History of Cheating Wives

For all the curious readers that asked for it, this is number two (Yeah I'm sure a lot of you will think it is a big steaming pile of number 2) in this extremely accurate historical tale of 'cheatin' wives. Remember this is a story, and only a story. It is not intended to piss off any one group of wankers. No actual animals were harmed in the portrayal you are about to read. LYG.

The sun glared down on his neck. The dark skin aged and weathered by many years on the trail, a red patina that showed the true being of the Tall man. He looked down, he always looked down, for the sign of his prey. Vigilant of danger that continuously surrounded him, he took stock of the threatening desert. It would be soon now, the tracks told him so. Two hours, maybe three at the most, he would catch the outlaw. His mount sensed the urgency, and quickened the pace.

The target, slumped in his saddle, the heat and exhaustion tormenting him. The black stud staggered from the many days of constant travel. He looked back at the rugged trail. Was she worth it, was any woman worth this, he thought? It was only a matter of time, before he would be in his pursuer's sights. The end would come by tomorrow, his death was at hand.

The hunter, a United States Marshal, was the proud Tall man in pursuit.

The woman, beautiful and alluring, was the wife of the Tall man.

The hunted, a highway man, was a desperado that cared little for the law or another man's property.

OK, enough of this shit. If you want to read this crap, buy a cowboy novel. If you want to read about the cheating bitch, then I'll tell the fucking story my way. So tilt your Stetson back and put your feet up for a few minutes.

Howdy, let's get down to why you're here. If you care, the name is Fishbine, Morty Fishbine. I shot a man one for calling me that. I go by Ty, and I'll hunt you down like a rabid dog if you forget it. My work is pretty interesting at times, I like it. My wife however, doesn't think to highly of it. It keeps me on the road bout as much as a snake oil peddler.

DeeAnn, nags me a lot about it. She is always bitchin about the time I spend away from home. Dee says she is always lonely and bored, so I got her a dog. You'd a thought I tried to stick a red hot poker up her ass. Goddamn she let me have it. " You asshole, that's just one more mouth to feed around here." I can tell you, there ain't been much romance in my life since.

Dee and me been married bout eight years now. She's a good woman, pretty too. Her daddy owns the feed store here in town. She thinks I should work for him and make an honest livin. I don't go in much for lugging feed sacks around. I prefer to come and go as I please.

We own a little place on the outside of town, and we got a mess of chickens, a couple of milk cows, some hogs and a big garden out back. Life is pretty good when you got a woman that can tend to all that. Dee is strong as a mule and tougher than boiled owl shit. It don't pay to get her riled.

Dee goes to church a lot, so the romancin is pretty much as you would think. Yep, Friday night after dark, she pulls her night dress up and her drawers down. She don't go for any of that stuff they do down at Bessie's saloon. Them whores really give the most bang for the buck...for five you can have em all night.

Sometimes when I'm sittin out on the porch after supper, I think back about the days when I was a pup. As a young buck I had some pussy, bout as much as I could afford. Them were some fine times. Dee, well, she's a good cook and a fine figure of a woman, but I still think of them whores time to time.

One lazy afternoon I was sittin out front of the office with my boots up. I was watchin a feller ride in to town on a big black stud horse. I didn't like the looks of this dude no how. I put it in my mind to keep an eye on him. He looked like a sidewinder if I ever saw one.

If I was a bettin man, and I am. I'd tell you this cocksucker was trouble. He was sure to cause me some heartburn. I seen it time and time again, a drifter wanders into my little town and stirs the shit pot. Hell, boothill is full of his kind. Yep, it wasn't a matter of if, but when, we tangled.

He stopped at the livery stable and slid down from the saddle. He talked to the old timer there for a few minutes, and headed to the saloon across the road. This is the same as they all did, bed their horse down and wash the dust down their throat with whiskey. The trouble didn't usually start till they had a snoot full,

A while latter I moseyed on by the saloon. I asked the barkeep for my usual coffee, he poured the snake eye with a splash of coffee just the way I liked it. The stranger was at the end of the bar sipping whiskey. I moved to him slowly watching his eyes.

"You just passin through, or are ya fixin to stay a while?" I said as I slid in next to him.

"Any reason not to?"

"Nah, just like to know what's what in my town."

"Your town? You the sheriff?"

"Close enough."

"Well, I figured on headin out in a day or two."

"You just keep your nose clean and we'll get along just fine."

