I Am A Wimp Prove It

I'm in a bit of a writer's slump so I've taken to reading more. Cageytee wrote '

I Am Not A Wimp Pt. 01

' and invited others to write a Pt2 sequel. Suggest you read

Cageytee's Pt1

first. His story left room, in the details, to add to this story. I've emailed Cageytee about doing a Pt 2 with no success. I've messed with the title some instead. This is my first attempt at plagiarising and bastardising somebody else's work so early apologies for that. Ah and sorry, absolutely no sex in this story. Stay Safe.

"Ted, you are my best friend and I, like you, couldn't love you more if you were my own brother. I have admired and respected you for quite some time. I watched you stare down a huge client, showing the guts to stand by your principles even if it meant a huge financial loss. Your courage has been a major factor in the huge success of your business . . . but . . . to see you deal the way you have with a woman who loves you unconditionally and one whom you love to the extent of risking all to make her dream come true, all over not wanting to take a chance on her possibly hurting your feelings again some time in the future, . . . well Ted I can only say that in this matter, . . . you're a wimp!"

I am a Wimp? Prove it.

Rob turned and strode to the door his purpose for the visit fulfilled. "What will Jenny's plan of action include?"

Rob stopped turned facing me, wore a look of surprised incredulity. I waited -- simple question, and he seemed to think there was a bunch of simple answers.

Rob's last statement was fine I wasn't about to correct it. He'd determined what he thought was a specific plan of action -- for me. What I wanted to know was did he (or she for that matter) have a similar plan of action. In Rob's case for his sister.

"Well yeah to repeat AGAIN what I've already said Ted, Jen's plan of action is to say sorry for the way she behaved with Craig and she wants to show how much you mean to her every day..... Only when you get your head out of your ass and go back home to her. Come on Ted make that initial step -- show Jen how much you love her man. Go home grab your wife and your life and be happy."

"Rob, your phone got a record function on it?"

"Yeah of course it has, WHY?"

"Look take it out and hit record -- go on do it."

Now he wore a look of downright reluctance bordering on... what? I'd guess a sneering indignation would come close.

"Humour me Rob. You've stepped up on behalf of your sister, presented her case. Yeah I'm grateful to you for that. For the insight. So if we are to go on with our life together I can't think of a better go-between than you Rob, at least in this early period."

Rob wouldn't look at me. The conversation had taken an abrupt turn about -- on him. He was perceiving (rightfully) that it could put him in an uncomfortable situation. Like I said 'call me a wimp'. Back it up. "Wait a minute Ted. I did this off of my own back, I'm not representing Jenny at all."

"Oh Okay, so she doesn't know you're here?"

"No. You know she knows. That's not what I'm saying Ted."

(Hmm, Then what are you saying my friend).

Quiet. Quiet and Pause. I use both to my advantage in my life and business dealings. Rob knew what it meant too, I'd used it in negotiations where he'd been present. It's a period of reflection for those I'm dealing with. Is there a hidden message? Of course there is. So what's the message? 'When you next open your mouth you better have your shit together'

.

"Oh so she didn't give you her blessing to come see me?" I asked him condescendingly.

"NO, I mean yes. Alright. Yeah. Yes! You know that's the case Ted."

I'd made my point and he pushed 'record' placing his phone on the breakfast island. It'd do it's best job there.

"So I don't know that I told you this. I don't think I have, Chuck Sanders gave me a call and related how over the last few weeks before our split Chuck and Susan had been at different places all over town and managed to run into Jerry Craig and Jenny on their dates or lunches or what ever. You know those details so I'm not going over that again. Anyway so I don't remember everything of what we both talked about in the rest of that call. I was still stunned by the whole event when he rang. Something I've remembered before Chuck ended the call, he was hoping that we'd find our way back to each other, that Jenny would apologise for pulling such a stupid stunt, not only apologise to me but him, Susan and the others she and Craig had managed to 'trip' over on their dates. Too be clear I was unsure about that bit of the conversation.

