Or maybe that's just part of growing up. You figure out who to not waste your time with. Or you don't. Johnny and I ended up being the only ones that were really studying. I really wanted to be a nurse. Tuition wasn't free afterall. Johnny's parents were really pushing him to get into med school. "Son, you're going to be doctor.". Actually they always called him Beta. In their language, 'beta' means son.

It took me a while to realize that Johnny got jealous when other guys on campus would come on to me. I always thought I was kind of a book nerd with glasses. But more than a few guys said I looked like Jessica Simpson. But I'm sure that was just to get me naked. I dated a little. I didn't sleep around or get drunk. The sex-life I had with the four guys I've been with was pretty vanilla. Not that I'm religious or anything. Growing up, I don't think my parents ever took us to church. I mean, we celebrated Christmas growing up. But pretty much to get together with family and friends. And shop.

Johnny didn't talk much about his religon. He definitely didn't;t practice any faith. Their last name was Arora. Heck, it wasn't until our wedding day that I learned his family was Hindu. Have you been to a Hindu wedding? Do you know how long of a Greek Odyssey it is?! Jesis Christ!

But let me cut to the chase. Before marriage and all that. By the end of Freshman year at TCC. Yes, that's Tampa Community College, we saw each other every day. We were in some of the same classes. We studied together. Took breaks to chill together.

And then it happened. His father had a heart attack. The heart attack. Summer of 2003. I was working at the hospital as a unit secretary to save up for Fall Semester. Johnny was studying like a machine, non-stop. I didn't see him much then since I wasn't in school. Then I ran into Akbar at the hospital. Akbar was Johnny's best friend. His family owned the best Kebab and Gyro deli in town. The two of them were as thick as thieves growing up. The only difference between the to was that Akbar was a man-whore. I still can't explain it to this day. But Akbar has pussy kryptonite! I'll leave it at that. Anyway, Akbar came to visit Johnny's dad. Mr. Arora was in the ICU.

I'll spare you most of the grief. Mr. Arora never left the hospital alive. My parents and I went to the funeral. The Hindu temple had a special permit from the county for ceremonies with a funeral pyre on their property. The entire family cried that day, even Akbar and his family. Except for Johnny. I never saw him cry when his dad died. I didn't see Johnny the rest of that summer of 2003. By the time Fall semester started, I realized I had serious feeling for Johnny. But I never saw Johnny in class ever again either. Johnny quit school. Maybe I forgot to mention that the Arora's eventually succeeded from employees to owners of the hotel when Johnny reached highschool. With his dad gone, now. it was on Johnny to take responsibility of taking care of his Mom and sister. That meant the hotel was in his hands. A kid who had only recently started college.

I eventually tracked Johnny down. I held him in my arms. We both cried. I told him to take me to one of the motel's empty rooms. We made love. He was a virgin. But by the fourth round he was a fast learner. He definitely put my past boyfriends to shame with his stamina. You know how men especially, have what's called a refractory period after they ejaculate or orgasm? And it's usually a longer rest period compared to women. But not this fucker. Johnny was hard as timber within moments of filling me up with his baby serum. Thank God for the birth control ring! And his ejaculate; forget it! I went through so many bed sheets, mattress covers, pillows and comforters and blankets. I've never seen so much cum in a man. Maybe some of you whores have. But I haven't. We used to joke that he could probbaly fill half a tube of tooth paste with one load.

Once the desire is lost and can't be found, the thrills of the past don't seem to matter. Honestly, I think we both stopped paying attention to each other. I got pre-occupied with the kids. They realy became my world. Also, I lost myself somewhere. I'm trying to find a path back to who I was before I became Mrs. Arora and Mommy. Of course, I still work as a Nurse. I'd go insane if I didn't have that piece of me. Johnny's hard work became a curse of some sorts. Even though he sacrificed being a doctor. He became one hell of an entrepeneur. He got his hands dirty. From the profits of one hotel, he started a landscaping business. Together, we invested in Akbar's new hot wing business. He bought run down apartment buildings at auction. And with a reliable crew of laborers, he'd flip the properties for a hefty profit. At this time, as I write this, Johnny has three local hotels, one partment building with 30 units paying monthly rent, and two land-scaping businesses. I track the book-keeping and deal with our accountant for these businesses for him. Johhny loves the work. He hates tracking the numbers.

I was looking past Johnny's shoulder, at the ceiling. His breathing got heavier, faster, and more ragged. My thigh's were trying to close. It wasn't on purpose. I don't think it was.

"I don't think you used enough lube." I was starting to chafe around my nether lips. My insides were starting to hurt. His head was buried beside my neck, and he lifted up and searched for my eyes. But I was somewhere else. Are you finished? I don't know if I said it out loud. I think I did.

"Almost..."Getting there...What about you? Are you close?"

"No. It's ok. You go ahead an finish." I turned my head towards the clock. Has it been 15 minutes?

I could feel Johnny's muscles in his thighs and pelvis tightening. His back suddenly arched backward. "Uhhnnn."

Johnny was abrupty pulling out, just as I pushed up against his chest. I didn't want him to cum inside me. Johnny hasn't cum inside me in ten years. It'd be easier if he wore a condom, but they feel terrible. We already have to use lubrication everytime. I can't imagine how much more we'd need with a condom. I don't want to be on birth control. The hormones give me severe migraines. Johnny's became a pro at the pull-out method. We have sex once every two months. I'm good with that. My libido is shot anyway. But I was never the horny type or really into sex. Even for the first two years of our marriage when I enjoyed. Yes, that's a hard truth. I haven't enjoyed sex with my huband for the last seventeen years. Sex just isn't a priority for me.

"Did you get it on the sheets?" Why do I sound annoyed?

"No, the towel got it all. Lemme turn the light on a bit to make sure though."

Why does he still cum so much?

We have this process. Lights off. Towel on the bed under us. This keeps his "Old Faithful" ejaculate and the dick lube from getting on the sheets. Yeah, there's no sense of spontaneity. But that's overrated.

Like I said before. I don't love my husband anymore.

To Be Continued.

Rachel takes Johnny to her 25 YEAR High School Reunion.

What happens there creates a whole new unexpected direction for the couple.