"I aint't lookin for trouble."

Well, maybe he wasn't lookin for it, but it was sure to find him.

I rode on home and put ol Blue in the corral. It was almost suppertime so I washed up and headed to the kitchen. There was Dee, goddamn, I ain't never seen this before. She was standing at the table, bent at the waist, her dress was hiked up and her bloomers on the floor. Dee was tending some kind of wound on her right cheek. That big ol ass was looking mighty fine, my pecker was thinkin the same.

When she saw me, she let out a gasp and covered up quickly.

"Well, did you see what your damned dog did to me?" She spat at me.

"Well, he ain't my dog, but I reckon I'd like to see it again. Shit Dee, I'll even kiss it better for you."

"Dang you, you're always as horny as an old goat."

"It's your own fault."

"My fault!? Now just where you get off saying that?"

"If you didn't have such a pretty behind, I wouldn't be thinkin like that."

"Do you really think so ,Ty?"

"Hell yeah, Its way better than any of them whores in town."

"Really, Ty? Just what do know about whores?"

"Well Dee, If you was to come over here, I might just show you a thing or two."

Well now, this was a new twist. If I might of told her sooner how nice of a butt she had, I might not have to think about them whores so much.

She walked on over and pulled the back of her dress on up. I reached over and pulled her bloomers down. Yep, dog had nearly took a chunk out. Sittin on the chair behind her, I had a birdseye view. I kissed alround the teeth marks, runnin my hands over her other rump and the inside of her legs. Dee had never let me do any of this to her before, if she had it would have been my full time job by now.

Dee surprised me again, she took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom. It only took me half an hour to get all of her clothes off. Have you got any fucking clue how many buttons and bows a woman has under all those layers of duds? By the time I got her naked , my pecker was about to bust. Dee seemed to be enjoying all the attention.

The ends of her titties looked like bullets, and they was hard as one too. I sucked on em like a newborn calf. I could tell she was pretty fond of this, cause of the noise she was makin. She was whoopin like them injuns down by the mesa. I reached down and started rubbin that little nub on the top of her slit. Her legs shot straight up into the air, she must have found a new religion. She was yellin "OH GOD, OH GOD, OH MORTY!!!"

When she went limp, I rolled her over and put her knees under her. I mounted up, and screwed her from behind, like the dog does to the chickens. Bout ten minutes in, she started buckin like ol Blue did when I stuck that hot brandin iron to his ass cheek. Man what a ride, and we was doing it bareback, I don't think a saddle would a done any good no how.

When the sun come up the next day, I got off of Dee. Man, I felt like a hundred bucks, I went out and milked the cows and fed the chickens in my long handles. When I got back to the house, Dee was startin to stir. She sat up naked with her hair still down, and she smiled at me. I'm here to tell ya, she was prettier than a T-bone with a side of fried tatters.

Dee got up and started a fire in the stove. I put on some pants and went out back to the woodpile. I cut a mess of firewood for the stove. I grabbed my saddlebags and walked in the door. Dee looked at me like I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead.

"You're not going on a trip today are you?" She asked.

"Yep, I have to pick up the new wanted posters over at Red Rock. Then on the way back I'll make the regular circuit."

"I suppose if you have to." She said with a frown.

"I was hoping after last night... well, maybe you would come home early tonight." She blushed.

"I'm sorry Honey, I'll only be gone a couple of weeks. I'll be back before you even know I'm gone."

"You know how lonely I get."

"I know Honey. But I have to make this trip before the snow flies. Hey I know, I'll pick you up some of those fancy garters and lacy dodads, them tarts wear."

This cheered her up, but not much.

"Well I suppose that I could ride up to my sisters ranch and visit a few days." She said

"Yep, that's a fine idea. Its only a days ride or so, and we could ride a spell together. It's on the trail to Red Rock.

I packed up some vittles, saddled Dee's horse and ol Blue, and we rode out. We split up mid afternoon, I took the north trail, and Dee headed east to her sister's ranch. She'd be there well before dark.

It was sixty hard miles to Red Rock, it took me only tree days. I saw the sheriff and picked up the new posters , we bullshitted for a couple of hours. I went over to that Victorian Secret store at the end of town. Man, the shit they had in there would've given a cigar store wooden Indian a hard-on.

The sales lady Had the biggest damn boobies I ever saw, except for my old milk cow. She jiggled over to me, and asked me how I was on this fine day.