Anyway I'd had time to think. I called him back and asked him to jog my memory on what he'd originally said. Susan was there so if Jenny has a problem believing what I'm saying, get her to ring Susan. She's more than willing, she's gonna have to put up with a verbal dressing down though. Anyway Chuck's original statement was pretty much what I've just said but he also added that most upper management have unwritten rules they follow, that they feel an entitlement to only have to pay lip service when it comes to apologies without really owning it especially if the finger is pointed directly at them. He said they use terms like 'Going forward' and 'Moving on' as an indication that the apology has been expressed and they need never to go back over that ground again. Never a commitment to correct that failure but express a half-hearted attempt to say it won't happen again to as few affected parties as they deem necessary.

In his opinion he said two things matter. The first is he had no doubt that Jen is embedded in both that belief and the culture. Secondly he said if Susan had pulled a stunt like that he would of taken nothing less than written apologies to all of the parties that her stunt had affected or her actions had come in contact. Chuck said if she means what she says she'll do the right thing."

"So Rob pass that message onto Jenny. She wants to apologise -- there's a great start. There's a lot of rumour and innuendo floating around both businesses and people we work with so she will have her work cut out. But if she can rectify that then it will be a solid start.

Gathering my thoughts I continued:

"In return I need to explain to her where I've been wrong and remiss in our life as well -- where trust is missing, now. And why. I seriously need to own that. That's my failure and it is central in this mess. I've missed telling her important points of my life growing up. Poor relationships with my Mum and Dad. I failed in expressing my deep set fears to the one person I should of entrusted with that knowledge -- Jen. I won't do that here, with you. I will face to face when and if the need arises. Straight up Rob I don't know where Jen and I are going to end up but given the circumstances this is a step I'm very comfortable with...

Feeling the sadness of it all now I paused, collected my thought's before continuing

; Hell Jen may flat reject this. Anyway at least it may provide some closure for both of us if thing's don't work out. Who knows."

I nodded and Rob switched his phone off. "She won't like it. Not at all. What Chuck said and for what it's worth he's right -- about it all. But given that she has made what she feels are deep enough concessions so far she'll see it as a further undermining of what she feels should be an equal relationship and blame."

"So you think she shouldn't have to undo the hurt and embarrassment she's caused with her stunt."

"Uh NO, I totally agree with you, the way you've explained it -- Chuck and Susan's input. But I know my Sister. I'm guessing she'll dig her toe's in."

"Well I guess we'll find out. I'm going to go through what I need to tell her if she goes with the plan, so I guess then we just wait."

Rob looked dejected, "Brighten up your day Rob. You came with the expectation of me totally 'nuking' and rejecting your talk and you're leaving with more than a glimmer of hope ...

couldn't help myself

... going forward."

I'm not sure he appreciated the humour but by the lopsided half-smile I don't think he missed the irony. I did think he was right though, while I would prepare myself with explaining and exposing what went on in my early life I was sure that Jenny wasn't gonna accept my plan -- so I wasn't waiting, eager in anticipation.

While away from work and decompressing if that's what this was I had talked with my guys. It was laid back and was more a 'what if' or 'why don't we try' bunch of scenario's - a try for product improvement and upgrade. I'd decided that maybe some personal investment in a few workshop and new technology product seminars might not go amiss so I enrolled in one being hosted by a major player in virtual assimilation hardware and software for everything from building, road construction and engineering design to defence and production line. They are European & worldwide but the American headquarters is in Texas so I didn't look where the conference was being held assumed it would be Dallas/Fort Worth. When the invitation came through Vegas was the venue.

I'd told Rob and he'd whole-heartedly supported me and asked if there was room for one more from our team. I told him send who he likes and how ever many he thought would find it beneficial. "I'm not telling them that, they'll all want to go."

"Well I'm not gonna tell you your job - work out whoever and enrol them."

