Hotwife: the Art of Persuasion

This is a guide for all husbands that want to maximise the chances of their wife becoming a Hotwife. It is tried and tested and born out of my own experience.

I repressed my own cuckold/hotwifing fantasies for years and couldn't imagine ever even discussing them with my wife. Our sex life was completely vanilla and we barely even discussed sex at all, sex was missionary and every Sunday night like clockwork.

Our mundane lifestyle led me to the belief that she was not a sexual person and didn't seem to have any kinks or desires at all.

I was ready to give up on the fantasy when I read an article about hotwifing that made me think about things in a different way - a woman doesn't sleep with other men to fulfil someone else's fantasy, they do it to fulfil their own. And so the focus should not be of persuasion, it needs to be on helping and encouraging your wife to open up and explore her desires and fantasies beyond social conditioning, and with the security that you will love her unconditionally.

Before I start with the 'how' part, first a warning: this guide will work the majority of the time and, after a certain point, you will not maintain control of the process, or even influence over your wife. Make sure you check in with yourself throughout to check that you actually want things to progress to the next stage of the hotwife fantasy, because once you cross the line it is impossible to uncross it.

IMPORTANT NOTE: One of the most important things I have learned from my own experience, and also from talking to other people who engage in the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle, is that saying nothing at the right time is as important as saying something at the right time. For most women, it takes a lot of time to mentally move away from the traditional monogamous understanding of marriage and to get comfortable to the idea of sleeping with men other than their husband. Don't rush anything and let the seed grow.

So on to the guide...

STEP 1: Make her feel like the sexiest woman in the world

The first (and probably most important) thing to do is to make sure that your wife feels like the sexiest woman alive. This was a big journey for my wife as she lacked confidence, even though she is literally the sexiest woman I have ever known.

Start off by paying her meaningful compliments, tell her how sexy she looks etc. It must all be genuine and people are very perceptive. Be specific and highlighted her best/sexiest features.

The first step can take as long as you like and will be longer or shorter depending on where you and you wife are starting from.

Once you are sure that she feels sexy, and her confidence is high, it is time to make sure that you both have good communication about sex and desire.

STEP 2: Communication and exploration

I found that a fairly safe route into it is to start by watching movies and asking which actors she finds sexiest. The aim of this step is to make her feel that you are comfortable with the idea of her finding other men attractive or sexy. It should be a light hearted conversation. If she asks you the same question back then there is only one answer "You are literally the sexiest woman I could imagine, none of the women in this film are anything compared to you". Throughout this process, your wife is your sexual goddess and your mission is to make her feel like it.

Once you reach a stage where she feels comfortable discussing the abstract idea of finding other men sexy it is time to take things up a notch.

Plan an evening with lots of wine being drunk where you both feel that tipsy buzz and ask her who her hall pass fuck would be. She will probably limit it to famous people, but if she mentions someone that you both know then congratulations - this process will be easy for you!

In addition to the above, start to watch films with dicks and nudity in and ask her to rate them. Find out what she finds sexy in a man, initially she will feel like she has to stick to the line that you are her idea of the sexiest man possible. Alcohol and being forward will help to open this conversation up - ask her specific questions like "Do you like big cocks?" and "Do you like muscle bound men?"

Be delicate with the above, if it starts to feel forced or planned then she probably won't react well. If she asks you why you are asking all these questions then just say that she is an extremely sexual woman whether she realises it or not and you want to understand her better so that you can make her as happy as possible. This was enough to satisfy my wife but if she is uncomfortable then back off and give the process a rest for a few weeks or months.

Once both of the above are absolutely complete, and you both feel very comfortable taking about your sex life, her desires, and you desires, then it is time to move on to the next step.

STEP 3: Get her used to being the object of other men's desires

The aim of this step is to get her used to the attention of other men and help her to enjoy the feeling. Most women like to be desired, even if they deny it.

Arrange to take her out to bars and clubs and push her to dress up in sexy outfits. My wife was reluctant to do this but I learned it was because she felt uncomfortable putting herself on display. I solved this by telling her I would buy her some new outfits and if she didn't like them then she could return them all.

I started off gently and just ordered some flattering dresses that I knew she would be ok with. I also bought her some fuck me boots which she was very shocked by. She agreed to wear the boots out as part of another outfit and I made sure to compliment her on how amazing she looked. It is important to try and get her to wear heels of some sort early on, there is something about wearing them that makes women feel sexy and empowered. My wife got very comfortable wearing them and I got her some more.