"I'm just fine Ma'am, And what a fine set of titties you have there." I said politely, not wanting to be rude.

"What may I interest you in today?"

"Well Ma'am, you wouldn't happen to have any of them fancy bloomers and such, would you?"

"Oh yes, we have a fine selection. Please walk this way."

I followed her, but I woulda had to have a corncob stuck in my ass to walk that way. She sat me in a big ol chair and started to show me stuff. By the time I left, they had about two years of my pay, and I had jism runnin down my leg into my boot. I musta had fifty pounds of tart wear, ol Blue was gonna be pissed.

I headed out on the trail to check on the ranches and settlers. It was the long way home, and would take about ten days. If you rode straight through you could do it in five, but them folks didn't get to see many white men out that way, and they wouldn't stop talkin. About four miles down the road, I ran into ol Tom. Tom was a peddler, He sold bout any thing you could want.

Tom stopped his wagon and pulled a jug out, we both had a snort. Tom told me he had just come down the trail from where I was headed. He had stopped at all of the farms and ranches along the way. He had pretty much done my job for me. Everybody was doin ok, and he had talked till he was blue in the face. I said so long to Tom and headed out, there was no way I could follow this trail with out stoppin in on those folks. I turned ol Blue and rode to the trail I had followed to Red Rock. With luck I'd be home in three days. I could be watchin Dee wear those whore clothes, wouldn't she be surprised.

I pushed ol Blue pretty hard, but he was up to it. On the seventh day out, I was a day from home. I stopped by an ol cabin that was abandoned to spend the night, and let Blue get some food and rest. .It was getting late in the afternoon, the sun was about to go down. I spotted a couple of horses in the trees out back of the cabin. It's wise to be careful when you come up on folks out here on the trail.

I tied up ol Blue in the trees, and snuck up to the shack. I was being as quiet as an Injun. I peeked in the window, it was pretty dark in there. I saw a man with his pants and long johns down to his boots. His hairy ass was pumpin away at somethin. I spotted the soles of some small feet by his knees.

Well, I holstered my six shooter and decided to watch a spell. This guy was given it to her. I was thinkin about the woman from that store in Red Rock with the big jugs. Then I went back a few days to that night with Dee. This girl was moanin just like Dee did a few days ago. I was standin in the window, by then my duds were at my knees and my pecker was in my hand. I was thinkin at the time, this watchin people fuck deal could catch on. There's a buck to be made on this.

The dude finished up bout the same time I did. He took a step to the side, and goddamn if that ass didn't look just like Dee's. I'd only seen it that one day, as modest as she was. Holy shit, it was her. That dog bite on her ass cheek couldn't be on anyone else. "Goddamnit!!" I yelled, I went for my colt.

Have you ever tried to pull up your pants with your longhandles down? Well it don't happen too fast. I saw the face of the man before I fell on my ass. It was that fuckin stranger, I told ya we was gonna tangle. I managed to unravel my jeans and had my pistol ready as I saw him ride off. Dee was screamin and cryin. I was yellin every dirty word I knew.

It was no use to follow him this late. Best to let Blue rest overnight, I'd get a fresh start at dawn. I tended to Blue, and by then Dee was dressed and standin by me still blubberin. It was full sundown now so I built a little campfire. I intended to fill up on bacon and beans before I hit the trail. It might be a while before I'd eat again.

Dee had stopped cryin by now, and was fixin super. She wouldn't shut up, I'm so sorry this, it didn't mean anything that. She reminded me of those settler folks. Yak, yak, yak, talk, talk, Jesus Dee, shut the fuck up. I ate in silence on my part, but Dee kept talkin between mouthfuls. I finally told her I would settle up with her after the hangin. My head hurt from all the blabberin Dee was doin, so I put my fingers in my ears and laid my head on my saddle.

At dawn I sent Dee home, I rode out the other way. Ol Blue and I were riding light, I'd sent everything I didn't need with Dee. The trail was easy to follow, a blind man with no stick could've chased this asshole. Ol Blue pretty much did all the work, he was on it like a bloodhound. This gave me a lot of time to think on how I was gonna kill this wife rustler.

We were four days out, the bastard was peterin out. I'd have him in a few hours. Blue was steady and true. His mount was about through. I stopped and gave Blue the last of the water, loosened his cinch to let him breath and rest. I climbed a rock outcrop to scope things out. He was on the flat, afoot. His horse had runoff and left him. He had no where to run to, I bided my time lettin Blue rest up. There was no hurry now.