"Okay consider it done, ah before I go have you heard from Jenny Ted?"

"Nup. Anything else Rob."

"No Ted, no." I knew from the tone of his voice, he was hoping for more but I wasn't going to give him false hope. I could feel his sadness. It is what it is.

Four of us went to Vegas. One senior supervisor Brian, expert lead software designer Callum and his new right hand woman, Veronica. I suggested that if they felt comfortable enough to sit where ever they wanted. They need not sit with me. The chance to reach out to others in the field - this was an opportune time to do so. Brian had already decided, there were a few of his contacts there of similar background and seniority. Some of the lectures pertained to his supervisory role and gave an insight into new inspection techniques -- brilliant.

Callum and Veronica preferred to remain as a group. They weren't alone I'd acknowledged those around I'd recognised as being from this company or that and all seated together. It was a chance to meet and converse with Veronica for the first time and as the first day wended it's way to lunch time we three were talking and sharing information we had gleaned, formed our own ideas and presented our own critique. Everything that we were learning was pretty thought provoking and illuminating.

At the lunch break Brian called. I didn't know where he was as attached to the conference was the trade show area. "Boss, Did'ya know Deston have a booth here?"

"No Brian. Wasn't aware."

"Ok just a heads up then. I recognised a couple of their people and senior management are here. Talked to one of their leads. Said it was thrown together at the last moment. Just thought you should know."

"Thanks for the heads up Brian. Appreciated."

I had a feeling that 'senior management' may have meant Jenny was here. It wasn't a worry but I did appreciate the heads up. Despite that I'd have to just let things unfold if that were the case. Like I said it is what it is.

It wasn't until after all the days presentations were complete that she appeared. All four of us were deciding what we were going to do for dinner and after. I had nothing planned at all but I begged off doing the whole Vegas thing, early night seemed to be high on the agenda. The others talked about Fremont Street or one of the multitudes of things they could do, although a meal at our hotel would be the starting point.

I felt her presence through our group and where they were looking rather than saw her. And then she was there. Brian rounded up the others said we'd all catch up at the hotel and left us. There was a moment where Jenny and Veronica were both eyeballing each other and I had to hide the smile that had bought about.

"Hi Jenny."

"And Hi to you too Ted."

I thought 'well this is your show Jenny' and remained quiet, It was an awkward moment but she had gone to some trouble to be here so I'd leave her a level of control on the present situation. "Ted. How do you feel about us getting together tonight and maybe talking through things. You know just us. Here. In Vegas. Neutral ground. Nothing to disturb us. Only if you'd like H .. Ted. No pressure at all."

"So with a view of nutting out a plan for each of us?"

For a second I noticed a distinct grimace appear on Jenny's face before she became aware from my hard stare and it disappeared. "Yes Ted. Yes. With a view to being able to talk it out. Without anger overwhelming us both and without the added drama."

She stood now in silent hope. Expectation fully exposed on her face. Hands clasped together, fingers intertwined and one thumb atop the other nervously the top one rubbing the other. Her shoulders ever so slightly hunched indicated a nervousness in her I'd never seen before.

"I think we should do that. My Hotel or yours?"

As it turned out we weren't that far away from each other and as it didn't worry me in the least we decided to meet at hers. So it was that two hours later we met at one of the guest bars in her hotel. "Okay Jen, feel free to start."

She started to speak a sentence three times before a single word came out and when it did it was immediately interrupted by a waitress asking for our drinks order. The frustration of the moment finally got her going.

