You may wish to read parts 1 and 2 first, so things make sense... Or not, hey it's a free country. Nobody under age eighteen is in here, please remember it's a piece of fiction, not reality, any resemblance to persons living or dead is completely ridiculous. Try to be civil in your comments, please. Especially you Mr. Anonymous!
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My soon-to-be-ex-wife still had a key to my classic car. So there I was, trying to politely get her lying, cheating ass out of my car. Then she drops the bomb on me.
"I'm pregnant."
"That's impossible!"
"Apparently not. Well, I was still mensing, but at my age the chance of conception...I thought it was impossible too."
Then the double whammy: there is a possibility that I'm the father. I find that possibility to be remote, as my young replacement was spending way more time between her thighs.
I had made love to her once, three months previously, and the doc said that she was three months along. So theoretically, it was possible that I was the dad.
In practical terms though, my one ejaculate vs. her young gigolo's many deposits, hell the guy had cum inside her before I had, that same day! I swear she loved the idea of giving me sloppy seconds. It was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. It broke my heart. I didn't find out for sure until her announcement, but then it all became crystal clear to me.
Of course her boy toy had fucked her between eighty and ninety times, according to my Polish P.I. I have no reason to doubt his numbers, as he turned out to be brilliant. I'm gonna ask him to be head of security for my companies.
Back to the situation in my beautiful old Bentley, she was trying to kill me, at least metaphorically speaking.
Finally, my evil nemesis went in for the hat trick. She wanted to come home with me! What, what! WHAT!? The shocked look upon my face must have been priceless.
"Why?" was all I could say. I was having a tough time processing all this shit at once.
"Because I'm lonely, I miss you, and I'm pregnant. My ex-boyfriend showed his true colors, and now you tell me he's married! I threw away my life for NOTHING. I have a better idea. Just drop me over by the big bridge. You won't ever have to worry about me. Tell the kids I will always love them."
"You aren't serious are you?" If she really wants to kill herself, maybe I should help her! After all the horrible things she'd done to me and our marriage, no court would convict me. I might get a medal!
"Well, what are my options here? I single handedly destroyed our marriage. I've no one to blame but myself for that. Before I go, I want to say one thing. I am so sorry for what I did. I have no excuse. I was feeling blue, and Tim hit on me when I was feeling fat and ugly. The time when you were in Europe and then Asia. I wish you would have been home. I fell for his line of bullshit, hook line and sinker. I... I have no excuse for my slutty behavior. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. The one other thing, you were always better in bed than him. He had a big schlong, but he never gave a shit about my happiness. You always made me come first. Always. Every single time. I see my stupidity now. Just drop me by the top of the bridge. I'll finish this. I hope you remember one thing. Despite my stupidity, I always, always, ALWAYS loved you. I have started seeing a therapist about two weeks ago. He said I should just be honest about my feelings. Let the chips fall where they may. So I'm trying to mend fences before I go."
"Listen, I have to call my women, prepare them for this. You don't just spring this on them." I paused, "And you aren't going to kill yourself. You said you were trying to be honest about your feelings. Do you really WANT to commit suicide? If you really do, I'm taking you to a mental hospital. If you are just very unhappy, then maybe we can fix that. Excuse me."
I jumped out of the car and closed the door. I walked behind the car and called Gail. "Gail, I need your help and expertise."
"Honey, I am so sorry, the girls and me, we all got stinking drunk. I don't know how good I can help you. What is the matter? My mother loves you by the way. She said you were the best man she has ever been with, ever. Oh, and my sister, she and I have not talked in years, she wants to marry you. She said her girlfriend feels the same way. So I guess you did what I asked you to do, and perfectly. So what could possibly go wrong?"
"Karen was in my car. Her boyfriend bailed on her when she told him-" Gail drunkenly interrupted me.
"-Told him WHAT?"
"That she is pregnant."
"That's impossible."
"That's what I said, but she just checked it with the doctor. He says she is three months along."
"Does that mean what I think it means?" She asked.
"Wow, for a drunk you are faster on the uptake than I am."
"What does 'on the uptake' mean?" I tend to forget she is Polish by birth, and English is her second language. She speaks better than I do!
