An exercise in writing of a first-time simple flash story in LW's section. Straight up, there are some cuckold themes. You've been notified here. Don't complain about it later in the comments section.
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I once read, "If you believe you're able to break a thing, you should believe in yourself enough to find a way to fix it. Never give up hope!" I hold on to that thought always and repeat it to myself aloud several times a day. That's all I have left now.
Where to begin? I destroyed a perfect marriage. Mine. What does it matter now anyway? I can't go back in time and change things. I had it all, but couldn't see it at the time. No, that's not correct. I knew very well what I had, but for one week of my entire life, I choose to not appreciate it. That's all it took. One week. I want to blame it on a temporary bout of, "sexual driven insanity" that allowed my fantasy world to spill over into my real world. And by allowing that to happen, I murdered a very good, man, husband, and father. That's what happens for my stupid behavior. You don't break someone's heart who loves you. You murder them. The person they were. That's what I did and I can't find a way yet to fix it. If it weren't for my children, I would have lost my sanity. The love and the demand of raising them, keep me focused. The children are my whole world now and give purpose to my life to carry on with no Danny.
The wicked witch of this tale of woe is me, Carrie Wilson. The man I murdered is my husband, Dan Wilson. A really nice, gentle, and easy-going man who everyone likes. Once upon a time, we were a couple everyone liked.
I met Dan when we were both 14 in 9th grade. We both lost our virginity at 15 in my parent's backyard under the stars one hot summer night. We gave ourselves to each with adolescent love on an old bed sheet I snuck from my parents home. And I believe it was true love even then and not just two horny teenagers hormones running wild. Why? Because we were together since then until I destroyed it all. The worst part is I used his love and trust for me to get what I selfishly wanted. I can see clearly now how evil a thing that was to do with Dan. I take full responsibility for what happened. Who would do that to another person? A horrible human being. And that's what I see now in the mirror when I look.
Dan and I were from the same middle-income background. If you saw us together you would have thought we looked more like a brother and sister than anything else. Maybe that was part of the physical attraction we shared. Not just looks though. We shared the same interest in everything. He was the first and only boy I could speak with about anything. Anything at all. He was so easy to be with and was always trying to make me laugh. I was taller for a bit but when Dan hit his growth spurt, he topped out at 5'10". Had brown hair and the clearest blue eyes I'd seen. He ran long distance later in high school and was in really terrific shape. He was so cute back then. He is even more handsome today.
Today, I am 5'7'', brown hair, brown eyes, and still, have a good figure after giving birth to three children. I was a copy of my mother, who my dad called a 'hottie'. That's what he told me one evening while our family was all are watching the television together.
Dad looked across the room and said, "Carrie, you're going to grow up to be a "hottie" like your mom one day."
That's all mom needed to hear. With that, she moved from the couch where my brother and I were sitting, sat down on dad's lap and put her arm around his neck, "Jerry, you still think I'm a hottie?"
I can still remember quite clearly my father very sweetly looking my mother in the face that night, "Clair, you'll always be my hottie. And I always love you." Then he kissed mom. My brother and I would always get a little embarrassed watching our parents show affection to each other. But it was also a sense of comfort to see them happy together. Those were nice times.
Life went on and both Dan and I went to a nearby University. I received a degree in teaching and Dan became of all things, an accountant. I say that because I knew him better than anyone else. We went to thru school together and Dan never mentioned any interest in math at all. Everyone, including his family, was surprised by his choice
to major in accounting. But he did it and later got his Masters. I was so proud. Why? Because I loved the best friend and lover any woman could ask for. I was sure Dan would ask me to marry him, to build a future, build a home, and raise children together.
As for my teaching degree. I did it to have an occupation to fall back on if needed. And be near Dan. I wanted to be a housewife and was not ashamed to admit it. I saw it as a positive thing. I worked as a teacher for a while until our first child was born, a boy we named Michael. That that was enough full-time employment for me. I was proud to be a stay at home mom. My girlfriends who still worked would ask sometimes, did I miss work? Honestly, no. Not at all. I was more than happy being a housewife who stayed at home and cared for her children. Maybe it a group decision too because 5 my friends became pregnant during the same time and quit their jobs also. We would get together and plan little outings to the park or the mall for shopping almost daily with our children. The birthday parties get-togethers for our children sealed our friendships.
After our three darlings came along, I decided to have my tubes tied. It was a decision we made together. Doesn't sound sexy, but it was the fact. I had my hands full, but I loved my babies to death. It's still like running a zoo sometimes, but it's my zoo. Again, if it wasn't for them I don't think I could have carried on.
So, what happened to my perfect marriage? I lost my mind. There are realities and fantasies. And I crossed a line I should never have. I lost touch with reality and became obsessed with a stupid fantasy. The ugly truth is it's nobody's fault but mine. Do you find a wife who ruins her marriage with some stupid sexcapade disgusting? You will never come close to scratching the surface the disgust I have for myself nor the amount of hate either. Not now. Now ever.
Sorry, if I gave you the impression Dan and I were angels. We were pretty wild together before we got married. We did all kinds of crazy stuff and messed around with soft drugs in high school. I've seen Dan clutching a toilet bowl for dear life from drinking too much and he's seen me. We also ate mushrooms together a few times way back then which was pretty insane at the time. We would lay in bed all day and fuck ourselves raw. All that partying stopped before we got married. One evening Dan just said, "Carrie, we can't start a family acting like we were still in high school." That's how our partying days ceased.
But even after the children came, we would watch porn together late at night. One evening we were sitting together looking a porn on the internet (we have our HDTV hooked up to the internet) after the kids were in bed and came across some interracial cuckold stuff.
My gosh, all these married white women were giving it up to black men while their husbands watched. Sometimes, even 2 or 3 black men at a time. And their husbands were doing the filming! It was too wild. We looked at a lot of it that night. I thought Dan was into it because after we went to bed that night, we had some of the best sex ever. It was totally mind-blowing. In my mind, all I could see were those black cocks and those married white women in the videos screaming for more. Something happened to me that night and I became obsessed with doing something like that with Dan.
The next day I found when I had alone time, I returned to those same sites and watched while I masturbated myself into a frenzy, 3 or 4 times in one sitting. This became my only fantasy. To be taken and used by a black man. This fantasy had taken possession of my mind and never in my life had I experienced such a loss of self-control. I did it again the next day and the day after. Instead of focusing on Dan and children, I became focused on the idea of how I could convince Dan to make my fantasy real. Dan never denied me anything and knew how crazy I could be. I just needed a plan to make it real. Of course, I wanted Dan there to share it. We were partners. I would never do such a thing behind his back. I couldn't. I needed Dan's permission.