"I listened to your words you'd recorded on Robs cell. He sent it to me. Oh he not only sent it to me -- he called me out on what I'd done with my stunt, how I'd managed to hurt and embarrass you, him and all those around us. He told me in no uncertain terms that for the immediate future I could count on him and Diane for one thing and one thing only. Not to be around at all for anything I may need them for. He'd review that dependent on how I handled the situation and that I needed to sort my act out and stop being such a narcissist. We haven't talked and the one time I called Diane she asked me whether I'd completed the task either Rob or you had set me, when I hesitated she hung up. The first and second times I listened to your recording I was near apoplectic. I raged and raged again. I yelled. I screamed. I called you every foul name I could think of. Cursed you uphill and downhill. But I'd only really listened to the parts where you were mentioning my failures, the part where I'd disappointed everyone, how I'd been absorbed into believing in the culture even though it was wrong."

Jenny went quiet, must be a new common trend with us both. Her eyes starting to water, still boring a hole in the floor six feet away from where she was sitting. Gathering her thoughts putting them in some form of semblance I guess. She had been succinctly clear and concise up until now but the next words were said quietly, slowly. Deliberate.

"I listened to what you said. About your young life, and how that past affected your present, our present. I listened as you apologised for not telling me about what came before. That that was your fault, that you needed to explain that to me and provide some closure. And also that you owned that failure.

I played that part over and over until I realised it wasn't only what you said, it was how you said it. With a true belief in what you said and how you felt. Most everything of importance too you was contained in what was said. But ... Ted. I'm right aren't I? There was also love in what you said too?"

"Yes. But there had to be Jenny. It just doesn't disappear. Gets overshadowed. Gets hidden in the background but if it were true and honest in the first instance it will always be there. Yes."

Looking at each other we both managed a nervous smile.

"Can I ask for a big favour?"

"Sure."

"Can we go up to my room? I really need to show you something." So off we went. She walked quickly to her tablet and sat asking me to pull up a chair while she bought up a file. She grabbed her cell and selected a number, dialled it and put it on speaker.

"Rob it's me. Please don't hang up."

"Hey Jen, Sis you know what I said and what it would take so I'm not about to cut you off."

"So you got my letter?"

"We all did Jen. I've talked to most of those that you cc'd and sent it too and they're all been very supportive. You NEED to read your emails! They all sent you one. It took a lot to stand up in front of your team and tell them personally. Let me tell you I'm proud of you for that. Diane had a bit of a cry over it all. But I guess the million dollar question is how did Ted take it?"

"Rob. Ted's here but I've not shown it to him. That's next."

"Ok won't hold you up, show him now and good luck, we'll talk later. Bye Sis."

She did it, all of it. Explained the foolishness involved. She called it a callous, destructive, misguided act and there was no doubting the sincerity of her apology. She explained the need to own your mistakes and not make light of wrong decisions and the people it adversely affected. She used the information that Chuck Sanders had spoken to me about - the entitlement that she thought came with the position she held and the management culture and unwritten 'code' that in her professional life she had grown up around, that she had never questioned. She explained that the content of the letter may not sit well with her superiors but it was something she was willing to risk and deal with it if it became necessary. She apologised. She asked for - did not demand our forgiveness- if it were at all possible somewhere in the future. The letter was humble and honest in it's message.

She finished her letter writing she had a new goal that she strived to achieve:

'Each morning I wake now with the desire to be the best person I can be.'

I sat smiling at her letter, I'd only had to read it once. I didn't have to look at her to know she was waiting for my reply. A positive expectation. A way forward that would help us both heal or at worse even if reconciliation of our marriage wasn't a go then at least it would be an indication her apology was starting closure in the right direction.

"We still have a bit of a journey I guess. Jen this is a great start that I can't or won't ignore." I paused. Pulled her to me. Stuck a hand behind her beautiful head and drew her face close enough I could stick my tongue straight down her throat. We were out of breath when we broke apart. There was a nervous smile on her lips. I spied the urgent searching look in her expression but a brighter twinkle in her eye -- that had been missing a whiles.

Issues to sort or not, it was my turn, "Ring your brother, tell him I've read your letter. Also I don't need his help any longer -- He'll know what I mean."

And a lot quieter I added

"Then after let's both get comfortable -- cos' Honey have I got a story for you."