The sun was at my back, he wouldn't even see me comin. By the time he heard Blue's hoofs it would be to late. We was close in now, Blue seemed to know what I had in mind. At a hundred yards, I let Blue out. He was chargin at a flat out run, he'd knock down an oak tree at this speed. We hit him hard from behind, it knocked him asshole over tea kettle, and he was still rollin in the dirt when I got Blue stopped.

I whirled Blue, I had my lariat twirlin. The throw was on the mark, he was all but hogtied. I made a dally around the saddle tree and headed out toward the rocks with the prick in tow. I'd figured that hangin was too good for this cocksucker, I had a different idea in mind. An old Injun feller I knew, name of Crowbar, told me a story once. I reckoned that what he told me oughta work fine.

When we got to the arroyo, the prick was still alive. He looked like a hundred miles of bad road. He was tryin to sit up and get loose. I slid off Blue and popped him on the forehead with the butt end of my colt, that oughta quiet him down a might. I tended to Blue and got him in the shade and took off the saddle.

I cut off all the bastard's clothes with my pocket knife, and staked him out in the sun. I sat a spell and caught my breath. I needed to find a couple of things so I headed out. There was an ol waterin hole near by, I filled my canteens and let ol Blue drink his fill. I left him to graze a little, while I searched for what I needed.

I found the right pile of rocks that I knew would produce. Have you ever seen what a diamondback bite will do to a man? Well, I'm here to tell ya, it ain't too pretty. They tell me the small snakes are the worst, a hell of a lot more feisty and the poison is concentrated. This two footer oughta do the trick.

Blue was none to happy to have that snake on board, but we managed to get back ok. Asseyes was awake when we rode up. His white skin was lookin pretty crisp about now, after layin in the sun naked all day. He was as pink as a rare T-bone. He was yellin for water, I figured what the hell. I walked over next to him and pulled out my pecker, and gave him a little drink.

I started a small fire and got out my little Dutch oven. I put a little water on to boil. It was sundown and I was hungry. I figured it was time. So I got the bag with the little rattler in it, I reached in real careful like and fished him out by the tail. The look in that mans eyes told the story, he'd a pissed his self if he had it in him. I held the snake real close to his face. I moved it down his body real slow like. The prick was screamin and tryin to get away.

When I got the rattler close to his sack and pecker, I let him strike. He must have been pissed off or mighty hungry, he bit the dude seven times. That oughta do the job. I cut the head off the snake, gutted and skinned it, and threw it in the pot to cook. My mama always said waist not want not. The screamin had all but stopped by then. I went over and kneeled down next to the asshole.

"You know, It's just not right to muck around with a man's property. You think she was worth it now?"

He was cryin like a baby now. I went back to the fire and had some supper, rattler's pretty tasty when you're hungry. I bedded down for the night, I didn't figure to get much sleep. I was right, all that cryin and moanin woke me up a bunch, but I rested better knowin that my kind of justice had been served.

In the light of day, the sight of what the snake poison had done made me reach for my own dick. I needed to make sure it was ok. Shit, Crowbar didn't lie. It was gruesome lookin, his balls was so swollen the sack didn't hold em any more. The skin was black, and his dick was as big around as ol Blue's, Goddamn. I saddled up Blue and cut the prick loose. I left him one shot in his pistol and a canteen. The rest was up to him.

I rode home slow, tryin to put my head right about Dee. I took six days but I made it home. Dee stood on the porch watchin me as I took care of Blue. Blue had done me proud again. Shit, why couldn't Dee be faithful like my horse? I stripped off out side by the water trough, and dove right in. It had been a long month, I washed the trail off my tired bones. I laid my head back and took a soak with my eyes closed.

Dee come up behind me with a cake of soap, she didn't say nothin. She pulled me from the water and helped me out of tank. Dee took her time latherin me all up head to toe. She seemed to spend a lotta time on my sore ass and my pecker. It felt good standin in the warm sun bein tended to like a young-un. She poured three buckets of water over my head to get rid of the suds.

I was still naked as the day I was born, Dee took me to the porch and dried me off slow. She took me to the kitchen to feed me. There I was, I felt like some sorta king. Sittin at the table naked, eatin steak and fried tatters. Dee went to the bedroom, and I kept eatin. There'd been no words between us since I rode up, I didn't feel much like talkin. I was still pretty pissed about Dee actin like a slut.