Over the next few months, or however long it takes, you should buy her increasingly revealing and sexy outfits and take her to bars and clubs. Make a point of telling her when other men are checking her out.

When you are out, make sure to point out all the guys that are looking at her and drop into conversation that they would love to fuck her. Continue to take an active role in what she wears, not in a controlling or weird way, but I found that my wife was very open to the idea of wearing sexier clothes but just embarrassed to choose them herself. Buy her sexy lingerie to go with the outfits and make sure she feels like a goddess when she wears them for you.

Once she is regularly wearing sexy outfits and feeling confident it's time for the tricky part.

STEP 4: Introducing the hotwife/cuckold fantasy

You need to disclose your hotwife/cuckold fantasy to her but in a way that doesn't scare her off and close the whole thing down. I kept putting it off because it felt awkward and I didn't want to mess it up but one night, after a bottle of wine, I was telling her how much was enjoying her new found confidence and sexiness and she asked why. I told her that it turned me on to see other men desiring her and explained that the feeling of competition gave me a real rush.

She didn't really react too much at the time but a few weeks later, during another Saturday night in together, she proactively brought it up and asked about it. I explained again that I enjoyed seeing other guys desire her and she asked if I got jealous. I told her there was a bit of jealousy but it was a good feeling and made me desire her even more than I already did. Then I took the chance of telling her that it would be a huge turn on to see her kiss and make out with another guy. She was interested in this and kept asking me about it.

After this we had a few months where we didn't get a chance to talk or have fun. Work, life etc got in the way, but when we did finally sit down and have a drink together the conversation quickly picked up where we left off and I could tell that she had been thinking about it. She said she found it weird that I would be ok with it and I dodged a bit by saying I was ok with it as a fantasy. This intrigued her and she asked what that fantasy would look like.

I told her that it would be a huge turn on to imagine her being a slut and fucking other guys. She was shocked and had a hundred questions about jealousy etc but she seemed to accept it as a fantasy, which is all I was really hoping for.

The next weekend I told her I had a surprise planned. I cooked her dinner and then I sent a link to her phone for a quiz for about shared fantasies. Basically, you both complete it and it tells you which fantasies you have matched on. I cheated and ticked all the boxes so that it showed all the ones she chose. Her fantasies were relatively boring and didn't include any threesome fantasies or anything similar.

I teased her about it and she asked me how I could say that when I chose the same things as her. I reminded her that she only saw the ones that we matched on and she was very intrigued about the other ones. I just repeated what I told her the previous weekend, that I fantasised about her with other men.

So back to the guide, basically, once you have divulged your fantasy to see her with another man you move onto the next step.

STEP 5: Bringing the fantasy into the bedroom

The purpose of this step is to introduce and develop the fantasy of her with other men into your sex life in a way that she finds enjoyable. Start slowly as it will probably feel awkward and forced initially. Buy a blindfold and ask her to imagine a stranger is fucking her. My wife had admitted earlier that she liked big cocks and so I also bought a large dildo which we slowly introduced into sex.

It is really important that you don't rush this stage, it should be fun for both of you and the objective is definitely not your desire. If sex ends with you orgasming but not her then things will never progress and sex will return to the previous boring state. It is so important that she starts to enjoy the fantasy so make sure you overdo the communication. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn't, what turns her on and what doesn't, anything that she wants to try and anything that she doesn't - you get the picture.

The next step depends what you want to achieve.

If your desire is to be cuckolded then you need to float the idea of a MMF threesome. This is a more socially understood concept than cuckold fantasies.

If your desire is a hotwife relationship, then it is time to move the fantasy into the real world.

STEP 6: Moving the fantasy into the real world

For the purposes of this guide I will assume that your desire is for a hotwife relationship because that was my own personal experience and the one that I feel I can offer the best advice for.

Before taking this step it is really important that you check in with yourself and decide if you actually want to go through with the fantasy in full and let your wife have sex with other men, or just keep it as a fantasy for the bedroom. Once you go onto the next stage things will move beyond your control and it is difficult (but not impossible) to go backwards again.

For me personally I was happy keeping the fantasy in the bedroom for a long time. There would be times when the urge was very strong and I wanted to see her fuck someone else for real but I always made a point to wait a few days and see if I still felt the same. Most of the time I didn't and so the feelings would settle down again and we would enjoy ourselves in the safety of the bedroom.