"It means that you're way smarter than me! And yes, there is the possibility that I could be the father. But think about it, I only did it one time in three months. How many times did he shoot his load in her?"
"Why are you bringing that skag home? After what she did to you, she's lucky you don't shoot her! What are we supposed to do? Be nice?" She sounded like I was bringing home a large black widow spider.
"She says she wants to jump off a bridge. I need to know if she's really suicidal, or just looking for sympathy. She finally apologized to me, and admitted her actions destroyed our marriage. I need to know if she is really sorry, or just sorry he left her."
"You forgot to mention that."
"You're right. I am kinda sorta overwhelmed by all this shit. I need to process. I need your help. I need you. I ... I love you Gail."
"I love you too Frank. Bring the bitch here. We'll cut her up and feed her to the dogs"
"Wow, remind me to never piss you off! We can put her in the fourth bedroom. I am having a lot of trouble just thinking about all this. Then I want you Gail. I want you bad. The other girls can wait their turn. I need you Gail."
"Get home safe, we'll figure it all out, don't worry" Gail had the super power to make everything ok, somehow.
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On the ride home, I have never heard the phrase, "I'm so sorry!" uttered so many times, interspersed with, "Can you ever forgive me?" and, "I am so fucking stupid." This whole conversation was more like a litany, in that she seemed to be praying there was some trace of love left in my heart for her.
If ever there was someone more ashamed of their actions, I haven't met them. She was so very, very penitent. She was just this side of suicide, but she was also trying to atone for her actions, most of which she did not understand herself. Or, this entire thing was a fabulous piece of acting, and she should get the academy award.
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I brought her into the house. If the new ice age were about to start, it would be here. It was so, so cold! You could have heard a pin drop. All my girls were there, the claws were out. I think they were discussing how to get rid of the body.
All four of my girlfriends stood shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed, with a what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking look on their faces. I thought they might rip her limb from limb. They were not amused. I couldn't help but notice all their nipples were hard and prominent. Anger makes these girls excited I guess.
In addition, my head mistresses' Mom, Zofia was there, with her daughter Tammy, and their lover Leslie who sat between them on the sofa. They shared a similar visage with my mistresses and/or alternate girlfriends. Not much love or forgiveness in this room, pretty much as cold a shoulder as absolute zero could be!
"Ok, before anybody get out the axes, knives and guns, Karen here has some things to tell you." I turned and looked at my future-ex-wife. "Tell them everything, and the truth. I think you should apologize to Gail, Maria, and Consuela first. You should know they have sworn to kill you before you could get me back." Her eyes went a little wider.
"I am so very, very sorry. I have made the most terrible mistake a person could make, and I threw away my husband and my own life. I ... I don't want to live anymore. I have acted so stupidly... and I have absolutely no excuse. Gail, I thank you for standing by my husband, when I was too stupid to do so. Maria, thank you for showing him love and kindness, and for feeding him! Consuela, thank you for protecting him from me and my evil boyfriend. I just found out I'm pregnant, and my boyfriend just vanished. I don't deserve any consideration, but I want to say I am truly sorry for my bad actions..." She swayed a bit. She looked like she would fall over. I grabbed her arm. She almost collapsed. I held her up. I grabbed a chair. I sat her in it.
Leslie was in front of her in an instant. Looking in her eyes, checking her pulse. Leslie was a former paramedic. She was checking her vitals right away. Leslie the lesbian was turning out to be invaluable. I wanted to do something about her look though. She still looked more like a guy!
"She is on something. I think it might be a date rape drug, or something similar." Leslie looked her straight in the eye, "What have you taken? You know you are pregnant? Whatever you take can directly affect the baby!" She was royally pissed at Karen.
"I haven't taken anything, I swear! The only thing I have had is this green tea, same as I have drunk for years!" Karen seemed truthful, for a change!
"Tammy, could you hand me my case. I think she has been drugged. I'm gonna take a small blood sample. I'll bet that son of a bitch ex boyfriend has been drugging her right along. I know someone that works in a lab, she can check the tea and her blood overnight. I'll be back in a bit. Someone give her an orange juice," She took the samples and left.
"You gonna blame the drugs now?" I asked Karen.