This was the stage that took by far the the longest, mainly because I had too many doubts and worries about making the hotwife fantasy a reality. We spent two years enjoying the fantasy in the bedroom until it finally reached the point where I needed more to satisfy the hotwife desire.

One good thing about waiting so long was that it allowed the fantasy to be developed to the point that my wife enjoyed it as much as I did. She was so comfortable with talking about fucking other guys and fantasising about it that when I eventually raised the prospect of taking it further she didn't seem that surprised - I later found out that it was because she had been doing her own research into the cuckold/hotwife fantasy and had grown comfortable with the idea over the last two years.

Her eagerness to move from fantasy to real life caused me untold angst and jealousy. The realisation that she had progressed without me realising, to the extent that she was comfortable with the idea of fucking other men, hurt and made me feel out of control. However, it also led to a huge surge of sexual energy and desire to make it a reality and as we all know, the cock wins over the brain every time.

Anyway, I raised the idea of making the fantasy a reality one night (after a bottle of wine of course...) and she asked me how and if I would be able to cope with the jealousy.

We discussed different options: having phone sex via video call, going to bars and watching her flirt with other guys, meeting up with other couples who are into wife sharing etc.

She was keen to experiment with video calls and after a bit of investigation we decided to sign her up to Jerkmate but there are lots of other sites out there which do the same thing.

She was nervous so I took the lead and signed her up, we took some sexy photos which was fun and then uploaded them and waited. The response was very fast and she spent the rest of the evening on her phone picking through the invites to see if there was anyone that took her fancy.

She responded to a few messages and they were all very keen to start something asap but she suddenly felt a bit shy and said she wasn't ready so we just went to bed.

A week later she said that she had been texting one of the guys on there for the past few days and wanted to set up a call with him. I was hurt that she hadn't kept me up to date about the texting and this brings me to another important lesson which I had to learn the hard way - agree the rules and boundaries as soon as you decide to move the fantasy into the real world. It will make things much easier for both of you.

I made a real effort not to show her that I was hurt as I didn't want to stop the progress and I encouraged her to arrange the call which she did. When the night came she said she felt too awkward doing it the first time with me in the house and so she asked me to go out. So I went to see my family for the night and left her alone.

I didn't hear much from her all evening until she finally text me at midnight to say that she was missing me and that she had a great time.

As I keep saying, make sure you check in with yourself a lot during this stage because it gets harder and harder to put the fantasy back in the box once you bring it out in to the real world.

Once the video call sex is a regular thing (or just move to this bit if your wife isn't into the video call sex idea) you should try and move things in to the physical world.

By this stage of the guide you shouldn't have to do much to persuade her to dress up in a sexy, slutty outfit and go out to a bar or club with you. Sit at a seperate table to her and encourage her by text to flirt with men. My wife took a few weeks to get comfortable with the reality of flirting with other guys in front of me, and wanted lots of reassurance. Make sure you give your wife endless reassurance and tell her how much it drives you wild to see her with other guys.

STEP 7: Crossing the final frontier

There isn't much I can tell you specifically about this last step other than let her take her time and enjoy the attention. It is almost inevitable that eventually she will get carried away with one of the guys she meets. It will start with a kiss and then probably a dance, and finally the night will come when she wants to go home with one of them. It might take time but I have never known things not to progress in this way, for some women it takes years and for others it takes weeks but sooner or later the combination of alcohol and the right man will override any reservations that she might have.

For me it happened slowly and then all at once. My wife flirted with a few guys over the course of a few months but didn't really seem that taken by any of them. And then one night, by complete coincidence she bumped into a guy that she knew in college. They chatted all night and flirted outrageously and then next thing I knew she was giving him a blowjob in the toilets!

After that she met up with him the following week and she went to back to his house where they had sex. The experience was too much for me and I couldn't deal with the fact that she knew him previously and also that they didn't use protection.

After much talking (and a bit of arguing) we set out some very clear rules. Since then things have been amazing and she has a few regular guys that she sees once or twice a month. The rest of the time she is all mine.

I can not prepare you for the jealousy or anxiety that this lifestyle brings but it is intense and it is very important that you don't let it affect your marriage in a negative way. Communication is absolutely key to making things work and finding a way that you can both enjoy having/being a hotwife.

So there you have it, you might need to adapt the plan to suit you and/or your wife but the overall plan will almost certainly end in your wife fucking other men... just be careful what you wish for - it might just come true!